My Immortal
I smoothed out the wrinkles in my pale yellow dress as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was all done up in curls and little yellow flowers. I looked amazing. You'd think I'd be happy on a day like this. But I'm not...
A chipper voice calls out from behind me.
"Selphie, are you about ready? Everybody's lining up and you're still in here."
I continued to stare at my reflection. My eyes looked so big and sad. But I forcefully formed my lips into a smile anyway and turned around to face the woman.
She had long blonde hair that was normally pulled up into a clip, but today it was cascading down her shoulders and onto her back. Part of it was pulled up with white crystals and flowers that made her sparkle even more so. Her white gown wasn't anything real fancy, but it made her look all the more beautiful anyway. She looked so happy...who wouldn't be on their wedding day?
"Yeah Quistis...I'm ready. I just need to..." I started...but something was wrong.
Quistis was looking at me with concerned eyes.
"You're crying?" She asked.
I felt my eyes, and sure enough they were wet. This was the last thing I wanted to do today.
"I'm just so happy for you Quistis...that's all. You're so lucky to have someone like him in your life."
"Thanks Selphie. I'm glad you're here...I wouldn't have it any other way. Come on now...They won't wait forever."
I sighed slightly and picked up my bouquet. I had to be strong...for her. For...him....
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
Quistis looked back at me one last time and stopped in her tracks. She could undoubtedly see the sadness in my eyes.
"You always look so sad, Selphie. And you never tell me what's bothering you. I really wish you would. I want to make you feel better."
I forced a big cheerful smile to my lips and brightened my eyes.
"See? I'm okay. Don't worry about me. Today is your day. Now lets go."
I shooed her out of the outdoor dressing room and to the line up area. I was happy that she had chosen an outdoor wedding. But yet I was still saddened.
The appropriate music started and I watched the little flower girl walk down the makeshift isle between the mass of chairs and people. Then it was my turn. I led the main part of the procession, nobody holding my arm to escort me down. Rinoa and Squall were next in line, then Zell and Kitten followed. Finally it was Quistis' turn.
I looked over at her future husband, tears forming in my eyes. Even after all this time I still loved him. He glanced over at me for a moment and could see the tears in my eyes. His looked softened and he mouthed something to me.
"(please don't cry)"
"(I'm sorry Irvine)"
"(you shouldn't be here Sefie)"
"(please, don't call me that...)"
"(I'm sorry Selphie...I really am)"
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
I looked away from him and bit my quivering lip as the ceremony progressed. He's right; I shouldn't be here. Seeing this is just tearing me apart...
I snapped out of my deep thoughts just long enough to hear the headmaster say the phrase I had been dreading.
"If any one has any objection to these two being together, please, speak now or forever hold your peace..."
I tried my damnedest to hold back but I couldn't. It was like I was outside of my body at the time. I watched myself fall to my knees in a waterfall of tears and scream out loud.
"You can't marry her, Irvine! Please don't do this. You're killing me...can't you see that?! I love you, Irvine! I always have and always will. Nothing will change that. I love you more than she could ever comprehend. I need you in my life...damnit...I love you..."
The crowd gasped and started to whisper to one another. I was now crying so loudly that the sound of everything was being drowned out...all except one voice that spoke right to me. The voice pulled me into his arms and wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Shhhh...please don't cry. It hurts to see you like this."
But I couldn't stop...the tears just kept falling.
"I love you..." I whispered.
"I know you do...but there's nothing I can do about it, Selphie. I love Quistis. I'm sorry..."
"No...I'm sorry." I whimpered. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. "I'm sorry but I can't handle this...I'll miss you Irvine."
And with that I ran off from him.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
"Selphie, wait! Please don't go! Please..."
Quistis ran up to Irvine who had chased me part way and held him for a while. As they stood there, Squall, Rinoa, Zell, and Kitten bolted past them.
"I'm sorry Selphie...I'm so sorry." He sniffled.
I continued to bawl my eyes out as I ran away from the wedding.
"Why..." I mumbled. "Why couldn't it be me?"
My friends eventually caught up to me. They kneeled down next to my slumped form. Rinoa and Kitten pulled me into their arms.
"Oh Selphie, please don't cry. Please..." Rinoa begged me.
Squall gently placed a hand on my back and rubbed it.
"Calm down...doing this will get you nowhere." Squall told me.
Just then the pair let go of me and a new set of arms wrapped around me. His very touch calmed my shaking body.
"You need to stop crying Selphie...you can't do this forever..." He cooed.
I looked up into his deep blue eyes. Oh how I wanted to do this until the end of time. But I couldn't.
"You're right...I can't do it forever. There's only one way to stop the pain..."
Without hesitation I pulled out the dagger I had been hiding in my bouquet. Something in the back of my head told me that it would come to this. So I drove the dagger through my rib cage and into my heart. I then twisted it around, screaming out in agony all the while. Irvine's eyes grew large and tears started to fall from them.
"No! God damnit Selphie! Why the hell did you have to do that?! God no...please don't die..."
Squall and Rinoa ran from the scene to get some help. As they ran off, Quistis ran up to Irvine and I. She screamed when she saw the bloody mess that used to be my chest. Irvine was holding onto me with all that he could, tears streaming down his red face. Quistis fell beside him and tried holding him.
"Irvine..." I gasped. "I...love you..."
"Don't speak...you'll just make it worse. Save your strength." He whispered.
"I'd walk the wire for you. Protect you from all things that would hurt you. Do anything in my power to see you happy. I would even die for you...and that's what I am doing now. I'm dying for you, Irvine...all because I love you."
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Irvine just cried harder. His body began to shake furiously now. I could hear Quistis trying to calm him down.
"I know you love me...I know that more than ever now." Irvine cried.
I looked harder into his eyes with my glassy green eyes and strangely enough, I smiled. He leaned into me and kissed me like I had earlier to him.
"Goodbye Irvine..." I gasped as I coughed up some blood...then everything went dark.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
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I watched as the white mages and Doctor Kadowaki tore Selphie from my arms and tried to help her. But I knew deep in my heart that it was too late. She was gone...forever.I wanted to scream out to the world. She had died for me, all because she loved me. How I wish I had been able to return those feelings to her. But how I can give something back that I do not feel anymore?
Ever since the day Selphie broke my heart, things just hadn't been the same. I had asked Selphie to marry me about a year ago and she refused. She said that she wasn't quite ready for that step. I was though. I was disheartened and decided that we needed some time apart. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. Soon 3 months had passed and Selphie didn't seem phased at all by the whole thing so I decided to move on with my life. That's when Quistis came into my life. She helped me believe in love again. Quistis and I grew closer together and eventually fell in love. That when Selphie became extremely depressed. There were times when she was happy, but I knew she was just pretending. Deep down she slowly dying. She now realized how much she truly loved me. Her love for me was being held inside that fragile heart of hers, never to be let go of. When she found out about our engagement, she completely broke down. But she wouldn't let anybody see her when it happened. Selphie wouldn't let anybody see her cry at all. She bit her lip and held it all in. I knew in the end it would kill her...but I didn't think it literally would.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
Quistis' arms held me tight as I sat there on the ground, still shocked as to what had happened. I touched my hand to my chest and felt something wet. I looked down and noticed that my SeeD uniform was drenched in blood...her blood. My hands were also now covered in blood. I continued to shake violently.
"Irvine, you have to calm down. Please, stop crying..." Quistis begged of me.
"I'm sorry...I just can't believe this is happening. Why did she have to die?!"
"I don't know Irvine, I just don't know."
Quistis picked me up off the ground and we walked away from the blood stained grass.
Exactly a month later, the wedding was continued. We said our vows and were finally married. There was a reception afterwards but it seemed to be more like a funeral than a party. Everyone was so sad. Rinoa was bawling her eyes out the whole time. Squall was trying to comfort her. I know I wasn't in the best of moods either. We were all at a loss as to what we should do. What should have been a happy day turned into one of mourning.
Several days later Selphie's funeral was held. We all held yellow roses and threw them on her grave...her favorite flower of course. The weather seemed to match our mood and whatnot with the dark sky and rain. Eventually I was the only one standing there.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
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I gently placed my ghostly hand on Irvine's face...but I knew he couldn't feel me. He was the only one left standing at my freshly made grave. I smiled when I saw the yellow roses there."I'm sorry Irvine. But I felt that this was the only way I could ever really be happy. If in life I couldn't move past you, maybe in death I can. I must admit I do feel a little better. My feelings for you will always be there though. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'll be there watching you. I'll give you strength in all that you do. I'll pick you up when you fall. Even though I'm not there in body, I'll always be there in spirit for you. I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do. Maybe one day I'll see you again. Until then..."
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I felt a cold touch on my face, but nothing was there. Then I heard a light voice speak to me. I knew in an instant who it was."Maybe one day I'll see you again. Until then...I love you Irvine..."
"Irvine?" Another voice questioned. "Are you coming? You can't stay there forever."
"I'm coming...I just had to wrap up something. Bye Selphie..."
And with that I left her behind in my past...for the time being that is. Cause she's right...we might see each other again. So there's no use crying my eyes out cause she's gone. I have to be strong for her...
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
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I watched silently as Quistis lead Irvine away from my grave. I could tell already that everything would be okay. I glanced up at the stream of light that had surrounded me, and then I took one last look at Irvine.
"Bye Irvine...I love you..." And with that, I vanished into the light.