Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
All My Fault
By: ChoCedric
The weight of Sirius's death presses down on Harry, a weight so huge that it feels like he is about to collapse with the burden of it. He can't believe that he was so stupid, so stupid and foolish to believe Voldemort's trick; he was so quick to go to the Department of Mysteries, thinking Sirius was in danger. Now not only is Sirius dead, but someone else precious to Harry is close to it.
The first moment Harry met Hermione Granger, he didn't like her bossy, know-it-all appearance. She was the bane of he and Ron's existence, always telling them they didn't do a charm right or warning them that they'd get in trouble if they didn't follow the rules. The two best friends, plus many other people in Gryffindor house, were mightily sick of her. But now, as Harry sits by her bedside in the hospital wing, he doesn't know how he's going to cope without her.
The purple spell which Antonin Dolohov cast on her was an organ-damaging curse, Madame Pomfrey has told him, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, and Mr. and Mrs. Granger. She has done everything she can for her, but it is up to chance now whether she survives. As the night has progressed, however, her condition has worsened, and it is time for the friends to prepare themselves for her passing. Harry cries silent tears, feeling the guiltiest he has ever felt in his life.
He has always known, ever since he began staying with the Dursleys, that he was a waste of space and that he did nothing but get other people hurt. Despite the comfort that some of his friends plus Dumbledore have tried to bestow upon him, he knows that Hermione's condition is all his fault, completely his fault. And he knows for a fact he's going to fail the entire wizarding world, for he just learned the prophecy tonight and he knows there's absolutely no way he can bring down the darkest Lord in a century. There's just no way.
Another thing that causes crippling pain to surge through Harry's heart is the fact that Ron's not looking, or talking, to him. He's known ever since the Yule Ball last year that Ron and Hermione felt more than just friendship towards each other; they've never really talked about it, however. But as Harry gazes at Ron's face now, the usually jovial face that is now streaked with tears and pain, he knows it's true, that Ron loved her. As many times as Harry whispers, "I'm sorry," Ron doesn't turn that hurt-filled face to him. Harry thinks cynically that not only is he going to lose Hermione and her friendship, he's going to lose Ron as well. His foolhardiness in going to the Ministry has cost him two of his dearest friendships. And worse still is the fact that the Granger parents are giving him looks of hatred, such a deep-set hatred which Harry cannot bear to see.
Just like he told Dumbledore in his office today, he doesn't want to be human if he has to see anymore of this heartbreak, and especially if it's going to be caused by him. He can still remember the devastation last year, after he and Cedric took the Triwizard Cup together. All Harry wanted to do was play fair, and look where it got Cedric. Lying dead on the ground, his friends and family grief-stricken, staring at his glassy, unblinking eyes in disbelief. Even when Cedric's parents didn't blame him, Harry still felt as though the whole ordeal was his fault. He could do nothing but watch as Cedric collapsed to the ground beside him, eyes sightless and unseeing. It was one of the most awful things he's ever experienced. One minute Cedric was up and talking, the next minute he's never to move again.
Harry's mind snaps back to the present as Hermione's breathing pattern begins to change. It is a sign that she is about to journey on to the next great adventure, and Harry tries to take a hold of her hand. Her mother is weeping, sobbing hysterically, and her father snarls, "Don't touch her, Potter. You have no right." So it is him who takes her hand while her mother takes her dying daughter into her arms. Harry, with heartache, looks at Ron, and it is the first time in his life that he's ever seen the youngest Weasley boy cry. He buries his face in his hands, sobs racking his body while Ginny places a comforting arm around him. Neville has a look of raw grief on his face, and even the usual dreamy look on Luna's face is replaced by one of sadness.
"I'm sorry," Harry whispers again as his best friend, the girl he learned to rely on, draws her last few breaths of air. In a few moments, she breathes no more, and Mrs. Granger lets out an anguish-filled scream as she clutches her daughter to her. Madame Pomfrey comes rushing over, and she can only shake her head sadly as she stares at all Hermione's loved ones. It's a truly upsetting, tragic scene, and Harry knows he can never look any of his friends in the eye again.
Just as he is thinking this, Ron finally gazes at him, a look of pain and accusation in his blue eyes. Tears still streaming down his face, he strides out of the hospital wing, and Ginny gets up to go and follow him. Thoughts race through Harry's mind: should he run away from Hogwarts to save everyone else from danger? Should he just go back to the Dursleys and hide there for the rest of his life? He stares into Hermione's face, and she looks so peaceful, something that he will never feel now that she's gone.
And so when Harry goes to bed that night, hearing Ron sobbing in the four-poster bed next to his, he knows his life will never be the same again. He has made his decision: tonight, after everyone has fallen asleep, he will leave Hogwarts. He's not going to let anyone else die because of him. He says a silent prayer for his parents, Cedric, Sirius, and Hermione, sending up a desperate apology to the heavens. He knows that if Voldemort catches him and he dies on his journey far, far away from Hogwarts, he will have many more people to apologize to. But he thinks that running away will be the best thing to do, and so his resolve remains firm. It's all my fault, he thinks miserably as he hears Ron continue to weep. It's all my fault.