I didn't want to do it. Any of it. I never had been ordered to directly kill one of the tributes, until now. And I didn't, I kept her alive. But now I am going to have to die. Why couldn't they have just shot me? Why are they forcing me to choose?
I lay in the floor, breathing slowly, and crying. They must be watching me. Was this how the tributes had felt? Probably. Maybe I should just eat the nightlock. Maybe I deserve to die. But what about Alis? She had disappeared to another world. She wouldn't want me to die! She would want me to live. But she wouldn't want me to suffer either.
I pushed myself to stand. I took a few steps, pacing, my hands on my face. I couldn't even look at the bowl. I wish there was a place I could sit. I laughed quietly. They wouldn't do that, would they? Give me a little bit of comfort? They wouldn't do that!
Why couldn't they just die? Fuck them all! I swung at the wall and gasped as a sharp pain shot through my arm. I didn't care. I punched again, and several more times. I looked at my hand, and it appeared to be broken. "Was this what you wanted? To drive me insane? Becasue you're doing a damn good job at it!"
I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of watching me go insane. I walked towards the nightlock, ready to accept my fate. Then I disappeared.