Title: "23's The Way To Be"
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this sucker! The songs belong to The Dixie Chicks, Disney, and QUEEN. The people in it belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt.
Rating: PG-13? There's drinking and swearing and not the happiest of things, but yes; FLUFFY-FUFFY FIC! Enjoy all!
Spoilers; Through the end of Buffy, and the start of Season 5 of Angel
Feed-Back: SatanslilAngl@yahoo.com; SEND IT TO ME! VIX COMANDS YOU!
Summery: Faith goes to Buffy's B-Day and wins the door-prize. (Written January 20th for the Buffy's Birth-Day fic-festival at Faithful_Chickie's Yahoo!Group)
WARNING~ Un-Beta'd! Spelling and grammar slip-up GALORE!
__"23's The Way To Be"__
I can't believe I'm going to this thing. It's right up there on my list with; I can't believe I'm still alive, I can't believe I'm out of jail, and I can't believe that world bought that Sunnydale's sinking into the ground was a terrorist attack. Can I just say; Bush is an ass! But he paid all of us survivors of the crash well. Used it to buy this Bike between my legs, and the jacket on my back. Also might go towards buying a decent place, once I figure out what 'Home' is.
But back to this insanity that I still can't believe I'm going to taking part in tonight. Buffy. She did it; she is now the oldest living Slayer to date. Go her, I say, but I still don't get why that merits pulling all the Mini-Slayers, former Scoobies, and the Fang Gang down to an LA night- club. I mean, couldn't we all just sing one really shitty rendition of 'Happy Birthday' to her over the phone, or some shit like that? The last time I saw Buffy I made a point of saying good-bye like it was the last time. I was ready to keep it that way . . . if it wasn't for Red.
Damn that little Witch. When she told me she had all the old Potentials – now the new Slayers -- and pretty much anyone even remotely related to Buffy coming to the party, I still told her I couldn't come. She tried tempting me with Angel, and even seeing Xander's new eye but I still turned her down. Then, in the back-ground I heard another phone ring that must have been a cell-phone because it sounded very electronic. Kennedy picked it up, and said it was Buffy.
Willow did her little girl-voice and told Ken to tell B that I was being a 'Meanie', and wasn't gonna show her for her big B-Day Get-Down. Buffy demanded to talk to Willow herself, and (with a phone at each ear) Willow *Literally* played Monkey-In-The-Middle while Buffy and I had it out on the phone. It wasn't exactly a fight so much as me saying I was busy and couldn't come, and her asking my why I couldn't make it. When both Buffy and Willow realized I actually had nothing better to do, and that this whole phone order was for nothing more than my own amusement, they both demanded that I go or face severe consequences.
Never Piss-Off A Super-Witch And A Slayer Secretly Known As 'The Dark Scourge'. I wasn't about to test this; it's one of the facts of life you're too smart to question. So here I am, making my way back into the Western Sprawl from Arizona, and I've gotta say I'm glad that it's winter. The desert sun wasn't too bad this time of year. As I slowly made my way into the city, trying to find my way to this club, I couldn't help the nervous shake running up my spine, the way my knees seemed cold and weak. Both Willow, Buffy, and even Angel refused to tell me what this was all about. They'd all said that I'd have to come and see it for myself, and that I wouldn't regret it; "I'd have lots of fun". Angel promised.
But as I pulled up to the front of the club and saw the small crown of people out in front, of faces I knew and a number that I didn't, parking my bike was a lot more difficult than I remembered. As the Valet boy came up to me and I passed him the helmet and keys he seemed sorta nervous. You could tell this guy'd never driven a bike before. I told him that if he wrecked it he had to pay for it. He nodded, and cautiously took off down the road. I watched him go, but was pulled out of my bike-related worries when I heard a squeal and felt someone thud against my back.
"FAITH!" Rang Dawn's voice, "You came! You really came!" If I hadn't been a Slayer I would have been winded -- but lucky me, right?
"Yeah, Peanut, I couldn't miss out on all of . . . this." I said, pointing to the club, and the people I didn't know. "So where's 'The Woman Of The Hour'?" I asked. Dawn just sort of laughs, and points to the door. "I figured. Any details other than inside?" I ask, not exactly eager to go in. Dawn walked me through the door and told me I should look near the bar. That was not a comforting thought. I quickly headed into the club, making a B-Line for the drinks.
After the fall of Sunnydale and the deaths were tallied and everyone went their own way with their own callings and lives . . . Buffy's spent most of her pay-off money on booze. Never thought I'd see the day when Buffy was a drunkard, but it happened. Though, in truth I never *saw* it, only heard, it was one of the saddest things I could have imagined for the Little Slayer That Could. So, when I made it to the Bar and saw that Buffy was passing out the drinks, and not having any herself -- a large smile on her face, no less -- I couldn't help but laugh.
I was happy to see that the AA meetings she'd gone to helped. I also couldn't help but notice that I had instantly become protective of a woman I hadn't seen in over six months. But when she saw me, what happened shocked me more than her sober bar-tendering. She jumped over the counter and practically lunged at me.
"Faith!" She yelled, the joy in her voice overwhelmingly evident, "You made it! Thank god . . . with the exception of Giles, Wesley, and my Dad I think I might be the oldest human here!" She let go of me, but kept me close. The smile on her face, I hate to say it, was reason enough to be here tonight. I won't deny it; she's a cutie. And I was always a sucker for this one in particular. So when she started talking again, and I didn't catch a word of it, I don't really think anyone can blame me.
"What?" I asked, shaking my head. B just chuckled and asked if I wanted a drink. "Yeah, Give me a bottle of Jack?" I asked, quite serious, but she looked not only unpleased but also shocked. "I don't plan on finishing it, Blondie, I just think it'll save everyone time if you just give me the bottle. Besides, I think we both know it takes a shit-load of drink to get a slayer drunk, right? Especially me; I have a tolerance like a Irishman . . . even though I'm Eastern-European." She shook her head and bent over the counter to grab a bottle tucked under the bar. Gotta say; she might be ageing, but she's still got the nicest ass I've ever ogled. And it looked hot in those tight, black, cotton pants. I was lucky to catch myself before she turned around, though I did miss the view.
"Here," she said, placing it in my hand but not letting go of the neck, "No giving it to any of the girls, alright? You do and I get thrown in jail and Angel and Lorne get in deep trouble, okay?" I nodded, and she let go after another long second. AT this point her smile showed up again for another distracting appearance. "Now say hello to people; mingle. And you *are* joining in the festivities, no exceptions. Not even for you." With that she walked away, and I opened the bottle. Just as I was taking my first drink, people started coming up to me.
Angel talked to me for a bit, saying he was glad I showed up, telling me I should socialize more; that I hadn't gotten out enough since the fall of Sunny-D. Maybe he was right, but I needed time alone. Besides, Slayers are used to being isolated; just look what happened to Buffy when she was suddenly thrust into a crowd, forced to live like a normal woman her age. I saw Xander's new eye (which didn't match his old one in the slightest), but had cool extra features like knowing when someone was lying; helped with his foreman job a lot, he gushed. I talked to Fred for a bit too. She seemed have become good friends with Buffy over phone and E-Mail, though recently Buffy had moved in with her 'cause she's lost her old place.
After the entire Scooby-Gang, the LA-Crew, and a few potentials telling me their life stories and asking me for mine, Lorne got up on the stage where he'd been setting things up. People started to fill the tables, some of which had been moved partly onto the dance floor to make room for all the guests, and the booths out at the edges. Buffy sat at a larger table that was in the center and the closest to the stage. People took their seats, and Lorne gave the people working on the speakers a few last instructions.
"Alright, Ladies and Gentlemen, can we get nice loud Happy Birthday for the guest of honor here, tonight?!" He said loudly in his standard flamboyant manor, and the room shook with the loud cheers of 'happy birthday', yells, and whistles. "Well, as you all know, it's no good celebrating it without a round of that old classic Happy-Birthday, right?"
The room cheered again, and into the microphone, Lorne sang the song beautifully, and with a touch of his own Jazzy-self in it. When he was done the whole club exploded, Buffy clapping and cheering above anyone else. Faith yelled, unable to clap with the bottle in her hand, and leaning against a pillar. Looking around she took an empty seat and sat down in it, ready to see what band might be playing tonight.
"Alright; and as you know the birth-day-gal has requested that instead of gifts, you have to sing for her." When Faith heard this she choked on the swallow of JD she was in the middle of. Only a few new Slayers noticed, so she didn't care, but still . . . Singing?! "You are all expected to sing a little ditty for this lovely lady, and no; giving a gift doesn't get you out of singing . . . Fred already asked." At that, Fred was shoved playfully by Buffy, and the room laughed.
"BUT!" The Friendly Green-Demon called again, a playfully menacing smile on her face, "It's no fair unless she sings too, so . . ." he said slowly, as two guys pulled out the teleprompter, "Your friends have arranged a little surprise for you." He said, excitedly. At that all the Scoobies-Primed grabbed Buffy's arms and took her onto stage. The room cheered for her to sing, and Faith couldn't help joining in too. As they all got up in front of the crowd; Willow, Giles, and Xander holding Buffy so she wouldn't run away, Lorne talked about the Club.
"No, this place is renowned throughout the LA scene, and soon throughout the world, for having *every* song ever produced – with a little help from me and the Entertainment Dept of the new Wolfrem & Hart – but!" he said suddenly, smiling again, and the music started up, "They all asked for *just* this one." As the first notes of QUEEN's 'We Are The Champions' started, the entire crowd started cheering. The Scoobies must have told her they were only singing back-up, so something, because she suddenly looked very betrayed as they all took two steps back.
"I've paid my dues,
Time after time,
I've done my sentence,
But committed not crime,
And bad mistakes,
I've made a few,
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face,
But I've come through!"
As half the club cheered, the other half sat in stunned silence. I was starting to question if Buffy was really sober, as Karaoke has the potential to turn out really badly, but somehow . . . Buffy seemed to accept it. Once she realized that there was no way out of it, she got really into it; singing her guts out, and doing it well. I was shocked. I heard she'd sung pretty well when Sunnydale had gone all Rodgers and Hammerstein but this . . . was Good! She started dancing a little, and twirling the mike-stand like Jaggier or something. I was impressed.
When it stopped, the room went up in cheers, and the clapping was almost deafening. As the Scoobies hugged her and made their way off the stage, Buffy laughed into the mike, telling that Fred had to come up there. Once the small Texan slowly made her way onto the stage, Buffy wrapped her arm around her, and smiled.
"I know how much you hate singing in front of people, and how badly you wanted to get out of this but . . ." Buffy said happily, sorting through the play list on the touch-tone screen, "If it'll mean that you sing, I'll sing with you." She said happily, and when the blonde had made her selection, the scientist squealed in both Happiness and Fear. The almost blue-grass music of a country song started up, and sure enough; it was Dixie Chicks (both Buffy and Fred were big fans; it was one of the first things they'd bonded over after meeting). 'LONG TIME GONE!' shouted Fred excitedly as the lyrics started showing.
"Daddy sits on the front porch swingin'
Looking out on a vacant field,
Used to filled with barely, tobacco,
But now he knows it never will,
My brother found work in Indiana,
Sister's a nurse at the old-folks-home,
Momma's still cooking too much for supper,
And Me; I've been a long time gone!"
The delivery of this song was much more along the lines of your standard Karaoke; people who knew most of the words, snag it fairly badly, and had a load of fun doing it. The thing was; it didn't sound *all that bad* who ever created this system, they did it right! The people sounded really well blended with the music; like it'd been the armature's voice recorded on the CD. Maybe that was the high-tech stuff that 'The Firm O'Evil' contributed. Once the song was over, a few people were eager to sing themselves.
There were a lot of Beatles songs, a lot of pop-bands like N*Synk, Britany Spears, and Spice Girls. Willow got up with Kennedy and sand an Indigo Girls song with a fair amount of grace, though not a great deal of talent. It was funny that as the night went on, and the bar kept pouring out drinks, how more and more people wanted to sing. Xander even got up and sang James Taylor's 'Handy Man' with a fair amount of easy and joy (though some of his words were slurred, as he'd had a fair bit of beer before getting on stage).
I made my way back to the bar a little while later, aiming for a glass and possibly some Coke to mix with my drink. This older guy, who I assume was Mr. Summers, had been giving me looks almost all night. I don't think he approved of my drinking habits. Hell, I wouldn't have cared except . . . well, he *was* B's dad, right? But as I made it to the bar, and asked the guy behind it for a bourbon glass, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I half expected Angel to be there from the tingle I was getting. But nope; low and behold, it was Buffy. The drink has a habit of messing with my Slayer senses. And you'd think with all the little Mini-Slayers here it'd be going crazy but no. Buffy's the only one to ever give me that particular tickle (in more than one way, too I might add).
"Hey Faith!" She said jovially, tossing and arm over my shoulder. She looked so Happy it was almost infectious. "Did you like my singing?" she asked gently, as though she was being sarcastic and playful. What was I supposed to say, that I loved it? If I said I did, she'd think I was lying and trying to be mean, but if I told her the truth - - that as I watched her up on stage being all buddy-buddy with The Braniac I pictured my self in the other brunette's place - - I'm not sure the reaction would be any better. What else could I say?
"Just don't try and give up Slaying to pursue a record deal; I don't wanna have to watch you get hurt again." I said, a mix of serious and playful. She smiled genuinely, and nodded. She took the drink from me and the glass, pouring out some, and then handing the rest of the bottle back to the man. He smiled happily; as though he seemed eager to have it back. "Don't worry B, I'm sure I can get a ride home if I'm not sober by the end of the night." The little cutie gave me a look that I didn't know how to interpret. It was either; you'd better!, or Is that so...?
"So, when are you gonna get up there?" My eyes widened so much when I heard that it almost hurt. She just chuckled, "What? You thought you're being here was a gift enough?" I nodded, shocked that I was still expected to sing. Buffy smiled evilly, making me wonder if this was indeed the first, but when she put a hand on my shoulder and leaned in to whisper to me . . . I knew she was the real deal.
"I'll let you in on a little secret . . . this isn't just about presents and gifts." She said quietly. I was so distracted by her warm breath in my ear, I almost didn't see her pointing. Against the back-wall, in a booth with Angel and a tape-recorder, was Lorne. He was talking to Angel and into the tape-recorder after each person was singing. "That was a huge part of the reason tonight was karaoke. So we could see if any of the girls are headed towards any trouble. Also," she said and she bumped her hip against mine, "Why you had to come. I hear so little about you these days it scares me." I couldn't help genuinely smiling at that; because I knew she meant it.
"Alright. I'll sing, but I'mma need a little more to drink first." Buffy nodded, and had the drink-boy pour a little more for me. After waiting in line, the whole time sorting through the book of songs and glancing at Buffy as she sat in her seat at the center table again, I tried to think of what the hell I had gotten myself into. I was shocked that once I got up on stage that people cheered and clapped, Buffy in particular; she seemed really excited to see me sing. Clearing my throat, I decided I should explain my song choice a little.
"Okay, so, uhm . . . most of the music I listen to these days can't really be found on a CD, and the stuff that can isn't in English or doesn't have words, so . . .yeah." Wow, this was going well, and I hadn't even started singing yet. "It took me a while to recognize a song in here, that I might be willing to sing, and oddly enough the things I knew the Lyrix to were mostly in the Disney section." At that a few people laughed, and my cheeks turned red. I know; I didn't even think I knew how blush that much.
"Anyways, this is for Buffy, because I know she's gonna kick my ass if I don't sing to her tonight." At that a few people cheered again, and I typed my selection into the monitor. As the music started, I hoped to god I knew what I was doing. People in the crowd seemed confused, but Buffy's face was alight with that big grin of hers. It was distracting! I need to concentrate! I closed my eyes and started singing one of the few Disney songs I knew from memory.
"Open up your eyes, and take a look at me,
Get the picture fixed in your memory,
I'm driven by the rhythm like the beat of a heart,
And I won't stop until I start,
To Stand Out..."
Not hearing anything I opened my eyes for fear of what I might miss if I kept them closed. People were slack-jawed, or smiling, so I took it as a good sign and kept going. I decided, I'll show Buffy she isn't the only Performing Slayer. Taking hold of the mike, I looked her right in the eye as I kept singing, dancing a bit just 'cause I knew I could. Though I gotta say, I'mma miss that shocked smile she had going on.
"Some people settle for the typical things,
Living all their lives waiting in the wings,
It ain't a question of 'if', just a matter of time,
Before I move to the front of the line,
Once you're watching every move that I make,
You gotta believe I got what it takes..."
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out,
'Til you notice me!"
At my last 'Stand out', where the volume goes up, people started cheering. And I wasn't even done with the song! Most people at the front table with Buffy started whistling and whooping as well, but not B. She just blushed and smiled, looking down at her lap every few seconds. So far so good, right? And I've always been one to press my luck, so I figured why not keep going? Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler have nothing on me, babe.
"If the squeaky wheel's always getting the grease
I'm totally devoted to disturbing the peace,
And I'll do it all again, when I get it done,
Until I become you're number one."
"No method to the madness and no means of escape,
I'm gonna break every rule, or bend them all out of shape,
It ain't a question of 'how', just a matter of 'when',
You get the message that I'm trying to send?"
"I under a spell!
I'm in over my head!
And you gotta believe that I'm going
All of the way to the end!"
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out,
'Til you notice me!"
There was more cheering and happy yells, but I didn't care what anyone else thought anymore. Buffy had this look on her face like I'd never seen, and I was loving it. I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know what it meant, but it didn't matter. I was singing for her; and she knew it. And more than that she was loving it. I could tell, even though she wasn't screaming and whistling like her friends; it was a silent appreciation. Which meant a whole lot more to me.
"If I could make you stop
and take a look at me,
Instead of just waking by,
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
if it was getting you to notice,
I'm alive,
All I need is half a chance,
A second thought,
A second glance,
To prove I got whatever it takes;
It's a piece of cake!"
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out,
'Til you notice me!"
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out, (Stand out, Stand out)
'Til you notice me..."
As the song ended, and I broke my eye contact with Buffy, we both seemed to come out of our little haze. There was a call for encore, and I said no. But then Dawny begged me, as a late B-Day present to her. I said I would, but later. She told me she'd hold me to it, but I didn't care. All I cared about was getting off that stage as fast as possible. As I walked away, and Rona stepped up to sing her bit, I ran a shaking hand through my hair. I was leaning against my pillar again, liking the feeling of the cool metal against my back.
I glanced at Buffy, only to see her looking back at me. He face gentle, but blank. No smile, no frown, nothing. I worried about saying good-bye to her. Then it hit me; just get outta there! Just as I was about to head for the door Soul-Boy had is arm on my shoulder. He didn't look too happy either. Maybe he didn't like the song?
"Lorne wants to talk to you." He said stiffly, though he didn't seem to be up-set with me, more about the fact that Lorne needed me.
"Right now?" I asked, worried that my escape plan was being ruined. Angle nodded, and I felt like a cold stone had just fallen into my stomach, making it drop a good four inches or so, deep into my gut. I walked over to the table in back and sat down. Once Rona finished, Lorne made a cut- off motion with his hands at his neck, and the Lorne's assistant got up on stage to say there was going to be a break. Buffy looked back at them, and didn't seem pleased that Faith was sitting with Lorne.
"Angel, would you leave us for a minute, please?" Lorne asked nicely, and the vampire left reluctantly. As the rest of the guests populated the Bar, Buffy and Angel stood talking near the stage looking over at the green-man and I. "Now, sugar-Beets, don't get too upset; you're not about to die, but I think I should tell you something before you try and cut outta here." At that my head snapped back to look at him, and he smiled sadly at me. "That's part of what I need to tell you. When you sang, I saw two possible out-comes of your leaving that stage, sweety."
"Two? I thought you saw the future, not the possibilities?" I said it a little rudely, but Lorne was always a nice guy, so he let it pass. He patted my hand, and looked over at the Slayer and the Vampire as well.
"Well, I saw a piece of your past; the loss you felt over Wood dying in the hospital last year, you're trip out to Arizona to find peace for it, you're watcher dying, your mother leaving you, your father leaving you . . . there was a lot of loss in there Sugar-Muffin, and there has been for a long time. That's why you've distanced your self from people for so long." he rubbed my hand is his gently, and I couldn't look at anything but the table top.
"I can't take anymore rejection, Lorne. If you got any insight to me at all you'd know that." It came out gruffly, but only because I knew he spoke the truth, that he knew more than there people did. It hurt to know that my lying wouldn't help with him. He nodded, and sighed.
"I know Pumpkin, and that's why I gotta tell you . . . you need to get back on that stage." What?! "I know, you just were up there, but . . . trust me on this one Girly, because you think you'll be happier out there in that sand and dust alone but . . . better to be alone with another than alone by yourself, right?" Huh?! He just laughed again, and patted my shoulder. "Get back up there, and pick a song. You'll know which one. After this one you're free to go." He smiled knowingly, waving Angel over. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that I'm not to tell anyone what I saw?" He said, indicating Angel as her briskly walked over. Faith nodded, and scooted out of the booth.
"Him of all people." She said quietly, but the Soul'd-Dead had heard. I quickly walked away before he could stop me again, also briskly walking past Buffy as she tried to stop me as well. When I hoped up on the stage, much to a few guests' reluctance, I typed in the code of the only other song I'd considered (hoping that was what Lorne meant).
"Okay, encore, but this is that last one; then I'm cutting outta here People!" I said, as jovially as I could muster at that point. I knew what Lorne meant; if I pulled this off I wouldn't be leaving alone tonight. I'd have someone to take back to Arizona with me. And I couldn't even explain how much pressure and yet joy that instilled in me. As I tried to calm my voice, getting ready to sing, I closed my eyes, and decided to keep them that way this time. When the slow, daunting, orchestra music started, once again there were noises of confusion within crowd, but they soon quieted to listen. Okay Faith . . . don't fuck up.
"I have often dreamed,
Of a far off place,
Where a great, warm, welcome,
Will be waiting for me.
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying,
This is where I'm meant to be."
"I will find my way,
I can go the distance
I'll be there some day,
If I can be strong,
I know every mile,
Will be worth my while,
I would go most anywhere
To feel like I belong..."
I remembered that the song was short, but I guess I'd forgotten about the long orchestral pause in the middle. I willed my eyes not to open, even when I felt her own eyes on me. I thought about my singing, about how it must have been my music that was going to reach out to someone to get them to come with me, to think of me. I only hoped that my keeping my eyes closed wasn't gonna screw things up. I needed to finish, I needed to not be alone. But just as I heard the music rearing for the next verse I opened my eyes for a second . . . and I saw hers. And like a force I couldn't control; my voice rang out through the club; loud and clear.
"I am on my way,
I can go the distance!
I don't care how far,
Somehow I'll be strong!
I know every mile,
Will be worth my while,
I would go most anywhere,
To find where I belong."
The loud last note slowly came down, and the timpani drums of the music softened. The crowd once again burst out in clapping. Seems my singing isn't as bad as it used to be? Jumping off the stage, I headed for the door, waving over my back as I left. No matter how much I wanted someone to stop me, a part of me also wanted to just get out, and leave without 'em. Because trying means taking a risk, and I'd lost enough. And like Lorne'd said; there were two possible out comes, and better to not lose anymore by not trying than to possibly lose it all on a whim.
As I handed my ticket to the Valet I couldn't help the panic I'd felt after leaving the stage last time triple. My knees were shaking and my hands shook so violently that when I shoved them into my pockets my change jangled. Just as I heard the motor of my bike heading down the street, I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. In that second, and the second after I turned around, my Heart both jumped into my throat, and then sank so far into my gut I was worried where it might fall out of.
"What, no good-bye hug?" Came Xander's deep and sadly joking voice. "It's the eye, isn't it? It puts women off." He said, laughing, and I couldn't help but laugh too. Not what I'd hoped for, or expected, but hey . . . better Xander than the bartender (who I'd seen more of tonight than the X- Man). I hugged him tight, and didn't let go until the boy with my biked called to me. Shockingly, it was Xander who let go first. "Keep in touch." He said stoically, though it seemed to say so much. I nodded, and watched as he headed back inside.
Is that what Lorne meant?! He wanted me to get up and sing my guts out to *Disney* so Xander could cop a feel as he hugged me?! Oh, I was gonna chop his butt off! I growled and fished in my pockets for a tip to give the guy who'd been so good to my bike. I handed him a five, as I had nothing smaller, but it wasn't my money anyways - - Bush-Pay-Off cash. He smiled, and handed me the helmet, which I slipped on, elated that I could get out of here (finally). But as I flipped my visor up, and looked at my bike I felt sick. My heart had jumped into my throat again. This was too much!
"What, I don't get a hug, too?" Buffy asked, pouting playfully. She was leaning on my bike, a smile and a bashful half-grin in place. "I just wanted to say that . . . I was really happy you came, you know, tonight. I know you don't like coming out here too often; you like you isolation and quiet, but . . . I missed you, Faith." When I heard those words, and they hit me, it was like I was caught under a pile of bricks and they were slowly crushing the air from my lungs. Then she laughed a little, and looked me in the eyes. "Do you think you could take that helmet off just for another minute?" she asked, still chuckling.
"Sorry," I said, slipping it off, and tucking it under my arm, "I didn't see you there at first." It came out sort of breathlessly, and I couldn't help but wonder how it'd gotten to be that way; staring slack-jawed doesn't require a great deal of exertion. "So . . . you missed me?" I asked, more then just a little shocked. I couldn't believe it. "Really?" Again, she chuckled, but it was deeper this time, a little more weathered.
"Yeah, Faith, I missed you. After what happened with Wood, and Sunnydale vanishing . . . you weren't the only one that wanted to go out into the desert and disappear." She sounded so sad, I had this urge to wrap my arms around her. But, like always, I didn't let myself. I held it in. "I think you and I could have really helped each-other out then . . . I think we could still help each-other now." She said the last part so quietly, talking into her chest, as though she found the ground fascinating.
"Show me what's out there?" she said looking up finally, eyes a little misted, "Show me what you love about being so alone in all that empty space and sand?" She smiled sadly, and looked down at the floor again, the tip of her ears turning pink.
I didn't hold it in. I grabbed her so quickly I nearly toppled my bike over! I loped my arms around her middle and swooped her into the air and into my arms. I didn't care if she hadn't meant it that way, I didn't care if she was only with me because I knew how to be alone, all that mattered was it was her; she was the one that wanted to be with me. Buffy; the only woman I'd ever both loved and hated in my entire life . . . and that's when I knew; she was worth it.
As I tossed her onto the back of the bike, and put it in gear, I saw her giving the thumbs up as she slipped the helmet on. Looking around, I saw Fred in the doorway smiling. She waved back, and I couldn't help the roll of laughter that came out of me; it was just too funny. And as we made our way out of the Western Sprawl, back into the desert, and back into lonesome sands, I felt my knees weaken again, but not because of fear this time; out of excitement. Buffy'd just wrapped her arms around my middle, and held me tight to her. And I gotta say, out of the many numerous things on my list of things I can't believe, this wasn't on there. And not just because I hadn't even thought of it until now . . .
. . . but because it felt to right to not believe in it.
THE END
~VixenRaign~
To C, Val, and David; wish Buffy a Happy B-Day with me!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this sucker! The songs belong to The Dixie Chicks, Disney, and QUEEN. The people in it belong to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt.
Rating: PG-13? There's drinking and swearing and not the happiest of things, but yes; FLUFFY-FUFFY FIC! Enjoy all!
Spoilers; Through the end of Buffy, and the start of Season 5 of Angel
Feed-Back: SatanslilAngl@yahoo.com; SEND IT TO ME! VIX COMANDS YOU!
Summery: Faith goes to Buffy's B-Day and wins the door-prize. (Written January 20th for the Buffy's Birth-Day fic-festival at Faithful_Chickie's Yahoo!Group)
WARNING~ Un-Beta'd! Spelling and grammar slip-up GALORE!
__"23's The Way To Be"__
I can't believe I'm going to this thing. It's right up there on my list with; I can't believe I'm still alive, I can't believe I'm out of jail, and I can't believe that world bought that Sunnydale's sinking into the ground was a terrorist attack. Can I just say; Bush is an ass! But he paid all of us survivors of the crash well. Used it to buy this Bike between my legs, and the jacket on my back. Also might go towards buying a decent place, once I figure out what 'Home' is.
But back to this insanity that I still can't believe I'm going to taking part in tonight. Buffy. She did it; she is now the oldest living Slayer to date. Go her, I say, but I still don't get why that merits pulling all the Mini-Slayers, former Scoobies, and the Fang Gang down to an LA night- club. I mean, couldn't we all just sing one really shitty rendition of 'Happy Birthday' to her over the phone, or some shit like that? The last time I saw Buffy I made a point of saying good-bye like it was the last time. I was ready to keep it that way . . . if it wasn't for Red.
Damn that little Witch. When she told me she had all the old Potentials – now the new Slayers -- and pretty much anyone even remotely related to Buffy coming to the party, I still told her I couldn't come. She tried tempting me with Angel, and even seeing Xander's new eye but I still turned her down. Then, in the back-ground I heard another phone ring that must have been a cell-phone because it sounded very electronic. Kennedy picked it up, and said it was Buffy.
Willow did her little girl-voice and told Ken to tell B that I was being a 'Meanie', and wasn't gonna show her for her big B-Day Get-Down. Buffy demanded to talk to Willow herself, and (with a phone at each ear) Willow *Literally* played Monkey-In-The-Middle while Buffy and I had it out on the phone. It wasn't exactly a fight so much as me saying I was busy and couldn't come, and her asking my why I couldn't make it. When both Buffy and Willow realized I actually had nothing better to do, and that this whole phone order was for nothing more than my own amusement, they both demanded that I go or face severe consequences.
Never Piss-Off A Super-Witch And A Slayer Secretly Known As 'The Dark Scourge'. I wasn't about to test this; it's one of the facts of life you're too smart to question. So here I am, making my way back into the Western Sprawl from Arizona, and I've gotta say I'm glad that it's winter. The desert sun wasn't too bad this time of year. As I slowly made my way into the city, trying to find my way to this club, I couldn't help the nervous shake running up my spine, the way my knees seemed cold and weak. Both Willow, Buffy, and even Angel refused to tell me what this was all about. They'd all said that I'd have to come and see it for myself, and that I wouldn't regret it; "I'd have lots of fun". Angel promised.
But as I pulled up to the front of the club and saw the small crown of people out in front, of faces I knew and a number that I didn't, parking my bike was a lot more difficult than I remembered. As the Valet boy came up to me and I passed him the helmet and keys he seemed sorta nervous. You could tell this guy'd never driven a bike before. I told him that if he wrecked it he had to pay for it. He nodded, and cautiously took off down the road. I watched him go, but was pulled out of my bike-related worries when I heard a squeal and felt someone thud against my back.
"FAITH!" Rang Dawn's voice, "You came! You really came!" If I hadn't been a Slayer I would have been winded -- but lucky me, right?
"Yeah, Peanut, I couldn't miss out on all of . . . this." I said, pointing to the club, and the people I didn't know. "So where's 'The Woman Of The Hour'?" I asked. Dawn just sort of laughs, and points to the door. "I figured. Any details other than inside?" I ask, not exactly eager to go in. Dawn walked me through the door and told me I should look near the bar. That was not a comforting thought. I quickly headed into the club, making a B-Line for the drinks.
After the fall of Sunnydale and the deaths were tallied and everyone went their own way with their own callings and lives . . . Buffy's spent most of her pay-off money on booze. Never thought I'd see the day when Buffy was a drunkard, but it happened. Though, in truth I never *saw* it, only heard, it was one of the saddest things I could have imagined for the Little Slayer That Could. So, when I made it to the Bar and saw that Buffy was passing out the drinks, and not having any herself -- a large smile on her face, no less -- I couldn't help but laugh.
I was happy to see that the AA meetings she'd gone to helped. I also couldn't help but notice that I had instantly become protective of a woman I hadn't seen in over six months. But when she saw me, what happened shocked me more than her sober bar-tendering. She jumped over the counter and practically lunged at me.
"Faith!" She yelled, the joy in her voice overwhelmingly evident, "You made it! Thank god . . . with the exception of Giles, Wesley, and my Dad I think I might be the oldest human here!" She let go of me, but kept me close. The smile on her face, I hate to say it, was reason enough to be here tonight. I won't deny it; she's a cutie. And I was always a sucker for this one in particular. So when she started talking again, and I didn't catch a word of it, I don't really think anyone can blame me.
"What?" I asked, shaking my head. B just chuckled and asked if I wanted a drink. "Yeah, Give me a bottle of Jack?" I asked, quite serious, but she looked not only unpleased but also shocked. "I don't plan on finishing it, Blondie, I just think it'll save everyone time if you just give me the bottle. Besides, I think we both know it takes a shit-load of drink to get a slayer drunk, right? Especially me; I have a tolerance like a Irishman . . . even though I'm Eastern-European." She shook her head and bent over the counter to grab a bottle tucked under the bar. Gotta say; she might be ageing, but she's still got the nicest ass I've ever ogled. And it looked hot in those tight, black, cotton pants. I was lucky to catch myself before she turned around, though I did miss the view.
"Here," she said, placing it in my hand but not letting go of the neck, "No giving it to any of the girls, alright? You do and I get thrown in jail and Angel and Lorne get in deep trouble, okay?" I nodded, and she let go after another long second. AT this point her smile showed up again for another distracting appearance. "Now say hello to people; mingle. And you *are* joining in the festivities, no exceptions. Not even for you." With that she walked away, and I opened the bottle. Just as I was taking my first drink, people started coming up to me.
Angel talked to me for a bit, saying he was glad I showed up, telling me I should socialize more; that I hadn't gotten out enough since the fall of Sunny-D. Maybe he was right, but I needed time alone. Besides, Slayers are used to being isolated; just look what happened to Buffy when she was suddenly thrust into a crowd, forced to live like a normal woman her age. I saw Xander's new eye (which didn't match his old one in the slightest), but had cool extra features like knowing when someone was lying; helped with his foreman job a lot, he gushed. I talked to Fred for a bit too. She seemed have become good friends with Buffy over phone and E-Mail, though recently Buffy had moved in with her 'cause she's lost her old place.
After the entire Scooby-Gang, the LA-Crew, and a few potentials telling me their life stories and asking me for mine, Lorne got up on the stage where he'd been setting things up. People started to fill the tables, some of which had been moved partly onto the dance floor to make room for all the guests, and the booths out at the edges. Buffy sat at a larger table that was in the center and the closest to the stage. People took their seats, and Lorne gave the people working on the speakers a few last instructions.
"Alright, Ladies and Gentlemen, can we get nice loud Happy Birthday for the guest of honor here, tonight?!" He said loudly in his standard flamboyant manor, and the room shook with the loud cheers of 'happy birthday', yells, and whistles. "Well, as you all know, it's no good celebrating it without a round of that old classic Happy-Birthday, right?"
The room cheered again, and into the microphone, Lorne sang the song beautifully, and with a touch of his own Jazzy-self in it. When he was done the whole club exploded, Buffy clapping and cheering above anyone else. Faith yelled, unable to clap with the bottle in her hand, and leaning against a pillar. Looking around she took an empty seat and sat down in it, ready to see what band might be playing tonight.
"Alright; and as you know the birth-day-gal has requested that instead of gifts, you have to sing for her." When Faith heard this she choked on the swallow of JD she was in the middle of. Only a few new Slayers noticed, so she didn't care, but still . . . Singing?! "You are all expected to sing a little ditty for this lovely lady, and no; giving a gift doesn't get you out of singing . . . Fred already asked." At that, Fred was shoved playfully by Buffy, and the room laughed.
"BUT!" The Friendly Green-Demon called again, a playfully menacing smile on her face, "It's no fair unless she sings too, so . . ." he said slowly, as two guys pulled out the teleprompter, "Your friends have arranged a little surprise for you." He said, excitedly. At that all the Scoobies-Primed grabbed Buffy's arms and took her onto stage. The room cheered for her to sing, and Faith couldn't help joining in too. As they all got up in front of the crowd; Willow, Giles, and Xander holding Buffy so she wouldn't run away, Lorne talked about the Club.
"No, this place is renowned throughout the LA scene, and soon throughout the world, for having *every* song ever produced – with a little help from me and the Entertainment Dept of the new Wolfrem & Hart – but!" he said suddenly, smiling again, and the music started up, "They all asked for *just* this one." As the first notes of QUEEN's 'We Are The Champions' started, the entire crowd started cheering. The Scoobies must have told her they were only singing back-up, so something, because she suddenly looked very betrayed as they all took two steps back.
"I've paid my dues,
Time after time,
I've done my sentence,
But committed not crime,
And bad mistakes,
I've made a few,
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face,
But I've come through!"
As half the club cheered, the other half sat in stunned silence. I was starting to question if Buffy was really sober, as Karaoke has the potential to turn out really badly, but somehow . . . Buffy seemed to accept it. Once she realized that there was no way out of it, she got really into it; singing her guts out, and doing it well. I was shocked. I heard she'd sung pretty well when Sunnydale had gone all Rodgers and Hammerstein but this . . . was Good! She started dancing a little, and twirling the mike-stand like Jaggier or something. I was impressed.
When it stopped, the room went up in cheers, and the clapping was almost deafening. As the Scoobies hugged her and made their way off the stage, Buffy laughed into the mike, telling that Fred had to come up there. Once the small Texan slowly made her way onto the stage, Buffy wrapped her arm around her, and smiled.
"I know how much you hate singing in front of people, and how badly you wanted to get out of this but . . ." Buffy said happily, sorting through the play list on the touch-tone screen, "If it'll mean that you sing, I'll sing with you." She said happily, and when the blonde had made her selection, the scientist squealed in both Happiness and Fear. The almost blue-grass music of a country song started up, and sure enough; it was Dixie Chicks (both Buffy and Fred were big fans; it was one of the first things they'd bonded over after meeting). 'LONG TIME GONE!' shouted Fred excitedly as the lyrics started showing.
"Daddy sits on the front porch swingin'
Looking out on a vacant field,
Used to filled with barely, tobacco,
But now he knows it never will,
My brother found work in Indiana,
Sister's a nurse at the old-folks-home,
Momma's still cooking too much for supper,
And Me; I've been a long time gone!"
The delivery of this song was much more along the lines of your standard Karaoke; people who knew most of the words, snag it fairly badly, and had a load of fun doing it. The thing was; it didn't sound *all that bad* who ever created this system, they did it right! The people sounded really well blended with the music; like it'd been the armature's voice recorded on the CD. Maybe that was the high-tech stuff that 'The Firm O'Evil' contributed. Once the song was over, a few people were eager to sing themselves.
There were a lot of Beatles songs, a lot of pop-bands like N*Synk, Britany Spears, and Spice Girls. Willow got up with Kennedy and sand an Indigo Girls song with a fair amount of grace, though not a great deal of talent. It was funny that as the night went on, and the bar kept pouring out drinks, how more and more people wanted to sing. Xander even got up and sang James Taylor's 'Handy Man' with a fair amount of easy and joy (though some of his words were slurred, as he'd had a fair bit of beer before getting on stage).
I made my way back to the bar a little while later, aiming for a glass and possibly some Coke to mix with my drink. This older guy, who I assume was Mr. Summers, had been giving me looks almost all night. I don't think he approved of my drinking habits. Hell, I wouldn't have cared except . . . well, he *was* B's dad, right? But as I made it to the bar, and asked the guy behind it for a bourbon glass, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I half expected Angel to be there from the tingle I was getting. But nope; low and behold, it was Buffy. The drink has a habit of messing with my Slayer senses. And you'd think with all the little Mini-Slayers here it'd be going crazy but no. Buffy's the only one to ever give me that particular tickle (in more than one way, too I might add).
"Hey Faith!" She said jovially, tossing and arm over my shoulder. She looked so Happy it was almost infectious. "Did you like my singing?" she asked gently, as though she was being sarcastic and playful. What was I supposed to say, that I loved it? If I said I did, she'd think I was lying and trying to be mean, but if I told her the truth - - that as I watched her up on stage being all buddy-buddy with The Braniac I pictured my self in the other brunette's place - - I'm not sure the reaction would be any better. What else could I say?
"Just don't try and give up Slaying to pursue a record deal; I don't wanna have to watch you get hurt again." I said, a mix of serious and playful. She smiled genuinely, and nodded. She took the drink from me and the glass, pouring out some, and then handing the rest of the bottle back to the man. He smiled happily; as though he seemed eager to have it back. "Don't worry B, I'm sure I can get a ride home if I'm not sober by the end of the night." The little cutie gave me a look that I didn't know how to interpret. It was either; you'd better!, or Is that so...?
"So, when are you gonna get up there?" My eyes widened so much when I heard that it almost hurt. She just chuckled, "What? You thought you're being here was a gift enough?" I nodded, shocked that I was still expected to sing. Buffy smiled evilly, making me wonder if this was indeed the first, but when she put a hand on my shoulder and leaned in to whisper to me . . . I knew she was the real deal.
"I'll let you in on a little secret . . . this isn't just about presents and gifts." She said quietly. I was so distracted by her warm breath in my ear, I almost didn't see her pointing. Against the back-wall, in a booth with Angel and a tape-recorder, was Lorne. He was talking to Angel and into the tape-recorder after each person was singing. "That was a huge part of the reason tonight was karaoke. So we could see if any of the girls are headed towards any trouble. Also," she said and she bumped her hip against mine, "Why you had to come. I hear so little about you these days it scares me." I couldn't help genuinely smiling at that; because I knew she meant it.
"Alright. I'll sing, but I'mma need a little more to drink first." Buffy nodded, and had the drink-boy pour a little more for me. After waiting in line, the whole time sorting through the book of songs and glancing at Buffy as she sat in her seat at the center table again, I tried to think of what the hell I had gotten myself into. I was shocked that once I got up on stage that people cheered and clapped, Buffy in particular; she seemed really excited to see me sing. Clearing my throat, I decided I should explain my song choice a little.
"Okay, so, uhm . . . most of the music I listen to these days can't really be found on a CD, and the stuff that can isn't in English or doesn't have words, so . . .yeah." Wow, this was going well, and I hadn't even started singing yet. "It took me a while to recognize a song in here, that I might be willing to sing, and oddly enough the things I knew the Lyrix to were mostly in the Disney section." At that a few people laughed, and my cheeks turned red. I know; I didn't even think I knew how blush that much.
"Anyways, this is for Buffy, because I know she's gonna kick my ass if I don't sing to her tonight." At that a few people cheered again, and I typed my selection into the monitor. As the music started, I hoped to god I knew what I was doing. People in the crowd seemed confused, but Buffy's face was alight with that big grin of hers. It was distracting! I need to concentrate! I closed my eyes and started singing one of the few Disney songs I knew from memory.
"Open up your eyes, and take a look at me,
Get the picture fixed in your memory,
I'm driven by the rhythm like the beat of a heart,
And I won't stop until I start,
To Stand Out..."
Not hearing anything I opened my eyes for fear of what I might miss if I kept them closed. People were slack-jawed, or smiling, so I took it as a good sign and kept going. I decided, I'll show Buffy she isn't the only Performing Slayer. Taking hold of the mike, I looked her right in the eye as I kept singing, dancing a bit just 'cause I knew I could. Though I gotta say, I'mma miss that shocked smile she had going on.
"Some people settle for the typical things,
Living all their lives waiting in the wings,
It ain't a question of 'if', just a matter of time,
Before I move to the front of the line,
Once you're watching every move that I make,
You gotta believe I got what it takes..."
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out,
'Til you notice me!"
At my last 'Stand out', where the volume goes up, people started cheering. And I wasn't even done with the song! Most people at the front table with Buffy started whistling and whooping as well, but not B. She just blushed and smiled, looking down at her lap every few seconds. So far so good, right? And I've always been one to press my luck, so I figured why not keep going? Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler have nothing on me, babe.
"If the squeaky wheel's always getting the grease
I'm totally devoted to disturbing the peace,
And I'll do it all again, when I get it done,
Until I become you're number one."
"No method to the madness and no means of escape,
I'm gonna break every rule, or bend them all out of shape,
It ain't a question of 'how', just a matter of 'when',
You get the message that I'm trying to send?"
"I under a spell!
I'm in over my head!
And you gotta believe that I'm going
All of the way to the end!"
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out,
'Til you notice me!"
There was more cheering and happy yells, but I didn't care what anyone else thought anymore. Buffy had this look on her face like I'd never seen, and I was loving it. I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know what it meant, but it didn't matter. I was singing for her; and she knew it. And more than that she was loving it. I could tell, even though she wasn't screaming and whistling like her friends; it was a silent appreciation. Which meant a whole lot more to me.
"If I could make you stop
and take a look at me,
Instead of just waking by,
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
if it was getting you to notice,
I'm alive,
All I need is half a chance,
A second thought,
A second glance,
To prove I got whatever it takes;
It's a piece of cake!"
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out,
'Til you notice me!"
"To stand out, Above the crowds!
Even if I gotta shout out loud!
'Til mine is the only face you'll see,
Gonna stand out, (Stand out, Stand out)
'Til you notice me..."
As the song ended, and I broke my eye contact with Buffy, we both seemed to come out of our little haze. There was a call for encore, and I said no. But then Dawny begged me, as a late B-Day present to her. I said I would, but later. She told me she'd hold me to it, but I didn't care. All I cared about was getting off that stage as fast as possible. As I walked away, and Rona stepped up to sing her bit, I ran a shaking hand through my hair. I was leaning against my pillar again, liking the feeling of the cool metal against my back.
I glanced at Buffy, only to see her looking back at me. He face gentle, but blank. No smile, no frown, nothing. I worried about saying good-bye to her. Then it hit me; just get outta there! Just as I was about to head for the door Soul-Boy had is arm on my shoulder. He didn't look too happy either. Maybe he didn't like the song?
"Lorne wants to talk to you." He said stiffly, though he didn't seem to be up-set with me, more about the fact that Lorne needed me.
"Right now?" I asked, worried that my escape plan was being ruined. Angle nodded, and I felt like a cold stone had just fallen into my stomach, making it drop a good four inches or so, deep into my gut. I walked over to the table in back and sat down. Once Rona finished, Lorne made a cut- off motion with his hands at his neck, and the Lorne's assistant got up on stage to say there was going to be a break. Buffy looked back at them, and didn't seem pleased that Faith was sitting with Lorne.
"Angel, would you leave us for a minute, please?" Lorne asked nicely, and the vampire left reluctantly. As the rest of the guests populated the Bar, Buffy and Angel stood talking near the stage looking over at the green-man and I. "Now, sugar-Beets, don't get too upset; you're not about to die, but I think I should tell you something before you try and cut outta here." At that my head snapped back to look at him, and he smiled sadly at me. "That's part of what I need to tell you. When you sang, I saw two possible out-comes of your leaving that stage, sweety."
"Two? I thought you saw the future, not the possibilities?" I said it a little rudely, but Lorne was always a nice guy, so he let it pass. He patted my hand, and looked over at the Slayer and the Vampire as well.
"Well, I saw a piece of your past; the loss you felt over Wood dying in the hospital last year, you're trip out to Arizona to find peace for it, you're watcher dying, your mother leaving you, your father leaving you . . . there was a lot of loss in there Sugar-Muffin, and there has been for a long time. That's why you've distanced your self from people for so long." he rubbed my hand is his gently, and I couldn't look at anything but the table top.
"I can't take anymore rejection, Lorne. If you got any insight to me at all you'd know that." It came out gruffly, but only because I knew he spoke the truth, that he knew more than there people did. It hurt to know that my lying wouldn't help with him. He nodded, and sighed.
"I know Pumpkin, and that's why I gotta tell you . . . you need to get back on that stage." What?! "I know, you just were up there, but . . . trust me on this one Girly, because you think you'll be happier out there in that sand and dust alone but . . . better to be alone with another than alone by yourself, right?" Huh?! He just laughed again, and patted my shoulder. "Get back up there, and pick a song. You'll know which one. After this one you're free to go." He smiled knowingly, waving Angel over. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that I'm not to tell anyone what I saw?" He said, indicating Angel as her briskly walked over. Faith nodded, and scooted out of the booth.
"Him of all people." She said quietly, but the Soul'd-Dead had heard. I quickly walked away before he could stop me again, also briskly walking past Buffy as she tried to stop me as well. When I hoped up on the stage, much to a few guests' reluctance, I typed in the code of the only other song I'd considered (hoping that was what Lorne meant).
"Okay, encore, but this is that last one; then I'm cutting outta here People!" I said, as jovially as I could muster at that point. I knew what Lorne meant; if I pulled this off I wouldn't be leaving alone tonight. I'd have someone to take back to Arizona with me. And I couldn't even explain how much pressure and yet joy that instilled in me. As I tried to calm my voice, getting ready to sing, I closed my eyes, and decided to keep them that way this time. When the slow, daunting, orchestra music started, once again there were noises of confusion within crowd, but they soon quieted to listen. Okay Faith . . . don't fuck up.
"I have often dreamed,
Of a far off place,
Where a great, warm, welcome,
Will be waiting for me.
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying,
This is where I'm meant to be."
"I will find my way,
I can go the distance
I'll be there some day,
If I can be strong,
I know every mile,
Will be worth my while,
I would go most anywhere
To feel like I belong..."
I remembered that the song was short, but I guess I'd forgotten about the long orchestral pause in the middle. I willed my eyes not to open, even when I felt her own eyes on me. I thought about my singing, about how it must have been my music that was going to reach out to someone to get them to come with me, to think of me. I only hoped that my keeping my eyes closed wasn't gonna screw things up. I needed to finish, I needed to not be alone. But just as I heard the music rearing for the next verse I opened my eyes for a second . . . and I saw hers. And like a force I couldn't control; my voice rang out through the club; loud and clear.
"I am on my way,
I can go the distance!
I don't care how far,
Somehow I'll be strong!
I know every mile,
Will be worth my while,
I would go most anywhere,
To find where I belong."
The loud last note slowly came down, and the timpani drums of the music softened. The crowd once again burst out in clapping. Seems my singing isn't as bad as it used to be? Jumping off the stage, I headed for the door, waving over my back as I left. No matter how much I wanted someone to stop me, a part of me also wanted to just get out, and leave without 'em. Because trying means taking a risk, and I'd lost enough. And like Lorne'd said; there were two possible out comes, and better to not lose anymore by not trying than to possibly lose it all on a whim.
As I handed my ticket to the Valet I couldn't help the panic I'd felt after leaving the stage last time triple. My knees were shaking and my hands shook so violently that when I shoved them into my pockets my change jangled. Just as I heard the motor of my bike heading down the street, I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. In that second, and the second after I turned around, my Heart both jumped into my throat, and then sank so far into my gut I was worried where it might fall out of.
"What, no good-bye hug?" Came Xander's deep and sadly joking voice. "It's the eye, isn't it? It puts women off." He said, laughing, and I couldn't help but laugh too. Not what I'd hoped for, or expected, but hey . . . better Xander than the bartender (who I'd seen more of tonight than the X- Man). I hugged him tight, and didn't let go until the boy with my biked called to me. Shockingly, it was Xander who let go first. "Keep in touch." He said stoically, though it seemed to say so much. I nodded, and watched as he headed back inside.
Is that what Lorne meant?! He wanted me to get up and sing my guts out to *Disney* so Xander could cop a feel as he hugged me?! Oh, I was gonna chop his butt off! I growled and fished in my pockets for a tip to give the guy who'd been so good to my bike. I handed him a five, as I had nothing smaller, but it wasn't my money anyways - - Bush-Pay-Off cash. He smiled, and handed me the helmet, which I slipped on, elated that I could get out of here (finally). But as I flipped my visor up, and looked at my bike I felt sick. My heart had jumped into my throat again. This was too much!
"What, I don't get a hug, too?" Buffy asked, pouting playfully. She was leaning on my bike, a smile and a bashful half-grin in place. "I just wanted to say that . . . I was really happy you came, you know, tonight. I know you don't like coming out here too often; you like you isolation and quiet, but . . . I missed you, Faith." When I heard those words, and they hit me, it was like I was caught under a pile of bricks and they were slowly crushing the air from my lungs. Then she laughed a little, and looked me in the eyes. "Do you think you could take that helmet off just for another minute?" she asked, still chuckling.
"Sorry," I said, slipping it off, and tucking it under my arm, "I didn't see you there at first." It came out sort of breathlessly, and I couldn't help but wonder how it'd gotten to be that way; staring slack-jawed doesn't require a great deal of exertion. "So . . . you missed me?" I asked, more then just a little shocked. I couldn't believe it. "Really?" Again, she chuckled, but it was deeper this time, a little more weathered.
"Yeah, Faith, I missed you. After what happened with Wood, and Sunnydale vanishing . . . you weren't the only one that wanted to go out into the desert and disappear." She sounded so sad, I had this urge to wrap my arms around her. But, like always, I didn't let myself. I held it in. "I think you and I could have really helped each-other out then . . . I think we could still help each-other now." She said the last part so quietly, talking into her chest, as though she found the ground fascinating.
"Show me what's out there?" she said looking up finally, eyes a little misted, "Show me what you love about being so alone in all that empty space and sand?" She smiled sadly, and looked down at the floor again, the tip of her ears turning pink.
I didn't hold it in. I grabbed her so quickly I nearly toppled my bike over! I loped my arms around her middle and swooped her into the air and into my arms. I didn't care if she hadn't meant it that way, I didn't care if she was only with me because I knew how to be alone, all that mattered was it was her; she was the one that wanted to be with me. Buffy; the only woman I'd ever both loved and hated in my entire life . . . and that's when I knew; she was worth it.
As I tossed her onto the back of the bike, and put it in gear, I saw her giving the thumbs up as she slipped the helmet on. Looking around, I saw Fred in the doorway smiling. She waved back, and I couldn't help the roll of laughter that came out of me; it was just too funny. And as we made our way out of the Western Sprawl, back into the desert, and back into lonesome sands, I felt my knees weaken again, but not because of fear this time; out of excitement. Buffy'd just wrapped her arms around my middle, and held me tight to her. And I gotta say, out of the many numerous things on my list of things I can't believe, this wasn't on there. And not just because I hadn't even thought of it until now . . .
. . . but because it felt to right to not believe in it.
THE END
~VixenRaign~
To C, Val, and David; wish Buffy a Happy B-Day with me!