The first time I walked inside the kindergarten I knew I wasn't going to like it there. Why? The question is pretty simple to answer: because I was not the type to enjoy crowds and strangers, I was unsure of myself and I was hiding beside my mother's skirt all the time. But that didn't mean I had enough courage to tell anyone, I just stepped in, half crying and waited to see what was going on. Everyone was staring at first because I was a chubby child but then one of them came running to me, taking me by surprise when he handed me one of the cars he was playing it. He had curly sandy hair and light brown eyes and as soon as I took the toy he extended his hand too.

"Hi, my name is Jean Kirschten" he grinned, showing me his missing tooth and I took it, fascinated by his forward personality. Even at the sandpit he had this noisy way of being but deep inside he was not mean at all, he was just trying to hide the fact that he was shy too; he was not the first child I knew who used this behaviour as a coping mechanism. We were spending our days playing around and sometimes talking about silly things and one of the days Jean came running to me, telling me that he found out about a new game we could play. "My mom said you can play it only with the person you like the most"

"I like you the most too so I guess it's alright" I said raising my shoulders and he chuckled. "How is this called?"

"It's called kissing" he explained in a mysterious manner. We were in the backyard, away from everyone else when we were talking about this and I felt a little hesitant because I never played this game before. He came closer and pursed his lips. "You have to do like this" I furrowed my brows, concentrated and did so, when I felt his lips on mine and we both burst into giggles before doing it again, it was nice but we got bored soon so we left to play in the tree-house.

Back then there were only innocent pecks between toddlers, everyone did that and those pecks turned into a long-time friendship; my desk mate in middle school was Jean Kirschtein, the only difference being the fact that he could pronounce his name now. The rage and the short temper was the same which was quite dangerous for the other kids beside me that wanted to bother him just to see the way he would react. And we got in the same high school which was amazing because we were best buddies and I liked it to remain like this. We were hanging with others too but I was the one knowing everything about Jean Kirschtein - from the fact that he liked to wear pastel-colored boxers to his favorite type of cereal.

And now, the same Jean Kirschtein was laying on my bed, playing a videogame bored, trying to get above my score. Like that was possible. But that was not what was bothering me, the reason why I was feeling so uncomfortable was because he didn't want to go home even if his parents were probably worried and he was going to get a good punishment for it. I mean, they knew he was here most probably but that didn't mean it was not 11 o'clock and we didn't have classes tomorrow at 8.

"So how are things going with Mikasa?" at the name he stopped the game and looked at me slightly worried. "What?"

"Nothing happens" he said as a matter of fact and pressed play again, unconvincingly as I began to wonder what was going on. He had a crush on her since middle school and I really wondered how she was so oblivious towards it; she was all about her adoptive brother, Eren Jeager. It made me wonder if that was the reason why Jean hated the kid so much. "Why are you asking?" he searched for the bowl of sweets that was next to him and grabbed a lollipop that he unwrapped, placing it in his mouth.

"Just wondering" I said and shrugged my shoulders, taking my white pillow and snuggling it close to my chest.

"How are things going with Nate?" I hesitated too, at the spoken name, but that had other reasons behind. Nate was a guy I met two weeks ago when we started our third year of high school and when I realized we were in the same math class, he was nice and all and he was probably having a crush on me but I didn't want to get involved, I had my reasons. And one of the reasons was playing Pokemon a few feet away from me.

"He said he likes my freckles" Jean snorted.

"Please, everyone likes your freckles" He rolled his eyes and left the game down, turning to look at me. "They're cute" I felt my cheeks heating but I stopped myself from being so obvious and threw the pillow I was holding at him.

"Our classmates from middle-school didn't like them"

"That's because they were all retarded, we're talking about normal people here" he said and I burst into laughter. He got up and went to the desk from where he picked a blue ball-pen and came close to me. He grasped my arm and began to connect the freckles on it, soon enough creating the shape of a five-angles star. "See? This is one of the perks" I rolled my eyes.

"I am good drawing paper?"

"Yea, and it's also good if you don't know how to draw, you just connect dots" we both burst into laughter and I heard knocks on the door. My mother came in, a worried look on her face, indicating both of us that Mrs. Kirschtein called. "I got it, thank you" he said and she left with a smile.

"I guess my mom just kicked you out, sorry" I smiled and he pouted.

"Well, I might forgive you if you wake me up tomorrow morning" he said and I chuckled, helping him up.

"Deal" I grinned and he picked his backpack, leaving the scene smoothly. There was something about Jean Kirschtein that I simply couldn't let go of. It was like I was infatuated with him, every person I was meeting was immediately compared to him and the first things I was thinking about was "Would Jean like this?" or "What would Jean do?" I wanted to believe it was just because we've been spending so much time together but even I wasn't dumb enough not to realize I was in love with him. I first realized that when we were in 7th grade and he beat the shit out of a guy that was bullying me. It's been only 4 years since then and I made no progress because I didn't want to risk our friendship for something like this : Jean was not the type to be serious about love and I wasn't going to gamble our time together.

After he's been gone I went to have a shower and then straight to bed because I knew tomorrow was going to be hard on me. By waking up, he meant the process of being called every five minutes for half an hour because he was a really heavy sleeper and otherwise he would miss the first few classes. His parents were working so it was all my duty to see for his schooling - which made me feel like a freaking mama. We walked to school together and after that we parted because we had different classes: I had advanced math while he could barely count; I sat next to Nate who smiled brightly to me.

"Hi" I said politely and opened the notebook to see what was the last thing we discussed.

"Hi, Marco" a small pause followed. "You look fresh" he smiled widely, showing me his white and perfectly straight teeth before placing some raven strands of hair behind his ear. He was attractive, obviously and he was into me - which was a mystery for everyone, but I simply couldn't bring myself to see him as a potential boyfriend. I nodded, hesitantly and spotted his glasses were a little dirty. "Have you thought about?..." he was talking about his proposition. Last week when we were having the same class he's asked me to go out with him for a date. I sighed.

"Nate, I think you're a really cute guy and all..." I cringed, I didn't like to do this to people.

"But" he said grinning and I frowned.

"But I have feelings for someone else and..."

"Jean Kirschtein?" he asked and I think I turned 60 shades of red because he burst into laughter, making me pick the notebook up and place it in front of my face. Oh my God, was it this obvious? Did everyone know? Did Jean know? "I mean, you always hang around together but I know he's straight. Didn't he had a fling last year with that chick that won the science contest?" I nodded, feeling uncomfortable. Shit, I knew already how hopeless I was, I didn't want other people to point at me how little chances I had with the guy I was into. Just then, the math teacher, Mike Zacharias entered the class and searched the crowd with small eyes.

"Bodt, could you take these forms to the headteacher?" I nodded and got up, saved by the bell. Or by the teacher. Mr. Smith was nice so I sure could get the papers to him, especially if that meant getting away from the uneasy conversation. I took the pile and took it to the main hall where the secretary, Petra Ral was typing at the laptop; she smiled at me and took the papers so I headed back, because everyone was in class. Only they weren't.

"Oh my dear God, is that Marco Bodt skipping class?" Jean's voice boomed and I found myself took in strong arms and spun around, struggling to get out of his hold.

"I am not skipping, Zacharias sent me with some papers to Smith's office" I avoided his eyes because of the past conversation and because I felt like melting if he would watch me with those honeys but he didn't let me go that easy. "What are you doing here?" I looked around to see we were alone.

"Well, I actually texted you that I wanted to go somewhere this hour. Wanna go with me?" I frowned. "Come on, don't be a sourpuss" he whispered and I hit his arm, making him yelp.

"Where?"

"You'll see" we left, careful not to be seen and began to talk meaningless things, like how boring the school was and about the party that was going on tonight. It was Friday and someone's birthday so it was the perfect excuse for illegal drinking and smoking. We walked and walked until we stopped in front of a tattoo shop and I began to freak out.

"What the fuck? You're not getting a tattoo, Jean Kirschtein!" I shouted and he burst into laughter.

"No, mom, I am getting my ear pierced so calm down. Take a chill pill" I rolled my eyes and still hesitated. "Oh, come on, you know I wanted this for a while" I stepped in even if I was intimidated by the place and soon a beardy man came to ask us what did we want. He said he wanted two piercings in the same ear and honestly, it was faster that I thought. When he was asked what colours did he want he picked orange and then turned his eyes to me. "So? What colour do you want me to have?"

"Huh?" I stopped in tracks a little and then convinced my brain to work. "Teal" Teal was my favorite color since I was in first grade or second so he probably wasn't all that shocked. He smirked and took the ring and we somehow found ourselves in a Starbucks where he was paying for our order. "That's for taking me by surprise"

"Actually is to thank you" I raised a brow, confused. "I wanted you to come with me because I was kinda scared to do it alone" he smiled, showing me a cute dimple and I smiled back, trying to control my feelings and not look like a lovesick puppy.

"Marco Bodt, cleaning your mess since .. I don't know, years ago"

"More than ten, either way" he winked and took a sip from his drink. "So, Nate?"

"I don't know, he's hot and all but I don't want to be with him"

"Dude, he's smoking hot!" Jean burst and I chuckled.

"How would you know? You like girls" He shrugged his shoulders and grinned stupidly.

"I am not dumb, I am can see things when they're beautiful" I don't know why but when he said that I felt like blushing and looked away. "Why not? You should go for it" I half-snorted. Yea, I should go on and live happily ever after with that guy, and maybe I would have did that if he wasn't part of the equation. Maybe I wasn't mature enough to accept he wasn't gay; I was such a fool. We went back to classes and it happened that I bumped into Nate during lunch and he asked me if I was going to the party tonight, because he was going to be there. A-fucking-mazing.

The party was at that guy's house and everyone from our group was there, even the screaming Eren and the nerdy Armin, they were all having a good time and dancing. When I arrived Jean was already half drunk and dancing seductively in front of a few girls that were giggling and touching him all over. When I saw that I decided I needed some drinks so I went to pick a bottle of beer and sat down beside Sasha that was looking at the same picture as me.

"Jesus, is he bad" she muttered and I nodded, chuckling. Long story short? He got so drunk he could barely talk anymore and I had to pick him up and take him to my house because his parents would have killed him if they would have seen him like that. I asked Reiner to take us home because he hasn't been drinking and we sneaked inside as it was 4 A.M. He was giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Jean, hush it!" I warned and he fell on the bed, his face down. I was scared he might suffocate so I went to turn him over.

"Don' make 'e sleep on the ground" he slurped and I rolled my eyes. "Is cold there"

"I'll take the floor" I said and began to undress, taking my puked pants down - yes, he did that too, when we were waiting for Reiner to get his keys. I went to place them in the bathtub and when I came back he was looking at me, one hand behind his head.

"Don' sit on the floo', sleep he'e" he hiccuped. "We've done that befo'" he said and motioned me to get closer. I sighed because there were two opportunities: to get in bed with him and feel guilty because he was dead drunk and I was taking advantage of him or to sit on the floor, have a back pain the next morning and probably wake up the whole house because he was surely to begin screaming. So yea, I took the first option. "That's a goo' boy" he said and snuggled closer to me, wrapping an arm around me. Oh fuck, I could feel my heartbeat increasing with every breath. He was half asleep already but I couldn't close an eye because he was so close that I could feel his entire body. It was not the first time we've been like this but that didn't mean I was calmer - and the sucker had no idea, he was oblivious while everyone else could tell. SHIT. I fell asleep long after the sun rose and was woken up by my mother who was announcing us it was near lunch time. He stretched next to me.

"Shit, my head is killing me" he whined and I pushed him out of the bed. He fell on the floor with a loud noise and I burst into laughter. "What the fuck?"

"You were killing me, you weight too much to let me carry you all"

"And it's all muscle" he grinned and I rolled my eyes. It didn't matter, my bones hurt.

"Shower, Kirschtein, then lots of water and food" I ordered and he turned on his sexy heels, showing me his broad back. He ran his fingers through his sandy hair, especially his undercut and opened the bathroom door. I fell back in bed and took in our combined smells when I realized just how hopeless and desperate I looked so I picked my phone and searched for Nate's number. I tapped on the word "text" and wrote hurried.

Let's go out tonight. If you still want, of course. It didn't last one minute until my phone pinged.

Sure thing xx ;)