Alone Together
Takahashi Misaki got home into yet another empty apartment. Usagi-san is out almost every day now, only being here when Aikawa-san picks up his latest manuscript. It has been like this ever since the encounter he, Misaki had with his brother Haruhiko in their family home and now Usagi-chichi also came into the picture which somehow freaked Usagi-san out. What did he say after? That his family knows things about him that will later hurt him had he known what the truth about Usagi-san really was.
How would he know, when he doesn't even say anything anymore?
Misaki threw his bag on the floor and lay on the couch. It was a long day. His thoughts were filled with Usagi-san he didn't even realize that he had drifted off to sleep. Maybe in some sort of mid-slumber trance he heard the front door open, but his eyes closed shut nothing mattered much anymore.
Big, warm hands brushed Misaki's cheek. The gentle touch stirred him awake only to have his senses shattered by purple, clear orbs watching him closely.
"Usagi-san…" he's back. What time is it now?
"You slept on the couch. Again. I told you you're going to catch a cold sleeping there like that, so I brought you here." Misaki realized that the 'here' meant Usagi-san's bedroom.
Akihiko's voice was low and his face mere inches away. Misaki's nostrils are instantly inflamed by the delicious musky scent that can only come from Usagi-san.
"Gomen… uhm… next time it's fine to just wake me up. I'll go to my room now." Akihiko's clear eyes, his nearness and the all too familiar scent is making Misaki's head light and all fuzzy.
"Stay here." Akihiko's nose almost touched his.
Misaki's heart went into a state of muted panic.
"No!" he protested. "I mean… you still have work to do. I don't want to disturb you, with me waking up early and all…" Misaki tried to put some conviction in his tone but knew that it was a lame excuse. Staying here means telling Usagi-san how much he actually misses him, telling him that also means the uncontrollable amount of tears Misaki is sure to shed once he did. He can't let him see that. He can't just be forever a burden to him.
Akihiko did not say anything. Misaki glanced at him surreptitiously and saw that his expression changed. For one second he thought he saw a glimmer of sadness cross the dark, violet hues, but looking at him properly, it's back to the concerned almost yearning ones reserved just for him.
Why does he suddenly find it hard to breathe?
"Don't worry. I'll work in my office tonight. Sleep here, so when you leave in the morning and I go to bed, it will smell just like you." Akihiko proceeded to pull the covers and tucked him in.
Misaki's heart raced, skipped and cried at his words.
Usagi-san is close enough to touch, but he can feel an ominous distance forming in between them… like he's going to somehow disappear.
Akihiko kissed his forehead and looked at him one last time. He ruffled his hair – an affectionate habit of his, and made a motion to leave.
"Good night, Misaki."
As Akihiko's hand left his head, Misaki saw everything in slow motion: Usagi-san turning away, Usagi-san leaving him there all alone. Misaki can't shake the foreboding Usagi-san's back represented to him. Why does it feel as if this is the last night he'll ever get to spend inside Usagi-san's bedroom? And why is the next nagging question at the back of his head went something like "Is this the last time I'll ever get to spend inside Usagi-san's life?"
Akihiko's towering figure cast shadows over Misaki as he started to walk away. Every step Usagi-san took cut through Misaki like a knife. Before another stab of pain can hit him, Misaki threw the covers away and with a deep sense of urgency hugged Usagi-san tightly from behind.
They landed on the edge of the bed, Akihiko's mouth open as he gasped quietly from the unexpected onslaught.
"What is it Misaki?" he asked softly.
Misaki could only hug him tighter. Akihiko wrapped his own arms on top of his lithe, trembling ones, rubbing gentle, soothing touches as Akihiko looked over his shoulder trying to make out his face.
The warmth of Akihiko's touch caused yet another huge wave of emotions wash over Misaki. It's coursing through his veins like fire and ice.
He knew that it's now or never.
"Usagi-san… Why do you always leave me?" Misaki buried his face on Akihiko's broad back almost drowning his words out. Akihiko took a breath and looked away.
"I'm busy with work." He said simply.
"Baka! That's not what I meant!" Misaki yelled from behind. His answer just made him more frustrated than ever.
Akihiko gave Misaki's arm a little squeeze. "Then what is the question you really want to ask, Misaki?"
Misaki eyes flung open. It's really no use lying to this person no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many walls he managed to build. Usagi-san will always see through them, taking down barriers one by one till he was left with nothing but the shame of honesty in which Usagi-san would always strip him off of, along with his clothes.
Misaki wanted to ask a million different why's and a thousand other what's. Why are you so distant? Why are your touches burning and freezing me at the same time? Why are you making me so worried? Why do I feel lonely when you leave me? And what am I going to do, if you decided that I can no longer be with you?
"Baka Usagi-san…" Misaki clutched the sides of Akihiko's shirt. He did not have the courage to ask. The answers frightened him.
Misaki buried his face on his back again, inhaling Usagi-san's scent. It was intoxicating as always, and he let himself sink deeper in this moment, a place where he feels safe, holding Usagi-san close.
Akihiko pried Misaki's hand loose. It's warm and gentle and it's melting Misaki to the core.
Akihiko left Misaki's other arm wrapped around his waist and tugged the other away. Akihiko reached for Misaki's palm lacing his fingers in between and Misaki welcomed filling in the spaces. Akihiko then gave each of Misaki's knuckles one quick kiss and very carefully placed it on his chest, just above where his heart is.
A fast, almost wild beating emanated from beneath Usagi-san's chest. Misaki froze eyes wide in shock.
Is Usagi-san enduring as well?
"Misaki" he called out "Do you feel that?" Akihiko said.
How can he not? How can he ignore the rhythm now mirrored by his own frantically beating heart?
Misaki rested his forehead on Akihiko's back. "You never tell me anything anymore…" his hand felt the pulsating beats hammer from beneath. "Why?"
Akihiko pressed his hand closer to his chest and said, "Suddenly I just find myself not knowing how."
His answer tormented Misaki much more than he would like to admit. Usually it was Usagi-san who communicates everything – too direct, too blunt and too much to handle. It was always he, Misaki who suppresses everything; too embarrassed and too full of nonsense pride to ever say that he cared. He hasn't even managed to say one decent I love you.
To think that every waking moment of Misaki's life with Usagi-san, love has always been the one constant reason he chose to stay.
Is this how bad things have turned out to be?
"Usagi-san… are you… not happy with me anymore?" Misaki barely heard his own voice. It was painful getting the words out with the silence creeping fast between them. The stillness was nothing short of torture.
"Usagi-san…!" it was a plea.
Instead of making an answer, Akihiko turned around and slammed Misaki flat on the bed; the confines of Akihiko's arms locking him in. Gray hair blanketed his face and Misaki's eyes burned as they widened in shock, his face catching Usagi-san's heavy breaths. Misaki wanted to touch him but for some reason he was rendered immovable.
"Misaki…" it's Usagi-san's low, almost whispered voice calling out his name like a drug. "It scares me to death that all I do is hurt you."
The surge of guilt charging through Misaki became unbearable as he heard the truth; pain and regret reek out of the spoken words.
"Usagi-san… you're… I'm okay… really." Misaki knew that even he did not believe that.
"But I'm not, Misaki."
He brushed Usagi-san's hair away from his eyes revealing a melancholic flicker in the eyes of the dark, miserable figure above him dance in the dim light. Misaki cupped Usagi-san's face, his thumb creating light, gentle strokes against Usagi-san's cheek.
"Stay with me." Misaki's voice caught in his throat.
Glints of amethyst surprise glowed in Usagi-san's eyes.
"Misaki…"
"Just… stay with me… Please."
Misaki heard a faint, breathy sound escape Usagi-san's lips. Before he can make out what the sound meant, he found both his arms pinned down hard on the bed as Akihiko's lips hungrily search for his.
Usagi-san kissed him with a passion. It's unlike any of the kisses he has given him before. Misaki drowned in the sadness, the desperation and the undeniable love his kiss is giving him. He took all of them in letting it wash away all of his fears, letting it satisfy the insatiable need he has for Usagi-san.
Tears ran down his cheeks. Misaki held on to Usagi-san like his life depended on it, pulling him closer. The weight of Usagi-san on his body increased the hapless desire both his body and soul are deeply craving for.
Akihiko's started touching him in places he could only know best and Misaki can only cling helplessly to him.
His brain said stop, but his body refused to comprehend. Usagi-san's moans in his mouth paralyzed every bit of rational thought Misaki has. When Akihiko came up and broke their kiss, every pore of his body protested and ached for more.
The sensation is cruelly addicting.
"Usagi-san… What is it? You can tell me." Misaki said in labored breaths.
"I'm tired."
"Tired?"
Akihiko wiped a tear still running down Misaki's face.
"I'm tired of being all alone again."
Misaki's chest wanted to burst. He realized that after all this time; it has always been him, Misaki that Usagi-san cared about.
"BAKA!" he can't help but yell, "I'm still here aren't I?! And if you're so tired, why… just why do you always leave me?" Misaki's tears started pouring out again. He couldn't help himself. Not with those barren eyes looking back at him.
"I was trying to get used to being with myself again. I die every time I leave. I never thought that going back to the solitude I once wished for was so hard. I never really felt alone, until I met you. It's like being alive again for the first time." Akihiko said.
Does Usagi-san have any idea just how much his absence also nearly killed him?
"BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!" Misaki's fists pounded on Akihiko's chest. "I was so worried! What do you think it is I feel when you leave? I… I… I… got mad at myself because you weren't here and I would always look for you! You're not losing me, okay? I'm here, forever if you want… just… just…" Misaki found it hard to continue, irrepressible tears running down his face.
"Just what, Misaki?." Akihiko held Misaki closer.
"Just promise me that you won't ever… leave me… again." Misaki said in labored breaths.
Akihiko smiled and kissed Misaki's cheek. He gave a dozen more butterfly kisses trailing from Misaki's nose to his tear-streaked eyes. Akihiko prompted Misaki's eyes to open and gazed at him lovingly.
"I promise."
"Baka Usagi-san…" Misaki exhaling the words to Akihiko's waiting mouth.
"Hai, hai, hai." Akihiko responded, eagerly lowering his lips to an almost impatient Misaki as his kiss brought a heightened sense of unbridled desire swell between the both of them.
Misaki peeped through his lashes and saw Usagi-san watching him. The stark, almost empty stares he had given earlier were gone. Misaki upon closer inspection found that they were replaced by an unmistakable yearning - a reflection of his very need etched clearly inside the intense, lilac overtones.
THE END.