I've been to boys homes, foster homes, detention centers, and even jail a few times. Let's just say I don't really like to follow the rules. Rules bore me and I can't help but break them. I've tried to be good, like I've really tried, but in the end I've found that being bad is easier. People constantly think they can correct my wrongs and make me a better person, and some of them I've tried to listen to, but again in the end, no one has ever cared enough to follow through long enough to help me and then I think back and don't really care. I like being bad and bad is all I've ever known.
My foster mom, Jackie, is the third one this year and it's April. I'm not saying I'm proud, but it's definitely a new record. Jackie is really nice and has even helped me stop my drinking problem. I'm proud to say I haven't had a drink in a whole month and frankly I don't miss alcohol. Alcohol was easy to give up though, but I love to steal and fight and break laws. Don't ask me why, it just kind of gives me relief and I feel good afterward.
Jackie was probably the best person who has ever had custody in me ever, but my state inspector brought me some pretty messed up news one day. I was in my crummy foster home. Jackie was nice and all, but her house was terrible. The doorbell rang and I answered it. Laura, my state inspector, was at the door. The news was definitely not one I was expecting.
"Hello, Jay." She said, gravely.
I nodded my hello.
"I regret to inform you that Jackie can not fit the conditions to be your foster parent anymore." She explained.
"Why?" I asked.
"It seems she has confessed a murder from ten years ago. Further details were not given."
I felt my mouth drop open, but I quickly closed it.
"That's a new one. When do I leave?" I questioned, not wanting to give the impression I cared.
"Tomorrow morning. You are heading to another part of the state." She told me.
"Oh, really? Where?" I asked, usually I didn't go very far.
"Tulsa, Oklahoma." She replied.
"Alright." I said, starting to shut the door.
"Um, Jay? I don't know if you forgot but Tim is here." She said, holding open the door.
"Oh, right." I said, opening the door and letting in Tim.
Tim is a big man that is assigned to me when I'm leaving because I may have tried to escape a few times at my previous houses the night before I was leaving. Tim stays and makes sure I don't 'accidentally make a run for it'
"I'll see you in the morning Jay." Laura said, turning to leave.
"Uh, huh." I replied.
I past Tim sitting on the couch, eyeing me, and went to start packing, once again.
I don't have much, so I was done in less then twenty minutes.
I just decided to go to sleep and start, yet again, a new life tomorrow. It didn't even faze me anymore. I learned a long time ago I couldn't make any close friends at my new so called homes because I would just be leaving soon.
I went to bed thinking of what poor innocent people would be taking me in tomorrow. I kind of smiled at the thought slightly. These poor people had no idea how different their lives were about to be.
/\/\/
I woke up and found Tim staring at me from the doorway. I didn't want him to have the satisfaction of me being creeped out, so I didn't give him any. I just got up and quickly changed. He continued to stare so I didn't change my pants. I grabbed my two small suitcases and pushed past him down the hall. He followed and I threw down my suitcases. I grabbed cereal because it was the best thing I could find and pushed a bowl and spoon towards Tim, but he made no move towards it. I shrugged and ate.
The door rang and I answered, Tim right behind me.
"Morning, Jay." She said.
"Ya, ya, we do this every time. So who sad people are stuck with me this time." I said.
"I will discuss details on the way. Did you eat?" She asked me, looking between me and Tim.
"Yes, and what does it matter to you?" I asked, rudely. I really did hate her.
"You are a growing teenager and I technically have custody over you at the moment." She said, staring at me right in the face. She was never fazed by my rudeness.
I huffed and grabbed my suitcases. She led me to the car and I got in the back, while her and Tim got in the front.
"It will be roughly a three hour drive." She said, as Tim started the car.
I didn't say anything and just sat back.
I slept for a while because there was nothing better to do. I woke up and we were still driving.
"Oh, your up." Laura stated.
"Don't be too happy." I replied sarcastically.
"Would you like to know about the family you are going to in about a half an hour?" She asked, ignoring my other statement.
"I don't care." I replied, looking out the window.
"Alright, well let's start with a back story." I continued to look out the window.
"Once upon a time there was a little nine year old boy, who hated everyone and everything." She started. I looked at her in the front and glared.
"He was mean to people in school and started fights with them. He yelled at his parents and siblings and even his friends. He stole anything he could get his hands on and no one knew why. He was very loved by his parents and was never abused. He.."
"Why are we having a story about me?" I cut her off.
"I'm getting to it." She replied.
I huffed and stared back out the window.
"The boy would never tell people the origin of why he was acting that way and he never has to this day. His parents couldn't take it anymore and he was sent away after fighting physically with his younger brother one night."
I thought back to that day. I didn't mean to hit my little brother, but the anger just took over and he was the only one within reach. I regret that day and promised to get better, but my parents sent me away and I decided they didn't love me and if they didn't want me I shouldn't have to change for the better, so to this day I continue to fight and steal and scream and smoke and talk back in rude tones. If I'm not going to have love in my life, why should I show other people love. At least that's the way I thought of it.
"Ok, so can you get to the point now?" I asked, getting annoyed.
"Yes. So, do you remember all of that from your past?" She asked.
I nodded, because if I spoke, I don't know what would have come out.
"Well, Jay. I'm happy to say you are finally going home." She told me.
My mind went black. I'm going home? Like back to my old house where all the evil that made me this way started? My parents wanted me again? My brothers wanted me again? I haven't gotten any better, so why would they send me back to my family?
"Why do they want me back? I'm a terrible child remember." I said, tapping my head for emphasis.
"Well, I'm sorry to tell you, but your parents died a few month ago. It's just your three brothers now and your oldest is agreeing to take custody of you after all these years." She explained to me.
"But, why would he want me back? I hurt my younger brother and they all hated me. I don't think you can just forgive people for that stuff." I asked, so bewildered.
"Yes, Jay. People do forgive and forget. You are beyond lucky that your eldest brother is taking you in, because we were running out of people." Laura said.
"Wait, so this is permanent now?" I asked, still confused.
"That's the idea, but if he turns you back to us, it's back to the beginning for you." Laura told me.
I can't believe they want me back and that my actual parents died. I couldn't begin to imagine all the things I have missed from my childhood and the memories I could have had, but maybe it was for the better. They probably liked it better without me there anyways. I quickly stopped getting swallowed by what could have been. I was tough and tough people don't dwell on things.
"Do you remember their names?" Laura asked me.
I shook my head no.
"Your oldest brother is Darrel, but he insisted on being called Darry. Your other older brother is Sodapop. And the youngest out of all of you is Ponyboy. I see where you got your name from, Jaybird."
Of course I remembered. They are my family. My own heart and blood. I grew up as an innocent child with them and actually loved them. I don't even know what love is anymore. They gave me away, so they couldn't possible have loved me right? I didn't want to think about it and I then realized we were getting off the freeway.
"Only about ten more minutes." Laura said.
Those ten minutes were terrible. I couldn't believe after six years they wanted me back. I remember I few things, but over the years I have tried to forget the old memories so much, that I think I actually locked them somewhere in my head, never to remember again.
We pulled down a street and into a driveway. The house was small and white with a porch. When I caught sight of it, it seemed that some of those memories came flooding out from under the locked door in my head and I remembered the house. I remembered the front yard where we played kickball and passed a football. I remember sitting on the porch with my mom and giggling. I was so young then and I hadn't even thought I was worthless yet.
I gulped. I will admit I was nervous. I never in a million years thought I'd be back here. Tim got out of the car and yanked open my door. I climbed out with my two suitcases in my hands. Laura got out and gave me one if those, 'at least try to be nice' looks. I shrugged and walked behind her. Tim was very close behind. A little to close for comfort.
We approached the door and I thought of the many possible outcomes of what could happen when we first meet again. They could hug me, doubt it. They could just say hello like its no big deal. They could turn me back in at the sight of me and say they made a mistake. I had no clue what would actually happen and my heart was beating faster by the second.
Laura reached for the doorbell and clicked it. I looked down at my shoes, but Tim nudged me from behind. I looked up and turned to glare at him, but the door opened before I could.
In the doorway stood a broad shouldered man, that looked a lot like my few memories of my father. I remembered he was dead I guess and wondered if that was actually Darry. He looked a lot different then my memories, but then again I didn't have many left.
"Hello, Mr. Curtis, I'm Laura from the states detention centers office. This is your brother Jaybird."
I really didn't like my actual name. It sounded really weird and I always got weird looks, so I just went by Jay, but my other two brother had weird names too.
"Oh, hello Mrs.?" He trailed off.
"Oh, Laura is fine." She replied.
"Well, hello Laura. Jaybird." He said.
Wow, that's not how I expected it. This is all really formal, it's weird.
"Please come in." He said.
We walked in and I was greeted by two other boys on the couch, both staring at me.
The one who looked around my age and I assumed was Sodapop stood up.
"Well, Darrel, this is Jaybird, he um, well you know his history." Laura said.
He just nodded, respectfully.
"I'm very sorry to hear about your parents." She said next.
"Ya, it was a shame." Darry said.
I noticed Sodapop look over at the boy on the couch and I followed his gaze noticing the boy, who I assumed was Ponyboy, looked a little pale.
"Well, Jay, this is your new home. Well, I guess it's your old home too." Laura said, chuckling.
I tried to smile a little, but I didn't really care enough to do it fully.
"Well, I'm Sodapop, but call me Soda and this is Ponyboy." Sodapop piped up.
I nodded a hello.
I heard a shuffling behind me and remembered Tim was behind us.
"Oh, this is Tim. Uh, he helps me keep some of the, uh, difficult teens and kids in check." Laura said, looking at Tim and then me.
I smiled in spite of myself and looked down. The difficult teens in check. That was definitely the 'best' way she could have put it.
I looked back up and looked at my brothers. Wow, that's gonna take some getting used to.
"I'll be back in a week to see how things are going between everyone. You boys have the number just in case right?" Laura asked.
"Yes, ma'am." Darry said, shaking her hand.
"Well, bye Jay. Hopefully I will see your doing good in a week." She said, waving a goodbye.
I just kinda of grinned slightly at her. She shut the door, Tim following her and I slowly turned back to my brothers.
"Are you hungry for lunch, Jaybird?" Darry asked me.
"You can call me Jay, but no thanks." I replied. It felt weird to tell my own brother what to call me.
"Alright. Soda will you show Jay his room." Darry asked, turning toward Soda.
Soda nodded and motioned for me to follow him. I grabbed my bags and followed.
He brought me to the room I vaguely remember having when I was younger. I was really surprised to see my bed the same way and made like no one has touched it since I was gone. The toys I had were pushed into the open closet. I threw my bags down and Soda walked in and stood in front of me.
"We didn't really touch your room once you left." He told me. I could tell he didn't know if it was still a touchy subject.
"Why?" I asked suddenly. Not knowing why I did.
"Mom and dad just told us not to really go in here." He shrugged.
"Um, so they're both,"
"Dead." He whispered, cutting me off.
"Ya, they are. It was a car accident a few months back. It really changed our lives and Darry took custody of Ponyboy and me. It's kind of a touchy subject around Ponyboy though, so it's best not to say anything." He finished.
I nodded.
"Uh, so about Ponyboy." I started.
"He doesn't really think about that day. None of us do. We just are going to leave it in the past. We all hope your better now." He told me, smiling. He really grew up and became a good looking guy. I bet girls loved him. He might only be my older brother by a year, but it's weird that he's older. I guess toughening up makes you act older then you really are.
"A little." I said, not going in to details.
"Do you think he is scared of me?" I question.
"Maybe a little, but it will get better." He assured me. "Come on." He said, walking into the hall.
"Do you remember the gang?" He asked, as we walked down the hall.
"Is that still a thing here? Gangs and greasers and what did we call the other kids?" I said.
"Socs. And yes, it's still a thing and it's worse then when we were young kids. They jump us all the time." Soda explained.
I nodded as we approached the living room.
"I remember Steve and Two-Bit a little. The rest is kind of fuzzy, it's been a while." I said.
"There's Two-Bit, Steve, Dally, Johnny, and of course the three of us." He said.
I nodded and stood there as Soda went to sit next to Ponyboy. I noticed he didn't really make eye contact with me and realized he was probably scared out of his mind about me. I don't really blame him, I hit him when he was only eight.
"So, what do you guys do around here for fun?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Um, there's drag races and parties. Just usually teenage things. Oh, and Ponyboy liked to go to the movies. Don't ya, Pony?" Soda asked, trying to get him more engaged with the conversation.
He just nodded and continued to look down.
I never realized what my anger does to people. Usually I'm hauled off to jail or just another home somewhere, so I never see the person I hurt every again. My stupidness hurts people bad and makes them scared. I always knew I was tough because when I was tough I felt like I was a person. I felt like I could do anything and not feel pain and not get hurt anymore, but I never thought of the people on the other side of the screaming and yelling. I never thought of the person who had to listen to me and get broken down my own stupid feelings. I actually realized that the pain I thought I went through alone I didn't.
Then, I realized the whole reason I started being a bad and terrible person. Because I didn't think I belonged in my family. Everyone had a place in my family but me. Darry was dads child and they did everything together. Soda was moms child and they did everything together and Ponyboy was the youngest so everyone liked him and made sure he was apart of whatever they were doing. But then there was me. I was second youngest and didn't have a place. Or so I thought. I thought no one liked me and I was worthless to my family. I thought I couldn't make it any different. So in my nine year old brain, the only solution to get noticed and loved was to need attention. I tried many different ways, but nothing worked. So, I started acting out. Screaming at my brother and friends and teachers. Just overall being a bad kid. I sure did get attention, so I continued the with the yelling and screaming and fighting, because it gave me the attention I wanted, but one day the screaming and yelling turned into anger and that anger made me do something I always secretly regretted my whole life, but forced myself not to think about it. I hit my baby brother. The one I loved and adored and was closest too. I hit him and hard too. And because of my stupidness I was sent away and never got to fix it. Now because of my stupidness, my baby brother was scared of me returning home. All because of me, my families life got ruined and I was miles away, not able to change a thing.
I instantly felt very sick. I felt like I was going to puke, but tough people don't puke in front of other people. But was I really that tough? Did I even want to be tough anymore? I couldn't think anymore, all I knew was I got the chance to fix my life and my families life that I ruined in the first place and I wasn't going to mess it up. I needed to fix my life and I was going to do it. I knew it would take a while, but I knew exactly where to start, by making my little brother love me again.
{Please ignore the fact that in the book it said that no body has ever hit Ponyboy before, because I changed that in this storyline.
Please review and let me know if I should make this story an actual story or leave it as the one-shot. I have a few ideas to continue it, but don't want to make it worse if you guys like the little being able to imagine thing.
Love you all!}