Birthday Gallery (I).
Have to keep going.
Her feet were aching, but the fear she felt had settled in every corner of her bones. She was afraid she might just have to tear out of her own skin just to will herself to keep going. She fought the overwhelming urge to look over her shoulder, to track her follower, but she had learned the hard way never to look back for your murders behind you.
Always steps ahead of you; only look ahead of you.
Rough, little pants slipped through the witch's drying mouth as her legs quivered and buckled underneath her. A strangled cry left her lips at the impact of her fall onto the concrete ground. Tears welled into her eyes and began pooling out of them a moment later. She'd come this far. She couldn't lose him to the very thing she wanted to keep from him. She couldn't just die for nothing.
Came so close.
Have to break the cycle.
She knows what's happening. She could feel it in her bones. Every inch closer to Wickery Bridge is another inch closer back to the beginning, but that's what she wanted. She just had to get there long enough to say the spell, try at it again. Though with the unwanted company of a humanity-less Damon Salvatore lurking close behind, it would be a long shot.
Have to try, at least.
Bonnie pushed herself up onto her aching legs, clutched her Grams' grimoire to her chest and trudged closer to Wickery Bridge. She glanced up to see the moon high and full, shining down on her as if to say it was just for her.
"Vecto Tempus," Bonnie coughed out.
She felt him skulking up beside her before she saw him in her peripheral vision. She could smell his scent all around; it was tangled in the air, like he was trying to suffocate her with it. Bonnie waved a hand at him to push him away with magic, though her strength was harshly dwindling by the moment and her magic along with it.
"Vecto Tempus!" She shouted into the air. "Vecto Tempus!" She pressed again, mustering all her vocal strength into her chants between her sobs.
She could feel the magic thrumming all around her, leaving her pores and inhabiting the air. Damon urged himself forward and grabbed her by the wrists before she could wave him off again. Bonnie stared up at Damon, veins pulsing underneath his bleeding eyes, and took in all the hurt there, all the pain that he was locking away.
She deserved it, this was all her fault anyway. She hadn't meant to. It just got out of hand. It all became a mess of things quicker than she found the solution. She got too caught up in him, too caught up in knowing what it was liked to be loved, too caught up in perfection.
And here she was, about to die for it.
In a moment, all that feeling in his darkened eyes was gone, drained cold from his body. There was a blank stare there replaced and a growl developing inside his throat.
"Go ahead. It's already done." Bonnie spat at him. "Do it. Kill me. It won't do a thing."
There was no hesitation then, Damon forced her head to the side and sank his teeth into her neck. Bonnie went limp in his arms, letting herself be devoured by a monster of a man. Damon held her close, squeezing her petite frame tighter and tighter until Bonnie felt her ribs begin to crack one after the other.
Bonnie shot awake in bed, wheezing for air, holding herself around her middle as if she was afraid she might fall apart. She could feel it all over, the aches in her sternum and ribs, yet there wasn't a single bruise or any sign of actual injury there. She ran a shaking hand through her tangled her and glanced around the room. Faint traces of light milked through tiny spaces of her thick curtain and she looked at the clock.
7:34 am
Bonnie sighed deeply, her chest rising with her shoulders and let the aches of her nightmares fall off of her easily. She climbed out of bed then and started her day.
"Just another day," She grumbled as she made her way into the bathroom.
She stared at herself in a full-length mirror that hung from the back of her bathroom door, finally taking a moment to herself to notice all the changes she'd unknowingly undergone since her last birthday. She had stared at herself in her bra and underwear from every angle.
She noticed that she'd lost a noteworthy amount of weight; that her hip bones jutted out of her body so sharply that they looked as though they might just rip right through her caramel skin. She noticed her collarbones were also protruding in an attempt to free themselves of her body. Her arms were thinner now. There was no meat around her bones and her cheekbones seemed more defined now as if her face was sinking into itself.
Like everything in her wanted out.
Her stomach was flat, but that wasn't what had worried her. It was the fact that her she inhaled and you could almost see right through her and to her ribcage directly. She faintly placed fingers under her forest green eyes, tracing the dark circles that had permanently formed under them. And her eyes seemed to lack their color. She seemed to lack a handful of life in her these days.
I'm desaturating at an alarming rate, she thought.
She was too thin. She was drained. She wasn't eating much. She was stressed. She was restless. And in this moment, September 4, 2011 at 7:40am, Bonnie realized just how unhappy she truly was with her life. She finally noticed herself withering, but she never meant to. She was wasting away slowly and she never even noticed. It was disappointing that this was how she was bringing in her 19th year of living, coming to terms with the fact that she was slowly dying to keep someone else alive.
And above all that, she was aging. She was getting older and 90% of everyone she knew would never change in their appearance. They would never have to worry about looking as though the life was slowly being drained out of them. They would never have to face up to the fragility of human existence; they got a way around pesky death.
"Happy Birthday to me," She mumbled sarcastically. "I'm dying."
With a sigh, she pulled the over-sized, black t-shirt over her head. It reached to her mid-thighs and it had belonged to an ex-fling of hers. Bonnie couldn't make out what had become of her life, how it had become such a travesty. It seemed that every step she took was another step closer to her death. The life she lived was dangerous and she was constantly on alert, which is why she never slept. She didn't feel safe to sleep, not in this town. Danger lurked on every inch of its perimeter. Nowhere was safe, not even her own home.
Apparently, not even the corners of her own mind.
There was a soft knock on the door that snapped Bonnie out of her trance. She scrambled around, trying to remember what she'd come for in the first place.
"Bonnie, are you almost done?" Caroline asked concerned from the other side of the door.
Bonnie jumped at the sound of her voice. She had forgotten that she'd had Elena and Caroline over last night to bring in her birthday with her.
"Yeah," Bonnie breathed as she opened the door. "Just getting ready for school."
"On your birthday? No. You're not going to bring in your birthday at that hell-hole, Bonnie. Today is all about you and do you honestly think that, with everything going on, I'm not going to find a reason to milk today as a drama-free day full of fun and sisterly bonding?"
At the semi-disgusted, incredulous tone in her voice, Bonnie smiled warmly. At least some things would never really change. That was why she valued Caroline so much lately, because even though their worlds were falling apart – Klaus compelling Stefan to turn off his humanity, turning Tyler into a hybrid, leaving them to deal with the bitch Original Blood-Sucker Barbie version of him, and using Elena as his personal blood bank to form an army of hybrids – She still managed to keep a routine with herself, still managed to hold on to who she was.
She still found a way to hope and believe that everything was fine.
"Listen, B, I know things have been a little bit weird lately..."
"A little bit?" Bonnie returned skeptically, lifting an eyebrow at her. "Try a lot of bit,"
"Fine, I know everything's super fucked up right now, but it's your birthday and that's something you should take pride in, something you should celebrate. You can't let the stress of it all keep you from living your life."
"That's so easy for you to say what with your never-aging and endless, vampire lifespan. It feels like I haven't slept in days. I'm falling apart or withering away. I can't tell the difference anymore." She whined.
"Just give me today to restore some of your will to exist. I promise today will be fun." Caroline bargained. Bonnie rolled her eyes, fully stepping out of the bathroom.
"Fine, what is it we're doing if we aren't going to school?"
Just as she finished her question, Elena came carefully stalking down the hall, a tiny smile on her face. In her hand, she cradled a small, chocolate cupcake with a single candle lit in its center. Bonnie's features softened then. Her entire body relaxed for a moment, took a break from its constant stiffness and paranoia. Her green eyes welled up, but she kept her bottom lip between her teeth to fight off the oncoming tears.
"Happy Birthday to you," Elena and Caroline sang in unison. "Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Bonnie. Happy Birthday to you."
"And many more," Caroline sang solo.
Bonnie felt a bit overwhelmed, but it was nice. It made her heart warm and she felt calm and restrained for the first time since her powers had started to come in, since her Grams died, since she took on being Mystic Falls' personal witch and magic blunder eraser. It was nice and she clung to the feeling. It didn't feel exactly weightless, but the world had definitely considerably eased off of her shoulders for a moment.
"You guys, you're amazing." She said softly, looking up at her two best friends with a smile.
"We know," Elena sang with a shrug. "Now quick, make a wish!"
"Well, if it goes out, she can just start it back up with that witchy juju lighter trick of hers." Caroline smirked.
Bonnie rolled her eyes playfully, a smile still tugging at her lips. She didn't think that they'd forgotten, no. She just thought that with all that was going on, none of them would really have time or the energy to celebrate her birthday. It didn't seem appropriate to celebrate her life when almost everyone she knew was dead or on the next list of victims to die, but here they were, planning to go out their way to make her day feel special despite everything else.
Bonnie stared at the candle, trying to muster up into words what she wished for. Her mind was in a blur, but she was rushing through all the events that led her up to right now where she stood. Though she was very thankful that she was even alive, a part of her just couldn't take anymore of everyone's lives being in constant danger. She couldn't take anymore lies or secrecy. She couldn't take anyone else dying.
She thought about Matt, Tyler, Caroline and Elena. She thought about how they'd all grown up together. She thought about how they'd all planned their lives out with each other. She thought about how all of them, excluding Matt, were now some sort of supernatural being. She thought about how ever since the Salvatores came into town, all they knew was fighting for their lives and clawing at the Earth just to have a future. It shouldn't be like this. They should be safe.
She just wished that things were different and that everyone she loved was safe, that she was safe, that the circumstances were different and nobody had to die for Elena's sake.
And just as the thought crossed her mind, she swiftly blew out the candle of the cupcake.
"I sincerely hope you wished for a killer pair of shoes and a to-die-for outfit to magically show up on your doorstep for the party we're planning for you that's tonight at the boardinghouse." Caroline said nonchalantly.
And just like that, the smile was wiped clean off of Bonnie's face. Her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion and she scowled at the baby vampire.
Party.
At the boarding house.
As in the Salvatore boardinghouse.
As in the Salvatore brothers.
As in one deranged vampire that, under compulsion, had ditched his humanity and another one that was just a world class asshole on his own, humanity intact or not.
"What party? And you better not mean the Salvatore boarding house." Bonnie said sternly, folding her arms over her chest to emphasize authority.
Elena bit her lip nervously, choosing that moment to plead plausible deniability, though she was just as guilty as Caroline. Caroline mimicked Bonnie's stance, unmoving in her decision to throw her a party.
"Your birthday party and yes, the only boardinghouse we know of in this town."
"Care, are you insane? In case you have forgotten, Stefan is a human-ripping machine right now. He will kill everyone on-site, except Elena. No humanity. Did that accidentally slip your mind when you decided this?"
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Elena flinch at the mention of Stefan and shift uncomfortably. She was still trying to cope with the fact that he was gone, that he wasn't her Stefan anymore.
"No, I didn't. I remember perfectly, thank you. Stefan's agreed to behave himself at the party."
"And just how did you manage that?" Bonnie questioned, again, skeptically.
"His only job is to keep Elena safe and Klaus wouldn't be too thrilled if he came back to see that Elena was a vampire all because Stefan couldn't control himself just a little."
Bonnie was speechless. Were they serious right now? After a whole year of trying to keep Elena from that, a whole fucking year of trying to keep her alive and human, they were using that as leverage as if it were an option so that they could throw a party? This had to be a joke and Bonnie wasn't laughing.
"No, Damon's still an asshole and I don't want a party. The cupcake and song were enough for me, guys. Tonight, I will be spending the entire night practicing spells and eating take-out Chinese food while I watch Love and Basketball until my eyes bleed."
With that, she brushed past the both of them, heading to her room. Her patience had worn out and all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep off the sudden ache rising in her chest again.
"Oh, come on, Bonnie!" Caroline whined. "You are not blowing off your own birthday party. I won't let you. I don't care if Stefan's practically insane or that Damon's Damon. You're going and you'll have fun. You're going to drink until the entire world is spinning and dance until your legs are numb. I haven't seen you loosen up in forever, Bonnie and I just want you to have one night of no worries."
Bonnie sighed, immediately feeling just a bit guilty. She was defeated and tired of talking about it already. She knew that Caroline would nag her until she got something out of her, though.
"Look," Bonnie sighed. "We'll see how today goes and I'll think about it, okay?"
"Absolutely," Caroline quickly agreed, nodding.
Bonnie rolled her eyes, turning her back to them, and dragged herself back into her bed, face-forward. When did everyday get so difficult to deal with?
"Might want to get up soon though so we aren't off-schedule for the day, Bon." Bonnie groaned in response.
"It's my birthday. I can sleep in if I want to." She groused, earning a look of pure dullness from Caroline to which Elena giggled. "Okay, okay, I'm getting up."
At least there were still some things that didn't seem to ever change.
(A/N) Hello, this is way long overdue, I know. I practically abandoned the story for a while because I just had no idea what to do with it. I lost all ability, it seemed like, to write or even think for the story but I was finally hit with an idea and instead of continuing it as it was, I decided to just rewrite it entirely. The plot is going in an entirely different direction than before, though through the first few chapters I expect that there will be a few familiar scenes that were in the first try at this story. I do have intentions of deleting the other story at some point, but it'll happen when it happens, I suppose. This first one is pretty short, as it's sort of just a start-off. The rest of the chapters will be much longer. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think. Thanks, guys - foxes
(Disclaimer) I don't own it. CW and L. J. Smith do, though.