A/N: This is my first dabbling in the Lost fandom. I think Kate may be slightly OOC, but hopefully not too badly. This is supposed to humor so please let me know if I succeeded.
Disclaimer: I borrow, I return. In one piece...mostly.
They could see the island, their island, approaching. Kate felt relief mix with loss at thought of being home, and realizing that Jack wasn't with them. She tightened her grip on the boat as her conflicted thoughts tumbled through her mind. Sawyer was safe, but Jack wasn't. She loved Jack like a brother, but Sawyer like a lover. She never hated Jack, but sometimes she didn't love him. She sometimes hated Sawyer, but she never didn't love. How could she choose?
A low chuckle interrupted her thoughts, and she turned around to see Sawyer sitting behind her, his chuckles turning into full-blown laughter. She looked at him as if he were insane, which was starting to look like a real possibility. The others were holding Jack, they had a wounded and unconscious boy with them, and they had no idea how the other survivors had faired in their absence. There was absolutely nothing funny about their situation.
"What about this is funny, Sawyer?" Kate growled, her patience depleted.
"Hell Freckles, we just ran through the woods being shot at by a guy who had his gun to my head and his Brady Bunch."
Kate just stared at him, confusion evident on his face.
"And I don't have a scratch on me!"
Kate just contemplated whether the hatch had a looney bin.
"Have you noticed that everything around here seems to happen to me? Its like this damn island has a personal vendetta against little ol' me."
"Sawyer, that us one of the most self centered things you've said in a while."
"Take being tortured for instance. Who else has been tortured?"
"Sayid."
"Hell he could have made that all up. I bet he and French chick just got down and dirty."
"Sawyer…"
"Who else has been shot?"
"Libby and Ana Lucia! And they actually died."
"Yeah…well they didn't get sepsis and dragged halfway through the jungle by big'n'scary and a girl with a chip the size of Texas on her shoulder."
"No…they just died."
"And the conning! I am the only one on the island who has been conned."
"You have conned everyone else on the island at least once, not to mention when you conned us all at once to get the guns and medical supplies!"
"Fine…than what about killer animals?"
"Sawyer, I thought we already had this conversation. The animals on the island are not trying to kill you."
"Sure…then why won't you spend the night in my tent?"
"Because you smell like fish biscuit."
"See! That's my point. Who else gets locked into a cage and fed fish biscuits?"
"The person in the cage before you."
"Yeah well I bet he didn't get tazered because he was trying to help a girl out."
"You weren't helping me Sawyer, you were having a pissing contest."
"And what about holes? I am the only person on the entire island who spent over a day in a hole in the ground. Just admit it Freckles, this island has it in for me. Well not this time! You hear that island? I am in one piece, completely uninjured, and on my way back so you can kiss my…"
"Sawyer?"
"What? Can't you seem I'm busy…Oh."
"Yeah…you're bleeding."