It's a Social Call
A/N: This is just a bit of silliness and as such is not beta'd. Any glaring errors in spelling or whatnot, let me know. Otherwise, enjoy!
A/N: One more thing, btw. There's a lot of drinking games in this. So if you see one you recognise but the rules are a bit off, then either it's just a house rule or I changed it cause I didn't like it. Oh, yeah, this fic involves alcohol. So if that kinda thing bothers you, I wouldn't read this.
Chapter 1
Artemis Fowl sat, back straights and legs folded, on the floor. Plotting, as was his favourite pastime. However, as seemed to have become the norm since the birth of the twin menaces known as Beckett and Myles, he was rather rudely interrupted before making any meaningful progress in his schemes.
But there was something different about this interruption. The noise came not from outside his door, but from a source that would be very confusing to most people. A rather ostentatious ring on the young genius' right middle finger. It was gold, with a red signet. Most people would assume they were going mad when their ring started ringing.
Of course, Artemis Fowl was never, even remotely, most people.
Twisting the ring so that the signet face inwards, he curled the first three fingers of his hand into his palm, and extended his pinky and thumb.
This is because the ring was not merely a pretentious fashion statement, but a concealed fairy communicator, which allowed Artemis to use his hand as a phone, all while looking about five years old.
A female voice, with an accent that could have been from any country in the word or none at all, sounded from Artemis' thumb. "Hey, Arty. How've you been?"
A rare contented smile grace the youth's razor sharp features as he responded. "Hello, Holly. Nice to hear from you, though your timing was awful."
On the other end of the line, deep beneath the surface of the Earth, the elfin captain, Holly Short, grimaced. "Charming as always," she quipped, not particularly rankled by Artemis' words.
Still grinning, Artemis asked, "so what can I do for you, Captain? I assume you need my assistance in some venture or another."
"Actually, this is a social call. I did promise I'd make one, didn't I?" Holly answered, then continued, "and there's no need to raise your eyebrows at me, Arty. It might take me a while, but I always fulfil a promise."
Artemis, whose eyebrows were indeed treacherously high, took a moment to plan his response. "I must confess, I am unsure of what a social call actually entails. Friendship is hardly my forté, as you know."
Giggling, Holly informed him of her scheme. "Well since there doesn't seem to be a world-threatening crisis in the works, I thought you might want to visit Haven as something other than a consultant. I've called in a few favours with Trouble so you can visit."
The pale youth was intrigued at this, though also experienced no small amount of trepidation. "So what did you have in mind for this… visit?" He asked.
A sinister grin spread across the elfin captain's face as she replied. "Now that, Arty, would be telling. All I'll say is that I'll meet you at E1, at Tara. Bring Butler and Juliet, too, I wouldn't want them to miss this. And anyway," she added, and Artemis could practically hear her smirk, "you'll probably need them."
A few minutes of amicable conversation later and they said their goodbyes. Now Artemis was faced with a daunting task: preparing for a social gathering.
=x=
Butler's charge had summoned him and his sister to the lounge, a faint quaver in his voice. Curious, they had obeyed the summons, and now sat across from him on one of the luxuriant sofas. The teenage genius was wringing his hands as he spoke.
"We have been invited to Haven for a… social gathering. The only knowledge I have is that Holly will pick us up from Tara tomorrow, at 1500 hours. Foaly and Mulch will also be in attendance. Be ready to leave two hours before then," he explained.
He's nervous, Butler realised. He's never been around Holly or the others outside of a mission before. This should be interesting.
Juliet, meanwhile, was excited. "Oooohh, this should be fun! Be nice to hang out with the team, I wonder what she's got planned?" She chattered, oblivious to her employer's nerves.
"Yes, well, I'm sure all will be revealed tomorrow," Artemis said rather testily.
But Juliet wasn't done being insufferable. "Looking forward to seeing Holly then?" She inquired, a completely-not-innocent smile widening as she did so.
Sighing, Artemis resigned himself to a series of embarrassing jests as he responded. "Of course. It is normal to experience anticipation at the prospect of seeing a friend again, is it not?"
Juliet 'oooooooh'ed and 'aaaaaahhh'ed until Artemis vacated the room in a huff. Grinning, she turned to her brother, who merely raised his eyebrows. "Don't you see?" exclaimed the young woman, "this is our chance! If we can just get those two alone for a few minutes…"
At this, Butler had to interrupt. "Look, I know what you think about those two, but whatever schemes you come up with, leave me out of it," he warned her firmly, adding, "and don't tell me anything about them. I want plausible deniability."
Smirking, Juliet snickered. "Sure thing, Dom. Sure thing."
=x=
As the main route from the Lower Elements to the Emerald Isle, the shuttle port at Tara was absolutely heaving with surface-goers, hippies, and pizza-worshippers. (No, seriously.) Through the throng of surprised fairies, the three humans strode into the port to greet a certain elf. When she saw the hilariously out-of-place trio, she ran towards them and virtually body-slammed the young prodigy in a hug.
Reeling, Artemis managed to splutter. "It's – ow – nice to see you too, Holly." She lingered for a moment, to give the raven-haired youth a chance to return the embrace, which he gingerly did. After another moment, she released him and applied the same forceful hugs to the Butler siblings, though, as Artemis noticed, she didn't spend quite as much time in their arms as she did in his.
Brushing such thoughts aside as juvenile nonsense, Artemis asked Holly what exactly she had in store for them. But she wasn't going to make it that easy.
"Oh, no, Mud Boy, you'll not get it out of me that easily. Come on," she smirked, gesturing towards her shuttle. The trio followed, curious.
=x=
A brief shuttle ride later the group arrived in Haven, the largest city in the Lower Elements. From the shuttle port they strolled towards Holly's apartment, where they found the remaining two guests waiting in the wings.
Foaly the centaur gave the humans a mock death-glare before greeting them. Mulch merely winked and gave them a warning. "Hey, there, Mud Folk. This should be gooooood. Just be careful with this stuff." At this, he gestured towards a line of bottles, of varying shapes and sizes, filled with a number of bizarrely-coloured liquids. Some of them had a faint luminescent sheen.
Artemis' eyes narrowed into a glare that had most people reaching for replacement trousers, but which served only to amuse Holly. "What exactly is the meaning of this?"
Holly and Foaly cracked alarmingly similar evil grins as they set to pouring various mixtures of the mysterious liquid. Menacing grin still in place, the captain began to explain. "Basically, Arty, we all think it's high time you loosened up a little. And it just so happens I have a load of alcoholic drinks that I'm never gonna get through in my lifetime. At least," she added, looking very pointedly at the humans, "not on my own."
Butler shook his head and, in his slow, rumbling voice, told Holly that, "Artemis is too young for this. He's not even sixteen yet. I won't allow it. That is, unless Artemis insists. Which I doubt."
The other Butler in the room was rather disappointed by this less-than-enthusiastic proclamation. "Oh, come on, Dom! We came all this way, it'd be a shame to disappoint the team. Besides, it could be fun! When was the last time you let your hair down?"
Running a huge hand across his shaven dome, Butler mumbled. "Never."
Mulch gaped, an impressive feat for a species with unhinging jaws, before cackling in derision. "Of course you haven't! Oh, this is going to be just spectacular!"
Over at the table it seemed Holly had finished her initial preparations, as she turned and approached the humans, bearing four shot glasses full of a luminous blue fluid. She quirked an eyebrow at Artemis before she spoke. "Come on, Arty. I've never known you run from a challenge before."
Artemis mirrored her expression before retorting. "I wasn't aware there was a challenge."
Holly's evil grin returned then. "Well there is. I got twenty bars of gold that says you'll be out cold before me. What do you day, Mud Boy?"
Nothing other than a trademark vampire smile would suffice for Artemis' response. "Twenty bars it is. I assume, to qualify, I am required to mirror your own alcohol consumption quite closely?"
Surprisingly, Holly shook her head. "Not quite. I have something much more fun planned. We're going to play drinking games. Games of skill, games of chance, all with alcoholic repercussions for failure. It's not just a test of whether you can avoid the drinks. You also need to prove you can take the ones you get."
Mulch chimed in. "And of course, you aren't the only one who's being tested. Because I think us fairies can handle Lower Elements liquor a darn sight better than you Mud Folk. So if you think otherwise, you're welcome to try and prove us wrong." Baring his tombstone teeth, he added, "unless you're too chicken."
Artemis' jaw set and Holly recognised that expression – the look of a person willing to overcome anything. "You shall not defeat me, Captain. Any game you challenge me to, I will master. You can't win."
The elf simply smirked as she replied. "We'll see how tough you are with a few drinks in you."
Foaly nickered in something resembling a chuckle. "What about you, Mud Folk? You got the guts for it? Or are you scared you'll be out-drunk by a centaur and a guy less than half your size?"
The Butler siblings glanced at each other, nodded, then, in unison, agreed to the challenge. "It's on, fairies."
A/N: Tbh I'm mainly writing this for my own amusement but any reviews are still appreciated, especially if you want more :P