Pure crack born from my deranged mind at 3am. Contains yaoi- mostly 6927 (that couple is adorable and insanely underrated), hints of 5927 and about one sentence of 8027. Of course, Mukuro's behaviour is COMPLETELY inappropriate, so sensitive readers might not appreaciate some of his *ahem* actions. However, there is no lemon in this. I thought that this would actually be a fiction that *could* incorporate some, but I just found it much to awkward to write (which is surprising considering the first fiction I wrote about 2 years ago...). But anyhoo I rated this T, however there *are* some scenes suggesting a sexual nature... yeah a bit more than suggesting... But yeah, so we have inappropriate pineapples, insane guardians and snakes. And I've never actually watched Snakes on a Plane... so yeah -.-
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Reborn... *sniff* or any of the characters in this fiction... or Snakes on a Plane
Ohhhhh right. I should probably warn people who haven't read the manga... there are *teeny* spoilers in this... nothing to do with the plot after the anime, just the weapons.
Tsuna closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He would count to ten, and then he would open his eyes to find it was all a bad dream.
One…
"JUUDAIME!"
Two…
"JUUDAIME ARE YOU OK?"
Three…
"AHO-DERA! LAMBO-SAN WANTS CANDY!"
Four…
"STUPID COW, GET OFF ME!"
Five…
"AAAAAAH! MUST… STAY… CALM…!"
It was hardly surprising that Tsuna could only get halfway through his counting, seeing that in the nightmare he was seated between Gokudera and Lambo. It wasn't the shouting that had caused him to open his eyes; that, he could just about ignore. No, it was the feel of something round and hard landing in his lap.
Upon further inspection, it was something round, hard and pink. Something that was very much missing its pin. Something that should definitely not be in an airtight box more than ten thousand feet off the ground…
"HIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!" Tsuna screamed, throwing the grenade across the aeroplane. It exploded at the other end of the cabin, which was luckily designed with some sort of strengthened alloy and they weren't all sucked out of a gaping hole in the exterior of the plane.
"Gyahahaha! Tsuna made a BIIIIIIIG explosion!" Lambo cackled.
"Lambo, that's dangerous!" Tsuna chastised the young child. Gokudera looked as though he was about to blow a fuse.
"Juudaime!" He yelled, "Are you alright? That stupid cow didn't hurt you did he?"
"I'm alright Gokudera-kun." Tsuna smiled at the silver haired teen to his right. "Lambo, please behave." He implored the five-year-old.
"Gyahahaha! Only if you give Lambo-san candy!"
"Why you… How dare you speak to Juudaime like that?" Gokudera demanded.
"Maa maa Gokudera, I'm sure Lambo's just bored." The voice belonged to Yamamoto Takeshi, who had stuck his head over the top of the seats that Gokudera and Tsuna were sitting on.
"Stay out of this, Yakyu-baka!" Gokudera snarled at the Japanese boy.
"EXTREME!" Came the cry of the sun guardian who was sitting a few rows back, enthusiastically punching at the air in apparent awe of simply being on a plane. As he had been doing for the past two hours.
"Tsuna! Candy! Candy! Candy!" Lambo screeched, pounding Tsuna's arms with his fists.
"Hai, hai Lambo, here." Tsuna handed the child some grape candy- which he'd had the foresight to pack- worrying slightly that the sugar would make him even more uncontrollable.
It did, of course. Within 10 minutes, Lambo had finished an entire bag of candy and was literally bouncing off the walls of the aircraft. That was until a baby in a black suit and a fedora with an orange band around it sprang out of one of the overhead lockers and fly-kicked the calf-boy into Tsuna's face.
"Reborn!" Tsuna cried whilst prying the now bawling five-year-old from his face.
"Ciaossu." The infant hit man greeted him, leaping nimbly onto the shoulder of the rain guardian seated in the row behind. "What's wrong with you dame-Tsuna, can't you even keep your guardians under control for a short 12 hour plane flight?"
"Reborn!" He protested again. "How is that meant to be short? And how do you expect me to control Lambo?"
"A boss should be able to control his men, dame-Tsuna. That should be common sense." Reborn scolded him. "You should be grateful that we gave Hibari his own cabin- ah speak of the devil!" Reborn looked up towards the door where a small-framed, black haired teen was standing, looking rather irritated.
"HIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE! H-H-H-H-Hi-Hibari-san!" Tsuna squeaked.
"Be quiet, herbivores. I hate the sound of crowds." The cloud guardian stated. How Reborn had managed to even get the solitary skylark on the plane, Tsuna did not know. What he did know, however, was that he did not want to irritate said skylark any further.
"Y-y-y-yes, H-H-Hibari-san!" He stammered. "Shhh Lambo, be quiet." He directed at the snotty toddler in his lap.
"Bastard, how dare you speak to Juudaime like that?" Gokudera snarled.
"Maa, maa, Gokudera calm down." Yamamoto spoke up again, attempting to pacify his friend.
"Shut up Yakyu-baka." Gokudera warned him.
"Gokudera-kun, Yamamoto's right, why don't we all just quiet down? Hehe." Tsuna laughed nervously.
"But Juudaime!" Gokudera protested. He did nonetheless stop glaring at Hibari, who walked out of the cabin, satisfied that his wishes would be listened to for the time being at least.
Tsuna looked down as he felt a light tug on his sleeve.
"Tsuna! Lambo-san has run out of candy!"
This was going to be a long trip.
It was about five hours into the flight and so far there had been no fatalities. Which was surprising with the appearance of a very sadistic family member partway through the flight.
They had been watching a movie, something which was so far proving to be effective in keeping the guardians quiet for the most part. However it wasn't so effective at calming Tsuna's nerves. Quite the opposite in fact.
Tsuna didn't know why Reborn had chosen that particular film, he could only guess it was one of his sadistic whims. It was Snakes on a Plane. The film was making Tsuna particularly edgy. He had tried to persuade Reborn to change the film, arguing that it was hardly suitable to watch when Lambo was there. The arcobaleno had responded by telling Tsuna to stop being such a wuss, pointing out that the lightning guardian was actually thoroughly enjoying the movie.
So that was how Tsuna found himself in a plane, ten thousand feet off the ground, watching a film about a similar plane being terrorised by a horde of venomous snakes.
And him being dame-Tsuna, it was hardly surprising that he had an intense disliking of snakes. The way they moved, the way they slithered like that. He could just imagine a snake wrapping itself around his legs, tightening its grip, winding its way up his body. Sometimes his imagination was just too real, he thought as he looked down at the large green serpent on his leg.
Wait.
What?
"HIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Tsuna shrieked attempting to jump out of his seat, but failing as he tripped over the snake. "SAVE ME! I'M GOING TO BE EATEN!" He was writhing around on the floor, becoming even more tangled in the mass of scales.
"JUUDAIME!" Gokudera shouted, immediately rushing to Tsuna's aid. "HOLD ON, I'LL SAVE YOU!" In a flurry of crimson flames, his Vongola gear was equipped.
"NO! GOKUDERA-KUN WAIT!" He cried, not wanting to be blown to smithereens by his storm guardian's attack. Gokudera realised this too, and lowered his weapon desperately trying to think of some other way to save his boss.
Salvation came in the form of Yamamoto who cleanly decapitated the snake with his swords. Tsuna's gratitude was, however, short-lived as thousands of miniature snakes began pouring from the body of the fallen beast, and as they touched the floor of the plane they began growing until each was several metres long.
"WHAT IS THIS?" Tsuna cried as he was overwhelmed by the sea of snakes.
"Gupya! Lambo-san hates lizards!" He heard the cry of the young lightning guardian followed by the crackling noise that was characteristic to lightning class flames. "GYUUDON!"
The door to the cabin burst open, revealing Hibari who had doubtless come in to investigate the cause of all the commotion. The cloud guardian raised a tonfa above his head the moment he stepped through the door, deflecting a writhing mass of snakes that rained down from out of nowhere above his head.
Hibari surveyed the scene with an expression of immense distaste and, after hitting away a snake that made a lunge at him, calmly turned and left the room.
In the commotion, there were now snakes and flames of four different classes- storm, rain, thunder and sun (Ryohei was now 'extremely' punching any snake that came near him)- flying around the cabin. Tsuna was once again surprised by the strength of the aircraft.
He had had enough. Grimacing, he slipped a pale blue pill into his mouth and at once his deathperation flames were ignited. Luckily his gloves had been in his pocket- he had been beaten by Reborn for nearly forgetting them before they left Japan- and he pulled them on.
It was over as suddenly as it had begun. Tsuna had been midway through charging his XX-Burner when the writhing mass of green had dissolved into a deep purple mist.
"Kufufu, I would advise you not to fire that in such an enclosed space, Tsunayoshi-kun."
Still dazed, Tsuna whirled around to see the blue-haired illusionist relaxing comfortably in one of the seats towards the rear of the cabin.
"Mukuro! What are you doing here?" Tsuna asked, the flames dissipating from his forehead. From the corners of his eyes he saw the rest of his guardians in a similar state of shock, wondering where the enemy had gone. Except for Lambo. He was still rampaging through a mess of broken seating atop his monstrous bull.
"Oya, didn't the arcobaleno tell you? I will also be accompanying you to Italy, Tsunayoshi-kun." The bluenette smirked.
Tsuna would have replied, had it not been for the approach of a certain five-year-old riding a huge black bull.
It had taken about half an hour for them to convince Lambo to calm down, and Tsuna still didn't quite know how they had managed it. After they had finally succeeded, all the guardians- with the exception of Hibari who wasn't in the room, Mukuro who had remained seated, gazing smugly upon the whole ordeal, and Lambo himself who was now sitting pacified with a packet of grape candy- were covered in bruises.
Tsuna reclined in his soft chair, grateful that Reborn had at least had the courtesy to make the flight somewhat comfortable. He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly. Firm hands began to massage his shoulders, and he moaned quietly. Then he opened his eyes to see mismatched crimson and blue eyes staring into his own, the face they belonged to wearing an enormous smirk.
"Kufufu, enjoying ourselves are we, Tsunayoshi-kun?"
"M-M-M-Mukuro! What are you doing?" Tsuna sat up immediately almost colliding heads with the older boy above him.
"Oya, I thought that since my illusions caused you such discomfort I should compensate for that now. Do you not like it?"
"Yes- I mean no- I mean- No! No I don't like it!" Tsuna shook his head profusely. He looked around him for someone who might provide help. Gokudera had left for a cigarette- where could one even smoke on a plane anyway?- Yamamoto was sleeping with a pair of headphones jammed firmly over his ears. Ryohei was too lost in his own extremeness to notice anything happening around him. And Lambo… well Lambo was Lambo.
"Kufufu you're so cute Tsunayoshi-kun." The mist guardian purred. "Perhaps we should take this somewhere a little more… private…" His eyes twinkled.
"NOOOO!" Was the last thing Tsuna uttered before being whisked from his seat by the rather horny pineapple.
Despite Gokudera's best efforts, it was still two hours before he managed to locate his beloved Juudaime. He was just certain that there hadn't been a toilet there the previous fifty times he'd walked down that section of the plane.
He had searched the plane with a fine-toothed comb but had no results until several hours later when he heard muffled cries coming from the bathroom.
In the small space he found his boss lying on the floor, naked but for some tastefully placed leather straps, wrists tied and… Gokudera had to do a double take after he took in his boss' appearance.
Face burning he looked almost as though he was having a fit. He was having slight muscle spasms, torn between whether to run from the scene, embarrassed, to help Tsuna or… no that was unthinkable. Gokudera absolutely could not take advantage of his boss in such a helpless state… such… a helpless… state.
"Yo, Gokudera! Oh, Tsuna? What happened?"
"Y-yakyu-baka…" Gokudera stammered, a vein bulging in his forhead.
"MMMPH-MMMM-MMMPHHHH" The muffled cries of his boss reminded Gokudera of the most pressing matter at hand. He darted forward and quickly removed the cloth that was tied around Tsuna's mouth. The brunette coughed and spluttered, Gokudera didn't know where to look and Yamamoto stood awkwardly in the doorway.
"Th-thank you, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna finally managed to get out after he had gotten over the shock of being tied up in a highly air conditioned bathroom without any clothes on. For two hours.
"Th-th-th-that's quite alright J-J-J-J-J-Juudaime." For once the storm guardian was stuttering more than the Vongola boss. "Y-Yakyu-baka what are you doing just standing there? Go and get Juudaime some clothes!"
"Y-yeah." Gokudera didn't like the way Yamamoto had been looking at Tsuna there. It didn't occur to him that he was doing exactly the same.
When they had finally dressed Tsuna and were back in the main cabin, Reborn appeared once more. By appeared, he came flying in, foot crashing into the back of Tsuna's head.
"Dame-Tsuna, we're nearly there. What have you been doing this whole time, your guardians have been running wild." The small hit man scolded.
"Reborn!" Tsuna protested. "It's not my fault, besides where have you been this whole time? You could have at least helped out a bit! I thought I was gonna die for a bit back there!" Tsuna was on the verge of hysteria, the memories of the torment put to him by his mist guardian still fresh in his mind. He was ignoring the tiny part of him that suggested that he might have actually enjoyed that. No. Absolutely not.
"That's out of the question. What kind of mafia boss can't take care of his own subordinates? And don't tell me you're not a boss, you took the inheritance ceremony of your own free will." Tsuna groaned. This would be held against him forever. "Anyway someone's missing. Go and find Mukuro, he needs to be sitting down before we begin landing." There was a sadistic glint in the arcobaleno's eyes.
"Reborn!"
Umm... enjoy that...? Nope, didn't think so XD It wasn't completely terrible was it...? Ahh Mukuro's scenes in this are a lot shorter when I go back and read it... Well drop me a review XD
And OHMYACTUALGOSH I just decided I would use this space to explode about the latest manga chapter... My Nappo-sama was truly amazing XD (I can say that without spoiling anything right...?) Well if anyone is a Mukuro fan and reads the manga, feel free to message me and we can spazz together XD Ahh I do love Mukuro...