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TLS Lyrics and Lemons Contest
Song: Someone Like You by Adele
http : / / tinyurl . com / 6d5xk2r
Rating: M
Word Count: 7,033
Pairing: E/B
Summary: First love, true love, lasting love, does it really exist? Is love its self enough? The memories have never fully faded for Bella, as she decides once and for all it is time to finally face her past.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters depicted within; however they do seem to own me now. Also the song lyrics used within my one-shot belong to Adele's Someone Like You. If you haven't heard it, go take a listen if you have listen to it again while you read the story.
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Someone Like You
The headboard was shaking in the tiny apartment that seemed to sit right atop the "L." It wasn't the train rattling across the tracks that was felt in the room that night. With every clink and rattle of the metal tapping against the deteriorating plastered wall, I was bound further to his body. The humid summer night only added to the heat we produced between our lust-filled bodies in the decadent darkness. Nothing compares. No worries or cares. Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made... Our actions were admittedly immoral but only by prudish social confines and academia standards. That night there was no thought of wrongs or rights, only raw desires unleashed.
The memories never fully took up residence anywhere else. Why, after ten years, did they continue to clutch and tug at my heart and seem no less faded? I couldn't answer that. The flight back to the windy city was sure to stir up emotions, but I would've never known just how much. Why I decided this would be a good idea was another question that haunted me. At twenty-nine I'd thought I could finally move forward without the haunting memories. I was wrong.
I saw a review of his newly released bestselling fiction. His other published works were such a stark contrast to this fluff. After reading the book myself, I was shocked and stunned that he would write about it— about us. The circumstances were all changed and the characters closer in age; in fact very little actually resembled us in any conventional way, but I knew. The guise of fiction could not camouflage the facts I lived and experienced with him, our shared precious moments. I decided that he finally needed to know, that I knew. Regardless of the fact I had heard he was happy now, the book propelled me. I had to see him one last time.
I booked the flight before I realized exactly what I had done, and now I sat staring out the window. I watched as the tiny dots became recognizable objects, and the colors less like individual pixels and more like the fluid makings of the Chicago skyline. With the slowing of the decent, my heart accelerated and I wondered what I would do next. Booking the flight was the furthest I had thought ahead.
I exited and acquired my bags and a cab in relative calmness. "Miss…Where to?" The driver questioned me with slight irritation.
"The Drake…" I spoke before I thought it through. I knew I always wanted to stay there when I was younger and used to walk the magnificent mile; I always admired the Drake from afar. We used to talk about staying there together. Why not? I had been saving for a rainy day and today seemed as internally cloudy as any I'd recently experienced. What was I waiting for? Yes, the Drake would be perfectly fitting. I decided to check my bags and headed straight for the bar.
"What'll it be?" The roguish bartender inquired.
"Glenfiddich, neat." I elicited another automatic response. I hated scotch. It burned. It reminded me of him. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? It was exactly what I needed. I wanted to feel it. I sat and drank and let the burn coat my throat, numbing my mind and body completely.
The heat, the sweat, the rattling, the clanging, echoed and almost suffocated us inside the tiny dilapidated room. By the time the "L" came vibrating down the line, I was literally coming undone beneath his knowing, forceful labored thrust.
"Ahh…Edward, I'm…"
"Fuck, Bella…so beautiful…so fucking perfect."
He brushed my matted, damp hair from my face and kissed my forehead as he withdrew slowly, lovingly from inside my body. I watched with rapt curiosity, not wanting to miss a single moment of my time spent with him, as he tugged on a pair of wrinkled khakis. His arms and shoulders taut and veined from our workout caught my attention as he removed the lid from the bottle and poured a short swallow of scotch. Walking back to the bed, he hovered over me and motioned for me to take a sip. I did. I coughed and it burned.You'd know how the time flies. Only yesterday was the time of our lives. I was nineteen. He was twenty-nine.
My goosed flesh was a reminder that the memories, no matter how long ago, were no less vivid. Time hadn't healed all, it hadn't faded. It continued to suffocate me. I finished off the room temperature, amber liquid and tipped the guy behind the bar. I wasn't sure if I tipped him for the drink or the memories. Nonetheless, I decided to explore the evening and took to the street. I walked in a steadfast, determined, unknown direction as the clicking of my heels became forefront in my mind.
The repeated clacking of my shoes made remaining in the present moment increasingly difficult, the sound painfully familiar. Being back in that city, walking the very streets we walked so many times, became increasingly difficult with every step I took. As I neared the enormous book store I noticed the cover of his book before anything else. My mind was spinning and seeing his book and posters in the front window of this bookstore—ours—it was almost too much to bear.
I grasped the large chrome handle and relished its coolness in my grasp before I entered. A burst of cool air assaulted my skin abruptly. The display called to me and I froze when I read that he would be there tomorrow signing copies. Could I? Isn't this what I had secretly hoped for when I first stepped on the flight? To simply see him one last time? I couldn't bring myself to purchase a copy of his book back in New York. I just sat and read the three hundred pages in an afternoon nestled in the back of Barnes and Noble.
As I stood and held the smooth cover between my hands, I let my fingers trace and linger across the deep blue raised words of the title, "Someone Like You." There was no one like him nor would there ever be. The words cut; they caused my eyes to glass over, and I noticed a second too late that the moisture had toppled over. I stood and stared at the perfect drop dotting the 'i' in the center of the title like a poignant affirmation. Is that what he'd done? Had he simply replaced me so easily?
"Shh… stop." I hushed him. Our laughter wasn't going unnoticed any longer, and I feared we would draw unwelcomed attention to ourselves. I was always cautious, maybe too cautious.
"Bella, relax, no one knows us here. This is our bookstore for a reason. This is where my first bestseller will sit upon the shelves and where you will stand by my side as I sign away until my hand begins to cramp." He had changed from our light laughter and enjoyable careless banter to the serious very determined version of himself.
"Really, what's it gonna be about?"I prompted.
"You."
"Ha. Yeah right. You're not gonna write a book about me and have it published, ever."
"You wanna get outta here?"His tensed jaw and heavy eyes explained exactly what they were seeking in that moment and I could never deny him. We were born and raised in a summer haze. Bound by the surprise of our glory days.
"Desperately."
My strappy sandals typed out a staccato rhythm on the pavement as I took three quick strides for each one of his. We rounded the corner and fingers brushed the back of my neck tracing down to the side of my shoulder to grasp a hold. He always had a hold on me one way or another whether you could see it or not. The strength he had within his grasp made me high.
We entered the building quickly. As soon as we hit the second flight of stairs he backed me into the wall of the stairwell both hands firmly on my thighs as he lifted and urged himself forward into my needy body.
"God, Bella, I need you. I need to feel your pure naked skin. I want to wrap myself in your scent and drown." He inhaled a deep breath as his mouth crashed into mine and our lips knew exactly what the other needed—wanted. I slid my teeth lightly along his bottom lip as his tongue darted out, enticing my mouth back so he could enter. His tongue tasted of coffee and mints, and I loved the feel of him inside of me. His tongue, his fingers, his hardened erection, any and all of him inside of me, under me, over me, behind me; I was in deep and I loved him so much it hurt.
"Mmmm…" The almost silent squeal left my mouth as he let my feet fall back to the floor and backed away slightly.
"I need you in our bed…now." His eyes became hooded and his voice deepened as we raced up the stairs to strip and reunite our addicted, codependent bodies.
Don't forget me, I begged…
He was so sure and I was so naive. I was too stupid to see all the obvious implications of all the wrong that existed then. I swiped the tear clear of the book and proceeded to the counter. After my new purchase, I decided I had to do this. I had to know. I couldn't walk away; he said it would be as if he never existed and that it was for the best. He lied. He would, never not exist in my mind, my heart and my soul. I hurried back to the Drake and clasped the crinkly bag that held my past severely close to my body.
As dawn spread across the sky, I was shaking with nerves and exhaustion. I couldn't sleep so I had reread the entire book in the confines of my beautifully appointed room. No room could ever compare to the rundown apartment that sat precariously close to the "L," the room he had rented for us. Reading the fiction based on our irrevocable connection in the Drake felt terribly wrong.
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, too. I needed a hot shower, knowing it would ultimately disappoint as well, but it was time and I needed to do this.
The lukewarm water trickled out of the shower head and barely did the job that it was intended to perform, but his hard body warmed me so that nothing seemed to be lacking. His hands moved in a frenzied manner as he groped and kneaded my naked skin, lathering every inch he could find, oftentimes stopping to appreciate and worship. His words were always exciting and adoring, never condescending.
"Bella, I feel whole with you. Whenever I am alone with you… I feel like I am finally free, truly alive. God… your body and soul are my savior. Forever will never be long enough with you."
His eyes always held the truth and his body and mind, my own salvation. He taught me so much more than what could be contained in a simple term of Polly/Sci. He taught me about the world and the life inside it. He taught me about myself; how to feel, how to live, how to love—fully. I was in so deep. I didn't care about all of the expectations that were being held upon him. The more I learned the harder it was to believe. He wasn't Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, heir to the Cullen fortune and next in line for the political arena. He was just my Edward.
Nothing about that old rundown apartment from my past should have elicited such fond memories, yet every decrepit detail did so deliciously. All the beauty housed within the Drake couldn't compare to the crumbling apartment where all the promises that were to be ultimately broken, were once made. I took a long, hard look at the interior of the once coveted room and all its empty beauty as I let the door click behind me as I left. It only made me long for the apartment near the "L," and I wondered briefly if it even remained.
I made my way, freshly showered and donning a jewel toned blue wrap dress to the signing. It was truly time to get this over with once and for all. As I made my way into the book store, I saw a pretty impressive crowd forming and mulling about. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it…
I began to feel my heart pumping vigorously. That is when I saw her. Tall, blonde and the same gorgeous grey eyes; they shared their good looks, not their mannerisms or pleasantries. She spotted me too and how she would remember, we had only formally met once, was beyond me. The distance between us suddenly grew shorter and shorter.
"So, Isabella, I wondered when you would come crawling out of the wood work. I am a bit surprised it didn't happen sooner, though. However now is perfect because you have truly missed the boat, besides there was no room on board for steerage class. I'm afraid this ship has sailed, honey."
It is hard to believe they were cut from the same mold, same family. She was so cold and distant.
"Rosalie, so good to see you, and I can see time hasn't changed you; still as flawless as ever until you open your mouth to speak."
"Bella, I want you to be mine…officially mine forever. Marry me. I don't care that you are only nineteen. I'll wait as long as you want, but I need to know that you will be mine—only mine. I am nothing without you. I love you, Bella."
The smile I felt growing from within warmed me so fully my eyes began to blur with the sudden impact of raw emotion.
"Yes." I nodded continuously and he swept me up in his arms and lowered me onto the old metal bed we had shared for months. Although I was no longer officially his student, we both knew the implications of what he had just done were never going to be well received. We both bathed in the ignorant bliss that we wished could be. His hands lovingly explored the expanse of my desperate physical body.
Those grey-green eyes captured my own and dictated to my heart compliance; he held me a true prisoner to him and his love. His mouth touched my own and our kiss deepened lulling us both into anesthetized state of erotic, ignorant bliss. The way we made love that night, it was as if we both would have known it to be the very last time.
I heard that your dreams came true. Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Time stopped and all else began to fade to the background as his face came into view. I was frozen. He was different but unmistakable in stature, older by the calendar, but no signs visibly present on his perfectly sculpted features. Only sadness replaced the light that used to live in his eyes; the light I had so longed to bathe in and hide away forever. His hair was noticeably shorter and more contained, but still the color of our sunsets. His polished confidence was unmistakable to the untrained eye. I knew better. Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light. Our connection was instant, not hindered by any amount of time or distance apart. There we stood a few feet apart—after ten years lost—frozen.
His hands so adoring and worshiping; there was no place on each other's bodies we hadn't explored in vast detail. His ministrations anything but rote; always enticing me and luring me to forget everything but the moment we existed in. Complete and content in our moments, his long taut body dominated my own. Like magnets turned the wrong direction, every step he took I countered as he backed me towards the wall. Removing every remaining scrap of clothing, we continued the luscious, languid dance of cat and mouse. A mere inch from the wall, the switch was flipped and instantly our bodies became one. The strength inside me was shocking and combined with his focused intent and desire. We were inseparable. The heat rose between us and our movements, frantic lust-filled and determined. His messy sunset hair brushed across my face as he hovered by my ear, his breath heavy.
"There is no one like you, Bella; the way you answer my soul."
His words always brought the raw emotion to the surface to dangerously dance on the edge and teeter on the precipice. I fought the unbelievably romantic professions and focused on his purely physical display instead. His teeth taunted my ear and seduced me further, toying with my neck and collar; the soft nips raising every hair on my body and spurring my arousal on. My nipples peaked to the surface, with the frenzied movements between us creating pockets of cool air to rush and hit my already aroused body; I let a mangled moan escape.
I wanted—needed to have every part of him, every surface, every stare, every sound, every substance his body contained to become one with mine. The strength of his grasp tightened and he forced his leg between my own stance, nudging me to comply. In one swift motion he raised me up as my legs captured him completely in their embrace. As he pressed me further into the wall his hardened body throbbing and need rising, our kisses became dangerous. It was never enough. Never. I was all consumed by him and all consuming. His entrance never restricted, always welcome was filled with purpose and meaning. As he steadied himself and tightened his grip, his body was deeply satisfying. We rode the intensity both seeking more—harder, deeper, longer.
"Bella… fuck you feel amazing. I want to crawl beneath your skin…and melt directly into your soft body. I want to fuck myself into one with you. It's…it's…"
"…Never close enough! Edward, just take me. Every part of me belongs to you. Always."
Our heavy words lingered in the thickness around us and spurred our bodies further. My hands were busy; one clenching his hair at the nape of his neck and the other kneading his taut shoulder, feeling the rippled movement beneath my fingers as he continued to increase his thrust. The wall behind me wasn't capable of supporting his urgency in this moment any longer as small fragments of the plaster began flaking to the floor beneath us.
"Isabella." My name fell from his lips in a stunned yet provocative manner. He never tried to seduce me; I'd just naturally fallen prey to his unrehearsed appeal.
"Edward." I saw the slightest flinch and pain fickler in his eyes as I spoke his name aloud, almost ending in a whisper. We both stood stock still. Unmoved and time simply passing; seconds seeming more like seasons before our very eyes.
I heard that you're settled down. That you found a girl and you're married now.
"Darling, they've set up the table over here and are ready to begin now." A tall strawberry blonde appeared and spoke in a comfortable familiarity to the man that had changed me; the man that had haunted every sleeping and waking moment of my life since we had first met ten years ago. My eyes tried to focus and decipher more clues about the mystery blond by his side but they wouldn't betray me, and I could not leave the perfection in his face to discover more about her. In that moment I couldn't have cared less about her. His eyes never left my own as he spoke to her now.
"Thank you, Tanya. I'll be right there." I wasn't sure if she could feel what we shared or if she somehow knew? But she took her leave instantly and left us to our unspoken communication.
I struggled to keep my mind from wandering. I had wanted for so long to see him one last time no matter how much it would hurt. I welcomed it. I needed to feel the full force of the pain. I had to let his commanding beauty wash over me and softly put an end to my misery. I had hoped the final blow of seeing him truly happy would be enough to push me over the edge. If I could let my disappointment fill me and feel the finality of seeing him, maybe I could finally grieve and move on. Only I saw reservation and the flicker. It only served to accomplish the exact opposite.
"I only wanted ... I read your book." I closed some of the distance between us now and handed my book to him, our eyes revealing so much yet denying the truth entirely. "I remember you said…" I suddenly stopped.
He took the book and flipped the front cover open. His eyes left mine to scribble some nonsense inside, and I felt the loss instantly. I had missed his domineering gaze that owned me for so long and even with the briefest of reunion, I fell right back into the same needy longing. The book snapped shut abruptly, and he leaned in to return it to my weakened grasp.
"Who would've known how bittersweet this would taste." He whispered one last thing to me and turned to his obligations. The crowd began to close in around me, and I felt the suffocating air of disappointment wash over me. I hadn't thought this through. I never intended to rip my own heart out and hand it to him on a platter. He owned me, that much I knew, but I never realized how detached I'd actually become from living life and feeling—until I stood here now.
I had hoped you'd see my face, And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over yet.
I stole one last glance as I steadied my stride and headed straight out the door that I should have never reentered. As the noise of the city assailed my ears, the tears fell in a torrent, the salt abrasive against my tender sensitive skin. I entered the Drake and cocooned myself in its staged beauty and false warmth.
The air in the stale apartment was all wrong that day. It should have signaled me but I was hypnotized under his control. He'd said we needed to meet to talk. As he entered I was inundated with foreign emotions. He wasn't wearing his usual ripped low rise jeans and rumpled flannel nor was he wearing the khakis I loved. He was dressed like them.
His expensive suit made him stand impossibly taller. His calm control was ever present, even more enticing, my supplication silently screaming his name. In a matter of seconds, I knew what was coming yet I chose denial, hoping I could cling to it and convince him otherwise. He held back and a strange sense of steel formed in his eyes.
"Isabella, I've been offered a position, an assistant professorship at Dartmouth, and I've accepted."
"Okay, so when do we leave?"
"I… I'm leaving today."
"Oh, so this… this was just, passing time?"
"I'm no good for you, Bella. My world isn't for you."
"Edward, I don't care about your family's blessing or what your sister, Rosalie, thinks. I would never prevent you from your chosen path."
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."
"You…don't…want…me?"
"Seeing you with my family, I finally realized how my life is simply not for you. You don't belong with me. I've let this go on much longer than I should have and for that, I am deeply sorry."
"Don't…don't… forget me, I beg..."
"Bella, this way it will be as if I never existed. It's for the best. You deserve so much more than I could ever offer you. Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. Goodbye, Iasbella."
With the heavy metal door slamming shut, my entire existence was knocked off center. The violent emotions surged through my overloaded system, before I shut down completely.
I was disoriented amidst the formal beauty of the extravagant room—the room that mocked me. He truly hadn't wanted to love me. I never belonged with him. I wasn't good enough. The perfectly polished qualities of the Cullen's were marred by my mere proximity. However, her strawberry-blond essence melded so seamlessly with the rest of them, perfect for the public eye. They all seemed like a simple haunting memory, and I'd chosen to simply torment myself for no intelligent reason or purpose. This was exactly why I was so wrong for him.
I rose to fetch some water; my parched throat mirrored my soul. I noticed the book had fallen to the floor. I leaned over to pick it up remembering he had signed it in a hurry only hours earlier. Taking several swallows of water, I fingered the book and toyed with the edges.
I decided my thirst wasn't going to be quenched by water alone. Opening a small bottle of the detested spirit, his favorite, I watched as my shaking hand poured the amber liquid in the short glass. Flicking my wrist, I studied the substance as it danced around the glass and steadied myself for one final burn, and the cut surely to be imposed by his impending words. The words he penned to me housed inside the sapphire titled book. I swallowed the liquid fire and opened the hard cover.
'B,
I thought I'd done the right thing, but I never entirely let you go. Seeing you I realized it isn't over. Sometimes it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
Forever,
E'
The solid knock at the door startled me and I stood in a daze. Decidedly, I thrust open the door. Blinded once again by his now disheveled beauty, I froze. My hand death gripped the door's handle as I leaned on it for support, and his hand rushed to his hair, gripping it with a force I'd never seen. My heart accelerated and his steel eyes began to soften and melt before my molten stare. He had on a dark blue knit shirt that clung to his torso and khakis that hung the way I remembered—the way I loved. We stood at the doorway awkwardly and I spewed the first thought from my mind.
"You lied."
"Never."
His uneasiness waned as he hesitantly entered the very room we'd always imagined from inside our dilapidated apartment. It was as if no time had passed and our ravenous bodies lurched for ultimate control over one and other. Only now I was no longer a child. Hypnotized by his allure nonetheless, I was now a very willing adversary. I was a confident woman who never forgot her first and only true love. I needed this moment without thought, without shame, without regret.
As our bodies collided his eyes pierced my own momentarily before our lips touched. It had been so long. He tasted exactly like I remembered, only raw and more alive. I could taste the scotch on him distinctly different from my own—smokier. His warm wet tongue made passionate love to my mouth. He came alive before me, ignited in my presence. My body began to hum and tingle. The Pavlovian effect he held over my body remained, still ingrained deep in my recesses, never forgotten. Time only served to deepen the intensity between us.
The beautiful room was a backdrop to our decisive lack of control in each other's presence. Our movements became frantic and heated. Our hands traded duties in the removal of our clothing, mine stopping to graze his toned shoulders and hard abs. He was as skilled as he had always been with my body, ridding me of all my fabric entanglements before beginning a tortuously slow, thoughtful inventory of my entire body. Every curve and peak worshiped by his long fluid fingers and warm wet mouth. I may not be a goddess but under his embrace I felt one all the same.
Right and wrong once again were shelved and time stopped as we were lost in each other's explorations. Much the same yet vast new territories to discover between us as we silently said goodbye to the worlds we thought we were confined to—destined to be apart and lonely. We were the exact opposite of anything singular and alone.
"Oh God…Bella, tell me this is real and you are finally here." He inhaled a deep breath where my hair blanketed my neck and collar. Brushing my long locks aside his teeth grazed my collar bone and his tongue darted out to lead a trail up my neck causing my flesh to tingle and goose bumps to erupt across my bare skin. His hands cupped my breast gently in contrast to his teeth sinking deeper into the flesh just behind my ear. Edward was mindful not to break the skin, but he knew exactly what I liked, he hadn't forgotten. No one ever found that secret apart from him. Once upon a time, he had explored every single inch of my body so thoroughly that we discovered together what fully aroused me. He was always in control but a selfless lover and that had not changed.
My head fell back with the sensation of his teeth grazing and nipping my flesh, and his feral moans that emanated from deep within his throat filled the surrounding air. His sounds alone could have caused me to come undone but tonight I knew—I needed more, much more. I had dreamed of this moment for so long it seemed too surreal to actually be happening. I savored every single second.
Blinking out my lustful fogginess and lifting my head slightly, I leaned in to whisper in his ear before taking his lobe between my own teeth. "There is no one…like you." With the last breath that carried my words, he froze. My teeth taunted and tasted his ear briefly before he took my face in both his hands and forced my eyes to connect with his own. His fingers graced my cheekbones and our eyes locked. Broken labored breaths were the only sounds permeating the flawless room. I wanted him so much it hurt. I no longer cared about the consequences in this blissful moment.
"Bella, you're so fucking perfect. Everything about you calls to me. I never stopped wanting—needing you. You quench my soul and touch my depths like no other. There is truly, no one like you."
In that moment I reverted back to the younger version of myself, lured in and hypnotized by his commanding presence and sincere, poetic words. All I could do was nod and just like that, his hands left my face rushing to my hips grasping and lifting me in one swift movement. Strong and in control, he ultimately dominated me as he led our bodies to the king sized bed.
As he placed me back on the bed, our eyes maintained a constant connection. I scooted back as he slinked slowly towards me, hovering. I stopped as I came in contact with the headboard, and his eyes sparked to life as they continued to inventory my aching body. His knowing hands began at my ankles and this time and his nose ghosted the same path: ankle to inner calf, the underside of my knee, inner thigh, and stopping to inhale at the soft spot between my upper inner thigh and my pelvic bone.
The sensation caused me to thrust upward and his determined hands forced me back down on both the left and right sides of my outer hips as his nose continued to trace the buried, long forgotten path. His nose flicked my swollen pink nerves and then dipped lower tracing the slick unconcealed path. His tongue now followed and flattened as he slid up between my milky wet folds. He began tasting and teasing as if I were a delicacy he hadn't indulged in years.
How another individual could know my own body better than me, I would never know. I was a bundle of nervous bubbling energy and couldn't decide exactly what to do with my hands. I wanted to touch him grab his thick hair and encourage him, only he needed none. He was now devouring me, and I never remembered it like this. My hands finally decided on the headboard behind me for support as my head lolled back, an automatic response to his complete mastery over my body.
The licking, flicking, and nibbling of his tongue and teeth mingling with the sounds emanating from him, brought me easily to the verge of release. Then he added his fingers and I began to crumble beneath him like the wall in our long forgotten secret hideaway. Piece by glorious piece every nerve in my body ignited and I finally let go. I let go of it all—everything—nothing existed now except his beautiful body and mine. I panted like an attacked animal that had been defeated.
Edward made his way up my recovering body and nestled his face in my neck before speaking, holding me impossibly close. "Fuck, how I've missed you. Isabella, you taste and feel even better than I remembered, and I've never stopped dreaming of you, ever. I want to make love to you. I need to be deep inside of you and feel you clenched all around me."
As my breaths were breaking, his hands caressed my hips and curves. I found purchase in his taut back and shoulders and turned my head to face his. I placed my forehead to his and nodded my response causing both our heads to move and our eyes once again reaching directly into each other's souls.
"Yes…God, yes." I wanted to confess my deep seeded cravings for him and his delicious body, but simply couldn't form the words. I was still weary of how this could ultimately end, so I decided to let his professions be enough to fill the space between us for now.
His hand found my left wrist and stilled my lazy movements on his neck as we lay side by side. He held my wrist in his hand and traced his nose gently across my own as his grip gradually loosened and he let his fingers glide to entwine, our hands clasping. With that simple connection my eyes widened and his lips came down meeting my own. His other hand tangled in my hair on the back of my neck and thumb traced tiny circles in my cheek. Our kiss deepened as my right hand grasped his thick locks and elicited the very moans I longed for. Our tongues enticed and mouths moved in a comfortable and familiar rhythm as he rolled over onto my quivering body.
His other hand sought mine and he hovered briefly as all our fingers were locked. My hands jailed in his embrace beside my face. I couldn't tear myself away from his intense stare; the grey seemed greener and the light sparks returned. I noticed the corners turn up slightly as he lowered himself to enter me. Again, he paused as if needing my reassurance that this was truly okay. I returned his slight smile and clenched his hands tighter in my own. His long awaited return filled me entirely.
As the shock of what we were finally doing settled in, our pace began to steadily increase. His thrust became purposeful and intense and our mouths mimicked our lower connection. I felt so consumed by him in that moment, I silently wished for it to never end. His movements began to speed and he reluctantly released our clasped hands seeking leverage in the headboard above us.
My knees slid up to fall outward slightly, giving him the angle we both craved and deeper access. With every upward thrust, I felt the tingling and tightening deep within my belly begin to radiate outward. His speed and thrust increased once more and I heard myself before I registered that I was falling apart piece by fragile piece. As my moans filled the room once again, Edward finally unleashed his own animalistic growl of release and ultimate contentment.
We both collapsed but his hand sought mine and our fingers clasped once again, my left hand in his right formed a bridge across our bodies, as we lay silently still recovering. The soft hum of the mini-bar gradually became louder than our breaths and the stillness of the room began to close in around us now. Edward pulled me into his embrace never letting go of my hand and held me to him now. I found comfort in his long frame and soaked it all up, as I nestled impossibly closer.
"Edward, you never failed to exist for me."
"Nor you for I."
"Then you did lie."
"Isabella, I simply couldn't bear the thought of you continuing to be hurt and broken by my families chosen path. I was afraid that your beautiful soul would be sucked from you and you'd become an empty shell; a fragile remnant of your former self. My family… I was groomed for this my whole life. My skin had been thickened and my soul already donated to the greater good. I felt I had no other choice. The little good that's done is oftentimes not nearly enough to overshadow the monsters in the arena of politics. I couldn't allow you to get sucked in any further, knowing that my lifestyle would be your ultimate demise. You were so pure, untouched. You deserved so much more than me. I only wanted you to have a chance at a normal life, a life where you could choose freely and not be under public scrutiny every single moment. One where you would find someone who would love you and you could both be free to create a normal life together, free to think and do as you like without judgment. I didn't lie. I didn't want to want you, like I did—like I do. It was selfish. You are so much stronger than I, such a giving soul."
"Sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." I repeated his final words to me aloud, feeling their weight in our surrounding space now.
"Why'd you come?" His hard lines and soft eyes questioned me.
"I don't know." I couldn't tear my gaze from his.
"What do we do now?" His soft green eyes were filled once again with light; the light I remembered but now contained a touch of sadness.
"You're married now," I stated simply without judgment or malice.
"No, Isabella, just another arrangement that I've never consummated. It's a paper marriage to keep up appearances and obligations only. I committed my heart to you the night I proposed, and I've never proposed to anyone else. I left my heart with you that night and regardless of the lack of paper, or metal and gemstone adornments you and I hold—you are my soul's only mate. There has never been anyone but you."
"Why? All those lost years, Edward."
"As much as I'd like to say I would turn back time if I could—I wouldn't—you were so young and I was wrong. But now you are… And I…"
"What? I'm what? A broken empty shell of what I could have been and what you could have been and what we could have had together?"
"Bella, the last thing I expected today was to see you, and in that one instant, you turned my world upside down—again—and saved me. I won't pretend to have all the answers but the one thing I can promise without a doubt…I will never leave you again if you'll still have me?"
"Edward, I'm not nineteen anymore and unfulfilled fantasy promises won't suffice. I'm no longer blinded by your beauty alone, and I'm not as naive as I once was. Besides, I've followed your career and I know you're up for an Illinois senate seat."
"I don't want it. I don't want any of it."
"What do you want?"
"You. Only you."
"Is that why you published that…that farfetched fairytale fiction? It seemed so out of place for a Polly/Sci professor at the University of Chicago, especially ridding on the shirt tails of your previous non-fiction publications. Did you do it so you could finally bury it all away and forget me? Were you hoping to simply replace my memory with someone like me?"
"No. I had hoped you would read it and truly know how much you meat to me always. I didn't even give a passing thought to how it would impact my career. You were all that was on my mind, and I could never forget you—never replace you."
"So now what?" I repeated a version of his question from moments earlier.
"I've already alerted my family of my intentions and my disinterest in running for Senate. I also informed Tanya that the disillusion of paper that bound us will no longer do so. She wasn't surprised; she thinks you are lovely by the way."
"Edward, I don't know what to say. I… I am…"
"Say we begin our forever, no more hurting. Love isn't convenient and it isn't always easy, but I know now without your love, Isabella, I don't exist. I've never stopped loving you and I never will. I can't spend another minute without you in my life."
And…sometimes it truly lasts in love despite the painful detours along the way that deeply hurt.