"I've Always Trusted You"
"I've Always Trusted You"
Author: Mari2Anne
Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine; I do not own them or Smallville
Pairing: Chloe/Clark
Status: Completed/One shot
Just a romantic tale /PG-13.
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Clark had just changed into some comfortable jeans and a T-shirt and was about to start down the stairs when he heard the shouting. He had been more than a little uncomfortable in the black tie and tux getup he'd agreed to wear to make a decent appearance in the small fund-raising dinner his Mom, the senator, had held at the farm house. So as soon as everyone had left, even the senator who would be spending the rest of the week in Metropolis, he'd run upstairs to change.
But when he heard the shouting he remembered Chloe and her boyfriend, Dean, had stayed behind. Chloe had made up some tale of helping the senator with keeping track of the donations and logging them into the computer for her after the dinner in Lois's absence. Clark had known it was a lie, but he'd backed her up anyway without knowing why she needed an excuse to hang out at the farm; the door was always open to her. But as he unwillingly overheard the argument, he understood why Chloe had lied to Dean.
Those few minutes of eavesdropping changed his whole life.. This new knowledge was a strange euphoria pounding through his blood like a sudden rush of red kryptonite. He was so overwhelmed he feared he might collapse so he carefully sat down on the top step and tried to think before he confronted Chloe.
But, damn, he couldn't think. Memories flooded his brain. The first time he'd laid eyes on Chloe one morning on the school bus a few weeks after his senior year had started. He overheard someone saying she'd just transferred from Metropolis because her Dad had gotten a job in Smallville.
He'd never seen a more beautiful girl. Nor one so open and happy in her new surroundings. She was outgoing and eager to meet everyone. And trusting. He would have been scared to death in her shoes. He had a hard enough time making friends with people he'd known most of his life. He did have some very good close friends, but he didn't make them easily and to this day really only trusted one of them with who he really was. Even that trust had only come from a forced, spur-of-the-moment decision when he was suddenly sick and tired of all the lies, desperately needing someone to trust and knowing from Pete's anger that withholding the truth would have cost him the friendship. It was a price he wasn't willing to pay anymore. It was unfortunately a truth that had also put Pete in mortal danger more than once. And even though Pete convinced Clark that in spite of the risks he was glad Clark had trusted him with the truth, Clark still felt guilty each time the burden caused any kind of trouble for Pete.
It was Pete who finally introduced Clark to Chloe when it dawned on him that Clark was just going to pull the shy card and never approach Chloe at all. "She's a great person, Clark, my man; you've got to meet her."
If he'd thought her beautiful from afar, he was speechless up close. He remembered he was probably polite when introduced because she had accepted his handshake but what if anything he muttered he couldn't recall to save his life. He was mesmerized by those beautiful bright blue eyes and those unruly locks of short blonde hair and how she laughed teasingly when he still had a hold of her hand after several minutes.
His shyness lasted a whole week. Her outgoing personality was contagious, so before he knew it, he was able to talk to her so easily and he never thought to question it to death like he did just about everything else in his life. He just accepted it and he was happy in a way he'd never quite felt before. He craved her nearness all the time. He found himself around her as much as he could be. Sometimes he believed she went out of her way to be around him too, but neither one ever said anything. About seven or eight days after he'd officially met her, she was alone in the school journalism office, on the top of a very unsteady ladder reaching for some old archived stories above a tall bookshelf, when the ladder toppled and she didn't grab the shelf in time.
She screamed as she fell, knowing her head would hit the corner of the desk the way she was headed towards the floor when suddenly she came to a comfortable rest in Clark's arms. He knew she thought he'd left more than five minutes before she'd started her treacherous climb and had no clue how he could get back to her so fast, but she hadn't cared and didn't ask. The lack of curiosity on her part did surprise him at first; she'd already gotten a nosy reporter's reputation within days of joining the journalism class. But then he reasoned maybe she was just glad to be alive because that fall could have easily been fatal had her head hit that desk. So he just didn't explain that he indeed had been walking down the front steps of the school when he'd heard the scream. But he had known without a doubt that if she had asked he wouldn't have hesitated to trust her with the truth.
Instead of questioning the rescue, she had just wrapped her arms around him and started to cry as he gently lifted her back to her feet and then made her sit down. Between sobs she thanked him and told him she was glad he'd stuck around to save her. And as soon as the tears slowed she teasingly begged him not to let anyone know what a crybaby she'd been. He swore that she could trust him and he would never, not even under torture, reveal this or any other of her secrets ever. It brought the tears to a halt and a short burst of laughter escaped her suddenly smiling lips as she looked at him with adoring eyes.
And he lost his heart. It was one of the few things in his life he accepted almost at face value, finding a romantic side to his personality that easily explained it away to himself that maybe he'd found his soul-mate. He wasn't sure if Kryptonians had souls, let alone soul-mates. He just felt it in every atom of his being every time Chloe smiled at him. It filled him with hope and somehow lessened his loneliness.
From that moment on when she bravely smiled at him and tried to remove any traces of the tears with the back of her hand they were friends. It was also the moment when he started to plan on how to tell her the secret of who he really was and now this new secret in his heart and soul, the one about how much he loved her already.
Telling her the first secret took three months.
And he'd told her everything, keeping nothing from her. He even took her to the Fortress, explained as much of his history as he understood and all the confusion and insecurities he'd felt and feared from the inconsistent messages and trials his birth father had given him. His fear of being rejected or thought a freak were instantly squashed when she couldn't hold back how amazed and thrilled she was to have a real live alien as her best friend. She spontaneously hugged him as she promised to never tell his secret to anyone even before he'd had a chance to ask it of her. He'd explained the dangers Pete had suffered through knowing his secret and she swore to him that she wasn't the slightest bit afraid. The most difficult thing he endured that day was NOT telling her how much he loved her.
That second secret was harder and took a few weeks longer and was accidentally blurted out before he had time to think about it, but was misunderstood by Chloe. She had laughed sweetly and told him she loved him too, because best friends usually did love each other and she hoped that would never change between them. He became a little insecure at first at the unintended rejection; a little afraid that the alien thing really did bother her, even though she'd never made him feel that way. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite was true.
He would never forget the time a few weeks after he'd told her his secret she got so angry with him when he was particularly mopey and feeling sorry for himself because he wasn't "normal."
"Damn it, Kal-El," he always knew she was mad when she used his Kryptonian name. Before knowing it, she'd just dragged out "Clark Kent." "Kal-El" did somehow get his attention much faster.
"You ARE normal for a Kryptonian living under a yellow sun. You are not an Earthling; you were just raised by them. These are things you can't change, quit worrying about them. Be proud of who you really are, the sole survivor of your race, who was loved enough by your birth parents to be given a future in another galaxy where you would be safe. And no matter how confusing some of Jor-El's messages from the crystals in your Fortress seem to be sometimes, you have to remember he didn't completely desert you even in death. He loved you enough to send all this information to help you grow into a strong secure being. You said the crystals supposedly contain all the knowledge of many galaxies, given just to you, Kal. Remember that. Maybe the tough ways he had of teaching you, the strange trials he put you through are because he didn't know any other way to prepare you to hopefully prevent our world from going the fateful way of Krypton."
She took a deep breath and before he could interrupt with how wonderfully she uncomplicated his often-confusing life, she continued, "And then here on this planet you were loved enough by the Earth parents who found you to take you in and give you their name, Clark Kent, and protect you without question or motive and teach you the best about the people inhabiting your adopted home. You're the very best of two worlds, Clark. Two galaxies, Clark! And it has nothing to do with your strength or any of your other powers. It's your kindness and your selfless willingness to always help that makes you the super being that you are. You're so much better than normal. Be proud of it!"
It was the first time the words crossed his lips without his even thinking them or planning to say them, "I love you, Chloe."
"I know, Clark, and I love you, too. Best friends usually do love each other, you know."
However being a trusted best friend of an alien was probably a long leap from being in love with one. He was quite upset and wondered for days if he was doomed to live his life out alone without anyone to share it. He hadn't realized until that moment that somewhere deep down he'd always hoped he would someday have a happy and loving family life; the kind of relationship his adopted Earth parents had shown him was possible.
But eventually after mulling it over and over-thinking the problem to death, he decided after a few weeks of moody behavior that he didn't want to lose her and as there was no one else in his life that he wanted the way he wanted her, friends it would be if that's all she wanted.
He did have a hard time when she started dating random guys. And he did feel guilty at being a little pleased whenever she broke up with them, none of them seemed to last for more than a couple of weeks, until the current boyfriend, Dean. He lasted eleven dates; Clark had kept count of this one because it seemed serious and jealousy seemed to get the better of Clark, more so with this one than with any of the other guys she had always made sure he knew about. Whenever he would find a way to comment on how quickly she went through the many men in her life she'd come back with some sarcastic comment about how nice it was that he was such a good friend and always had her best interests at heart. A few times it had damn near broken not only his heart but him as well. Kryptonite hadn't ever caused this kind of severe pain.
Suddenly he was brought out of his painful memories when he heard Chloe yell out, "Hey, Clark, I'm outta here. See ya Monday."
He could hear the tears in her voice and without thinking, his words made up his mind for him. This time he wouldn't let her just walk into yet another random guy's arms; this time it would be his arms that held her. He stood up quickly and stopped at the first landing on his descent downstairs. His new knowledge of her true feelings for him gave him a reckless high, almost as if that feeling of red kryptonite bursting through his veins was still there, stripping away his fear. He couldn't really explain any other reason or grounds for the courage it would have taken to utter the words that just escaped his lips as though he made such requests every day of his life.
"Don't leave. Stay with me tonight."
His words stopped her in her tracks as she had planned on walking out; and if she'd had any sense, not returning, although she knew she didn't have that kind of courage.
If he really wanted her, then leaving him would take more courage than she was capable of.
Slowly she turned and asked, "What did you say?"
The reckless high gave him a feeling of power, a new confidence as if all his insecurities seemed to desert him. But he knew what was at stake here and he would not be reckless or careless with Chloe's heart. She loved him. He had to repeat it in his head several times. It gave him confidence. He liked it. It overwhelmed him.
"You heard me…" he accused as he came down the rest of the stairs.
He refused to close the gap between them as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the railing, watching her, wanting her with an ache so powerful he clenched his hands into tight fists to stop them reaching for her. A sudden memory filled his every sense, his eyes zeroed in on her mouth, remembering the passion she had let escape during the one kiss he had stolen from her three years ago.
That memory seldom surfaced during his waking hours anymore although it haunted his dreams often. A reason he seldom slept well, and the main reason he secretly began a lot of his crime fighting at night, cleaning up streets and neighborhoods all around the country and after he mastered his flying ability, he started helping out the world. Anything and everything he could do to tire himself out enough to get the few hours of sleep he did actually need. When nothing urgent needed his attention, he visited the Fortress and tried to learn as much from the crystals that he could, sometimes almost giving in to Jor-El's urgent lectures about staying to actually complete his training. He just wasn't ready to abandon the world quite yet; he selfishly believed they needed him and he didn't want to chance losing Chloe completely.
He had been so stupid that night, carelessly flirting with another instead of just holding onto Chloe. At first he had blamed the Red-K, but later admitted to himself that he'd been scared stupid that Chloe would really never love him the way he ached for her and he'd deliberately wanted to push her away. In spite of the Red-K he'd been a coward.
But no more. If he was wrong; well he could always run away to the Fortress and at least make Jor-El happy by finishing his training. For a chance to have her love him, she was worth the risk. He still ached for her too much; that kiss burned in his memory as if it were only yesterday. Wanting to taste her again, he could feel the fire building in his eyes. He had to close them for a moment to control the heat.
When he opened them again he thought that even with her tear-stained face, she was beautiful. The soft silky floor-length black evening gown brought out the creamy paleness of her bare shoulders and seemed to make her blonde curls shimmer more than usual. He remembered suddenly the horribly painful stab of jealousy he'd felt earlier in the evening when Dean's hands had slid along those shoulders as he'd helped her to her seat before dinner.
Clark had left the room quickly and stayed in the kitchen for several minutes until he could calm down. He had reminded himself he had to keep his distance, his Mom's concern from earlier in the year echoing in his head, that his obsession with Chloe bordered on stalking. The last thing he wanted was to scare her off..
She walked the half dozen steps it took to be within arms reach of him and raised her right hand and lightly touched his chest, looked him straight in the eye, "Why now?"
"Because I can't stand these anymore, especially now that I finally realized they're my fault," he replied softly but firmly as his thumbs gently wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"You must have a bigger ego than I thought if you believe you're worth crying over. What makes you think that you'd rate even a single tear from my eyes?" she was angry but didn't know why and tried to mask her pain by attempting to hurt him. She didn't understand the pain either. Dean's dumping her barely stung; she'd been stupid to hang on and lead him on for this long anyway. Was she upset because she'd blurted her feelings out loud; feelings that would never be returned? Was she mad at Clark for not returning her feelings and wanted to hurt him? But why, when he didn't even know how she felt? Hell, she didn't even know for sure what was going on with her today.
But her attempt to lash out at Clark hit the mark; he didn't try to disguise his reaction, his eyes clouded over at the sudden searing pain of her deliberate attack, shocking her. He didn't turn away as he usually did whenever she struck out at him with one of her self-defense barbs. His hands didn't release her face, his thumbs still gently tracing the dried tear trails, he didn't flinch when she covered his hands with hers.
Her shimmering eyes were suddenly huge with both the attempt to keep the tears in check and with the questions she uncharacteristically didn't know how to verbalize.
He didn't pretend to misunderstand and for the first time didn't evade, didn't dodge the question by changing the subject or simply walking out. He'd never before had the courage to stay and ask her to be with him; to explain to her that he wanted more than her friendship; to trust him with her heart as he'd trusted her with his almost from the moment he'd met her. Since her reaction when he had first declared his love for her, his fear that she wouldn't cross the friendship line with someone that wasn't even human had always held him back.
As he sought the depths of her soul through her eyes he suddenly understood that she was scared, too. And more important, he understood that he could not screw this up.
She was almost afraid of what he would say, had she pushed him too far? Would she lose him completely? She had lost her so-called boyfriend already today. Well, it wasn't exactly a loss. And anyway less than a dozen dates and only one evening of passionate kisses did not a boyfriend or a relationship make. And today when she turned him down for a getaway weekend Dean had planned for them, they'd gotten into a huge argument ending as each fight with them always did; it seemed to take a very familiar direction when he accused her of obsessing over Clark. But for the first time, instead of denying it she just corrected him by blurting out it was not an obsession, it was plain old-fashioned true love. She surprised herself more than him, she'd never before said it out loud, seldom ever even completed the thought when it would come unbidden to her mushy brain.
She had a very tiny suspicion that Clark had heard them fight; well, maybe he hadn't heard all of it, but he must certainly have heard when Dean turned away from her and angrily storm out quite loudly ending their relationship with a rather unfriendly, "We're through, you teasing bitch!"
And now seeing the consequence of her mean-spirited questions in Clark's eyes, she was almost desperate to take away the hurt and opened her mouth to mutter some kind of apology when he started to speak, his voice at first a little cracked and quiet, but becoming more confident and calmer as he gazed steadily into her eyes.
.
"You definitely don't need target practice; you're a dead-on bull's-eye every time you strike out at me. Maybe I did deserve that but you're wrong about why. It's not because I have an ego problem. If I had an over-sized ego, your tears wouldn't bother me. But they tear at my gut each time I see them, each time I even think that you'd had any reason to cry, my fault or not. I've loved you for a long time, Chloe, probably from the very first time I laid eyes on you days before we even met. If I had any ego at all, I would have taken it for granted that since I loved and wanted you so much, you'd have no recourse except to love me even more in return."
His lips quirked in a half grin before he took a deep breath and slowly continued.
"I'm not worth crying over. You are right about that. I don't rate even a single tear from your beautiful, loving blue eyes. I never thought I deserved your love once you restricted us to 'just friends.' And after the thoughtless way I treated you while I was under the Red-K influence while we were still in high school, I didn't even think you'd remain my friend let alone be my girlfriend. After that I never had the courage to ask for your love. I didn't know that I had it until what happened just now when I overheard your argument with Dean. Your words to him confirm that your tears certainly aren't for him."
He stopped again, momentarily unsure as he tried to gauge her reaction, she was being way too quiet. So un-Chloe like that it almost stopped him. But she wasn't turning away from him so he went for broke, "Don't be afraid of 'us' happening. Trust me, Chloe. Remember I once swore to never betray your secrets, even under the threat of torture. I'm scared too; I know what's at stake. But, enough with the torture; tell me why you never told me you loved me? Why you've kept me green with jealousy parading endless boyfriends across my sights for the last four years?"
The tears fell freely as she closed her eyes for a few seconds, "You never once said anything….I didn't know how you felt…."
He smiled, lowered his head and kissed the trail of tears to the corners of her lips and whispered into her mouth, "Liar! I've told you often that I love you…I've always trusted you with my heart, ever since you fell off a ladder and landed in my arms."
She stepped back so suddenly his hands automatically reached for her wrists to keep her from running away, she looked panic-stricken, "I'm an idiot…I thought you…that you … loved … me as a friend…never as….."
He pulled her close to him, wrapped his arms around her waist and just before his mouth lowered to cover hers he moaned hoarsely, "As a lover? You're the one that always had to add that friendship relationship clause every time I poured out my heart to you. I've lost count of the number of wounds that phrase 'just as a friend' has inflicted on my heart each time you thought you had to lighten the tension that my 'I love you' declarations seemed to cause. Stay with me and I'll straighten out your thinking on that before the night is over. Stay and let me show you we are so much more than friends, let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. Stay and heal my wounded heart with your love…. Please?"
She melted into the kiss, absorbed his hunger with a long suppressed need of her own, wrapped her arms around his neck, possessively curling her fingers into his gorgeous dark locks, her brain humming over and over again, "He's mine, mine…he's always been mine…"
She suddenly realized why she'd gone through so many 'boyfriends.' She'd been searching for someone to erase the memory of that one mesmerizing soul stealing Red-K induced kiss from Clark at the Talon while they were still in high school. No-one had ever measured up. Now she also knew that the Red-K may have given him the guts to start kissing her, but the way he kissed was definitely all Clark. Sometimes she had thought that her memory had exaggerated the toe-curling effect of that mouth of his. But, oh God, her memory didn't do him justice. She felt adored, loved beyond her imagination at the tender passion from each touch. She felt wanted, needed.
But she had insecurities also and the thought finally scared her, was it true, how long could it last? She began to whimper softly as the tears flowed unchecked and she refused to let him end the kiss, holding on for dear life, never wanting him to let go.
From somewhere her voice seemed to echo her fearful thoughts, "For how long?"
His lips tried vainly to stop the tears as he pursued a trail to her left ear and whispered, "I don't want to scare you away, but anything less than forever won't be good enough…your call. Just don't tell me tonight if you don't want forever. For now if I have to, I'll settle for tonight because I want to make love to you so badly it hurts in every atom of my being. I need you, Chloe. Just one warning: If you do decide to stay and you're still in my bed when the sun comes up and I realize you're real and not just another dream, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to let you go again. I'm not sure I could survive it."
But before she could utter a reply his mouth devoured hers again, his tongue desperately seeking hers, his hands slid down her back and wrapped her tightly against his body. "Tell me you'll stay the night and say it just once to me that you love me. Hearing you tell Dean was a pleasant shock, but I still need you to say it to me, look in my eyes and tell me when you first thought it.."
She didn't loosen her hold, only pulled her head back a little, searched his hunger clouded eyes and whispered, "Forever sounds nice…"
He wanted to say more right away but he had no words to respond to the love and hunger she awoke in him with her reply, his mouth just swooped down and devoured hers, without thought to his strength and that he could physically hurt her. But the strength of her passion seemed to match his; she even appeared stronger to him as he shook with need in her arms, only her embrace keeping him grounded. He finally had sense enough to lean against the wall at the bottom of the stairs to keep them both on their feet as their lips slowly parted and he felt her tenderly kiss away the tears he hadn't realized were on his cheeks.
She finally spoke again, very softly, her glazed eyes looking into his as they held on tightly to each other. "I tried not to think it…I was afraid to hope that you could feel the same way about me. My God, Clark, you're so very special, from another world! The first time you took me to your Fortress, I was so amazed but didn't really comprehend who and how important you are. After the second trip to your beautiful ice palace it finally sunk in how much you will come to mean to us mere Earthlings one day. Someday our whole world will know about you once you accept the destiny Jor-El says you're meant to pursue. You're always so protective and helpful to the ones you love and anyone who needs your help. One day you'll have the best and the bravest to choose from. You seem so out of my league. I'm no-one in comparison."
"Chloe, don't….." he tried to interrupt to tell her not to put herself down; he could never love anyone as he loved her. To him there was no-one better or braver or more loyal and loving.
She ignored him and pushed on with her explanation.
"But, I digress, I'm just rambling on in my nervous way, sorry; what was the question again? Oh, yeah, when did I realize I loved you? The first Christmas, about three months after we met when you rescued me from that ….creep in the alley behind the coffee shop. You barely touched that bas…him and sent him flying across the alley. I had not realized that you were that strong; I figured you were just really mad. And then you picked me up off the filthy ground and carried me all the way to the hospital and waited while they checked me out. You brought me home, stayed with me and held me as I cried my eyes out half the night and finally fell asleep in your arms."
"When I woke up you were asleep but still holding me, your shirt was soaked from my tears but you didn't complain when you finally opened your eyes and asked if I was any better. It hit me then that I loved you. I'd never been in love before and it made me panic. You mistook my reaction as a consequence of the incident of the night before and you told me that I would never have to be afraid again. Of anyone. I only had to call your name, you would always hear me no matter how far away you were and you'd be there in seconds. I didn't understand what exactly you meant but I thanked you and told you that you were the best friend I'd ever had. I thought maybe you were just trying to keep me from panicking, to help me keep calm."
"And five days later when you rescued me from being run over by an out of control truck, I called you my own personal hero. When I asked how you got there so fast, you told me how you'd heard the panic in my voice as your name screamed from my lips. You said that if I truly wanted to understand how you'd come to my rescue so quickly the last two times as well as during the ladder incident at school, you'd tell me the truth. But only if I understood that knowing the explanation could put me in a lot of danger and I had to be sure I wanted to take that risk…."
He remembered, "You told me I could trust you because we were best friends and would always remain such, I could trust you with anything, you owed me your life three times over and you'd die before betraying me." His eyes held hers as he whispered, "I know it's been really difficult and often frightening, but do you regret that commitment, Chloe?"
She shook her head slowly, "No. I'm on the same page as Pete. As tough as it sometimes can get to not slip up and reveal that we are the keepers of a great secret, your trust makes us both feel special. I love you, Clark. I always will. I want to be yours…so very much….I want to stay with you…."
He scooped her up into his arms and sped them upstairs to his bedroom.
At the foot of his bed he hesitated only a moment suddenly shy, set her down on her feet, sat down and pulled her into his lap, "Am I rushing this?"
She kissed him whispering only one word, "No."
He scooted back up the bed until his head rested on the pillow, pulling her with him until she lay on his chest kissing her passionately when he heard her soft sighs.
"I'm all yours, do anything you want with me. Just do not leave me…" he begged.
She smiled, her eyes gleaming at her power over him that she didn't quite believe yet, "What do you want?"
"Everything. Your love. Your heart. All of you."
She kissed him gently on the lips, making him ache.
"I'm new at this…." she whispered. "I don't want to disappoint you."
His eyes searched hers, "You and disappoint in the same sentence? Impossible! What about all those boyfriends you paraded in front of me…?" he couldn't finish the question, he was so surprised that none of them had been smart enough to capture her heart enough to entice her into bed. And he'd almost have bet money that Dean had been one of the smart ones.
She closed her eyes at the disbelief in his, "Why do you think there were so many? None of them could make me forget our one kiss. Guys don't usually stick around for long if you turn them down. And…I …you're kind….of…"
He finished the sentence for her, "Dean wasn't the first one to dislike your friendship with me…"
She bit her lower lip and opened her eyes again staring into his, "Well, they didn't appreciate being measured against you and falling way too low on the Clark chart. I never really wanted anyone else enough …And I never felt that I measured tall enough against the Lana chart to tell you how I really felt."
He turned them over, pulling her beneath him, kissing her madly, trailing gentle kisses along her cheeks, her eyelids and hungry passionate ones on her lips, momentarily distracted by the thought he was ruining her evening gown with his large clumsy hands, murmuring over and over again, "I love you, Chloe. There's never been anyone else. Just you, sweetheart, just you."
For endless moments she lost all thought as she registered only how much she wanted him, her whole body responding to his wild kisses and the sweetest words she'd ever heard whispered from his lips, his hips sending desperate signals of how much he needed her, his hands desperately stroking up and down her sides and finally clasping hers on the pillow beneath her head.
And suddenly he stopped, flipped them over again so she lay on his chest, surprise evident in her eyes, "Did I do something wrong?" she asked shyly.
"Lord, no! But before we share even one more kiss, I think I owe you an explanation and an apology about the Lana question. That doubt should be put to rest once and for all."
"Wait, did you just tell me you've never been with anyone else? You-you mean, you and Lana never…?" she was amazed. "But I thought you told me…?"
He actually blushed which made her laugh and he smiled, "I love your laughter, Chloe. Actually, if you think back on some of those conversations, neither one of us ever said the words, we just let each other assume that there was more going on in the relationships we were supposedly involved in at the time. The first time I think happened when I believed you were seriously hooked on what's-his-name, Daniel, no, it was Michael number 2; I think it was, so I didn't deny it when you assumed I was equally involved with Lana. I am so sorry that I let you believe that. I guess I wasn't very good handling my jealousy. I just reacted in my normal insecure Clark fashion and didn't say a word to deny what you assumed. And I know now that it hurt you. I am really sorry because causing you any pain was never my intention. I thought I was protecting my own fragile ego and didn't think I had the power to hurt the tough Chloe Sullivan. Even though we know just about everything about each other, we've both been quite blind, haven't we? I want us to open our eyes and not hide our feelings anymore. Chloe, I don't want a single doubt in that gorgeous blonde head of yours about how I feel about you and what you mean to me, okay?"
"Okay…" she replied softly, still a little shell-shocked that all her dreams seemed to instantly be coming true.
"Lana caught my eye from a very young age and I had a lot of confusing feelings for her. But the deepest part of me never felt comfortable enough around her to trust her with the real me. Sometimes I thought it was because I thought I wasn't good enough for her and I tried to be different around her, but it wasn't me."
He paused for a long time, his hands gently weaving through her hair as she seemed to hold her breath, biting her lower lip to stop herself from interrupting him.
"I didn't really accept who I am until you. You are so beautiful, Chloe Sullivan. But you did more than catch my eye; you captured my heart, my soul, me. You even captured Kal-El, when you still stood by me after I was so mean to you when I let that wild selfish side control me. From the first moment you smiled at me, I didn't want to be someone else. I wanted you to know me. I wanted your smiles to be for the real me, not someone I thought I should be. With you I didn't want to pretend anything. Even the first few months we knew each other you accepted my insecurities and my strange shyness although you didn't quite understand them. You did ask me once why I didn't chase after the ladies more seeing as how I was so handsome and polite and all and almost every lady I passed turned her head to get a better look. I was shocked, I'd never paid attention, but I was thrilled that you thought I might be handsome."
"I was so madly in love with you, Chloe, I was constantly rehearsing a thousand different ways I could tell you the whole truth about me. I knew from the first day that I would eventually tell you. Keeping it from you never occurred to me, it was just a matter of figuring out how to tell you, trying to anticipate the endless questions you might have and to not freak you out more than I had to. When you fell from the ladder at school that first week, I would have told you if you'd asked how I got there so fast. But you only assumed I'd never left the room so I let you keep believing that. When I came to your rescue in the alley, I almost told you the next morning, but you were so upset, I didn't want to risk it. I just let you know that I'd always be there for you. But when you screamed my name less than a week later, as that truck came towards you, I realized that somewhere deep inside you had believed I'd be there. You trusted what I'd told you, and I knew it was time to tell you the rest."
"I think I trusted you from the beginning that the real me wouldn't scare you off; at least not too much. Your reactions the first few months after telling you the whole truth about me made me feel proud of my heritage for the first time. And even though it took a while, I eventually stopped being disappointed that I wasn't human. You accepted me and taught me to accept myself just the way I was, what I was and who. I knew you would be a loyal friend and I understood what a treasure that was. I did feel guilty that I wanted more than your friendship and I think that's why I let you believe there was more to my relationship with Lana than there ever was."
He could see through her eyes that the journalistically curious wheels in her brain were going full speed, "Spill it, Chloe, you know you can ask me anything."
"Is 'us' really possible? I mean I never questioned it because I thought you'd done it before and all…but if you haven't …do you know?" she asked quietly.
"You know that my father had been here and had a relationship with Lana's aunt. He chose this world for me because our races are so alike, almost identical; just the different sun gives me powers. So, I think the answer to your question is yeah, 'us' is possible, if you want it….?"
She reached for his hands and entwined her fingers with his raising them above his head, slid her body down just a little so that their hips touched and communicated their need for each other. She kissed him teasingly on the nose, but her eyes and her words were serious, "I love you, Clark. And I don't have to think about anything anymore. I know I want 'everything' with you, too. I want all of your love, your heart, all of you. The real you, all sides of you, including the uninhibited Kal. Don't you dare hold anything back."
She leaned down and kissed his mouth, overwhelmed with the feeling that she was finally in the place she had ached for for so long. But as happy as she suddenly felt, she had one or two more question, which she wanted to ask but hesitated for fear it might be too early in this new phase of their relationship. She tried to push the thoughts from her mind, but he had felt the hesitancy in her kiss.
"Chloe, ask it or tell me what's going on?" he whispered softly against her lips, "Trust me, sweetheart…."
She stopped kissing him and raised herself on her elbows and looking him straight in the eye, her brain momentarily all mush at the tender way he'd called her 'sweetheart,' she quietly asked, "Well, you know that I'll wait for you, don't you? I mean if and when you have to finish your training, no matter how long it takes. I won't ever love or want anyone but you."
He started to answer but she put her right hand against his mouth, "One last question first, okay? Can we have kids?"
"I love you, Chloe. I'll work something out not to make the training too long whenever I can't put it off any longer, okay? I don't ever want to lose you. Saving the world from itself, from Lex and from endless other evils and natural disasters won't have any meaning without you, my trusted partner, beside me." he whispered into her mouth as she lowered her head and started kissing him again, moving her hips against him, releasing his hands and slowly pushing his t-shirt up his chest. He mumbled in between kisses, "I thought the busy reporter once told me she didn't want kids?"
"I don't think we were discussing 'us' or 'our' kids at the time, Clark. I always wanted kids, but not if they weren't yours…."
He tried to lift himself to turn them over, to pull her underneath him, to start loving her the way they had both ached for, but found he couldn't move. He was confused but he didn't panic; he knew she wasn't hiding any kryptonite because he felt no pain, just an insatiable ache to love her with his body as much as his heart and soul already loved her.
He suddenly realized he had another weakness he never anticipated and Jor-El had never thought to warn him about even though he must have known: Chloe. And he also now understood why the strength of his hunger when he'd kissed her so desperately earlier had no power to hurt her physically. He truly loved her and that love would never be able to hurt her. Maybe Jor-El had not known this "weakness" on Earth because Clark had not felt it in any of the rather explicit flash backs of Jor-El's earthly affair. Clark rationalized that Lara probably had been the only one that gave his father this feeling of weakness, that so overwhelmed Clark now. Strangely it didn't frighten him. He had just confessed to Chloe that he had always trusted her and now realizing that he didn't care and wasn't afraid of her seeing him at his most vulnerable he knew that he had told her the truth. And he would always feel safe giving her all of himself. His heart and soul had finally found his real home in Chloe's arms. As he reacted to her increasingly passionate mouth on his, the weakness gave him a sudden inner strength he had never felt before.
He decided this strength was his new definition of happiness as he seriously answered her question, "No hundred percent guarantees, but, yeah, we should be able to make babies together, if you really want?" He didn't know why he had made it into a question, there was no doubt left in his heart. But he was still compelled to give her a last chance to change her mind. To give her a last opportunity to really grasp what it might mean to make a family with him, he softly continued, "As far as the Jor-El instruction crystals could anticipate, any children we might have may or may not inherit some, none or all of my powers. You might want some time to think about this, Chloe?"
Her smile was dreamy and glazed her eyes as she whispered wistfully, "Only one thing to think about. They'd be our children, Clark. There's so much love between us. We have so much to give to a very wild young super-powered Lara or Kal to drive us crazy or a sweet mild-mannered Lara or Kal, don't you agree? We'll be so happy, Clark, even if it turns out to be just the two of us, okay?"
He didn't even try to stop the tears that filled his eyes. "God, Chloe, do you have any idea how happy you make me?"
She pulled his T-shirt over his head and he released his hold on her long enough to slip his arms out of it and then pulled her back down to resume kissing her as she whispered, "Yes, and you'll make me just as happy if we can start on making those babies right now."
He laughed softly against her lips and gave voice to the only question left even though he already knew the answer, "As long as you promise to marry me before they're born."
The kiss deepened and he barely heard her murmured "I promise" as their hands got busy undressing each other. They both knew it was time to find out just how much beautiful music one Kryptonian male and one Earth female could orchestrate together.
THE END
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