Homesick

Author's Note: 'sup. it's been a hot minute. if by any chance you're a long-time follower of mine or something, you will find that I recently deleted a good portion (about half) of my fics on here. the ones that went in the purge were ones I just cringed to think about and couldn't stand having them on here anymore—I mean, I've been writing fics since I was thirteen/fourteen years old and some of those just had. to. go. y'know what I mean?

anyway, so here's this. special thanks to Morgan who demanded to read it as soon as I said to her "I think I finished it maybe?" and boosted my confidence enough to post it.

this story is dedicated to Ria as thanks for motivating me (without even knowing you were doing so) to write something, as well as compensation for the purge. I know it's not a Batman fic, but it is something, and I hope it's okay. :-) *heart*

"There you are."

James furiously swiped a hand across his face, scrubbing away any evidence of wetness on his cheeks. He'd just die if he was caught crying, especially here. Here was Hogwarts. It was supposed to be the best place on Earth—he'd only been dreaming about finally going to school since he was a little kid, like Lily's age. And it wasn't like Hogwarts wasn't as brilliant as he expected it to be, because it was—between the train ride which he'd sat on buzzing with excitement and anticipation, the boat ride across the lake, where he swore he saw a glimpse of the infamous Giant Squid, the Sorting Ceremony where he was placed into the house Gryffindor which he was very proud of although there was a part of him which was disappointed that he didn't get sorted in Teddy's house, Hufflepuff, and the welcome feast where there was more food than he thought he'd ever seen in his life, which might have tasted even better than Grandmum Molly's food (not that he'd ever tell her that), Hogwarts was extraordinary and better than he could have ever imagined, and he hadn't even started his classes yet.

But, for some reason, when James lay down to sleep that night in his new four-poster bed in the first year dormitory, he had found himself absolutely unable to sleep no matter how hard he tried to just shut his eyes and drift off.

He didn't know why he was wide awake either. First class jitters? Last night, his mum had asked him if he had any, and James had responded with a definite no. How could anyone be nervous about anything when he was going to be at Hogwarts the next day? It was impossible. She had chuckled at his fervent response and pulled him close to plant a kiss on his forehead despite his pulled face and loud complaints that he was eleven now, thank you very much, and much too old to be kissed by his mum.

For some reason, in the darkness of the first year dormitory listening to one of his yearmates lightly snore, he found himself wishing she was close by to kiss him now. He knew if he were home and stuck awake, he would simply go to her and she would make him some warm milk or even a cocoa to help him drift off to sleep. He wouldn't even have minded her insisting on tucking him into bed, claiming her doing so would help him sleep, even if he was too old for such little kid nonsense.

Thinking of her made his chest ache terribly.

He had never expected Hogwarts to feel so… lonely. It simply wasn't right. Hogwarts was supposed to be like a second home to him—that's how all of his family members described Hogwarts and that was how it was supposed to feel, but instead… all he could feel was the longing of everything he missed. His parents, his siblings, his bedroom even. Hogwarts was extraordinary, but it was also strange and new and while that should have been exciting, tonight it was a little scary.

He felt the sting of tears building behind his eyes as the aching grew stronger. There was absolutely no way he was going to cry in his dormitory, especially not with the other boys around. He absolutely refused. He would not be caught dead crying. He was a Gryffindor, for Merlin's sake! He was supposed to be brave and strong, not sniffling in his bed like a sodding toddler!

Fighting the tears back hadn't helped a thing. That became quickly apparent as James lay in bed trying and failing to steel himself against his emotions. He had to do something—anything at this point. So James had crawled out of his bed, light enough on his feet not to alert the other boys, and in his pajamas and a pair of slippers, he'd snuck out of the dormitory down to the Gryffindor common room. He thought about staying there for the rest of the night as it was empty, but he quickly decided against it—if he thought being caught crying by his yearmates in the dormitory was bad, being caught crying by his housemates in the common room where anyone could just walk in at any time was even worse.

So what was he to do?

He ended up in the owlery, where he sat now trying to make his face look like he hadn't been crying. The voice that had spoken up in the quiet of the owlery had made him jump as he wasn't expecting it, but he recognized the voice immediately and knew who it was without having to squint his eyes in his dimly lit surroundings to make out the person. Teddy.

"What're you doing here?" he muttered.

Teddy walked over and took a seat next to James on the dirty stone floor with a grunt, leaning his back against the wall, close enough that his arm was touching James'. "Looking for you."

James glanced over at him, his brows drawn in confusion. "But how—?"

"How'd I know?" Teddy crossed his ankles, placing his hands in his lap and looking up the ceiling, his posture completely relaxed as if it wasn't the middle of the night and he wasn't up in the owlery apparently about to try sorting out a pathetically crying first year. "Easy. I just remembered what it was like my first night. I got homesick, too, you know?"

"I'm not homesick," James said fiercely.

Teddy elbowed him lightly, clearly not buying it. "Now stop it. I just told you I was on my first night, what makes you think I'm going to think any less of you because you are too?"

James chose not to reply to that. Instead he kept his head turned to the side so as not to meet Teddy's eyes, his gaze on the barn owl which flew through the open window with a mouse crushed in its beak. The owl landed on a ledge and began to tear into its prey. It probably should have been disgusting to watch, but James wasn't very grossed out. He could just imagine Albus' green face if he were here seeing it, though. The thought came with another aching pang. He even missed Albus. He would never admit as much to his little brother, of course, not in a million years, but it was undoubtedly true.

"You're not the only person in this school feeling homesick, Jamie."

James couldn't help but scoff. "You don't know that."

"Yeah, actually, I do."

"How, then?" he demanded. He turned to face his godbrother, his tone challenging. "Since you're so smart and know so much?"

Teddy's expression was gentle as he met James' eyes. "Because I'm in this school, too."

That stopped him short. "What?" he asked stupidly. "You?" That was the last answer James expected Teddy to give. Teddy was now in his seventh and final year of Hogwarts—seventh years didn't get homesick. He was seventeen! An adult! Adults don't get homesick—

Do they?

"Yeah, me," Teddy answered with a good-natured smirk on his face. "What, did you think I'm too cool for that sort of thing?"

He scoffed and lied, "No. Definitely not."

"Because I keep telling you I'm not cool."

"I don't think that!"

"No?"

James scowled. "No. I know you're not cool."

"Ah. My mistake then. Must have been some other reason you thought that."

James again chose not to reply, instead drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He knew what Teddy was asking without really asking, but he wasn't going to answer. This whole conversation—the whole situation even—was far too embarrassing.

"C'mon," Teddy prompted kindly after a few minutes' silence, save for the hooting of the owls around them. He nudged James again with his elbow. "Talk to me."

"You're an adult," he muttered his answer.

"Yeah, I am. So's your dad. Isn't he always saying how much he misses home when he leaves for work?"

It was mostly a rhetorical question; they both knew the answer. He did. James' dad was an Auror and at times his job pulled him away from home for trips that could last anywhere between a few days and a few weeks. It was just part of his job, one they'd all gotten used to over the years despite how inconveniently unpredictable it could, but the one thing that remained constant was that Harry would always express how much he missed them while he'd had to be away.

Teddy had made a very good point, one that James couldn't argue if he tried. "Do you have to have an answer for everything?" he complained.

Teddy smiled. "Yep. Got to keep ahead of your quick-wittedness and all. Don't change the subject, though. Doesn't he?"

James sighed heavily. "Yeah."

"So? See? There's nothing wrong with being a little homesick. It happens to the best of us; young or old, cool or not. And you know something else? It'll get better. And you'll see them again at Christmas and almost wish you were back at Hogwarts where Lil can't get into all your stuff and Al can't ask you a million and one questions. Trust me, you'll be fine. All right?"

James took a deep breath, letting that all sink in. He didn't know if he felt better exactly, but he trusted Teddy's word. If Teddy said it would get better, then James believed him. Teddy was usually right about this sort of thing. He was right about a lot of things, really. He exhaled somewhat shakily. "All right."

"All right. What's say we get back to bed, huh?" Teddy nudged him one last time before he got to his feet, then turned to James, offering a hand to help him up, which James accepted. "So, what brought you here, huh? Of all places? How'd you even find it?"

On his feet now, James shrugged at the questions, a little embarrassed by the answer but this was Teddy he was talking to. He wouldn't make fun of him, not for something like this. "I dunno… I guess I thought I'd write them a letter."

"And did you?" Teddy asked, leading him out of the owlery.

"No. I didn't want to make them worry. And what if they read it to Al and Lil at breakfast or something? I'd just die."

"They wouldn't have shared it with them if you didn't want them to, you know that. All you'd have to do is say so."

He knew he was right. Again. "I guess."

"I think you should still write to them if you want to. You don't even have to send it if you don't want; I think it'll help to just write it."

"I dunno."

"It might help," Teddy repeated. "It's up to you, though. Just think it over, all right?"

James nodded. "I'll think about it."

"All right."

Teddy walked him all the way to the portrait guarding Gryffindor Tower, where they stopped and he pulled James into a quick hug. "You know if you need anything, I'm here for you, right?"

"I know." He shot his godbrother a quick smile, appreciating the hug and the fact that there were no witnesses to see it this time of night. "Thanks."

"No problem. Now get some sleep, it's late and classes start tomorrow. Oh, and James?" he added as James turned to the portrait to give the password, causing James to pause.

"Yeah?"

Teddy's eyebrows raised at him. "How'd you get up there without getting seen anyway?"

The question raised a small smirk from the first year. "A master sneak never tells."

Was it the Cloak? Was it his Skills™? The wizarding world may never know…