AN: Hello anybody who may decide to read this. This is my first attempt to write a long story. Lets hope for all of us that this goes well.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. No plagiarism or copyright infringement intended.

I can't believe my first year of college is over. I can't believe the difference a year has made in my life. The changes I've gone through. The choices I've made. The consequences I've yet to face. I can't escape them much longer.

I boarded the plane that would take me from Rochester, New York to Port Angeles, Washington. I had only one suitcase of essentials deep in the belly of the plane and a laptop bag, currently forced to double as a purse, for a carry-on. The rest of my stuff was in the back of a moving van being driven across the country. As I settled in my seat, I felt a nostalgic mood settling in, and so I pulled up My computer and began looking at pictures of this past year. I hope I didn't cry. My emotions have been crazy this last week. Finals were tough. So was saying goodbye.

I remember first getting to school back in August.

Flashback - Sunday, August 30, 2009

New York Institute of Art at Rochester. My dream school. I'm here. This is what I've always wanted.

"Alice, dear do you know where your dorm is?" My mom asked. I'm gonna miss her so much. I can't imagine how hard it's gonna be when she leaves.

"No, I only came up here for one day months ago. It's called Meyer Hall though. I'm sure there's got to be a map somewhere." I'm gonna be living in Meyer hall this year. I heard its okay. Not the best or the worst place to live. It's the only freshman dorm where they have girls and guys in the same hallway though. That might be kinda fun.

We found a map and looked. We were near it a few minutes ago and drove right past it. We went back and I went in the door to check in and get my key so we can start moving my things in. At the front door, there were two people, a guy and a girl. The guy was tall, at least compared to me. He had short brown hair, green eyes and a medium build. He was smiling widely and looked like a real nice person. His nametag said Robert. Her hair was jet black and layered shoulder length. Her eyes were blue and she was on the thin side. She just seemed bored. Her nametag said Kristen. Both had on the same teal and purple T-shirt. It said residence life. I guess they were the RA's.

Rob spoke first. "Hi I'm Rob and this is Kristen. We're the RA's. Are you checking into Meyer hall or looking for directions?"

"Checking in" I said with a smile. I was nervous before, but now I was jus excited to meet everyone.

Kristen finally joined in, "Great. And what is your name?" she seemed more annoyed than bored. She probably had a lot of people coming in at once.

"Alice Cullen, well technically Mary Alice Cullen"

"Well umm, Alice right, you are right on the first floor. Let me just find your key and I'll show you where your room is." Rob seemed to be a lot more chipper than she was. He looked through a box of small envelopes until he came across one with my name on it. "Right this way" he led me down a couple corners and to room 126. He handed me the envelope. "Your key is inside. I'll let you open the door yourself. Nice to meet you." And with a quick smile, he was off to rejoin Kristen at the front door.

I opened the door and walked inside. It was really a lot nicer than I expected. It wasn't exactly big considering I had a roommate I had to share it with, but I went with rose when she was moving into UW and it was bigger than the room she had to share. I wonder how that's working out for her. It was empty, meaning I get to pick a side. I talked to my roommate last week. Her name is Leah. We decided that whoever got here first could pick a side since neither of us knew which side we wanted. I just picked the right side so that I'm not the first thing you see when you open the door.

My mother and I walked back to the car and found my father loading my things onto a cart to walk over to my building. We helped him finish and got all my stuff into my room very quickly. Being on the first floor had its advantages. We started unpacking and finished that quickly as well. It was only noon and Leah wasn't here yet. We went for lunch and my parents would leave from there, only dropping me off in front of my dorm.

We went to lunch at a nearby pizza shop. We ate, talked and said our goodbyes. I decided it would be best to just walk back; I needed to get to know the area.

When I got back to the room Leah was already there. She was unpacking her things. Leah is really tall. She said that she is only 5'11" but that was really a lot compared to me. She is really pretty too. She had beautiful clear russet toned skin. Her hair was dark, darker than mine was even, a little longer than shoulder length, and very straight. Her eyes were almost black and framed by long thick lashes. Her clothes could use some work though. A lot of jeans and t-shirts. Leah and I clicked right away and got to know each other over a game of 20 questions that was more like 20,000 questions. We then propped open the door to get to know some of the other people in the hallway.

End Flashback

Leah and I became so close so quickly. I really do miss her.

I remember meeting her brother Seth for the first time.

Flashback - Monday, September 7, 2009

Where was Leah? It's 5:45 already. I know she is only 15 minutes late but I'm really hungry. She must still be in the Graphic Design studio. When she's in there she never answers her phone whether it's a class or not. I sent her a text. She could read it whenever.

I'm going to dinner without you, grabbing Paul on the way. We'll be at our usual table, join when you're done. (A/N underlined is a text from Alice)

I grabbed my purse and walked across the hallway to Paul's room. He was in 127. We met him last week when Rob and Kristen had a little mandatory meeting to sorta introduce everyone to living in Meyer. Afterward there was this little awkward party to get us to know each other but we left really early. I cannot emphasize the awkwardness enough. Paul escaped with us. Neither Leah nor I realized he was literally right across the hall from us, so when we invited him to come chill in our room, we were shocked to see where he went when he said he needed to go to his own first. Since then, the three of us have been getting dinner together every night... and sitting at the same table in the back of the cafeteria.

I got in line for a burger. It was long since there wasn't really anything good today. A very tall guy was in front of me. He turned around to talk to me. He was alone in line. I briefly wondered why. He was very good looking. He was maybe around 6'5". He was russet colored with thick lashes and dimples. He didn't have any facial hair and it gave him a sort of young, baby faced look.

"Are the burgers over here any good? I usually eat in the cafeteria on the south side of campus. I'm Seth by the way." he said. He probably lived on the other side of campus then, which explains why I haven't ever seen him.

"My name is Alice, I haven't had one yet, but I heard that they're a little better than the other ones. Why would you come all the way over here? I mean you probably live in Granger if since you said you eat over there. That's a long walk for dinner." I was genuinely curious. He seemed like a nice guy. I wonder if he would wanna sit with us.

"I'm meeting my sister and some friends of hers for dinner tonight. I thought it was weird that we hadn't had dinner together yet and since she wasn't making the trip across campus, I figured I might as well do it." Aww how cute.

"Too bad, I was gonna invite you to sit with me." Oh well, maybe some other time.

We waited in line talking (and flirting a bit) the whole time. We exchanged numbers and made plans to have dinner together tomorrow. I got a text from Leah saying she just grabbed a slice of pizza to avoid the line. Seth's sister called looking for him. He was gonna call her when he was paying so that she could walk him to her table.

We paid for our food and Leah came up to us.

"Hi Alice. Hey Seth, why did you call me if you're with Alice? She coulda walked you just as well as I could." wait, what? "When did you guys meet any ways?" She started walking to our table.

"We actually just met. THIS is your brother. Your twin brother. Right here." she coulda told me he was cute. Wow. All the people at this shcool and Ijust happened to be asked out by my roommate's twin. I bet that doesn't happen too often.

End Flashback

We had gone out for dinner the next night, just he two of us. It obviously didn't work out. He was just a friend now. We laughed about it a lot. Jasper didn't.

I remember meeting him. The attraction I felt for Seth when I met him was nothing compared to what I felt when I met Jazz.

Flashback - Saturday, September 12, 2009

I woke up stressed out. A week and a half ago a dozen of the other fashion students and I decided to put on a fashion show. All of us were freshman and we decided to get a jump on the upperclassmen. This would be the first one of the year. All of the freshmen I had talked to really seemed to love that plan. Show that class of 2013 means business. We had support from other majors, which was good since we needed a lot of help to get this show going.

Because of my "outgoing nature", as put by Jessica Stanley, I ended up as the event coordinator. Leah was really supportive. All of the designers needed to find our own models and she was mine. She also did the fliers that were put up all over campus, with the help of Seth of course.

On Tuesday, I found interior Design freshmen to decorate the room. They did it last night so I was looking at it this morning. It was a very small auditorium, only about 200 seats, so there wasn't too much to do but they did a great job. The theme was Sapphire City. Our class color was blue so we wanted it to be incorporated into everything. I was a little disappointed at first since when I walked in the room, all it was just a bunch of classy subtle touches of blue, but then they put the lights on and closed the shades. It was perfect.

On Wednesday, I found Bree Tanner. She was so excited about the show. She said she and a group of three other Photography students wanted to take pictures for the show. They would all be here an hour before the show. After seeing the auditorium I went to meet with her just to make sure everything was all set for tonight.

On Thursday, I found both a camera crew and a MC. We all had brunch together to go through the specifics of the show and make sure it was all set.

Everything was coming together. By two O'clock, the only thing I had left to do was hair and makeup for a few of the models. Some of the designers were guys and didn't think they would do to good a job with that. I got myself dressed and my own hair done before heading to the venue and starting on the girls.

Before I knew it, it was show time. The room was packed. All the models, designers, photographers, and camera crew members were on time. I didn't meet the photographers yet, so I told Bree to ask them all to stay a bit after so I could thank them. I told everyone else myself.

Everything went off without a hitch. All of the audience was clearing out, getting ready to head to parties most likely. All the people involved were gathering to the front. I caught sight of one of the photographers who was talking to Bree at the moment. He was one of the ones I hadn't seen before. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed him before now. He was gorgeous... cute... amazing... perfect looking. He was tall, not as tall as Seth, but a lot bigger than I am. A bit taller than Leah. Maybe around 6'2". His hair was a little bit curly and long for a guy. Not quite shoulder length. Slightly longer than his face. Maybe it would be shoulder length if it were straight. It was a nice honey blonde color. It was a little darker on bottom; He probably spends a lot of time outside. His eyes were hazel. His eyebrows slightly bushy but naturally nicely shaped. His nose was straight and thin. His lips were very soft looking. The top one thinner than the bottom. His even skin had a nice healthy tan, not harsh or orange. His body was thin, but muscular looking. His outfit gave him a very well put together look. He had on soft lilac colored button up shirt with a navy, purple, and white diagonally striped tie. A navy sweater vest was worn over it. His pants were nicely fitting jeans, darker blue than his vest. I looked back to his face. He smiled a gorgeous smile and I could see that he had deep dimples. His eyes recaptured my attention, a very stunning golden shade of hazel. Deep and thoughtful looking. It wasn't until then that I noticed he was looking back at me.

I cleared my throat. "Hello everyone, if by some chance you don't know by now my name is Alice Cullen" I gave a big smile and stumbled my way through the small thank you speech I had prepared, feeling his eyes on me the whole time. Everyone dispersed and began to clean the room.

I found myself drawn to the same area he was working on. I just had to talk to him. Unfortunately, Bree got there before me. She was smiling and giggly. It was obvious she liked him. I wondered for a second if they were together, just for a second though, then I saw that he was paying more attention to cleaning. He wasn't interested in her. He glanced at me and smiled. He said no words but I knew what he meant by it. There wasn't much left to do by this point so I just sat on the stage patiently. Bree had to leave at some point. He would still be here. For me. He wanted to talk to me. The best looking guy I've seen on this campus.

She was finally about to leave. We were the last three. Soon it would be just him and me. Bree gave him a hug before leaving, smirking at me as if she stole my last cookie before turning to walk away. I guess she could tell I liked him too. He looked back to me and the smile that seemed permanently etched on his face grew. Yep, I'm gone. He walked over to me slowly. We never lost eye contact. It took a second but he finally reached where I was sitting.

"You kept me waiting a long time." I said. I hope he realized I would've waited a lot longer.

"Sorry darlin'." It was the first thing I had heard him say. He had an accent. He was from the south. Probably the Deep South. Louisiana maybe? His voice was deep with a slight rough quality to it. Very calming. "Jasper Whitlock, pleased to make your acquaintance." He gently lifted my hand off my lap and kissed it. Yep, his lips were soft. If I thought I was a goner before...

End Flashback

And I was gone. So far in love from the first time I caught his eyes. So far gone. Over the last few months, I've been so absorbed in him. He's become my whole life. Maybe he always was. I never felt as whole as I did since I met him. This summer is going to be impossible. Maybe the space and time will help. Maybe it will help me be smarter next time he's with me. We've made some not so smart choices together. Now my period is late.

And I don't think I could tell him that I might be pregnant.

I should have told him before I left.

How do you tell someone they're gonna be a father?

Certainly not over the phone.

What happens afterward?

Ideally, when you tell someone that, it would be your husband, or maybe even fiancé. Someone who you've made a long-term commitment to.

As much as I love Jazz, as much as I think he'd love this, I really have no idea. I don't know if he wants kids. I don't know anything really. We never talked about a future together. We never talked about the future at all. The fact of the matter is that when I met him, it really wasn't all that long ago. I don't know him well.

Can I really do this? Can I really change his life right now? Can I risk his plans for the future when I haven't even known him long enough to know what they are?

What If I tell him and it changes everything.

What If I tell him and he's Happy, if he's excited, if he wants it. And then I find out I'm not.

So that's my excuse. I need to be sure first.

AN: so here goes nothing. Please review and thank you for reading.

HopefulEmpath