1Hatred
I love this song. Hope you like the fic. – Kellie
Max slowly sat up in her old bed, a headache inevitable as always. Her long nightshirt dangled at her knees when she stood up, and she almost started crying again. The shirt was black and stained with blood, but it was the only scent she wanted to sleep with ever again. The smell of Fang.
The scene ran over and over and over again in her mind. She had slept in his room and taken everything out of it except the bed so she wouldn't be reminded of him in any way. It hurt enough to even think of his name, or to even look at his shirt. Every time she looked at herself she felt even guiltier. It's my fault he isn't here today.
I woke up today, woke up wide awake
In an empty bed, staring at an empty room
I have myself to blame for the state I'm in today
And now dying doesn't seem so cruel
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway, anymore
She walked out of her room and collapsed on the couch in the living room, trying not to cry again. Her blind friend emerged from his room at hearing her rise. "Hey, Max," he cooed softly. He knew himself that they couldn't speak too loud with her or be too rough with her; she seemed she would shatter at one wrong move. He moved with grace and sat down next to her, just barely missing her feet.
Instead of talking to him she pulled herself into a sitting position and cried into his shoulder. He stroked her back and mumbled "Shh, shh, it's okay," but it didn't help her; she knew that no matter how many soothing words he spoke or how many shushing noises he cooed Fang would still be dead, and nothing could ever change it.
I hate myself for losing you,
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you,
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here
Agrivated, she stood up and slammed the front door with her fist, creating a hole straight through it. "Damn!" she screamed, splinters jamming into her fist and blood starting to trail down her arm. "I'm crying, again! Since when have I been so weak?" She held onto the frame for support, taking deep breaths in and releasing them out her nose.
The tall blind boy came up and ran his fingers down her shoulder. "Max — look, we're all upset, and there's no reason for you not to be. You're going to have to accept that you're weak too, Max. Sometimes." He braced himself for what he knew was going to be a huge, mega, Max-sized explosion.
But it never came. Instead she started sobbing again, coming to her knees right in front of the door. He'd never seen her this weak. Well, he had, but usually she didn't look weak, because Fang was always right there beside her, holding her as she cried or calming her down or knocking her back into reality. Fang wasn't here. He wouldn't be here, not anymore.
You got what you deserved, hope your happy now
And anytime I think about you it's killing me inside
And now I dread each day knowing that I can't be saved
From the loneliness of living without you
"It's my fault, Iggy!" she wailed, clutching the rug below her with her clenched fists. "It's my fault! The white coats had a gun to his head, and I obviously figured they wouldn't actually kill him! He's one of six very rare mutant hybrids. Why would they kill something so rare? They said get out of here, abandon him, or we'll shoot him.'"
Now here eyes were gleaming with what looked like suicide. "And you know what I said, Iggy? I said, 'Go for it,' and the next second, BAM! Fang was dead. All because of me and what I had to go and freaking say. I'm so stupid!" Ramming against the wall again, she clattered to the ground in sobs.
"I want to die," she declared in a whisper. "I can't live with this guilt. I can't live without Fang. This is stupid. I want to die." The blind boy kept his attention on her, making sure she was still around him. Suddenly, there was a loud smashing noise in the kitchen. He could hear the door softly click shut.
"MAX!" he shouted, but the girl couldn't hear him.
And oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure if I'll pull through
I wish you knew
I hate myself for losing you,
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you,
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here
Swiftly, Max had made it to the beach and collapsed in the sand, heaving with sobs once again. Fang, why did I have to be so stupid? Are you in heaven? Or hell? I'm going where you are, she promised, swiping a shell from the shore. Putting it to where the scar remained from the beach episode. She sawed through, not thinking about going back. There is no going back now.
Blood streamed down her arm like a river, emptying into the sand. Her vision had faded and she could see a bright white light inviting her to come join Fang wherever he was. Is he an angel? Did they dye his wings white and stick a halo on his head? I can't believe I've reached this, she thought, I can't believe I've committed suicide.
I hate myself for losing you
And oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew
I wish you knew and oh,
I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway
Anymore
In a couple hours, Iggy had emerged from the house and stood still long enough to realize there was something unmoving in the sand. Slowly, he made his way to it, and the moment he put his hand on it he knew exactly who it was. Max. She was lying a pool of her own blood, her feathers matted with it and her body stained with it.
"NO!" he screamed, slamming the ground with his fist. "DAMMIT! First we lose Fang, and then Max?" he felt like he was at a dead end, but this dead end was full of death and loss. "What am I supposed to do, Max?" he demanded of the dark sky with rolling clouds so endless. "Am I supposed to kill myself now? And leave the kids with no one? Is that what you were thinking, Max?"
Shaking his head, he stared up at the sky. "Screw you, God," he stuck up his middle finger, "for taking the leaders from me. I'm on my own now." He picked up a stray piece of paper and brought it into the house for Nudge to read to him."
"I-It says, 'I hate myself for losing you.' She wrote it to Fang, and she's blaming herself for his death." Iggy had decided that he hated Max.
"It is her fault," he growled, "it's her fault completely. We're on our own."
I hate myself for losing you,
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you,
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?
What do you say when everything you said
Is the reason why he left you in the end?
How do you cry when every tear you shed
Won't ever bring him back again?
I hate myself for losing you
I really didn't know how to end this, so I just kind of stopped. The song is by Kelly Clarkson. I don't own her or the song. – Kellie Packers