Summary: Bellatrix was never born evil. Life itself made her what she became. Having grown up in a family that cared more about magical blood than love and suffering heart ache and disappointment, she became a disillusioned soul. But there is always hope underneath and a fragment of her past makes Bellatrix realise what she once was and what she could still be. She takes a drastic decision, one that puts her life in danger, and she finds a different path in life. One where there is turmoil but also the slumbering love for another person; someone who can also love her in return.

Pairing: Bellatrix Lestrange/Hermione Granger. There are some mentions of loving Lily Evans in her school days.

Disclaimer: The whole Potter universe belongs to the amazing JK Rowling and I own nothing. Also, I have taken a few liberties here with potions as well as years that particular people were in school.

Author Note: This is my very first Harry Potter fanfic. I write mainly femmeslash so this story will contain female/female love. If this bothers you, don't let the door hit you on the way out. If you like it, please review!

For I am shamed by that which I bring forth,
And so should you, to love things nothing worth.
(William Shakespeare – Sonnet 72)

Prologue

From the day Bellatrix was born into the Black family as the eldest daughter to Cygnus and Druella her life had been laid out for her. Bellatrix meant "warrior" in Latin and when she was five her mother told her it was also a star in the Orion constellation and is sometimes called "The Amazon Star". All she had to do, and all that was simply expected of her, was be a willing follower of the rules, not be a disgrace to her family name and live by the expectations put on her. And she did so, without ever asking questions.

Dark curls were her most impressive feature, against her porcelain skin and with big brown, heavy lidded coffee coloured eyes and thin yet blood red lips. Physically she was the most fit and attractive one of the three sisters with round curves in all the right places. Beauty was the wrong word to describe Bellatrix. It was the word people used for Narcissa instead, who was younger and carried her beauty well ever since she was a child. But Bellatrix was... different. Something about her made people turn their head whenever they laid eyes upon her.

She hated her father. He was a selfish man who cared about nothing other than his pure blood wizard family and the pride of keeping its bloodline clean. Yet he carried the burden of shame of having a wife that produced no sons and the family name would die once his daughters married. Often her mother, with tearful eyes, would beg her to try and change. She loved the poor old man dearly.

At the tender age of 11 finally came the freedom she had so desperately desired growing up in the Black house as she received her letter for Hogwarts and she was the first of the three daughters to go to Hogwarts. Stepping on the Hogwarts Express and watching the station fade into nothing behind her opened something inside her she had never experienced before. Before that day she had believed she did not feel anything but starting that day, she knew she was after all capable to feel something after all. She felt the urge to explore and understand and the loneliness did not bother or worry her. Nowhere could be more lonely than home.

Bellatrix was all alone, away from her family. She knew nobody but yet everybody knew her, with her respectable last name. That very same last name had already created expectations of her without even knowing they existed.
That very first time she made her way through the carriages, her bag safely and tightly pressed against her chest until she found a carriage that was empty. She sat down by the window, placing the bag on the floor by her feet and folded her hands in her lap.

Arriving at Hogwarts was an experience that both impressed and terrified young Bella. The big crowds made her feel uncomfortable whereas the solitude of the castle was her pleasure. During the Sorting Ceremony the Sorting Hat placed her in Slytherin and she started her lessons, proving herself to be a skilled young witch with lots of potential.

Bellatrix never spoke much to people and over time some people found their way closer to her while others learned to stay away from where they were not wanted. She found comfort and safety in her own silence, with her own thoughts for company.
She did not enjoy dinner times at Hogwarts. Often she would just walk in to gather some food and leave to eat somewhere she could be alone. The Great Hall would be too crowded. The noises would only make her nervous.
She liked to play with her food as others ate, and would often wait with eating until many of the others had left.

Young Bellatrix could often be found with a book, sitting underneath a tree near the lake or an abandoned corridor in parts of the castle. She could be found sitting in windows looking at the castle grounds as the sun set behind the lake and its surrounding mountains. She was well mannered, respectful towards teachers and finished her homework on time. She worked hard and her skills showed without a lot of practice. Several teachers saw a lot of potential.

But whenever the holidays would break the emptiness and numbness inside her would return and as she made the journeys home, she would watch the world outside her window flashing by. Bellatrix was an extraordinary young woman and what the future held for her was bound to be great. It was when her younger sisters Andromeda and Narcissa joined her at Hogwarts and both were sorted into Slytherin, everything began to change.

She found Narcissa often spend time in the company of both Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy, two young men both renowned for their knowledge and experience of Dark Arts. Lucius even went as far as bragging about this guy that was going to change the world and clear the Wizarding community from shameful half-bloods and dirty little Mudbloods. He was not alone in all of this. Many of her fellow classmates and others from different years were intrigued by this. She stood at the side line as she carefully watched how Lucius manipulated her sister. She wanted to step up, defend her and tell her what a dirty, pathetic little freak Malfoy was. But all she did was stand and watch and hide away, with the safety of her book. Unaware that around her, the darkness had started to close in on her...