Chapter One: I Am Small

Bella POV

"Edward? What are you doing here? I have a ton of studying to do." I asked him when I opened the door.

"I really need to speak to you, Bells." He answered, looking almost sick.

"Alright, but make it quick." I sighed, letting him inside. Edward and I have lived next door to each other since kindergarden, when my Dad decided he didn't want to live in the big city anymore. Edward and I became best friends instantly, and I was so happy neither of us tried tampering with that by dating one another. And I was especially glad we never decided to date when he came out to me at the beginning of sophomore year of high school.

"What is it?" I asked, plopping down on my bed.

"I did something. Something...real bad." He said, sitting at my desk.

"What, Edward?" I asked, confused of why he was siting so far away from me.

"You know, you're the only person I've only come out to, besides my family, right?"

"Yeah, I understand, but how does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, Jess and Lauren were...trying to call me out about it. I was trying to tell them I wasn't gay..." He said and took a deep breath. "And then, I snapped."

"You didn't kill them, did you?"

"Worse."

"Edward, you're kind of scarring me. What'd you do?"

"I told them we were sleeping together." He said after a long pause.

"You WHAT?" I screamed.

"I'm sorry! It just kind of came out!"

"How could you do that? You know what they're going to do! You know what they're going to say!"

"Don't listen to it then!"

"Yeah, this coming from the guy who tells people we slept together so they'd shut up!"

"Bells, I'm sorry!"

"I can't believe you'd do this to me!"

"Look," He said after the screaming was done. "It's the end of the year, I'm sure by the time next year comes around, it'll all be forgotten."

"And what do you suppose I do until school let's out next week?"

"You're going to be so busy studying you won't even hear them." He said and I knew he was right. This would blow over at the end of the year party where plenty of people were going to be sleeping together. "Bells?"

"What?" I asked, still not looking at him.

"I'm sorry. You know I didn't do this to hurt you." He said, and I could here the sadness and guilt in his voice.

"I know, but I'm not ready to forgive you. Not yet."

"I understand, just tell me you'll be able to."

"Of course, eventually." I said, and smiled at him. He didn't stay long, we both had studying to do and it was going to be a busy weekend. By the time Monday, the day of our first final, came along, I'd forgotten all about the rumor Edward had accidentally started. We walked into school together and I could feel everybody's eyes on me. I tried ignoring it, but the whispers and snickers behind us, made that hard.

By my second final of the day, I couldn't concentrate. Two guys came up today and asked if I would offer my services to them, one pulled me into the bathroom and pushed me against the wall, and tried to kiss me. I tried focusing on my Chemistry test in front of me, but I could feel my shirt being lifted. I smacked the kids hand away and asked if I could take my test in the library.

Lunchtime came, but it wasn't the peaceful lunch I usually had with Angela, Alice and Edward. Jessica and Lauren found their way over to us and began talking about the rumor Edward had started.

"So, you pregnant?" Jessica asked.

"No! We didn't sleep together!" I defended. I looked over at Edward, hoping he'd step in tell the truth, but when I all got was the top of his head, I knew he was hopeless.

"That's what they all say. So was it every guy you've ever talked to, or just Edward? I mean it kind of fits, the losers who can't get any form someone else, get it on together." Lauren laughed. I stood up and ran to the bathroom, trying to wait until I was behind closed doors to cry. My day only got worse when I ran into the most popular kid in school.

"Sorry." I cried. I leaned over to pick up the book he had dropped when I rammed into him. "Here.

"Thanks...are you okay?" He asked and my eyes shot up to meet his. Emmett McCarty had never said two words to me, let alone words of kindness.

"Fine." I said and ran away from him. I slammed the stall door shut before completely braking. I was almost calm enough to go back to lunch, but when the bathroom door opened, I knew it was best to just stay put.

"You here about that Bella girl?"

"Yeah, I heard she's pregnant and doesn't know who the dad is. Probably just a guy she had a one night stand with."

"Or that Edward kid who said they'd been sleeping together. I heard they began sleeping together before they were even in high school."

"I mean it makes sense. They're always around each other and always sneak away from public places. They've probably fucked everywhere." They laughed and left when the bell rang. I pulled it together enough to make it through the rest of my finals. I didn't even wait for Edward to meet me by my truck before going home. I ran into my house and locked myself in my room for the rest of the night.

The last week of school passed the same. People calling me a slut, random guys trying to get with me, crying in the bathroom. When the final bell of the year rang, I couldn't have been happier to get out of there. I slept for most of the day on the last day, not wanting to show my face. But Angela somehow convinced me to go to the end of the year party at Jessica's house. We arrived and Alice quickly found us. The stares and whispers were still there, but mostly everyone was drunk and didn't care. Edward didn't show up til almost ten and when he came in, already drunk I became worried.

"Edward? Edward, what's going on?" I asked, holding him up.

"Alcohol! Fuck yeah!" He screamed and I could smell his nasty breath. I had been deemed designated driver so I was unable to drink. "Let's sleep together!" He yelled.

"What the hell? No!" I yelled as he lost his balance. "Geeze, Edward. Come on." I said, dragging him into a empty bedroom. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm perfect. And I'd be even better if I were inside you!" He said, reaching up my shirt.

"Edward! Fuck off!" I yelled, swatting his hand away.

"But...but..." He tried protesting before he fell to the floor.

"God, help me!" I prayed, placing a pillow under his head. He woke up an hour later, still drunk.

"Bell?" He asked.

"Come on." I said, helping him to his feet and helping him outside into my truck. I took Edward to my house, letting him crash on my bed. I went to my computer and opened my Facebook account, to find me tagged in a video. "What the?" I asked, clicking on it. My eyes widened as I listened, the video was only a door, but the sound was what made it. It was mine and Edwards voices, jumbled around to make it sound like we were having sex. I shut it off before it even hit one minute long.

Morning came and I hadn't slept at all. Not only were their rumors about Edward and I, now there were video's of us 'having sex' I kicked Edward out as soon as he was awake, not caring about his hang over. I spent the first week locked in my room, too ashamed to show my face anywhere. My parents were becoming worried, but didn't push me to go do anything. Anytime I logged on, there would be a new comment on the video and Edward had resorted to deleting his. We hadn't spoken since the video was posted.

"Edward, what do you want?" I huffed when I opened the door to him.

"My best friend back."

"No. Do you see what you did? Did you see that video they posted? As if they needed anything else on me! Edward, you have to tell them the truth!"

"And get called homo, and be pushed into the lockers all the time? I don't know if you noticed, but Kurt didn't come back after Christmas freshman year!"

"So you're going to let them to continue to torture me?"

"It's not as big a deal for you! I bet everyone who has been picking on you has had sex before!"

"Maybe, but there aren't videos of them, things like they've probably been fucking since eighth grade isn't being said! Edward fix this!"

"I can't!" He yelled and I starred at him in disbelief.

"Fine. Then until you do...we can't be friends anymore." I said, slamming the door in his face. I fell to the floor, my legs jelly now.

"Okay, enough. What's going on?" My mother asked when she saw me curled up in a ball near the door. "Honey, you've barely spoken to Edward all month, you haven't left your room, and every time I see you, you're crying. What happened?" She asked and I knew I could hide this from her anymore.

"Edward...started a rumor about me." I said, sitting up.

"What?"

"He didn't mean to. Kids were picking on him for being gay, he kept trying to say he wasn't and then he told people we'd been sleeping together. I'm the school slut now!"

"I'm sure that isn't true." She said and I stood up, leading to her to the computer. I logged onto Facebook and showed her everything that was being said about me. She scrolled through each post, each comment, and watched the video.

"Who is doing this? I want them arrested."

"Then the whole school will be arrested! Don't you see that?"

"Honey..."

"And this isn't going to blow over. It's been a month and people are just getting worse!" I cried.

"What if you changed schools?"

"Be the girl who runs away? People would say I left because I was pregnant."

"Bells, it isn't fair to you being there."

"No...but I don't have to be for the rest of summer."

"You haven't seen Ali or Ang this whole time, either."

"I'm not in the mood for friends." I said and ran upstairs, locking myself in my room again. I cried myself to sleep again and just wanted to stay like that. Asleep.

The rest of the summer passed slowly and lonely. Edward refused to tell people the truth and I refused to go anywhere. I dreaded going to school that day, afraid of what would happen. But, nothing I'd imagine they'd do compared to what they did. I walked in and pictures of Edward and I...naked were everywhere. I went around and began tearing them all down, but it was too late. Everyone had already seen them. I ran into the bathroom, ripping the ones I was able to tear down into the trash, and then threw up. I came out and ran into Emmett McCarty, who was holding a stack of those posters.

"I think these are yours." He said, handing them to me.

"Thanks." I said and ran back into the bathroom. Things didn't get better from there, they got worse, much worse. Rosalie said that Emmett had cheated on her when he payed me for my services and that's why they broke up. Mike said I was pregnant with his baby, Eric asked me to sleep with him to make Jessica angry. It was the most miserable two months of my life.

But nothing they did compared to what happened with Ben at the end of October. I was walking outside to my car when I was pulled into his car, he was almost naked.

"What are you doing!" I screamed at him as his hands went up my t-shirt.

"Come on baby. Play nice. Or you like it rough?" He asked.

"NO!" I screamed, pushing him against the door. He didn't even flinch, he came after me again, more determined than before. He began kissing me everywhere and I was finally able to push him away when I found his crowbar in the backseat. I ran like hell back inside to the bathroom. I ran and hid in a stall when the door opened.

"You see Ben with Bella? I guess he isn't getting much from Esme." Jessica's voice said.

"Yeah, or he's cheating on her with Bella. I bet you she paid him." Lauren laughed before they left. I crept out of the stall and hunched over the sink, splashing my face with water. But when I looked up in the mirror, I saw something horrible. A monster. I screamed as I punched my hand through it, the glass shattering at the contact. My hand was immediately bloody, but I couldn't feel anything. I clutched my gushing hand to my chest as I ran out of the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood behind me.

I went into my favorite classroom, the english room. I sat down at her desk and got out a sheet of paper and a pen.

October 19, 2012

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm so sorry. But I can't do this anymore. Life is just going to be easier if I'm not around. I can't take the looks, and people talking about me behind my back. I love you, but...I can't live like this, and this is the life I've been given. Goodbye.

Bella

I cried as I folded it up and took out the bottle of Percocet I stole from my Dad this morning, not intending to ever using it, but things had changed. I let my hand bleed as I took the pills, one by one until I only had five left. What was the point? I asked myself as I felt myself going. I didn't even finish the bottle before I saw black.