Disclaimer: Teen Titan's is owned by DC Comics.
Note: I am not the hugest fan of BBRae, but in their own way, they really are kind of cute. This plot suddenly jumped in my head so I wrote it down. This will only be a one shot, I might do more in the future but I want to see how many people like this first.Lyrics by Evanescence.
She floated inches off the ground. A dark blue, billowing hooded cape surrounded both her body and her face, casting them into darkness. Raven heaved a sigh, pulling her cloak closer to her body.
No-one was at the Titans tower that night, no-one but herself. I don't want to be alone, she cussed at her outburst of emotions but it wasn't long before she stumbled and fell to the floor, tears flowing down her concealed face.
'I don't need anyone.' She fought the emotions and tears away. This happened too much these days, she couldn't let her emotions win her over. It wouldn't be good if I suddenly burst into tears around the Titans, would it? She convinced herself. Closing her eyes and willing away the pain that she had not felt in a long time, Raven stood. 'I have to control myself.' Her dark, emotionless voice hid away any unwanted emotions. There were so many… so many emotions that she hated… no, hated wasn't the word. She loathed them.
'I loathe emotions! I hate myself!' She said in an outburst of anger. Her hand rose sub-consciously, causing a black energy to sprout from them. Two of the chairs neatly tucked under the table suddenly ascended, they hit the opposing wall with a large crash.
Raven grunted in anger, turning around and stalking back to her room, still floating an inch above the ground and still cussing her emotions. She was, however, relieved that there was no one at the tower to see her eruption, otherwise that would cause suspicion to arise and questions flying in her direction.
Little did she know that this fact was, indeed, wrong. There was someone watching her, a spider flew from the wall the moment she slammed her door of her room and walked inside, obviously unaware of its presence. As the spider hit the floor, it changed in a green light. What was once a funnel-web was now a teenage boy.
Beastboy stared at the place Raven was just standing, as if there were a sudden hope of him seeing something else, more of his enigmatic friend. Raven's behavior was, without a doubt, unusual, even for her… especially for her. She had never acted like that before, except for the time that he and Cyborg had stumbled into her mind, but that was long ago.
---
You're too important for anyone
There's something wrong with everything you see
But I, I know who you really are
You're the one who cries when you're alone
---
Why was she crying? Beastboy thought, to no one in particular. He himself didn't know the answer, so it was no point thinking those things. It was a question that anyone would ask, to everyone but Raven herself. And why does she hate herself? There is a lot about Raven I will never know.
Beastboy walked down the corridor of Titan's tower, sauntering extremely slow before he paced Raven's room. Perhaps there would be another clue to her misery if he walked slow enough to hear, see or feel it. He was a little disappointed when there was nothing, not even a trace of evidence that Raven was in her room. Because that was what she was, unnoticed. Someone could walk straight past her. That might possibly be her problem, a sudden train of thought zoomed down that direction, Beastboy could do nothing but think of the possibilities.
There was one thing he did know and that was that this could not go on. Raven seemed so secretive at times, if only she would… open up – if not to him or any of the other Titans, at least to herself. This caused the thoughts to suddenly chug to a stop, then change direction and start up again.
He liked everything about her, the colour of her hair and it's style, the beauty of her face when it wasn't concealed in her hooded cloak, the way her lips would sometimes form into a smirk, evil or not… so beautiful, he mused, a little embarrassed of his forbidden thoughts. Raven was taboo. He could never have her.
But then why did he want her?
Cursing himself for loosing track, he leaned against the wall that separated him from the depths of Raven's room; he had walked even slower without knowing it. As slow as a snail, Beastboy grinned, sometimes only he himself found his jokes funny. Leaning off the wall a moment later, he continued rounding the corner.
And just as he did, Raven emerged from her shadowy lair.
---
But where will you go
With no one left to save you from yourself
You can't escape
You can't escape
---
Raven traveled down the corridor, looking left and right just to make sure no one saw her. She was convinced that there was no way that her friends could be so sneaky… except maybe Beastboy, being able to morph into the smallest of animals. She looked up subconsciously, looking for any traces of spiders or bugs or some other creature.
What if… A feeling of dread came traveling up her spine. She shuddered even under the cover of her cloak. What if Beastboy had seen my episode in the kitchen? She called the outbursts her episodes for no reason in particular.
She couldn't help thinking about the green Titan and his talents. Personally, her favorite Titan would have to be him. Although she would never – ever – indulge him in this fact.
What was she thinking loosing her head back there? Raven had been pondering this ever since she had left for the refuge of her room. It was dangerous, as she had told herself so many times. Another shudder came upon her when she remembered the time with Beastboy and Cyborg in her mind. Her father had almost killed them…
Raven gripped the wall for support, her father, how much she hated him could not be described in words. She regained herself a second later, gritting her teeth and hating herself once again.
She reached the roof after what seemed to be an eternity. Pulling the hood of her cloak down, she found herself staring at the murky water below where she stood. It was so beautiful, mysterious. Just like her.
'You will never know the real you if you don't try.'
Raven jumped, startled by the sudden voice. 'What the-' She breathed. Even for someone like her, unexpected things could still frighten anyone. Now that she thought of it, that voice sounded much like–
'Beastboy?' She asked lightly, not wanting to scare her fellow Titan away before she could explain herself. Nothing moved, however, as she called. She called a second time, this time louder. No reply.
Sighing, Raven registered that it must just be her emotions again.
---
You think that I can't see right through your eyes
Scared to death to face reality
No one seems to hear your hidden cries
You're left to face yourself alone
---
Beastboy had followed Raven up to the roof after all, but ever since she had caught him once, he decided to work on being the master of the shadows, like Raven naturally achieved. He thought of himself improving but couldn't help but blurting something out, 'You will never know the real you if you don't try…' Raven had spun around; he was already in the form of a black cat, blending in with the silhouetted tone in one of the dark corners.
'What the-' He heard her say. Then she called his name. Beastboy wasn't fooled, he stood as still as a statue. That was his big mistake last time she caught him, he had been so enhanced by her serenity that he just… stumbled. He hadn't felt that about anyone… not even Terra.
At the mention of the old teen Titan, Beastboy's cat ears flicked down in sorrow. These feelings were banished, though, when Raven sat cross-legged, beginning her meditation.
Why did she do that again? He asked himself. Oh yeah, to control her emotions. For once he wanted to see the other Raven, the one that wasn't so cold to anyone. That was, however, the most taboo of all.
Forbidden fruit.
Beastboy couldn't help but grin inwardly at his crudeness. He would never mention that thought to anyone, certainly not Raven herself. His mind subconsciously snapped back to the attention of Raven, the object of his desire. She seemed so careful with her mediation, he was as careful with his sneaking techniques. Both took a lot of practice. He had been busted quite a few times by the Titans whilst he was trying to practice. But he was gradually getting the hang of keeping his mouth to himself.
---
But where will you go
With no one left to save you from yourself
You can't escape
You can't escape
---
Raven let everything slip away from her. She imagined the mirror on her bedside table sucking the emotions away into a whole new world where it would wreck havoc there, not on earth, at that time.
Focus… Focus…This voice urged her on, but a moment later she stopped as did her levitation. A sound came from her throat, between a sigh and a groan. It didn't seem to be working. She wanted to scream, but she knew she couldn't. She couldn't let them win. She would wait until the end of time before she let them win.
Maybe if she just…disappeared. Maybe that would make it all better. But then she thought of her friends, Beastboy, Cyborg, Starfire, Robin… she couldn't leave them. They needed her.
'No… they don't need me. It would be better if I went after all.' She struggled to fight back the feelings once again but failed and her whole body started to shake. She had never thought of leaving before.
For one of the first times in her life, Raven was truly afraid.
---
I realize you're afraid
But you can't abandon everyone
You can't escape
You don't want to escape
---
'No… they don't need me. It would be better if I went after all.' The words spoke from her lips in a wounded voice. It punctured Beastboy like a million knives, she wanted to leave? Why?
He couldn't help himself. He transformed back into his human form and walked over to the crouching figure, she was… shaking. Another pang of both hurt and guilt streaked across him, it wounded him more than she would ever know. 'Raven?'
She looked up at him, her eyes wider than he had ever seen them become. 'W-What are you doing here?' Her voice was emotionless again, but he caught the feelings hidden in her eyes and heard her stutter on the first word.
'I'm sorry Raven, you just looked… I don't know… sad, I guess. I came to cheer you up.' Her eyes settled back down again and she averted her gaze before standing up. She spun and took a few steps forward, but looked over her shoulder to see him again. She looked so innocent, but there was guilt written all over her face.
---
I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands
Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone
I can hear you in a whisper
But you can't even hear me screaming
---
'I'm fine.' She was about to go but his hand caught onto her arm before she could go any further. She turned on her heel again, surprised at her friend's sudden proximity. A chill flew up her spine; she was struck by horror when she realized it wasn't of the cold. It felt… warm.
'No your not.' His face was twisted with determination; it took a lot of courage out of him to face her. Inwardly, Raven sighed. Why were they so afraid of her?
You make them afraid. You're emotionless, Raven, and that's all you'll ever be.
'How-How much did you see?' It was the only way he could have known something was wrong with her. Beastboy's face remained hard but his eyes softened. Her voice wasn't emotionless as before… but actually kind of squeaky. She cursed herself with some very colourful four-letter words.
'Enough.' Came the reply. That person, she thought with another chill of the cold kind, that person knows.
Her voice cracked, Raven couldn't stop it. 'W-Why are you doing this? I want to be left alone…' The last part was moaned out; it was the only way to prevent her from bursting into tears again, right in front of him.
'No you don't Raven. You don't want to be alone. I can see it in your eyes. You need to open up to someone, please, just… trust me. You won't be able to fight your emotions forever, don't you see? You need someone!'
'I don't need anyone!' She growled, yanking her arm from his grasp. The words hurt her; it was as if he were telling her that she wasn't powerful enough. I'll show him… She turned to leave again; it was as if her mind was disconnected with her body, making everything she did automatic.
---
But where will you go
With no one left to save you from yourself
You can't escape
You can't escape
---
Beastboy had had enough. He couldn't let her escape again, with the power of a raging bull, he charged at her, pushing her against him and sandwiching her between his body and the wall behind them. She looked up at him slightly, eyes widened with something he had never seen before… fear.
'You can't escape from them, Rae. You're fighting a loosing battle.' Raven looked up into his sincere eyes when the dreaded tears were welling up again. It was as if the Blue Raven from her mind was being conjured up. Another one of her emotions.
'You don't understand-you'll never understand…' She trailed off. Tears blurring her vision and flowing down her pale cheeks. Beastboy longed to wash them away but he had to get through to her first.
'I understand more than you know.' He said quietly. And he did, too. All the feelings he had felt… betrayal, sorrow, anger… along with happiness, excitement and power. Everyone felt, everyone understood.
Raven looked at him again, forcing the tears to stop by shutting her eyes again before staring. 'How?' Beastboy's eyebrows rose but he said nothing, mocking would only make the scene worse. Raven was already hurt; he couldn't hurt her any more. He- He loved her.
Love.
An emotion.
'"How" What?' He asked, not demandingly but forcefully anyway. He had to be, Raven was a hard person to figure out. One minute she was like this, the next, she was as hard as stone.
'How can you help me?'
---
I realize you're afraid
But you can't reject the whole world
You can't escape
You won't escape
You can't escape
---
She saw his face immediately soften. He looked so gorgeous whilst the sun was setting behind him. It lit up his face, causing the light to come from both sides of his face, where there were no shadows. There was no darkness.
And then Raven knew that she wanted to be there, with him.
'Well, I don't think a slice of pizza will help this problem…' The old Beastboy was coming back again. Raven couldn't help herself, she chuckled slightly but it soon died, turning into a silent sob, 'What about two?' She laughed again, this time without trailing off. She had never noticed how funny he could be.
His face grew serious again. She wasn't the only one with mood swings. 'You… can't escape your emotions.' She nodded. She already knew that.
'So don't.'
'Don't what?'
---
You don't want to escape
---
'Don't escape.'
And with that, he cupped the side of her face with a single, green hand and pressed his lips lightly on hers.
End Note: Wow, I finally finished. I'm sorry if the characters are all OOC, I have a habit of doing that. But I think it turned out okay. Tell me what you think. Flames, constructive criticism and, of course, complements (if there are any) are all welcome.
Love,
Exangeline.