I know how many work in progress can someone have. Unfortunately, my mind becomes overly active when I try to avoid my studies. Therefore here is a new story. I don't know how it will be received but I need to write this chapter to focus on my other Richonne fic.
Please, Review.
Prologue
Her mistakes resurface to drown her. In a poorly illuminated bathroom, Michonne stares at the stick in her hand. She believes two pink lines mean positive. However, Michonne is not sure, and so she picks up the box to read the instruction.
"Dip the stick in your urine and wait for several minutes." Michonne reads aloud, and she stares at the cup filled with her urine on the table.
She did as instructed on the box. Michonne does not believe there can be a mistake on the result. Although, she wants it to be a mistake. Michonne stares at the second line in hope that it will disappear. Ten minutes later, the second pink line continues to taunt her.
Michonne draws a deep breath, and she attempts to focus. She needs to be calm, and she needs to think. A loud bang at the door reminds her that she can think at the moment. Michonne stares at the door, but she does not move. Fear tetanizes every muscle of her body.
"Mimi?" Sasha's soft voice fills the room, and the concern overwhelms Michonne.
She can't think with Sasha unceasingly knocking at the door. Michonne deeply inhales, and she continues to stare at the pregnancy test in her hand. How did it happen? Stupid question, she knows the how, but the why it happened is the question, which she wants to ask.
"Mimi, talk to me. Is it positive? You have been in a bathroom from an hour, and I'm worried." Michonne hears the panic in Sasha's voice.
An hour, she believes that only a few minutes had passed. An hour is too long for a moment of panic. Michonne stands, and she continues to hold the pregnancy test in her hand.
"Two pink lines mean positive." The words don't come out as a confirmation of what she knows.
They sound like a confused question. Sasha stares at the test in Michonne's hand, and it is positive. Her medical mind tries to be rational. Her mind races through thoughts.
"Could be a false positive, and we have other tests. Do it again." Sasha unboxes another pregnancy kit with unusual speed.
She puts the test in Michonne's hand and guides her in the small bathroom of their student apartment. Sasha sits on the bathtub while Michonne stares at the unused test in her hand. What is she supposed to do with the test?
"You peed in a cup, right?" Sasha moves from the bathtub when Michonne answers her question with an absent-minded nod.
She searches for the urine-filled cup, and Sasha finds it. She returns by Michonne's side and takes the test from her hand. Sasha plunges the stick in urine, and she drags Michonne to the bathtub.
"Let's wait," Sasha says, and Michonne nods.
She is completely out of it. There is a question in a loop in her mind? Why does this happen to her? She is a good person. She is a proper Catholic though she misses church on non-significant Sunday. She attends Easter mass, Christmas mass, and anything, which matters. She is a great daughter, and she has a sweater to prove it. Michonne is a brilliant student and top of her class. She is a good person, and she should not be pregnant with her married professor's child.
After several minutes, the wait is over, and there is a cross on the test. Positive, the test is positive.
"I don't trust these American things," Sasha says with indignation, and her French snob attitude suddenly emerges.
"It is positive," Michonne says with a monotonous voice.
"Mimi, false positives are common. Until a hospital confirms it, I won't believe this American tests." Sasha says with vehemence, and Michonne envies her friend's conviction.
"It is probably as bad as their socket. Mimi, it's going to be okay. Soon, we will return to Paris." Sasha continues to rant, and Michonne finds it comforting.
"Okay, no panic until I get a proper blood test. Nothing is ruined yet." Michonne steals a piece of Sasha's confidence.
This pregnancy can't be real, and this exchange program will end in two months. She will return to her Parisian's life and laugh about the six months, which she spends in America. Michonne draws a deep breath and throws the test in the trash can. Two days later, she cries when she reads her blood result.
"Elevated beta hCG," Sasha says though she did not expect the result to be different from the home kit.
Sasha wanted the result to be different for Michonne's sakes. She knew from a start that it was a wrong idea to do the exchange program. In Paris, there was no Rick Grimes. There was no criminology professor, who looked like an Adonis. However, Sasha does not point it out. Sasha takes Michonne in her arms, and she waits for her friend to calm down.
"What do I do now, Sash?" Michonne questions.
The friends share a look, and they decide to give themselves a break before finding an answer to that question
The restaurant is almost empty, and they can hear the cutleries graze on the ceramic plates. Rick vaguely thinks that the chickpea and cherry tomatoes soup is a delicacy. An awkwardness fills the atmosphere, and the silence is heavy. He crosses and uncrosses his arms. Rick looks around, and the restaurant continues to empty itself. Three hours and nothing substantial has emerged from their conversation. He grabs his wine glass, and he slowly sips the rich crimson liquid. Someone will eventually break the silence, and for now, he has to deal with the awkwardness. The words stumble on his tongue, but he can't say anything. Rick has tried, but he can't live a double life. He draws a deep breath, and he is ready to speak. He puts his fork down, but her words interrupt him.
"I'm pregnant." She hesitantly says, and her brown eyes fall on the immaculate white tablecloth.
Rick's spoon stills, and his hand trembles. He raises his eyes to stare at his dinner companion. The choice of the venue finally makes sense to Rick. They are not big fans of European cuisine, and the restaurant is a fancy place in Manhattan. Although, the restaurant is a few streets away from his place. His mind refuses to focus on her words, and so he thinks about the restaurant. Ultimately, he moves the spoon to his mouth. A few seconds prior, the soup was delicious, and now, it tastes like peroxide and toothpaste. Rick pushes his plate away from him, and he attempts to find the right words.
"You're pregnant." Rick echoes her statement with a slight desperation in his quivering tone, and he pushes the soup dish further away from him.
The golden soup appears to become an offending sight, and Rick attempts to process her words. He catches glimpse of her brown eyes, and he feels her discomfort. Rick instinctively extends his hand to her for support, but he needs the support too. A pregnancy twists his intricate life. How did it happen? Stupid question but it is a professional deformation. He knows how it happened, and he understands the consequences of a sexual intercourse. Why does this happen to him? He finds the appropriate question.
"You don't seem so excited." Her voice breaks Rick out of his thoughts.
Rick is too flabbergasted to deny her accusation. Although, she is spot on, and the news fills him with dread. Rick stares at the table, and he takes note of the steamy bread, which would be perfect for his soup. His mind wants to focus on trivial details, and a pregnancy is the worst news to him.
"Lori..." He drawls her name with no intention to finish his sentence.
Rick finally retrieves the basic function of his brain, and he forgets about the bread. Although, his thoughts escape his control to focus on the brown envelope in his car. The envelope, which he has carried for the last two weeks. The envelope contains his divorce papers, which he lacks the courage to give to Lori after eight years of marriage and a six years old son. Now, Lori is pregnant, and he is Rick Grimes. Rick Grimes is a good person. He is an intermittent Christian, and he calls upon on God, when times are hard. Rick is a good son as far as he is concerned. From his siblings, he is the only one, who cautiously uses the family fortune. He has a steady job at a prestigious university. Rick is a good father, and he is an unhappy husband. Although, good people are not in love with their student, and they don't plan to divorce because they have a mistress. Why does this happen to him?
"I know we haven't been in the best place these last months. Your job and my job. Carl and more." Lori squeezes the hand, which Rick offered.
He nods at what she said, and he continues to listen. These last months were a culmination of two ugly years, and he may be searching for excuses to justify his liaison with Michonne. Although, he has the excuses of loving Michonne. Rick loved Lori, and he may still love her. She is a beautiful woman, and she is a sensible one. They had two difficult years, and the blame falls on both of them. Parenthood and busy schedules have a way to complicate a fragile union. Their marriage was one of obligation, and they have a great respect for each other. Aside from his uncertain romantic feelings, Rick adores Lori. She is an amazing mother and a great friend. Rick does not know what he can do.
"Lori..." Rick hesitates, and the topic of conversation has a lot to do with his disorientation.
Rick is presently at loss about what to do. He wanted a divorce until the last twenty minutes, and he was sure Lori would agree with him. His wife is pragmatic and rational. She is a good person, and she deserves better than to have a cheating husband. Lori would have been furious, but he could have apologized to her for his wrongdoing. Now, she is pregnant, and he assumes it is three months. Since Michonne, Rick has avoided intimacy with Lori. He is a good person. Why does this happen to him?
"Hear me out. I love you Rick, and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to unsettle Carl, and we have already talked about how our situation affects him. Now, there is this pregnancy, and we aren't in the best place in our marriage. Can we work it out, please?" Lori's voice quivers, and she looks at him with so much hope.
She makes a point, which Rick can't ignore. She loves him, and he does not doubt the veracity of her words. Therefore, he can only feel guilty, and he loves her. Rick loves Lori not as passionately as in the past, but old flames are still flames. They have a family, and his parent raised Rick to be a family man. Carl is six years old, and he needs stability to develop. Lori is pregnant, and she needs him. Although, she did not mention it. Lori needs Rick to go through this pregnancy. Carl pregnancy almost cost Lori her life, and they know the risk of another pregnancy. Lori's heart is not a strong one, and Rick may have to break it. He loves Lori, but he adores Michonne. His affair with Michonne may be scandalous, but it is not sordid.
Anxious and confused, Rick passes his free hand in his unruly curls. He glances at the soup, which is now cold. The bread does not look appetizing any more. Rick's eyes peruse the table, and they stop on Lori's stomach. He ultimately notices the small bulge on Lori's stomach, and Rick thinks of the brown envelope in his car. The envelope with papers, which he needs to burn. Rick Grimes is a good man, and good men don't leave their pregnant wife because they believe that they found the women of their dreams. Michonne should have stayed a woman in his fantasy.
"We can try for the children's sake."
Michonne attacks his lips as soon as the door closes, and her grip on his shoulder is tight. Rick forgets himself, and he returns her kiss with scorching passion. His lips press her bottom lips until she moans in his mouth. Rick pushes Michonne's back against his desk, and the copies fall on the ground. His tongue invades her sweet mouth, and his hands roam on her generous bottom. Rick kisses Michonne with the eagerness of a man, which holds on the vestige of an ending happiness. There is an abandon, and there is desperation. The kiss is sloppy, but there is the restraint, which Rick's fear brings. He kisses her with a dedication to detail and a need to remember how her lips feel. He memorizes her umami taste and the way, which her tongue bends and twists to accommodate his tongue. Rick kisses her until he has the courage to let go.
He abruptly stops, and Michonne continues to hold on his shirt. Hesitantly, Rick pries away her hands from his shoulder, and he puts distance between their bodies. She shivers at the loss of his warm, and she stares at Rick with expectations, which he can't uplift. Rick can't face Michonne, and so he turns to face the wall behind him. Yesterday, he burned his divorce paper, and he has to do the hardest part today. He draws a deep and takes a seat behind his desk to move further away from Michonne. Rick stares at the copies on the ground, and Michonne starts to pick them up. He does not know how to deal with his frustration.
"You don't have to do this." He says to Michonne, but she continues to pile the fallen copies. "Stop and take a seat." Rick orders with a forceful tone.
Michonne turns to look at him, and she finally notices his tense posture. She hesitantly takes a sharp breath, and she does what he required. Michonne knows of Rick's temper like any other student, but he no longer allows his anger to befall on her. Michonne awkwardly sits, and she already senses the worst. She wants to share the unhappy news with him, but she is not sure the moment is adequate. Michonne never gave much thought to a future with Rick, and he was her mistake. Although, a repetitive bad decision is not a mistake. She decided to proceed with her bad decision, and Rick was a bad choice. Now, she needs to face the consequences. Their liaison started as an accident with an extremely chaste kiss, and the kiss sufficed to silence Michonne's moral. Rick Grimes makes Michonne question her values.
"Are you okay?" Michonne asks when she finds the proper use of her tongue, and Rick's taste is still on the tip of it.
A glance at him and she has her answer. Rick looks distraught, and she feels nauseous. Between her anxiety and morning sickness, Michonne does not know the cause of her nausea. However, the knot, which clogs her throat, results from her understanding of what might happen.
"We need to talk." Rick's voice is unclear, and he coughs to clear the emotional undertones.
He should look at her in the eyes, but a glance at her will change his mind. Therefore, the papers on the ground are a great focal point, and he stares until his irises burn. Furious with his cowardice, Michonne taps on his desk, and she glares at him when their eyes meet. She bites her tongue not to start to plead.
"This needs to stop," Rick says with solemnity, and he takes an authoritative tone.
He does not know how to proceed, and Michonne is stoic for a second. She always expected the end, and Michonne is not a naive teen, who lacks pragmatism. Rick is an informed choice, which she made with consequences in mind. She knew it would hurt, and she presently agonizes. The affair is a mistake, but Michonne loves Rick. Love is the incentive for poor decisions.
"What needs to end?" She defiantly questions Rick, and hormones overrule her pragmatism.
"You're my student." Rick attempts to use the obvious argument, and Michonne cocks an eyebrow in a chastising manner.
"It was inconsequential in the last two months," Michonne says with as much calm as she can muster.
The tears are pricking her eyes, and the hormones are working against her pride. Michonne does not want an emotional scene, and she wants to walk out of the room. However, she is rooted in the chair where he asked her to sit. The words collide in her mind, and anger simmers below the surface. She will not make it easy for him.
"I get it that you're angry. I took advantage of my position. I led you on, and now this. I understand if you chose to report me to the school board. I understand Miss Barnes…" Rick continues to pursue on his noble angle.
He truly wants Michonne to punish him, and he wants to lose his job. Michonne does not care for his noble stance, and her mind stops on one word. She glares at Rick, and she forgets her prerogative. Who cares about pride and dignity? Ultimately, she can move from her seat.
"Miss Barnes?" She shouts when she leans toward his desk.
Her name is something so small, and it causes an emotional cataclysm. Michonne had two difficult weeks, and she tortured herself concerning her accidental pregnancy. Not Chonne, not baby, Miss Barnes said with a patronizing tone. Tears follow the anger, and she furiously wipes them. Words die on her tongue, and she does not share anything about her pregnancy. She will look desperate if she does or so she believes. Michonne grabs her bag, and she takes back her seat. She does not know why she has not left the room. Why does she stare at him with a morbid curiosity?
"We can't continue this. It was a mistake on my part and a lack of judgement. I'm an authoritative figure, and you may have felt compelled to agree with me. I will accept the consequence" Michonne allows him to finish his speech, and she collects the remaining paper on the ground.
Rick stares at her, and her actions can't make sense to him. However, Michonne needs to busy herself or she will claw his eyes out. Once she finishes, Michonne has her tears under control. She squashes the need to submit Rick to an emotional tirade. If he wants to paint her as a helpless victim to alleviate his guilt, she will not stop him. If he wants to reduce her love for him to a power abuse, Michonne won't contradict him. He wants to deal with the consequences, and Rick does not know what the consequences of their affair are.
"Okay, professor Grimes," Michonne says, and she walks out of the room.
A month has passed since her confrontation with Rick, and Michonne feels helpless. She senses Sasha's eyes on her, and she puts her glass of water down. Michonne swallows the pills in her hand, and she sits next to Sasha on the sofa. They can't continue to postpone a needed conversation. Sasha lowers the television's sound, and she draws a deep breath. A month of indecision has left Michonne and Sasha at the edge of extreme exhaustion. There is a silence, which is hard to break. There is comfort in saying very little, but Michonne needs to face her reality.
"Do you really want to do this, Mimi?" Sasha asks, and she grabs the bottle of antenatal vitamins.
She silently reads the cover, and there are many questions, which she needs to answer. Sasha does her best to be a supportive friend, but there is a growing need to chastise and scold. From day one, she told Michonne there would be many consequences. However, Sasha bites her tongue, and she chooses to help.
"What do you want me to do, Sasha?" Michonne replies with a question, which she has failed to answer.
What is she supposed to do? She continues to have her criminology classes, and she avoids Rick as much as she can. In two weeks, she has not cried about her intricate situation. What can she do to ameliorate the situation? Sasha does not take the aggressive tone as a personal attack, and she shares Michonne's anger. If she had a chance, she would murder Rick Grimes.
"Consider the options. You're twenty-three years old, and you can't do this alone." Sasha counters with a similar frustration.
"I have considered the options. We went together, and I could not do it." Michonne decides to be levelheaded.
In her situation, the options are close to non-existent. Three weeks ago, an abortion seemed like a natural thing. Sasha held her hand all the way to the clinic, and Michonne could not do it. There was no ideology behind her refusal to go through the process. During the consent form and the memories of Rick, she lost her bravado. There were a few shed tears, and Sasha continued to hold her hand. Sasha booked the first antenatal visit, and they left the hospital.
"Then tell him. I mean that is 50 per cent of his DNA." Sasha follows Michonne's lead, and her voice softens.
She takes Michonne's hand, and she passes her hand through the young woman's dreadlocks. This is a variation of prior conversation. Michonne categorically refuses to share her pregnancy with Rick. Sasha does not understand the reason why, but Michonne does not know how to explain resentment and needs. She needs a reminder of Rick, but she is unwilling to share anything with Rick.
"I was a mistake." Michonne answers with a watery smile and the conversation with Rick refuses to leave her mind.
"Don't tell me more of the bullshit that he said." Sasha's anger returns with a vengeance.
"I can do this alone. I will talk to mom and dad. "Michonne says with conviction, and she wipes the tears before they fall.
She looks at Sasha with an unwavering smile, and her friend wraps her in a hug. Michonne takes a deep breath.
"We're doing this together. In a month, we will be back home. You will graduate, and we will see what comes next." Sasha corrects Michonne, and the thought of returning to Paris is comforting.
"Thank you," Michonne says, and she feels tired.
After a month of indecision, she ultimately has found a solution. In a month, she will be able to forget about Rick Grimes and more. She dreads the conversation with her parents, but she will not back down. Michonne will deal with the consequences of her poor choices. She knew the end would be bittersweet.
"I think you should report him to the board," Sasha says after half an hour of silence.
"I don't need a scandal. I loved him… I was a fool, and I can shoulder the blame." Michonne replies and she does not intend to ruin Rick's life.
"He used you." She insists, and Michonne shakes her head.
"It does not matter now..." Michonne replies while she rubs her soon to be swollen stomach.
"We're doing this." Sasha points at Michonne's stomach, and a genuine smile graces her friend's lips.