Tissue warning.

Title: Bitter Reality
author: Cindy Ryan
category: Death fic, AU
notes: I don't usually write death fics but this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone after I watched the season finale.

NCIS Special agent Meredith Brody was dead. The news sent shock waves through her pseudo family; her team. The ones who had been there through thick and thin. The ones supposed to watch her back. They'd done everything they could but in the end it hadn't been enough. That was a very bitter reality for Dwayne Pride to swallow. It'd been just under ten hours since Merri had been murdered by DHS agent Russo. She'd gone undercover trying to get enough proof to build a case against him. Instead he'd some how found out she was on to him and it'd ended in a shootout in his office. The only justice was that Merri had ended Russo's life before one of his bullets had taken his.

"Chris, I need you to call me as soon as you get this."Dwayne said into his cell phone leaving a voice mail for the younger agent. "Need to know you're okay."

Out of all of them Chris had taken Merri's death the hardest. He'd been the first on scene the one to identify his colleague and friend. After having his girlfriend Savannah murdered by Baitfish just under a year ago Dwayne was very worried about his protege. Ending that call Dwayne dialed another speed dial.

"Percy."Sonja greeted after the second ring.

"Have you heard from Chris?"Dwayne asked.

"No."Sonja replied worriedly. "Are you sayin' nobody's heard from him since Merri..."

"I'm sure he's just cooling off somewhere."Pride commented. "Just callin' around to see if anybody had touched base with him."

"I'll look a few places and let you know if I find him."Percy offered.

"Thanks Sonja."Dwayne acknowledged grimly as he ended the call.

Dwayne glanced over at Merri's desk still riddled with bullet holes from an earlier incident. He hoped the team would recover from this but right now Dwayne wasn't seeing how that was possible.

In the end it was Loretta who found Chris hours later. She spotted his truck in Merri's driveway when she returned home. Loretta quickly left her car in the drive and walked over to Merri's apartment. She wondered why no one had thought to check here first or perhaps they had and he hadn't been here when they had looked. The windows were dark but the sun was just setting so there wasn't much need for lights inside yet. Loretta knocked twice on the front door and then waited a few minutes before letting herself in.

"Chris?"Loretta called as she entered the living room.

Only silence answered.

Loretta tried not to think too much as she moved through the familiar apartment. One crisis at a time. As she reached the kitchen Loretta glanced out at the small back yard and let out a sigh of relief at a familiar sight. Chris was sitting on the back deck a beer bottle in one hand staring out at the yard.

"Chris?"Lorretta called again as she pushed open the back door.

When Chris glanced her way Loretta's heart broke. She was used to dealing with grief but seeing it in such large volume and all at once nearly moved Loretta to tears herself. Still she knew she had to be strong for her friends.

"Dwayne's been searching the entire city for you."Loretta explained as she stepped onto the deck. "He's really worried."

"Turned my phone off."Chris replied sheepishly. "Guess that wasn't a good idea."

"Let me call him quick and I'll be right back."Wade stated as she placed a gentle hand on LaSalle's left shoulder before turning and reentering the apartment.

"Pride."Dwayne greeted on the third ring.

"I found Chris; he's alright."Loretta reported grimly. "Well physically anyway."

"Where was he?"Dwayne asked relief clearly in her friend's voice.

"Merri's."Loretta replied softly. "I'll call you later."

"Okay. Thanks Loretta."Dwayne said ending the call.

Loretta took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to ease some of the tension from the knew her grief would come later. For now Loretta knew Merri would want her to look after Chris.

"I don't even remember driving here."Chris said after several long minutes of silence. "I was just thinkin' about...what happened and ended up here."

Loretta sat down in the other chair. She waited knowing Chris needed to talk at his own pace.

"Damn it, I knew her goin' undercover was a bad idea!"Chris said his voice rising with each word. "I knew it, Loretta and I trusted King...trusted Merri."

"There's no way you could've known."Loretta began quietly as Chris sprang to his feet.

"We're supposed to watch each other's backs."Chris began as he paced. "I failed..."

"Chris..."Loretta said softly.

Suddenly the beer bottle Chris was holding was airborne. Chris threw it against a small retaining wall that separated a flower bed from the deck on the left side of the backyard. It shattered against the rocks on impact sounding very loud in the quiet yard. Chris slumped against the wall by the deck door then slid all the way into a sitting position drawing his knees to his chest. He blinked away blury vision.

"I failed her."Chris said again his voice breaking and he cleared his throat to strengthen it. "And I can't do nothin' but mourn her...Russo's dead; it's over. Bastard's dead."

Loretta eased out of the chair and sat next to Chris.

"You didn't fail her."Wade stated firmly.

Chris shook his head.

"You were all working the same; to bring down someone who could have killed hundreds."Loretta continued. "You couldn't cover everywhere at once. That's part of being a team."

"I miss her already."Chris said quietly.

"So do I."Loretta agreed sadly.

"It's gonna be so hard going back to work without her."Chris stated after a few minutes of silence. "How do we do that?"

"Lean on each other."Loretta replied meeting Chris's gaze. "That's how families get through tough times. This is going to be as tough as they come."

Chris placed an arm around Loretta's shoulders. For several minutes they just sat there in companionable silence. Then slowly they began to trade stories of Merri Brody. It was full dark by the time Chris stood ready to leave. He felt drained physically and emotionally like somebody had run him over a few thousand times.

"You can stay."Loretta offered. "Danny's at a friend's; there's plenty of room."

"Appreciate it."Chris replied with a shake of his head."But I need to go home; get my head straight...well that'll take more than tonight but I'll get there. Thanks Loretta."

"You know where to find me."Wade said as Chris hugged her briefly.

Chris turned to leave.

"Come on I'll show you out."Loretta suggested. "Need to lock up."

Chris and Loretta entered the kitchen and she closed the deck door locking it. Chris walked through the living room as he reached the front door he turned back. The place held so many memories of Merri. Dinners with the team; beers just the two of them after a tough case. Chris knew her friendship would be an ache that would never truly heal. He missed Meredith Brody and always would.

Loretta returned from securing the apartment and followed Chris out the front door. Chris got in the truck started it and left. Loretta was right this was as tough as it came. Chris had lost people in the line of duty before. This was some how worse. When you joined Dwayne Pride's team you joined a family. That family now was shattered; broken. The days ahead would be hell but they'd pull through. Chris knew they would because of one reason; Merri would want them to. She would always be family.

end