Author: verdant quest
Pairings: HP/DM, HG/RW
Genres: Parody, Humor, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slash, implied strong language, implied sexual acts
Summary/Author's Note: A Harry Potter Universe version of the "Little bunny, FuFu" song. All in good fun, not to be taken seriously.
Little Bunny, Harry
Little bunny, Harry, hoppin' through the Dark Forest ™, scooping up the field ferret and boppin' him on the head.
"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! @#$%! STOP IT, POTTER!"
And down came the Good Witch ™ and she said: "Little bunny, Harry, I don't want to see you scooping up the field ferret and bopping him on the head—we'll loose school points! Or I'll turn you into a goon."
"Er…Hermione? What's a goon?"
"Oh, honestly, Ron. Don't you ever open your textbooks?"
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Little bunny, Harry, hoppin' through the Dark Forest ™, scooping up the Field Ferret and boppin' him on
the head.
"STOP IT! #%@&* you ***! HEY, SCARHEAD, did you #%^*@ HEAR ME?"
And down came the Good Witch ™ and she said: "Little bunny, Harry, I don't want to see you scooping up the Field Ferret and boppin' him on the head—especially since you haven't finished your History of Magic essay that's due next week! Or I'll turn you into a goon. Anyway, you shouldn't be going into the dark forest, even in your animagus form. It's dangerous. And Professor Dumbledore will be forced to take disciplinary action if this continues, Harry."
"Argh, homework! Let's go practice on the Quidditch field again instead. Whadda ya say, mate? After all 'ermione, we've got the weekend—Oi! You don't need to hit me, woman."
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Little bunny, Harry, hopping through the Dark Forest ™, scooping up the Field Ferret and boppin' him on the head.
"Ow! OWWW! Hey, mind the hair, Potty!"
And down came the Good Witch ™ and she said: "Little bunny, Harry, I don't want to see you scooping up the Field Ferret and boppin' him on the head—remember, I'm a prefect, and I'll have to speak with Professor McGonagall if you don't."
"Weren't you supposed to threaten to turn him into a boon?"
"A GOON! Goon, not boon. Honestly…BOYS! Where was I? Oh, yes. Or I'll turn you into a goon."
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Little bunny, Harry, hoppin' through the Dark Forest ™, scooping up the Field Ferret and boppin' him on the head.
"Ooh! Yeah! Right there. You sexy #@%**, Potter! DON'T STOP!"
And down came the Good Witch ™ and she said: "Little bunny, Harry, I appreciate you encouraging cross-species relations, but don't you think it would be better to refrain from copulating in animagi form? What if Rita Skeeter is around? You'd never live it down."
"ARGH! MY EYES! No offense, mate, but I think I'm gonna ask Madame Pomfrey to cast OBLIVIATE on me. Or maybe I'll just go find Snape, he'd stun me if I ask, don'tcha think?"
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AFTERWORD:
So little bunny, Harry, escaped the fate of being a goon.
Field Ferret (DRACO) submitted to bunny Harry's boppin' expertise happily ever after.
Ron found that a few days stunned in a dungeon did wonders for his mental health. He turned over a new leaf and dedicated himself to learning about such fascinating creatures as goons.
The Good Witch ™ (HERMIONE) was dutifully impressed and devoted herself to balancing her life with her new lover (RON), and covering up for bunny Harry and Field Ferret.
Naturally everyone got what he or she wanted.
Even Snape found happiness in his new psychiatric practice, where he stuns his patients and leaves them in cold rooms until they awaken refreshed and prepared to change their bad habits.
The End.
PS For those of you who are deprived of knowledge for the abbreviations of character names, this is a Harry and Draco story, with a dash of Ron and Hermione.
PPS For those of you who can't figure out who was speaking, I've coded the text: Bold is Draco/Field Ferret, Underlined sentences are Ron speaking. The rest of the text belongs to the narration and to Hermione/Good Witch ™.