Hello, Miss Author Lady! We Still Exist!

A message from Kiba (at Shino's expense) to Miss Author Lady

"Damnit, Shino… we've been on hold for three years."

Kiba tapped his foot. Shino adjusted his glasses.

"Three years is a long time," he observed.

"No duh," Kiba muttered under his breath, folding his arms. He scowled; "When d'ya think the wait'll be over?"

"When it's over," Shino simply stated. Kiba chuckled, despite himself.

"Man, but that's three years, and I haven't been laid once! When're we gunna get to the part of the fic where I get laid?" he griped good naturedly. Shino arched an eyebrow.

"You've already been laid once," Shino observed, then added, "You need a different hobby."

The dog-lover scoffed. "Maybe you just need to rearrange your priorities, you're like a fucking monk. ...and that thing with the creepy drug dealer guy in drag doesn't count. That was more like… rape. Or something. It was gross."

Shino tilted his head. "I think it was more like molestation," he decided, "But it was gross."

"Damn right it was," Kiba sniffed, "Fucking author's outta her mind."

"I don't think questioning her sanity will help you get laid," Shino mildly chided. Kiba stamped a foot impatiently, looking around.

"Where the hell are we, anyways?" he breathed Shino didn't even bother to look around.

"Hiatus," he said briefly. Kiba began sniffing around. Shino watched him bemusedly, assuming a more relaxed posture.

"Doesn't smell like shit," Kiba finally sighed, raising his nose and giving one final sniff. Shino vaguely wondered what "doesn't smell like shit" smelled like. Kiba answered for him. "No smell at all. Everything's all white, too. Man, this sucks."

"It is rather bleak," Shino admitted, also looking around.

"I don't like Hiatus," Kiba haughtily decided, folding his arms again. Akamaru yipped in agreement. "It's boring here."

Shino adjusted his glasses again. "Of course it's boring," he replied, "It's when the author takes a break from writing, so nothing happens and we simply wait until she either finishes the story or forgets about us-"

"Forgets about us!?" Kiba squawked. "How could she just forget about us!?"

Shino shrugged. Kiba howled.

"Noo! Miss Author Lady!" he ran around frantically, waving his arms, "You can't forget about us!! I still have to get laid, and Shino here is still a virgin, and when do I get to fuck him!?!?"

Shino stiffened, somewhat alarmed. "What makes you think that will happen?" he asked. Then he had another thought; "What makes you think I'm going to let you…" his eyebrows drew down, "do anything of the sort. To me."

Kiba laughed maniacally. Obviously, the nothingness was getting to him.

"Because I just know!" he crowed. Shino frowned.

"How do you know?" he inquired softly. Suspiciously. He began looking for possible escapes. Except, of course, they were in Hiatus, and there was nothing in Hiatus except for them.

"The Author Lady told me so!" he cackled.

Shino sulked. The author lady hadn't thought to tell him. Kiba danced gleefully around Hiatus while Shino silently wondered why Miss Author Lady hadn't thought to tell him something that clearly affected him.

Maybe he didn't want Hiatus to end.

"She may never finish," he quietly reminded Kiba. Kiba stopped dancing. His face fell.

"Nooooo," he moaned. Akamaru whined, glancing between the two nin. Kiba looked up, and noticed that there was something above Hiatus. It looked like a giant person.

"That must be Miss Author Lady!" he gaped. Shino looked up, taking a step back. Kiba began to wave his arms.

"Miss Author Lady!! Down here, in Hiatus land!! Look! It's Kiba and Shino-" Akamaru barked, "-and Akamaru! Remember us? Finish that damn story so I can finally get laid, and Shino can stop being a virgin, and we can have lots of sex!"

Shino closed his eyes, silently praying Miss Author Lady couldn't hear Kiba.

---

Miss Author Lady looked around her room, vaguely worried. She thought she'd heard someone saying something about Hiatus Land and Lots of Sex. Not possible. She was the only one home.

Shaking her head, Miss Author Lady returned to her facebooking and general lack of life.

Shino thanked God.

Hello all! This is The Cynical Optimist (who used to be Proverbial Phrase, for those of you who were around back then...)

Please don't kill me...

I know I have been away for a super super duper long freakin' time... and I apologize. I bet most everyone has completely forgotten I exist, but that is okay! I'm planning to at least finish what I started years ago, and maybe start some new stuff along the way. I wrote this out of lack of inspiration, and for need of remembering what the characters are like. I'm still stuck in pre-Shippuden Naruto world... aka, I'm only 50 episodes into Shippuden, and may or may not get any further. So in all of my fiction, assume Shippuden has never happened unless I say otherwise. Yeah.

Please- tell me if my portrayals of Shino/Kiba are off, or have changed at all since my old stories! This (attempts to) portray Kiba and Shino as they appear in What I Never Had, which will have a title change when I begin updating it. I also realize my writing style has changed since I left off. Please tell me if the new one is acceptable, or if I should keep studying my old one to try and get back to it as much as I can. I've been reading a lot of JBMcDragon, so I probably sound somewhat like her. (PS: the Great Bathroom Mirror Escapades are freaking awesome. Read them.)

I'm sorry I have been away for so long (three years and counting...) but look on the bright side- it wasn't permanent! *knock on wood*

I will warn you that it will be a /long/ time before I update any of my real stories. I plan to finish all of them before I start updating them, so that no matter what, they're done. And we won't wind up with another three+ year hiatus on them XD

Lotsa love, hope everyone's been doing well.

(Look forward to a Neji x Shikamaru installment of the From Hiatus Land mini-crack!series)