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Maybe...
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A child hood would be considered nothing if it weren't for a child hood friend. Someone who laughed with you years ago, someone you shared your first times with, like riding a bike or climbing your first tree. A child hood friend is someone who will always hold a small piece of your heart even after years of separation, they hold that part of your heart because they were there when it was first formed, and sometimes they are the one who made it.
A child hood friend is someone who rips your heart out because they won't ever know about your feelings for them and in the end will leave you for another.
"Hinamori..." He whispered, his eyes were focused on the moon but his heart was aching for nothing but her.
It had only been moments ago that he had seen her wore face on the large screen. Her dark circled eyes crazed with her love for the traitor Aizen...
'Aizen'
His brow creased as his knuckles turned white, that man was one of the few people to spark such anger from the mere mention of his name. Toushiro blamed him from Hinamori's condition and also blamed him for getting in the way of his loves affections.
Many nights the young captain had stayed up thinking about what might have happened. If Aizen had never come along perhaps Hinamori's affections would have gone to him, perhaps he would have come to be her god, the man she held such high respect to. Maybe she would be with him now, sat next to him on the rooftop under the moon light. Maybe she would be lent against his chest while he wrapped a strong arm around her tiny frame, maybe she would lean into him and their lips would meet, maybe they would share a long passionate kiss that Toushiro had been longing for...
"Maybe maybe maybe, you should stop living in a world you know isn't real. It will distract you from reality and make you weak."
Hyōrinmaru's advice was always something Toushiro listened to, only on this occasion he didn't want to hear it. What could a sword possible know about love? About his affections towards a girl he could never have.
"Be quite."
The ancient weapon growled in disappointment, Toushiro knew it was wrong to dismiss him so rudely but at that moment he didn't care. He didn't want to hear the truth about his situation, all he wanted to hear was her voice whispering the words of returned affections.
He remembered briefly the words of his lieutenant; she had been waiting outside the door when he came out. He gathered she had heard his conversation between him and Hinamori, she had also seen the look on his face when she had to be knocked out by Yamamoto.
"I'm sorry..." That was what she said to him, sorry.
He had thought over and over what that word had meant. Was she sorry that his love had gone insane? Was she sorry because she knew it was never going to work between the two? Or was she sorry that Aizen was still the one Hinamori longed for?
Perhaps it was all those reasons, many more.
The young captain sighed and rested his back against the cool tiles of the roof, his arms folded behind his head and served as a pillow while he continued to stare at the moon. Hinamori had once told him that when she looked at the moon she thought of him, Toshiro was sure she didn't think of him in any romantic way but... it was still nice to hear that she thought of him.
There had been many good times with Hinamori, even after their childhood days had vanished. He had often seen her in her quarters; sometimes she would come to him. Granted their times together were always short as she was busy and, him being a captain, was to.
He wondered if she knew how much he cherished their times together, sure he may have acted cool and indifferent to her but... deep down he loved every second being with her.
If only he had told her, if only he hadn't insisted upon acting like an adult and not acting on his childish crush. Maybe she would have said she loved him to, maybe she would have forgotten all about her obsession with Aizen, maybe...
"There you go again, I know you're hurting but this is doing you no good. No good at all."
He didn't reply.
"Let her go Toushiro, move on before your heart becomes too injured to heal."
'Hyōrinmaru do you remember when I promised to always protect her?' The sword was a little confused but answered its captain with a small yes. 'There was another promise I made, silently, that no one ever heard.'
"And that was?"
'To always love her.'
The sword didn't respond, it knew that it was never going to break its master resolve to love the lost girl.
Toushiro sensed that his partner had backed down and he was grateful, he needed more time to reflect. A war was coming up, one that would involve thousands over human souls and lives. He only had winter to prepare for the war, in that time he needed to be his strongest, to have his mind focused on nothing else.
Not even his love for her was allowed to distract him.
His mind flashed to the look on her face when she begged him to "save" her Aizen-Taichou, tears were falling from her eyes, she looked, in all honestly, lost. Lost from reason and lost from him.
"Forgive me Hinamori I didn't keep my first promise." She had been hurt, both physically and mentally. And he, the one who swore to protect her, hadn't been able to stop it.
"But I will always keep my second."