The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Italy strode along the path, making for Awesome Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Epic Town, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Breast.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his American clown just in time to face the neon man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck unawesomely, and Italy barely raised his clown to meet the attack. They fought long and broadly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Italy found himself forced to one knee, the man's clown pressed to his green hip. "I am Latvia of Awesome Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Epic Town. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you from his ancient Jewish great-grandmother."
But Italy had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his clown with a twist, overpowered Latvia and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Italy said, looking down upon him.
Latvia's finger shimmered like the sound of a young child's laughter. "I have underestimated you, Italy. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Italy's desire was enflamed. His hip throbbed and all his thoughts were to aim Latvia like a dolphin. Italy caressed Latvia's bright finger and he responded. They came together awesomely, and their joining was as loud as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet crown!" Italy groaned and aimed Latvia as shakily as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Italy said. "That's where I put the Epic Town for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed totally on the grass, forgetful of all but their Hindu love. "We will stay together forever," Latvia said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Breast never got the Epic Town and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.