It was a Wednesday when they got the news. It had been a normal day. Well, normal day for the past few weeks. Tony hadn't been feeling too good for a while now, and Steve had taken it upon himself, being the loyal boyfriend that he was, to nurse him back to health. Or, he would have.
Steve knew something was wrong after the first week of Tony being ill. When he got ill, he would moan all the time, about feeling awful, that he was too hot, or too cold. But he said nothing. Steve could still tell that he was suffering. It didn't occur to him that the reason he wasn't doing his usual whining, was because it was worse that he could imagine.
On that Wednesday, Tony had decided he wanted to watch a film. He'd chosen Monsters Inc. because it was light hearted and funny, he really needed some of that right now. Of course, whatever he had chosen Steve would have agreed to.
"Sir, in coming call from Dr. Banner." JARVIS's cool voice sounded over the noise of the film. Tony's head snapped up from where it had resting on Steve's chest. He suddenly felt dizzy. Steve had to reach out to steady him.
"Steve? Can I talk to him in private?" Tony asked, looking up at Steve. His eyes looked tired. But they weren't tired like after he'd spent a night up in the lab, or after another battle in New York, now a days he looked permanently tired. Steve merely nodded and left the room. He wanted to stay, obviously, but he was in no position to refuse Tony right now.
Tony sat forwards and put his head in his hands, while Bruce's face popped up on a clear screen in front of him. Bruce's face gave the news before his lips even moved. "I was right, wasn't I?" Tony's voice croaked again. Bruce merely nodded. "Sometimes, I fucking hate being right." Tony said angrily, furious tears filling his eyes.
"I'm sorry Tony. I tested it like you asked. The tumor, like you said, it's cancerous." Bruce's voice was brittle, but steady. He was good at staying calm. "You should get a specialist though, I doubt that I'm really qualified to say - " He was about to carry on speaking when Tony cut him off.
"No. No doctors, no hospitals, nothing like that. I'm Tony Stark." He gave a hoarse and hard laugh. "Tony fucking Stark. Iron Man. And I'm gonna die, from cancer? That's just taking the piss." He said dryly, the tears had stopped and his face was hard. Pain was seeping through his eyes though.
"Tony, you may not die. There's not even a - " Once again Bruce was cut off by Tony's dry voice. Tony looked up from his hands and stared at Bruce.
"Estimate. Guess my chances. And how long too." He said forcefully. Bruce took a deep breath.
"I'd say the odds are 40 to 60. I don't know when. You need a doctor. And if you don't mind my asking, when are you going to tell Steve?" Bruce asked, and Tony inhaled sharply. Shit, Steve. Tony had no idea how to tell Steve this. How do you tell the person you love more than anyone in the world that you're gonna die? With difficultly. That's how.
"I don't know Bruce. I'm gonna do it now. I think. I've gotta go. Bye." He said, rubbing his temple. He could feel a migraine coming on.
"Bye Tony... I'm sorry by the way. Not that it helps." He said, and Tony shrugged and shut down the video call. He was right. Sorry wouldn't help, sorry wouldn't do anything.
"So, you don't know the specifics? If you'll ... live?" Steve's voice was tight, and he had to swallow as he spoke to keep from crying. His eye's were threatening to reveal his true feelings though. "And, if not, how long you'll have... left?" Steve was really struggling to find the right words. Tony couldn't die. He had been at the hands of death many times, he could be defeated by something so apparently simple.
"No. I don't know anything like that. Bruce said he would run some tests but -" Tony was leaning against the kitchen counter on their floor on the tower, clutching a cup of coffee to his chest. His gaze was pointed at the wall, if he looked at Steve and the pained look on his face he was trying so desperately to hide he'd break. He couldn't do that, he promised himself to stay strong.
But Steve had stopped his sentence with a firm hand on his wrist. The height difference was reversed, because when Tony had told Steve the news, he sat down while Tony had stayed standing. Steve looked up at Tony, their eyes meeting and their feelings were now obvious to each other. Both of them were scared. Terrified. And these men had both seen unbelievable things, monsters, aliens, but the prospect of losing each other scared them both more than that.
"I know you. You don't want the help, or the hospital visits or anything like that. But you need it. I won't let you suffer, because you will if you don't." Steve didn't break eye contact with his boyfriend. Even if Tony didn't want help, he was going to get it anyway. Steve knew if was selfish, but he couldn't lose Tony. No matter what he had to try.
"Okay." Tony said simply. The only reason he had agreed was because he wasn't ready to leave Steve yet. An even though the next few months or even years would be hell, it would be easier with Steve than without him.
"You mean it? You'll try?" Steve asked, sounding hopeful. Tony nodded and smiled. Steve pulled on the sides of his shirt and tugged his into his arms, pressing his face to his chest. His partner just stood there, letting arms build shelter around his, and making a note to remember this moment.
***1 Month Later ***
"Tony. Tony let me in." Steve was knocking on the bathroom door that Tony had bolted shut. He'd had his treatment about a week ago, and now he'd lost all his hair. Steve thought that's when it really set in for Tony, that it was real. That he was really ill.
For Steve it had set in for them when the doctors said they weren't sure how much treatment would help. But Tony had kept to his promise and gotten the treatment anyway.
"Give me a second Steve." Tony said on the other side of the door. His head was giving him hell, and he had just vomited the little amount of dinner he actually ate. He could hear Steve sigh on the other side of the door. He hated Steve seeing him this weak, but there was no way around it.
Tony walked over to the sink and took a gulp of mouth wash, swished it round before spitting it back out again. Then he walked over to the door and slowly removed the bolt. Steve had his arms crossed leaning against the door way. "Hey." Tony said, smiling faintly.
"Hey yourself." Steve replied. "Couldn't keep dinner down?" He asked, not as a conversational thing, but just checking how he was doing. Tony shook his head. Steve pulled him into his muscular arms, and his sick lover rested his head on his chest. "You should go to bed." He said kissing the top of his new hairless head.
"I don't really feel like leaving the bathroom, if you know what I mean." Tony said sheepishly. He still had his days where he was obnoxious and cheeky, but right now he was too tired for that. Steve nodded let go of Tony, and disappeared out of the room. When he returned, he was clutching two pillows and a blanket.
"I'll stay with you." Steve said firmly. He sat down next to the toilet and pulled Tony down next to him, where he rested his legs on Steve's lap. Steve barely even felt it. Tony had lost a lot of weight recently. They had been sitting there for about five or ten minutes, making simple conversation. Natasha and Clint had finally gotten engaged, Loki had returned to Earth after he had redeemed himself in Odin's eyes, to talk to his brother, Pepper and Happy were now expecting a child, and other things too.
Suddenly Tony sat up, and hurled himself over the toilet, vomiting again. Steve rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head once more. Once he was finished, he asked Steve to pass him the mouthwash. While doing so, Steve yawned.
"You don't have to stay y'know? You look tired. When was the last time you slept for more than three hours?" Tony asked, lowering himself back down on the floor.
"When you last slept for more than three hours." Steve answered, being completely honest. If Tony woke up in the night, Steve would be there for him.
"There's not much for you to do, it's not like you have to hold my hair back." Tony said bitterly. It wasn't just the fact that he'd lost his hair, it's what it meant. Or rather, that he wasn't sure what it meant. Was he fighting a losing battle?
"Really Tony? The treatment might of caused that but it's helping you get better." Steve said, sitting down on the edge of the bath tub, pinching the bridge of his nose. Tony snorted.
"It's easy for you to say that." He scoffed. "But I'm not exactly the best looking guy right now am I?" It was true. He was paler, and more tired looking. His head did look strange bare, but it didn't matter to Steve. Tony didn't know that though. "Soon you'll be sick of the sight of me and want somebody better."
Steve didn't answer. Well, at least he didn't say anything. He got up and strode over to the cabinet that was above the sink. He opened it and began rummaging around for something.
"Steve? Steve? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean you would, I meant that you should find someone be - What are you doing?" Tony asked, sitting up straight, though not getting up.
Soon Steve got out an electric razor from the cabinet, and the shard buzzing noise filled the room. Hair started falling to the floor, blonde pieces drifting down by Steve's feet. Tony just stared in wonder. When Steve was finished, he didn't say anything and just sat down next to Tony, pulling him into his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around him.
"There. We're matched now." He said after a minute or two of silence. Tony was still shocked. Steve smiled at his expression, and for the first time in a while, Tony smile genuinely.
"You just shaved your head." He said, still smiling. "I can't believe you just shaved your head." He was laughing too.
"Me either." Steve confessed too. They were only laughing though, because it was one of those moments where you had to laugh or cry, and the pair were both sick of the latter. After that, Tony yawned and they both went to bed. For the first time in God knows how long, they both slept straight through the night.
*** 3 Months Later ***
Faded light seeped through the window into the hospital room. Steve's head had lolled to one side when he fell asleep, and the heat of June was making him feel sweaty and slightly ill. He took of his jacket but didn't turn the air conditioning on. He knew how cold Tony got so easily these days.
Tony was sleeping peacefully. Well, it looked peaceful. The doctors had given him something to ease the pain he was having, and maybe something to get him to sleep too. Steve wasn't sure, as Pepper had signed the papers, even though she was now five months pregnant. Steve had suspected the stress wasn't good for the baby, and sent her home.
Slowly, Tony started blinking and eventually opened his eyes. He smiled at the sight of Steve, who was smiling right back at him. It was nice for Tony to see him first when he woke up. Steve's hair had now almost grown back to the point where he had shaved it in the first place. Tony's hair hadn't grown back at all though. "What time is it?" Tony mumbled sleepily.
"It's around 3PM." Steve said quietly. He pulled the wheely chair over towards Tony's head and kissed him lightly. Tony closed his eyes and smiled into the kiss. "You sleep good though?" He asked, gripping Tony's hand and pressing a kiss to it.
Tony nodded sleepily. The doctor had already spoken to the two of them. There was nothing more they could do apparently. They would try and however make him as comfortable as possible before hand. All Tony needed though was Steve by his side. Tony scooted over on the bed, and Steve slid on, lifting Tony slightly so his sick boyfriend could lie partly on him. Steve began stroking patterns onto Tony's arm.
After a moment of silence, Tony spoke. "I'm not scared anymore." He said calmly. Steve turned to look at him, slightly confused. "I've lived a good life. I've been successful, I have great friends, not so much in the family aspect. But I have you, which is more than I could ever ask for, or deserve really. I feel that if it's meant to be, this won't be the end. I mean, not offence Steve, but you're not going to live forever. And when you finally kick the bucket, I'll be there. I'll have waited for you. Unless, of course, you decide to move on. Which I'd be fine with. I'd prefer you found someone new than felt alone forever."
"Tony," Steve began. "I don't think I could find someone new even you wanted me to. No one could compare to you. But carry on with what you were saying." Steve said, looking back at his boyfriend. Tony looked away in thought.
"I'll wait for you. Even if you live for a hundred more years, I'll wait. I'm stubborn, you know I will." Tony laughed. "I don't want you to cry either. Cause we'll be together again. I know it. I'm the genius after all." He said, smiling back at Steve. "What did the doctor say it'd feel like?" Tony asked, looking back to Steve.
"Painless." Steve answered. He thought back remembering what the doctor had said. "You start feeling tired. And then you'll find it harder to breath, and then you'll just drift off..." Steve didn't get to finish his sentence, because his voice would crack if he did. Tony even said he didn't want him to. But his throat was suddenly very dry and he felt like just sobbing there.
"Oh yeah." Tony said, now remembering the conversation. "Steve, I want you to know I love you. More than anyone I have ever known or met. You've been the greatest thing that has happened to me. I don't want to leave you ..." His voice broke and tears had filled his eyes. "But I know I'll see you soon. So just, stay here with me tonight. Hold me."
"Of course Tony, I'm not going anywhere. And I love you more than you probably know. You saved me." Steve kissed Tony, and Tony kissed back. Not for very long, but he had the feeling there weren't going to be many more kisses shared between them.
"Steve, I'm tired now." Tony yawned and turned so he was nose to nose with Steve. He closed his eyes and kissed Steve quickly again.
"Then sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. I love you." Steve said kissing Tony's forehead again.
"Night. Love you too." Tony mumbled as sleep took over him.
Steve stayed awake for most of the night, watching Tony sleep, breathing in and out peacefully. He only awoke when the sound of Tony's heart monitor flat lining woke him. Doctors rushed into the room, but they already knew what had happened. Steve held his breath and insisted that he got home before he let the tears fall, wanted to be in his home where he could cry openly, about losing his love.
Tony's funeral was simple and elegant. Closed casket, and Steve sat at the front with Pepper and Rhodey. He wore a simple black suit, and Pepper wore a veil. Tony would of said it looked silly, but Steve thought it was quite nice.
He was supposed to make a speech, but couldn't quite manage. Bruce ended up taking over and reading it out. People made their apologies, then slowly drifted off until only the Avengers, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Jane, Darcy and Coulson were left. A heavy silence filled the room. Then Clint stood up and raised his glass.
"To Tony." He said, and everyone chorused it.
Pepper had her baby, and it was a beautiful baby boy. She named it Lewis, and gave him the middle name Anthony, after Tony. She also made Steve God father.
Loki and Thor returned to Asgard, once Odin had said it was okay. They still came back down every once in a while, to check in on people, or if SHIELD were having a crisis.
Clint and Natasha postponed their wedding for a later date, because they wanted to let Tony's death sink in before they began planning. Clint did however ask Steve to be best man.
Steve never did find anyone else, although not for lack of trying. No one seemed right, all he wanted was Tony. That led him to believe Tony was right, and that he'd see him soon enough. He could just tell.