A/N So I thought we all needed something from the early days. From a time when our world wasn't blown apart. I wrote this a while ago and it's not perfect but I figured i'd post it as its not depressing. Not that it's happy exactly, just a look into what Mark might be thinking in a slightly AU world where Lexie doesn't ask him to tell Derek but he comes to that conclusion by himself.

As for my other stories. Well i'm struggling a bit at the moment, I can't seem to remember how to construct a sentence. Plus everytime I try and write something another story idea pops into my head which totally sidetracks me while I jot them down. They're not forgotten about, I promise, they're just slow in the making.

Ever fallen in love with someone?

Ever fallen in love

In love with someone?

Ever fallen in love

In love with someone

You shouldn't have fallen in love with?

For Mark Sloan it had always been about the sex. He got what he wanted between the sheets and then sent them on their merry way before morning, never allowing them to sleep over, never to be thought of again. A different woman every time. It was sex for the sake of sex. He couldn't get caught up in feelings, the last time that happened he slept with his best friends wife. Nothing good was ever going to come of that. He lost Derek as his best friend and even though Addison and he tried to make their affair into something more, they both realised it was pure lust, nothing more.

So why was this girl any different? He couldn't understand what happened. Why was she asleep in his bed, hair sprawled across the pillow as the soft purr of her breathing filled the otherwise quiet room? Why was she still here, three months after the first time? Why was she wearing his ratty old Columbia t-shirt and not lying naked in his covers? And why the hell was she still wearing her panties? The Mark Sloan from the not so distant past would have been mortified by the idea, but here he was, watching in awe as she slept beside him, wondering if life could ever get much better than this moment, right here, right now.

She shouldn't even be in his bed in the first place. Derek had told him in no uncertain terms. "Little Sloan does not enter Little Grey." "Big Sloan" Mark had countered, and although it had been said in jest the warning had been clear enough. And he heeded Derek's word, he really had, even though the more he tried to stay away, the more he wanted her. What he hadn't accounted for was her turning up one night at his hotel room and seducing him. When she was stood in nothing but her underwear asking him to teach her, he was sure that even a man with immense willpower would give in once their eyes settled on her body, and he was not one of those men, he was Mark Sloan. Man whore extraordinaire.

So he took her in his arms, into his bed and he broke his promise to Derek. But Derek had been wrong, she wasn't fragile, she was just lost, like he was. Two lost souls that came together that night and never really looked back. Because it wasn't just the sex that they enjoyed. They talked, they laughed and when she went to leave, he stopped her. It was late, he didn't want her wandering the streets at night, she would be better off staying with him, he could keep her safe. And that thought alone should have terrified him, but he never thought twice about it.

The first night, she may have come to him but the second night was all Mark. He had told her that it couldn't happen again and not twelve hours later he was pulling her through the door of his hotel room, barely making it inside before they parted with their clothes. That was how it started. They both knew after the second night that there was no going back, there was no pretending this didn't happen, not that they wanted that anyway, either of them, and the rest of that week they spent together.

He had told Lexie about Derek's interference and she agreed to keep this secret. If Meredith was showing concern she could only see that as a good thing even though she thought she was going about it in completely the wrong way. But after a whole week of Lexie spending her nights at Mark's, questions were raised by Meredith. "You're never at the house, where are you staying?" Lexie brushed it off the best she could, she was a busy intern, she almost always ended up sleeping at the hospital. "You don't seem so upset about George anymore, are you sure it's not because you've met someone else?" So she had told Mark she had to spend a night at Meredith's because she was getting suspicious.

His stomach knotted at the memory. God he had missed her, he didn't sleep at all that night. He had to fight the urge not to turn up at the house and show Derek exactly what he thought of their deal. But he didn't, he laid there in his bed feeling lonelier than he ever had before, but this time he wasn't looking for anyone else to fill that space. It wasn't even the sex he wanted, okay, he wasn't going to lie, he really wanted the sex, but the thing that kept him awake that night was the absence of her body beside him, the smell of her pomegranate scented shampoo, her sweet smelling perfume, the peaceful look on her face as she slept. So the next time she decided she needed to make an appearance at her sister's house, he decided that they take the risk of getting caught: she didn't contest his decision. If her practically jumping him the minute he entered the hospital that next morning was anything to go by, she had hated being away from him just as much as he did. After he nearly got caught by Derek though, they decided that maybe they would be better off sticking to his hotel room, so that's what they did. She occasionally went home with Meredith only to sneak out in the small hours where she knew he'd be waiting for her.

They had settled into the routine quite easily, it was almost domestic if he hadn't being living in a hotel room ready to up sticks at any moment. Whatever this was he was finally happy for the first time in a long time, this relationship was the best thing in his life right now. Hell, did he just say that word? That wasn't a Mark Sloan word. That's the kind of word that leaves you drowning your sorrows when the other person realises that you really aren't this other guy hiding behind the man whore exterior. But as scary as that word was he realised that that was exactly what this arrangement was quickly becoming and it wasn't a scary prospect, the idea of spending more time with Lexie, apart from the fact that Derek would find out and kill him.

He couldn't do this anymore, lying to Derek was so much worse than the promise being broken in the first place. He knew exactly what he needed to do, no matter how much it was going to hurt, he knew it was time. He had to come clean. Derek was supposed to be his best friend, he'd understand, if he was a true friend he would understand.

And if not, well, he didn't need him in his life. He always had Callie as a friend. She supported him, she believed in him, kept their relationship a secret and only interfered when Mark had such a smug grin that she just had to know the details. She never told him how to live his life. That was a friend. So even though he had known Derek since childhood, loved him liked a brother and most probably owed Carolyn Shepherd his life, he could give him up, if Derek couldn't understand that this time it was different then he would have to live without him. He could erase Derek Shepherd, with his perfect hair and judging eyes, from his life. He would do it if it meant he could be with Lexie.

"Lex?" He whispered.

She didn't respond. He found her ear and whispered again, glad that she was asleep. The words were barely audible, but they were out there now, regardless of whether she heard him or not.

"I love you"

He really was going to have to tell Derek, because there wasn't a cat in hell's chance that he was letting Lexie go.