Disclaimer: I Do not own any of the Red Dwarf characters/objects etc. Therefore making this a simple Fan Story ^_^

Authors Note: I've not written anything since 2005 and all of that Rubbish was Deleted so in a sense this is my First published Fic on the site. So... I hope you enjoy.

- This story is based Before Season One of Red Dwarf. So Before Rimmer and the rest of the crew died etc.

All reviews and constructive criticism is welcome. I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm not going to make excuses, apart from sometimes I fail at things like that ^_^

Warning: This story will contain pretty mature content such as suicide and other "taboo" subjects so if you're easily upset or offended I suggest giving my story a miss.


Chapter One

"I'm Sorry, I've gotta go back. The Mission can't run without me."

"But... I love you?"

"I love you too, but this is something I need to do."

A small tear trickled down the young girls face. Her blue eye's pleading with him, but it was useless. He'd never meant for this to go any further than a holiday fling, and now his leave was over he wanted to make as quick a get away as possible. Though his no strings attached fantasy was fading fast. This girl just wouldn't give up. It'd only been a week and already she was in love with him? As he tried to feign interest in what she was talking about his mind wandered to other more important things, like the big curry that he'd be chowing down on in just a few hours.

"Dave, will you write to me when you're away?"

"Of course I will."

But he wouldn't. He never wrote to the girls he met on Planet Leave. It was a bit of fun and that was it. If they got too attached that was their own fault. Anyway she was young, couldn't be older than eighteen. She'd get over it.

"This is Ridiculous" a voice in the background muttered.

Dave ignored it. He needed to make this as quick and painless as possible. For her of course, not for him. He couldn't care less. All that mattered to him right now was getting back and having a nice can of larger and a smoke. Not long till the shuttle arrived and then he'd be free of her, it couldn't be more than five minutes away.

"*Ding* Shuttle Arriving at Bay Three" announced the tannoy.

"That's me Hun, I've gotta go!"

"Oh Dave... One last kiss?"

Forcing a smile he leant into her and planted a soft kiss on her slightly parted lips. Then grabbing his duffle bag from the floor, he swung it over his shoulder and gently placed his finger on her lips before she could say another word. He smiled at her one last time as the shuttle roared into the bay, and then spun on his heel and walked away without another word. He was home free.

"Lister, do you have no heart in that fat gut of yours?" A voice chirped up from behind him.

"Oh Shurrup Rimmer, it's nothing to do with you."

"But Listy-Poo, you know I can't help but ask."

"Smeg off Rimmer, I'm not in the mood."

As Lister and Rimmer boarded the shuttle, the young girl stood watching as the man she believed to be her boyfriend disappeared into the throng of people. Tears were now streaming down her cheeks, lips trembling and sobs racking from deep inside her chest. The sad thing is, Dave Lister, the love of her life wouldn't even remember she existed in a few days.

As the two pushed their way through all the happy people disembarking from the shuttle, ready to start their planet leave, Lister tried to put as much distance between Rimmer and himself but to no avail, Rimmer was sticking to his side like glue, a goofy smile plastered all over his face. Lister's little fandango with the Titan girl had amused him no end and would fuel his berating of Lister for at least a few weeks. Making it past the last few stragglers, Lister shoved his bag into the luggage compartment and sat down heavily on the plastic shuttle seats, massaging his temples with his index fingers, Rimmer hot on his tails.

"I can't wait to have a Smegging curry" Lister muttered under his breath.

"Will it aid the heart break Listy?" Rimmer beamed, sitting down opposite him.

"Will you SMEG OFF!"

"Now, now Listy no need to throw your toys out the pram, I'm only having a laugh."

"Well it's not funny... She was a pain in the proverbial, I'm just glad to be outta there!"

"I Thought she seemed nice, brain dead for dating you, but nice nonetheless"

"Christ Rimmer, Shut The Smeg Up. It's not like you could do any better!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rimmer queried, although a little hesitantly.

"It means you're the most obnoxious guy I know. You're a pathetic, brown-nosing, weasel. You've got less charm than maggot infested road kill. You've only had one woman in your life and she was concussed. Face it Rimmer no girl'd ever want you. You're a poor excuse for a human being" Lister spat in retaliation.

Lister's little outburst surprised even himself. He felt the colour rising in his cheeks and the guilt rising from the pit of his stomach. He looked over at Rimmer and saw the hurt look that now engulfed his whole face. Rimmer had wound him up sure, but he should have tried to be the bigger man instead of stooping to petty school ground insults.

"Rimmer man, I'm sorry. I'm... I'm just tired; I didn't mean to say that..."

Rimmer didn't even look at Lister when he spoke. He didn't even hear him. All he could hear was the blood pulsing in his ears. Lister was right, and Rimmer didn't know which hurt more. The fact that Lister was right, or the fact that he was in fact that sorry excuse for a human being. His face prickled hotly and his eyes began to sting. He wouldn't cry in front of Lister, he wouldn't give him the satisfaction, not this time at least. Blinking a few times, he forced himself to calm down; he could spill those tears later when Lister was off drinking in one of the ships bars. Shifting in his seat, Rimmer turned to look out the window, trying his hardest to ignore Lister. He may have been right but this was the final straw. Lister always thought he was better than Rimmer, just because he could charm the ladies, and it wasn't just Lister who believed themselves to be superior to Rimmer, it was everyone on the ship. Emotions began to swirl inside Rimmer; anger, fear, resentment all swirling and balling together, creating a rather sickening feeling in his stomach.

Soon the shuttle lurched and slowly came to a stop inside the hanger of the Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf and with a loud hiss the doors slid open. Grabbing his bag and ignoring Lister's protests Rimmer left, shouldering Lister hard as he walked past.

"Don't be so pathetic Rimmer; you know I didn't mean it man!" Lister Called.

But this fell on deaf ears. Rimmer didn't care, and right now all he wanted to do was take some pain killers for his throbbing headache. Barging past his colleagues and co-workers, everything seeming like a blur as tears welled in his eyes, he made his was as quickly as possible to his dingy living quarters. Bursting through the door he yelled "Lock" at the top of us lungs and then collapsed on his bottom bunk. Pain seemed to be pulsating from round his eyes and forehead almost unbearably and as he tried to fight back the tears it just seemed to make it worse. He'd always suffered from stress headaches, usually brought on by exam revision and his total lack of understanding, but this took it to a whole new level. Forcing himself to a sitting position he pulled open the drawer on the side of his bed and moved around the various revision time tables and bits of paper searching for his pain killers. Then among the debris of the drawer he saw it. A dog eared and faded photograph. On it was a pretty middle aged woman and a stern militant looking man stood close together. In front of them knelt down and smiling were three handsome boys of varying age in varying uniforms of superior ranks in the Space Corps. They seemed like such a happy and proud family. Then, there in the corner of the picture, barely visible was a skinny young boy whose expression was one of pure unhappiness. He looked like an outsider, like an ostracised leper, the brother that nobody wanted. It was Arnold Rimmer.

Snatching up the photograph he shoved it into the breast pocket of his shirt, it was one of the only picture he had of his family all together and he could hardly bare to look at it. Even his family couldn't stand him, he was the let down child, the one that everyone bullied, the one who couldn't do anything right. He was a failure in everyone's eyes, including his own. Not even bothering to be careful with his possessions he moved things aside roughly until finally he found the bottle of pain killers. Clicking the child proof lid off he gazed at the mountain of small white tablets as they conjured strange but tempting ideas in his mind. These could be his release, the escape from his pitiful excuse for a life. He would never have to worry about anything again. Getting up from his bed he wandered over to Lister's locker and pulled it open, there hidden under piles of dirty laundry was a bottle of ship issue vodka that Peterson had got Lister for his birthday. Maybe it was the pain, or maybe it was the excitement of finally escaping but Rimmer's head spun with a dizzy light headed sensation as he walked over to the bed with Lister's vodka. With a thunk he sat down, vodka in one hand, and pain pills in the other.

He couldn't do this... or could he?