What happens when Santana finds out the truth behind 'Pretending' and 'Light up the World'?
Who really wrote them?
What does it mean for Santana and the decisions she has to make?
Chapter 1 – Pretending
Knock knock. A quiet, but firm sound echoed around the room.
"Come in." A gentle voice responded. The Latina entered the mostly empty hotel room to witness the blonde sat on the floor, sheets of papers surrounding her.
"Hey B… What you up to?" Confused, Santana takes note of all of the screwed up sheets, and the paper with thick blue scribbles over them.
"Oh, hey San. I'm just writing a song for Nationals." Santana had picked up on the distracted tone in which Brittany spoke. Before saying anymore, Brittany carefully picked up the four sheets of paper nearest to her, and slipped them into her bag containing a cat-shaped pencil case and numerous pads of paper. Santana was completely oblivious to the whole movement.
"I thought Berry demanded those privileges." Santana's eyes were cold. She disliked Rachel and her diva ways more than anybody.
"She did. Well, I assume she did. I stopped listening after a minute because I starting thinking about ways to get Lord Tubbington to quit smoking." Brittany's face showed no signs of joking. Santana turned towards Brittany, with an understanding smile. "Anyways San, I don't want to sound mean, you know I love your company the mostest out of anyone, but I really do need to finish this song." Stunned was the only way to describe how Santana felt after that comment. Brittany had never shut her down like that before.
"Oh… Erm… Sure Britt. I'm Sorry." She didn't mean to stutter, but her body betrayed her as she was heading towards the door. Tears weren't forming in her eyes yet, but Santana felt as though she has just been heavily winded. No one has ever had that effect on her before, except maybe the physical battle she had with Lauren Zizes, but size dictated that was an unfair fight.
"Don't be sorry San, this isn't your fault." Brittany recognized the hurt in Santana's face. Despite what everyone else said about her, Brittany wasn't stupid. In fact, she was more intelligent than most of the other members of the Glee club. Not academically, but Brittany noticed things. She was observant, extremely observant. Linking pinkies with Santana, she smiled towards her. Santana smiled back. Only Brittany could effortlessly put Santana back in a calm and happy mood.
"I just need to get this song finished. I want to make you proud." A shy smile covered the blonde's face. Once again, Santana was stunned.
"B… You don't… Why… I mean…"
"Its okay San, I'm doing this for me too." Santana was still unsure of what to say, but before she knew it Brittany's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her in for a hug. Everything felt right again.
"I didn't mean to upset you, I just… you'll see." Brittany whispered whilst embracing her best friend. A reassuring smile letting Santana know that she has nothing to be worried about.
"Okay B… Well you finish that amazing song! Please wipe that cartoon grin off of Berry's oversized face!" With that, Santana silently left the room, leaving Brittany alone once again.
3 long hours later, Santana found herself sharing the girl's hotel room with the other 11 members of the Glee club. Brittany stood in front of all of them. Her nerves visibly showing. Santana would give everything to be able to go up there and give her a big hug. As if Brittany knew what Santana was thinking, she looks in her direction, giving a barely noticeable shake of the head. Brittany was fine. She was going to do this and Santana knew that whatever was about to happen, Brittany would stay true to her promise and make her proud. Eventually everyone hushed down, Puck started the song with a few guitar chords, Brittany started to dance and before Santana knew it, Brittany was in full flow.
In the middle of the night, I'm in bed alone, don't care if you're glass, paper, sytrofoam, when I need some water, baby, coffee of gin.
Santana couldn't help it. She just had to laugh, hand over her mouth to soften the tone of laughter. Santana couldn't help her straying thoughts. 'Brittany didn't write this for Nationals, or to even be a competitor.' Santana was paying little attention to the rest of the song. 'This was Brittany doing what she did best; making other people feel better about themselves. She is up there singing about a cup, so the rest of these useless clowns don't have to worry about their failed attempts at song writing.'
The song and dance routine continued. Even Artie was joining in now. Whilst Santana didn't like four-eyed wheels, she had to admit their voices went well together.
You're the only thing I wanna put them in. My cup, my cup, saying what's up to my cup, my cup. More of a friend than a silly pup, my cup. You know what it is, I'm saying what's up to my cup, ahh. I'm saying what's up to my cup, ahh. I'm saying what's up to my cup, ahh.
Everyone looked at Brittany with confusion. Santana was in awe of her best friend. Not only had she written an adorably cute song, but she was the first person to actually offer anything creative to the group. Before anyone was able to catch on, Santana put back up those walls, and pretended like the rest of the group, that she didn't understand. She made a mental note to tell Brittany later how proud she was of her and that despite what the others said, her song was awesome.
"Hold on. Are you singing about a cup?" Tina didn't really get it.
"Yeah, totally." Brittany responded, not in a whisper, but in a much more reserved tone than she'd sung the song in. Before Santana could reassure Brittany her song was brilliant, Quinn piped up.
"We gotta get out here!" Of course, Rachel objected. Puck sided with Quinn.
Brittany has no interest in joining in this conversation; she just wanted to see Santana's reaction. As if she could read Brittany's mind, Santana looked towards the blonde, a large grin splashed across her face. Two big thumbs up confirmed that Santana was proud of Brittany and with that a big childish smile crept across Brittany's face.
After a whole host of back and forth conversations, which both Santana and Brittany ignored, they decided that New York was going to write their songs for Nationals.
The audience at Nationals was huge. A bigger crowd than anyone had ever performed in front off before. The noise of the audience drowning out the sound of anything else. Everyone was nervous. Vocal Adrenaline pulled out an amazing performance. Rachel and Finn were up first. Singing a song called 'Pretending'. Well, at least that is what Santana thought it was called. It didn't involve her, so she didn't really care. At least this gave Santana time to put up those walls and get rid of the unnecessary nerves. She is Santana Lopez. She doesn't do nerves. Before Santana had any time to get any further on that train of thought, the audience silenced and the band had started playing. Rachel and Finn started their singing, as they'd previously rehearsed backstage for hours and hours beforehand.
Face to face and heart to heart.
'Oh god,' Santana thought, 'they are doing a soppy love song. How did I not see that one coming?'
We're so close yet so far apart.
Santana looked towards Brittany. Pinkies linked just like always. Santana's nerves instantly gone. Brittany is by her side, silently belting out the words to the song. 'How does she even know the lyrics?' Santana questioned. 'Oh, of course, she helped the terrible two work out a routine that wouldn't completely destroy any chance we had a winning!' A small grin splashed across her face.
I close my eyes I look away.
Brittany does exactly that. Santana immediately wonders what is wrong. Brittany never looks away first. Without realizing it, Santana's heart starts to pace. Unexplainable nerves beginning to set in once again.
That's just because I'm not okay.
'Britt is okay though, isn't she?' Internal arguments raging. 'Why is she avoiding my eye contact?' 'Berry better have not said anything nasty to her about writing her own song!'
But I hold on. I stay strong.
The grip Brittany has on Santana's pinkie tightens. Santana's mind is all over the place with worry and nerves.
Wondering if we still belong.
Will we ever say the words we're feeling?
Reach down underneath it.
Tear down all the walls.
Brittany was still miming every lyric with such passion and desire. Santana more confused and worried than ever.
Will we ever have a happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Keeping secrets safe.
By point, Santana was listening to every single word. 'Someone definitely put a lot of emotion in to this song' was all could she was able to contemplate. 'A lot of emotion.'
Every move we make.
Seems like no-one's letting go.
And it's such a shame cos' if you feel the same.
For the first time since looking away, Brittany is now looking directly at Santana. Sadness showing from her normally sparkling blue eyes.
How Am I Supposed To Know?
She wants to, no, needs to ask Brittany is everything is ok.
"Hey B… is everything..." Before she had time to finish, Brittany pulled a single finger to her lips, reminding Santana not to speak. Santana was about to press the matter further, until Brittany pointed to the stage. 'Oh crap.' Santana had remembered it was their time to walk on the stage and finish the song with a final group chorus. Delicately pulling her little finger out of Brittany's, with a small reassuring smile, the remaining 10 Glee club members walked out on stage and took their places behind the still singing Finn and Rachel.
Will we ever say the words we're feeling?
Reach down underneath it.
Santana couldn't help but notice Brittany pouring out her heart to this song. 'Why this song?' 'What am I missing?' Thoughts fighting each other, with no answers available.
Tear down all the walls.
'Almost there S. Don't let yourself down. One more line and another song and you'll sort out what Brittany is going through. Focus on the song!' Brittany really was the only person Santana would never let down.
Will we ever have a happy ending or will we forever only be pretending?
Pretending.
Total silence sneaked across the room. No one knew why.
'Shouldn't they be cheering for us right now?' Santana was unsure. Forgetting about that, Santana looked across to Brittany, where she witnessed a single tear fall down her best friend's face. Santana panicked; worrying about what is wrong with Brittany, but right now there is nothing she can do. She stays deadly still, facing the back of the stage, and focusing on nailing every note and dance move for the next number. 'Just focus.'
A/N: Chapter 1 of 3. Hopefully I shall update and finish this fic ASAP.
Thanks for reading! :)