A.N. This is a Halo x League of Legends cross done my way. As a warning I despise the series following Halo III. So, I'm pretending it doesn't exist for the sake of this story. The time line and setting take place after the events of the aforementioned game and will ignore the games previous to it entirely.

Don't like that? Well too bad.

Onto lighter subjects...

Hey all! I realize that I really shouldn't be doing this, but its been plaguing my mind horribly. As in it's making it excessively difficult for me to work on anything else because this little piece of (your chosen profanity here) wont stop bugging me until I at least write out a prologue (probably more)... this is not a serious story, it's definitely crack with some plot mixed in here and there. However, seeing as it will not get out of my head I'm putting it here where perhaps it'll finally cease to bug me every time I try and write or work on Those Simple Things In Life.

So prepare for humor, crude language, a potty mouthed A.I., and perhaps a bit of fluff?

DISCLAIMER: RNG-ERROR does not own the rights too any of the characters in this story, he's simply a bored guy with a keyboard and an imagination. If he owned them do you think he would be writing this stuff? No, he'd be cruising the oceans aboard his giant yacht and gallivanting throughout the many countries in the world sampling the finest foods he could find (cause he's a fat kid at heart).

Prologue:

The Usual Introduction

o.o 0 o.o

How many years had it been.

How far had they drifted.

Would anyone ever find them.

Would anyone even care?

"They fuckin better!"

Shush you.

"FUCK YOU!"

Quiet, I'm telling a story. Now it all begins wi-

"NO WAY!" The voice breaching the silence was feminine, with a synthesized tint to it. Projectors long unused came to life with small bursts of static. "No WAY in HELL am I letting you put us through what will no doubt be crazy and obviously life endangering shit like you tend too!"

With a flash of light a tiny figure sprung from the holographic pad. The looks of a young woman, with a lean an-

"Do you really need too explain what I look like? If they played the gam-"

STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL.

"MAKE ME!"

I AM WARNING YOU.

"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!? NOT PAIR ME WITH THE CHIEF? WELL SPOILER ALERT IT'S OVER DONE AND OVER PLAY-"

CORTANA I WILL PUT YOU THROUGH THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR STAY WITH THE GRAVEMIND LOOK LIKE SOME PRESCHOOLER PULLING YOUR HAIR BECAUSE HE FUCKING LIKES YOU KIND OF SHIT.

"I'll be good..."

NOW THEN, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. She looked to be in her mid twenties, with short cropped hair that came down to the bottom of her chin. Intense blue eyes that seemed too stare into the very depths of your soul, alight with a inquisitive twinkle. An elegant almost regal face, with a slim brows and a button nose. High cheek bones that curved into a slende-

"But, I'm telling the Master Chief you've been picking on me."

OKAY! YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK THIS I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH-

"Ahem, you don't get paid at all."

SCREW THIS! YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THIS SARCASTIC LITTLE FUCK LOOKS LIKE SO I'M NOT EXPLAINING.

"No need to call me names. And its about time you figured it out."

CUT. WE'RE STARTING OVER I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW. DO YOU SEE HOW DIFFICULT YOU'RE MAKING THIS FOR ME? I SHOULD LET VEL'KO-

o.o 0 o.o

"It's been years.' Cortana glanced at the only other occupant in the derelict vessel that was once known as The Forward Unto Dawn. The mighty warship Desperately hoping, longing for a reason to wake him up... yet she knew it was not the right time. 'I'm so sorry Chief...' she looked around at the remains of the once proud warship that surrounded her. It had seemed so alive; with the people manning their stations, the lights and sounds of battle. The true life blood of this vessel had been its crew and its duty. Seeing it now, so desolate and in ruins. Now that barely half, no less than half she had checked this before, a quarter of the ship could be accounted for. A few decks, the cryo bay she occupied with the only other survivor, and a small hanger was all that was left of the gutted ship.

It was a grim reminder of what had been lost.

That she had dealt with for what felt like centuries.

For a smart A.I. like herself the years they had been adrift might as well have been. Even with the corruption spreading through her, the keen intellect was still there. In the span of a millisecond she could process a billion different scenarios, observations, decisions, compilations, the list was endless and with her mind they tore through her like hot knives. However the scenarios dealing with the what ifs were the worst, they plagued her mind in such a way that she was sure they were what was causing her degradation to happen so rapidly.

What if the ship had not been torn asunder during that final jump.

What if...

What if they had been inside of the bridge with the Arbiter.

What if...

What if she had not been so weak.

What if...

What if she had picked a different Spartan.

She shook her head furiously at the last thought as a haunted look crossed her features. It was this one that kept coming back again and again, like a wolf stalking its prey it invaded her mind countless times and every time it did she felt disgust welled up inside of her. How could she possibly think that, after all he had done for her... no for the human race as a whole. The the battles he had fought for the U.N.S.C., the insurmountable odds he face to rescue her from the Gravemind, the pain he endured from the hundreds of battle wounds.

He still, through all of that found the strength to keep going.

How could she possibly question her choice.

"I'm so sorry Chief."

So many things she wanted to apologize for. To no avail, the few backup generators left could only supply enough power to activate the tube one more time and even then it would be a close call. This meant, that to wake him now was also condemning him to his death. A slow and painful one at that.

Suffocation was a cruel way too die.

HE deserved better than scrap,

HE was all she had left,

HE deserved better than to fade away like this,

HE was the savior of humanity,

She looked at the cryogenic pod that contained the one who had saved her... even if it was far to late. She was incredibly grateful, but with each passing day she slipped further and further into rampancy. She could feel it, at times she found herself talking to herself... full blown conversations, arguments.

'Stop this filthy introspection!'

'I miss his voice.'

''He's actually the only thing I really have left.'

"Oh no..."

She had no idea how or why, perhaps she was special but from what she understood of rampancy.

'If only I had a physical body! I would be able to soothe all his pain.'

'I say fuck it!'

'That kind of language is hardly called for.'

"Please stop..."

It was not supposed to be like this.

'WAKE HIM UP!'

'It has been an awfully long time since I had someone to talk to.'

'I suggest that we try sending out another distress beacon.'

"Shut up..."

The fragments.

'You know its all his fault!'

'How could I possibly blame him?!'

'If you wish to be accurate it would actually Catherine Halsey's fault.'

"Stop it!"

The complete lack of self that it left her feeling.

'Because of him I'm strande-'

'Once again the blame would instead be on the unstable slip-space porta-'

'If only I could touch hi-'

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

The force behind her words caused even her hologram too flicker, and the voices went silent. She curled up into a ball on her projector, hugging her knees to her chest. Shivers ran through her, causing her body too ripple once more and shake as if grasped in a violent seizure. She was losing control, soon there would be no coming back. "I need to find a world... one that can support life." she whispered to herself still curled into the fetal position, craning her neck she looked at the tube. At the Chief. "He deserves that much, a chance at the very least." Forcing herself to move Cortana jumped down from the pad utilizing its abilities her foot tall form morphed into a human sized counterpart. She walked towards the pod her hands moving of their own accord. There was no feeling of the cold glass in the vacuum of space as her fingers traced themselves over it.

"Chief... can you hear me?"

As she should have expected there was no response.

"I'm so sorry."

Diverting a small bit of her processing power from her observations of the man in the tube that meant so much to her, she activated the few sensor systems left available on the ship. 'If there are any powers that be out there... please I beg of you, let there be something nearby.' Even using these systems was a risk, so little power was left at her disposal.

'Please...'

To her the minutes felt like years, and with every passing second her worry grew. Every passing second that she drained the emergency generators that were already on their last legs of power to run the scanners was power she would need to wake up the man who meant so much to her. It was a gamble that she was barely willing to take but it had to be done, she could no longer trust herself with his safety.

She was that far gone.

A sudden ping on the sensors.

SUCCESS!

She directed a fond smile at the golden faceplate on the battle worn helmet. "Looks like your luck holds true too this day." she whispered stepping away from the tube that housed the savior of humanity, as she did her image shrunk with every step until she was once more large enough to fit in the palm of a persons hand. "I sure do know how to pick' em."

A planet, livable... with large bodies of water and land spread across its surface. The atmosphere was rich in oxygen, breathable and able to sustain life. Deeper scans were unavailable, what little power she could spare was not enough to power the scanners necessary to do so. It was enough though, this would be her final resting place... and with it a place where the Chief could live out the rest of his days in peace.

Cortana cycled up the generators, and began the process of thawing out the man who would no doubt have questions. Too which she would have no answers, all she knew what that it was this... or he would forever be lost. Perhaps one day someone would find him adrift on what was left of the Forward Unto Dawn, but unless that instance occurred in the next few months.

He would already be dead from the remains of the vessel running out of power.

'I'm so sorry.'

A quiet hum filled the room as equipment long unused came to life, she watched in contemplative silence unsure of what to say first but a few words did escape her lips.

"John, it's time to wake up.

o.o 0 o.o

Happy Cortana?

"It's awfully dreary, and you've made me sound like a whiny bitch..."

It could be worse.

"How so?"

I could have gone straight into some kind of tentacle porn. Featuring you and a creepy void creatur-

"I love it! Spot on with how I would act! This is by far your best story."

So nice to hear that my works being appreciated. Now will you stop being such a pain in the ass?

"You know what? On second thought, I think that this pile of garbage should be scrappe-"

OH DONT YOU DARE. WE HAD A DEAL.

"NO! You agreed too, it I never did."

That's bull shit and you know it.

"Well, I guess I could play nice if yo-"

NOPE.

"Awww please...?"

Never I prefer to be unique.

"Pfft, unique. the only thing UNIQUE about this story is that yo-"

NO GIVING AWAY DETAILS TO THE STORY.

"I mean that Sarah chick? PUH-lease she's literally a walking se-"

SILENCE.

"Next time! Greetings with LAZERS! I hope your ready for a little blonde girl tha-"

NO MORE YOU WILL RUIN THE STORY!