Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.

Author's Note: Wrote this one a while ago. Don't know if I should keep going with it or not but here it is...I probably won't write more actually but I love Remus...so...erm...

Troubles

"Are you from around here?"

"No."

"You have an adorable accent! Are you French?"

"I'm British, actually."

"British…wow. What are you doing here?"

"Visiting."

"Business or pleasure?"

"Pleasure."

"Hmmm. And have you had a pleasurable time so far?"

"Not exactly, no."

"Oh. Maybe you've just been looking in the wrong places."

"Maybe you're right."

"How a handsome man like you can manage a visit anywhere without being pleasured is beyond me."

"Pardon?"

"Where did you get those scars? They make you look so dangerous."

"Er…is your hand on my leg?"

"Your inner thigh, yeah. Does it bother you?"

"No. Just making sure."

"So? Where did you get those scars?"

"That's a long story, I'm afraid."

"Is it personal?"

"Sort of, yes."

"You'd rather not talk about it?"

"Right. If you don't mind."

"Oh I don't mind."

"Good. Great. Well…er…"

"Have you ever been with a man?"

"What?"

"Have you ever been with a man before?"

"Er…what's your name again? Sorry. I've forgotten."

"Candy."

"Oh yes, Candy. Well Candy, in response to your question I would have to say that…er…"

"You've been with a woman, haven't you?"

"Of course I have. I'm sorry Candy this just seems so inappropriate for our very first cab ride."

"Oh."

"And I barely know you."

"Mm."

"And while you are very nice, and pretty, and young, and judging by the progression of your hand up my thigh, very eager to sleep with me, I have to decline your offer and erm, leave this cab immediately. Driver!"

"But Rex!"

"Driver! Here is a fine spot, thanks very much. And it's Remus, not Rex. I mean, come on. Rex?"

Remus Lupin waited for the cab to slow to a stop before jumping quickly from the hazards of the backseat.

"But Remus! I'm yours for another hour!"

He threw some dollars at the driver and slammed the door shut on the young girl, distancing himself from her prying hands.

Finally free, Remus decided that he would never explore the delights of a cab ride again. The risk of a few muggles seeing him apparate was far better than the risk of being trapped in the backseat of a car with a hooker.

Ugh. America.

Whose idea had it been to come here anyway? Right, he thought. Mine.

Life in London certainly hadn't been treating him kindly. Not only was he "that werewolf fellow", but he was "that werewolf fellow whose friend had just gone crazy and killed thirteen people in an explosion". He was "that werewolf fellow who just lost all of his friends and was now utterly, utterly alone".

Remus was used to others looking at him in disgust for what he was. But when people began to look at him with pity in their eyes, he had had enough. He wouldn't grant them the satisfaction of feeling sorry for him. So Remus packed his bags and left for a place he knew no one would recognize him. No one would know him as "that werewolf fellow who used to shag Sirius Black." No one here would even know who Sirius Black was. That in itself was reason enough to leave.

Of course, convincing the ministry that he could go had been a problem. The penalty for being a werewolf included the need for Remus to stay put. No traveling out of the country for a dirty creature like him. But Remus had played up his sob story and worked out a deal with the ministry with the help of Dumbledore.

"He's been through a very rough time, as I am sure you are well aware. I think he deserves a small break from curious eyes, don't you?"

So Remus was given permission to leave the country by the ministry. "As long as you're back in time for the next full moon or you, my boy, will be severely punished," they had warned.

America had seemed like the best place to go at the time. But in actuality, Remus found it loud and distasteful. Most of the people he had encountered thus far had been rude, foul mouthed, and fat. He was missing London dreadfully by the time he checked into his hotel.

This week, he told himself. I am not a wizard.

"Accio hanger," he said, unzipping his suitcase and taking out a red sweater vest. He slipped the vest over the hanger. "Right. Well maybe I'm still a wizard, then." But he certainly wasn't shagging Sirius Black.

"Oh to drink away one's sorrows. Tis the epitome of all things New York, don't you think dahling?"

Remus was sitting at the hotel bar, slamming into his third shot of muggle whiskey while a middle-aged woman with a bad bleach job chatted him up. Needless to say her accent was unbearable and Remus was mainly wasting himself in hopes of droning out her voice.

"Yes. Very New York."

"I must say dahling that your accent is very…European."

"Well it would be, wouldn't it?" Dumbfucks, he thought. Each and every one of 'em.

"What part of Europe are you from?"

"Er."

"Of course! The Kingdom!"

Bleeding fucking Jesus. He downed his fourth shot. Was it just him or was her voice sounding more hellish every second?

"So what do you think of our accents here?"

"They're ugly. Boring. Plain as the people here."

"What?" Something told him he said that last bit out loud. Ah well.

"Back in you know, The Kingdom!" her face lightened with signs of his tale, "everyone was so…well everywhere you go people are gonna be bitches. I mean, bitches here, bitches there. But in The Kingdom they weren't so much bitches as there were bastards. These incredibly dense bastards." The woman patted him on his back.

"Let it out, Rex. You just let it all out."

"Bastards, the whole lot of 'em sometimes. Get shagged, get dumped. Get shagged, get dumped. And all by the same bloke, too!"

"Honey, you're singing to the choir."

"First, he wants to be friends. Then he's sticking his tongue down my throat. Then he's killing people, you know? Hurting everyone around him, he was!"

"It's an ugly chain, ugly chain. Some people are so inconsiderate."

"Yeah they are! What's a bloke to bloody do?" He turned passionately to the over processed American. "Have you ever been in love?"

"Have I-…Have I? Why, yes of course I have dahling! Plenty of times!"

"And did any of them turn out to be a murdering lunatic?"

"How did you know?"

"And did you stay with him?"

"Oh no, no, no. Love is a splendid thing but it doesn't compromise with morals, Rex."

"Oh."

"This love of yours, does he have a name?"

Remus opened his mouth to speak the name on the tip of his tongue, but stopped himself. "No. I mean, yeah. It's erm," he searched frantically for anything but Sirius, any name but Sirius. "Albus."

"Oh that is sooo European!"

The woman squealed beside him and Remus had no choice but to down another shot of whiskey.

America.

Why America?