I wrote this short snippet a while ago, and am just now getting to posting it. Mostly, it's about religion. Islam, if you're curious.
Quote of the day:
"The faith is not the problem, Bernadette. The problem is the faithful."
― Robert Ferrigno, Prayers for the Assassin
Brian Griffin sat quietly in the kitchen with Lois while he drank his coffee, which of course was spiked considering that Brian was a dog that had long ago embraced the fact that it was never too early for alcohol, and he and Lois remained silent because they could both tell that soon enough it would be time for one of them to set up a cutaway. As Brian stirred the undisclosed alcohol a bit more into his coffee, he wasn't quite sure what it was other than the fact that it smelled something fearsome, and he wondered what he would be saying with this next gag. It was true that the possibility still existed that Lois would be the one to set up the joke, but it was honestly doubtful since out of the two of them he was the one that had the funnier lines and a more interesting life as well. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he took a sip of his spiked caffeine. He was ready when the very next moment, Meg ran through the kitchen with tears in her eyes.
"I hate you, you fat piece of shit!" Meg Griffin sprinted to her room, her hat shredded to pieces in her hands and her brother Chris chasing right behind her.
Brian prepared himself, feeling his next words coming almost immediately out of his mouth. "Wow, that looked almost as bad as the time that Peter tried to add Allah on Facebook."
Lois froze, looking away from her drink that she had been staring at, mouth just a tad bit ajar since she had never expected Brian to say something so radical and dangerous. Sure, she knew that the family's dog hated religion and could kind of be a liberal douche whenever it came to that particular topic, but she would have never thought that he would be willing to put the whole family in danger like he just did.
"I," Lois stuttered, hoping that the censors at FOX had the good judgment to not let Brian's Allah comment air on Sunday, "I have no idea what you're talking about, Brian."
Letting his alcohol laden coffee bring him that odd sense of comfort that he always searched for in his liquor, Brian raised an eyebrow since it wasn't quite that typical for someone to interrupt a cutaway like Lois just did. "Come again?"
The housewife simply rubbed the back of her neck in nervousness, Lois hoping that Peter was getting into wacky hijinks since he was kind of the main character after all. "That never happened."
"But-"
Lois slammed her fist on the table, interrupting Brian. "That never happened!"
Everything went stilted for a moment, Brian looking down at his coffee for a second, wondering if perhaps Lois needed something to loosen her up a bit, even if it was a bit too early for most people to get hammered. "Is something wrong, Lois?"
Things were silent in the kitchen for a minute or so before Lois shook her head and just sighed, partly out of resignation, but mostly because she had hoped that she wouldn't have to explain her outburst. "Are we really doing this, Brian? Do you really have no clue what you just did?"
In truth, Brian did have an idea as to what Lois was referring to, but after sipping a bit more of his drink, and after remembering a quote by John Milton that reminded him that he should never be afraid to push the envelope, he gave a simple shrug and pretended that he was completely in the dark as to why Lois was suddenly angry. "I can't say that I do."
Lois sighed and rubbed the crease of her large nose, once again hoping that FOX would make the right choice in trying to focus on a moment in someone else's life. "You can't just make a joke like that without certain people," Lois paused for a moment, eyes not meeting Brian's, "without certain people becoming violent."
Brian nodded, looking over his shoulder for a second to make sure that he and Lois were alone. Confirming that they were, he glanced back over at the woman and took another nonchalant drink of his spiked coffee. "Most Muslims aren't like that."
Eyes finally looking over at the family dog, Lois cleared her throat before she spoke. "The fact that you have to say that most Muslims aren't like that shows that enough of them are, which could end up proving my point."
"I'm no fan of religion," Brian responded to Lois' rolling eyes, "but it's not fair to single out an entire group of people for something that only a small percentage of them actually do."
"You're one to talk, Brian," the redheaded woman scoffed, "claiming that when you've never had a single nice thing to say whenever it comes to Christians. To you, all of them are science hating, anti-gay, stupid, bigoted, intolerant rednecks. You want to say that we can't judge all Muslims because of the actions of a few? Maybe you shouldn't judge Christians for the exact same fucking thing."
The woman's words had been harsher than he had expected, harsher than she had intended, and the two of them sat in silence, neither quite having an idea of what exactly they should say to the other. Lois knew that Brian had a point when he said that it was wrong to think that his Allah joke would automatically cause Muslims to murder people, but Brian had to also acknowledge that Lois was right about his hypocrisy when it came to extending the same kind of grace to Christianity. They sat with an awkwardness that lingered in the air, and each of them breathed a small and grateful sigh of relief when they saw that Peter had walked into the kitchen, dressed in a dominatrix outfit while wearing a Barack Obama mask.
Perhaps neither of them would accept what the other had to say, but at least they knew that Sunday's antics would focus solely on Peter.
Don't really know the point to this, but it was collecting dust in my files. Figured might as well post it. You probably won't see anymore Family Guy from me if I have to be honest.