Note: A brief and silly Meet the... one shot, which is rather like the 'witch's version' of Meet the Order of Merlin. It's also set at around the same time as MTOOM, only a few weeks/months later when Carrie and Teddy have bother returned to school.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Meet the Frog

What a day.

Two false arrests, a street full of bewildered muggle witnesses and a shedload of paperwork later, and she had finally escaped from work.

She had chosen the slow route home, apparating a few streets away from the house in the vague hopes that the fresh air might clear her head. But as a muggle on a roaring motorbike came streaking down the road past her, the only clear thought rampaging through Deputy Head of Aurors Nymphadora Lupin's mind was simply:

I hate muggles.

I bloody well hate them.

Them and their stupid noisy motor-whatsits and their dim-wittedness and their complete inability to understand something that was right there, slap bang in the middle of...

"Dora!"

The witch blinked.

Somehow she had reached the bottom of her driveway, and despite the late hour she found her young muggle neighbour sat upon the front doorstep, gaze upon the tired Auror strangely intense.

Struggling to suppress a sigh, Dora made a beeline for the door as eleven year old Carrie Winters jumped to her feet.

"Alright, Carrie love?" Dora consented to mumbling as she stepped up to the door, fumbling in her pocket in search of her wand. When she found it wasn't there she frowned deeply and set about searching her other pockets, wondering: "Isn't it rather past your bedtime?"

"I've got...five more minutes!" Carrie informed her best friend's mother after squinting through the darkness at her watch, and as she gave up searching for her wand and reached to bang a fist upon the door instead, rocking back on her heels impatiently, Dora pointed out:

"Well you ought be in your pyjamas and slippers and not sat around out here in the dark! Does your mother know you're out here all on your own?"

"Nothing's going to happen to me." Carrie insisted, apparently not in the least bit concerned. "I saw Remus out here casting protective spells earlier!"

"Yes..." Dora murmured, reaching to rake a weary hand through her caramel coloured hair. "I'm not sure foliage-repellant charms upon the front windows are going to give you much protection against anything...unless that butterfly bush over there has started developing a mind of its own..."

"I've been waiting for you for almost an hour." Carrie said, fidgeting in an almost excited manner, and Dora glanced round at her, raising an eyebrow.

"You could've knocked, you know." she told the girl, pausing to bang her fist upon the door again in demonstration. "Remus is home if you wanted something."

"I know, I did. I asked for you and he said you'd be home four hours ago."

"Mm...I've been a bit busy..." Sighing heavily when her husband still failed to come and open the door, Dora returned to searching her pockets for signs of her elusive wand, thinking that it would be the sodding icing on the sodding cake if she'd managed to leave it back on her desk at the Ministry...

She supposed she should probably ask what it was Carrie was so desperate to see her about, but quite frankly she felt too drained to bother...

"I wanted to ask you a favour." Carrie said, fidgeting again, and the witch consented to asking:

"What's that then?"

"It's my brother."

"Oh?"

"Thomas."

"Right..."

"He's being a berk! He won't let me borrow his scientific calculator for Maths class tomorrow because he says I'll lose it!"

"Ah."

"Because I lost mine last week!"

"Right..."

"And if I don't have one Mrs. Latimar will be really cross!"

"Have you asked Timothy, perhaps?"

"No, he's already gone to bed!"

"Ah..."

Dora squeezed her eyes shut briefly against a groan of irritation before turning to look at the girl.

"I don't think I can help you, Carrie. I don't own a...a...what was it?"

"A scientific calculator."

"Yes...I don't own one of those."

"I know you don't."

Dora struggled not to frown.

She was going to bloody well hex Remus, she decided, for failing to answer the door promptly.

If he ever came and answered it at all, that was...

"What d'you want me to do about it, then?" she asked wearily, leaning against the doorframe and offering the muggle a raised eyebrow, and for a brief moment a look of sheer mischief passed across the child's face before she drew in a deep breath and said:

"Well...I was sort of wondering if...you could...well..."

"You were wondering if I could...?"

"Since you're...you know...a witch..."

"Since I'm a witch you were wondering if I could what, Carrie?"

"...turn him into a frog!"

There was a long, bewildered pause before the witch blinked a couple of times and uttered:

"Pardon?"

"My brother Thomas." Carrie attempted to clarify keenly. "Can you cast a spell on him and turn him into a frog?"

Again, there was a long pause before Dora scowled and told her:

"Don't be ridiculous, Carrie..."

"I don't mean forever!" Carrie said, bouncing up and down on her toes in excitement at the notion. "I mean...just for a little while..."

"And I suppose once I've done that you know precisely where to find a...a princess who'll be prepared to kiss him and...and turn him back into a boy again?!" Dora laughed, aiming a somewhat frustrated kick at the front door. "Of course you'll have to persuade royalty to adopt him first, these things only really work on handsome princes..."

Carrie simply gawped at her.

"What...really?!" the girl breathed excitedly, only for the witch to snap:

"No! Not really! For goodness sake, Carrie! What a thing to ask!"

"I know it would be a bit mean...I don't really want a frog for a brother, I just sort of...well..."
"Sweet Merlin...!"

"I just wanted to know whether or not you could do it! You know...in theory!"

Dora sighed heavily, reaching to rub a hand across her eyes.

"Well...yes, Carrie. Yes, I suppose...I suppose out there somewhere there's some Transfiguration book with a spell to transform a person into a frog! And I suppose in theory if I had that book I could...learn how to turn somebody into a frog..."

"So you've never actually learnt how to do it? How to turn somebody into a frog like...like a proper witch would?"

At that moment the door was pulled open just as Dora exclaimed:

"No, I bloody haven't! In fact it's...it's never occurred to me! Not even once!" To her husband stood in the doorway, dressed in a thick navy dressing gown the witch demanded to know: "What in Merlin's name took you so long?!"

"I was in the shower..." the werewolf began, sounding distinctly bewildered at his wife's bad temper, and as he stepped aside to let her in he spotted the girl stood behind her and wondered:

"Everything alright, Carrie?"

Before the child could answer, Dora gave a huff of laughter as she explained:

"Carrie wants me to turn her brother into a frog. Like a proper witch would!"

"Ah..." the wizard murmured as his wife shrugged off her coat and tossed it in the direction of the cloak stand, missing by a mile.

"Bloody muggles..." the witch muttered, and with that she stomped off towards the kitchen in search of a glass of fire whiskey.

Carrie chewed worriedly upon her lip for a moment before she wondered:

"You don't think I've offended her, do you?"

"Oh, I shouldn't take a bit of notice of her!" Remus told her, chuckling quietly under his breath. "She's had the most dreadful day at work!"

"I was only being curious," Carrie mumbled, feeling herself blush. "I just wondered...because you know...all those stories about witches! They must've come from somewhere..."

"I'm sure they did." Remus agreed with a faint smile. "And as for Dora...well...perhaps she's not your fairytale witch...but..." he leant forward a bit, warm eyes twinkling in the light of the lamp beside the door as he whispered: "...you never know what she might be capable of!"

"Really?" Carrie giggled, eyes wide in wonder, and the werewolf glanced over his shoulder down the hallway that his wife had just disappeared down, before offering the girl a grin and suggesting:

"Perhaps she just needs to be provoked!"

Carrie was about to dissolve into laughter when she heard the sound of a door being pulled open and her mother's furious voice rang out across the driveway:

"CAROLINE!"

The girl sucked in a deep breath, offering the werewolf a grimace as she mumbled:

"Whoops..."

Mrs. Winters came striding across the driveway towards them, her expression distinctly livid as she demanded to know:

"What on earth are you doing out here?! At this time of night!"

"Nothing..." Carrie mumbled, shuffling round to reluctantly face her mother, and Mrs. Winters' eyes widened quite madly as she echoed:

"Nothing?! Well then! I don't suppose Mr. Lupin cares to waste his evening on nothing, Carrie!"

"Good evening, Mrs. Winters." Remus greeted, voice the model of calm. "Fine weather we're having, don't you think?"

Mrs. Winters was forced to suck in a deep, calming breath as she reached to grasp hold of her daughter by the elbow.

"Oh yes!" she said, plastering a smile onto her face as the werewolf pushed the door forward a little in a somewhat vain attempt to hide his attire, though Carrie supposed her mother had caught sight of his dripping wet hair for she said: "It's a lovely evening, Mr. Lupin! I'm only sorry my daughter saw fit to come and disturb your enjoyment of it!"

"No harm done, I'm sure." Remus insisted, reaching to wipe away a stray droplet of water that was about to run down the bridge of his nose. "As it happens my wife saw fit to...to misplace her keys this evening. So really Carrie has been no more bother than she has!" The smile upon the werewolf's face instantly faltered a little when from down the hallway his wife shouted:

"REMUS?! Where the bloody hell has that bottle of whiskey gone?! If I don't have a drink I swear I'm going to..."
"Actually, darling!" the werewolf turned to bellow back at the top of his lungs in an attempt to drown her out, "I think Harry and Ron finished off the last of it yesterday evening!"

Despite his best efforts, Remus was entirely unable to conceal the colourful swearing that followed, and when he turned reluctantly back to face his next door neighbour he looked somewhat abashed as he explained:

"It's been a dreadfully long day...!"

"Yes..." Mrs. Winters murmured, not sounding terribly convinced, and with that she reached to give Carrie a firm push back towards their house as she said: "Come along then, Caroline! Say goodnight to Mr. Lupin!"

Carrie shot her best friend's father a grin.

"Goodnight, Mr. Lupin!" she said, sounding, to her mother's irritation, rather as if she wanted to giggle, and the werewolf tipped an imaginary hat and replied:

"Goodnight, Miss Winters!"

Carrie paused in an attempt to offer him a mock-curtsey, but her mother seized her by the arm and pulled her back inside the house. As the door swung shut behind her, the girl could have sworn she heard the wizard laughing.

When Carrie pulled open her front door the following morning, school bag slug over one shoulder as she contemplated the doom that was no doubt about to befall her in first period Maths class, she was about to step out onto the front step when the sight before her made her freeze in her tracks...

A large, lurid green creature with round, staring eyes and slimy looking limbs was sat slap bang in the middle of the step, gazing up at the muggle intently.

Carrie froze, foot very nearly hovering above the creature having barely managed to stop herself from squashing it flat...

It said: Ribbet!

And then it leapt into the air, landing nimbly on her carefully polished school shoe...

Carrie screamed.

There came the sound of something clattering to the ground and as she gave her foot a jerked shake, sending the frog flying up into the air, Carrie caught sight of Dora stood upon her driveway, midway through raking leaves from the gravel, the rake having fallen from her hands as she spun around to face the girl.

"What's wrong, Carrie love?!" the witch, whose hair today was a distinctly odd shade of green, called as Carrie looked around wildly in search of her amphibious nemesis who appeared to have been flung such a distance that she could no longer spot it.

"I...there was this...this ENORMOUS FROG...!" the girl exclaimed, gesturing wildly in a manner that suggested the creature in question had been about the size of a small horse, and the witch positively bolted over, sending gravel flying up into the air.

"A frog?!"

"Yes..." Carrie said, quite surprised by the witch's apparent shock at something that she would usually find laughable, and she felt yet more confused when Dora demanded to know:

"Where?! Where is he?!"

"He...? How'd you know..."

"Yes, Carrie! He! Where did he go?!"

Carrie glanced searchingly around the driveway, chewing upon her lip as she admitted:

"Well I...I'm not sure..."

"Oh Merlin..." Dora muttered, reaching to grasp fistfuls of hair in agitation, and then to Carrie's further confusion the witch dropped down onto her hands and knees, squinting at the hedge running up the side of the driveway as she called:

"Oi! Remus! This isn't bloody funny!"

"What...what are you doing, Dora?" Carrie asked, taking a few hesitant steps out onto the driveway, only for Dora to hiss:

"Shh! I think I can hear him!"

"Who?"

"Shh!"

"But I don't understand!"

"Shhhh!"

By now Dora was lying so low upon the ground that her cheek was very nearly pressed against the gravel. Curious, Carrie dropped to her knees, ducking to peer over at the hedge too.

Dora muttered furiously under her breath.

"Listen, love!" she called to the hedge in question, "I think I might have overreacted a little bit! How about you just come back out here so I can change you back?"

Carrie very nearly cracked her head against the ground as she drew in a startled gasp.

"Dora?!" she half-squeaked, utterly shocked.

"Hm?"

"Did you...did you turn...did you turn your own husband into a...into a FROG?!"

"There's no need to sound so shocked, Carrie! He can be really irritating first thing in the morning, you know!" Dora said, sounding brazenly nonchalant, and Carrie felt horrified when the witch pointed out: "Besides...you're the one who just kicked him halfway across the driveway..."

"I...I didn't know...!"

"Yes, yes! Well don't just stand there, for Merlin's sake! Help me find him!"

Her need to hurry and arrive at school on time entirely forgotten in her panic at the situation, Carrie began to search frantically all over the driveway, behind plant pots, under shrubs and beside the dustbins.

This was, the muggle thought as she pushed aside some twigs to peer into the bushes, absolutely dreadful.

What if they didn't find him?! What then?!

Dora would probably kill her! And what on earth was Teddy going to say when she wrote to him at school and told him she had accidentally catapulted his amphibious relation off to goodness knew where and consequently he would be missing a parent when he came home for Christmas...

There was a full moon due in under a week, too. What would happen if they didn't find him by then?

Was there such a thing as a were-frog? And if so, what would it look like...

Carrie became so engrossed in her panicked search that ten minutes later she failed to hear a front door opening and crunching gravel underfoot. The footsteps, had she noticed them, came to a halt jut beside her as the girl crouched down beside the dustbins, squinting searchingly at them.

Carrie became vaguely aware of somebody dropping down into a crouch beside her, before a familiar voice inquired:

"What are we looking for?"

"It's Remus!" Carrie explained without so much as a glance sideways, still utterly preoccupied. "If we don't find him soon I...I don't know what will become of him! Dora and I can't...can't find him anywhere! I...I don't know what we're going to do!"

"Goodness," Remus Lupin observed, sucking in a deep breath in consideration. "That is rather unfortunate!"

Carrie froze, mouth half-open to further proclaim her distress...

As realisation began to sink in she turned slowly to face the wizard crouched beside her, feeling her cheeks flood with colour.

"Oh...!" she mumbled, reddening yet further when he offered her a raised eyebrow. "There...there you are!"

"I think you've been had, I'm afraid." Remus informed her, attempting to sound apologetic despite the grin that was threatening to spread across his face.

Embarrassment promptly smothered by fury, Carrie leapt to her feet, spinning around to spot Dora stood in the doorway to the house, a mug of coffee clasped triumphantly in both hands like some sort of trophy.

"DORA!" the girl shrieked, hands balling into furious fists, and the witch promptly spat coffee down the front of her jumper as she dissolved into laughter.

"Oh, Carrie!" the witch howled, collapsing back against the doorframe in an attempt to stay upright, and as Remus rose carefully back onto his feet, Carrie complained:

"YOU'RE WICKED!"

"Not half as wicked as you are, love!" Dora insisted as her husband was forced to clamp a hand across his mouth to stifle his amusement. "You're the one who genuinely believed I'd turn my own husband into a frog! Honestly! What a thing to think!"

And despite herself, Carrie felt a giggle rising in her throat.

"Put that coffee down, for Merlin's sake!" Remus told his wife as soberly as he could manage, "You've made Carrie late for school, you'd better apparate her over there before she gets in trouble!"

Dora drained her cup in a few short gulps, wincing a little as the beverage burned her throat, before striding out onto the driveway, offering the empty mug for her husband to take.

"I couldn't help myself!" the witch reasoned as she shoved it into his hands. "And neither could you...'what are we looking for?'! Ha!"

"I've got ten minutes before the late bell!" Carrie interrupted when Remus opened his mouth to defend himself, and with that Dora turned to usher the girl down the driveway.

"Let's hop to it, then!" she said as they half-jogged down the driveway and turned to hurry down the street towards their designated apparation point. As they slowed their pace a little so that Carrie could attempt to brush the dirty from her knees, to her surprise Dora said:

"Listen, love...about yesterday...I'm sorry I was so short with you. I was just a bit...you know...work can get to me sometimes and I forget myself!"

Carrie, who had quite forgotten Dora's short temper the night beforehand, shot a sideways grin at the witch and wondered:

"What about this morning?"

"What about it?" Dora said, staring straight ahead and fighting against a grin herself.

"Are you sorry about this morning?" Carrie pressed, and to her amusement the witch gave a soft snort of amusement and muttered:

"Don't be ridiculous, Carrie. It's not my fault you're so hilarious!"

And with that the witch grasped the girl by the elbow in order to steer her sideways into a deserted alleyway, and as they shuffled past the bins and boxes that had been left down there the muggle asked thoughtfully:

"Dora?"

"Hm?"

"I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

"Could there be such a thing as a were-frog?"

"A...a were-frog?!"

"Yes! Exactly."

"Are you being serious?"

"Well I was just wondering, that's all!"

"Give me strength..."

"What? I don't see what's silly about that!"

There was a sizeable pause, and then:

"Bloody mugg..."

Crack.