Chapter 1
Chowder head
Albus Dumbledore stood behind his desk after having just sent Harry to live with the Dursley's. His hope was to have Harry be a broken and therefore easily manipulated boy. What Dumbledore didn't tell anybody was that Dumbledore planned on killing Harry after he had rid the world of Voldemort so he could take the credit. Also the Potter fortune which Dumbledore had his eye on would become his after he set up a marriage contract with young Ginerva Weasley. Now however was the time to spend a relaxing evening with his boyfriend Madeye.
Meanwhile
The creeper was having a shitty day to say the least, after migrating to
Britain he had been disappointed in the selection to feed on here he was just pulling his tuck down another suburban road when he saw a rather odd sight. A fat man was yelling at an infant and hitting it calling it a freak. The man looked up in fear at the menacing looking truck but he didn't get to say another word as the creeper whom had just had his face damaged and was in need of a new one pounced on the fat lump took out his favorite knife and skinned his face before devouring it. The creeper grinned at the young child who was clapping before he looked at the bloody whimpering man he might as well get what else he needed besides he is an entertainer. Soon he collected the man whom he found out was named Vernon Dursley's ears, tongue. left middle Finger, left foot, and for good measure his right buttocks.
Petunia Dursley was just heading out to give her husband a cold one while he beat the magic out of the brat when she dropped the beer in shock a bat like creature was laughing with Harry playing hide and seek then it rounded on her. "So Harry this is your Aunt Petunia is it" while Harry grinned soon they were joined by big fat Dudley which only made the creeper grin even more.
That night the creeper and him decided they would continue to live at the Dursley's as the creeper no longer hibernated. After eating Petunia's left arm and Dudley's nose he decided to cook Dudley up for Harry while Petunia was to be there slave while Harry and his new dad the creeper sat around and did what all father and son's do such as work on the truck and go hunting.
Hogwarts sorting
Dumbledore could not believe it was finally here. Hagrid had said Harry had been drilled about the evils of Slytherin. What Dumbledore did not know was that Hagrid and the creeper were good friends and that Hagrid no longer trusted Dumbledore. This year Dumbledore had appealed and much to the anger of the sorting hat had won the right to lead the opening song at the sorting for it was the greater good for young Harry to know that Gryffindor was the way to go.
As the first years lined up Dumbledore stood up and took a glittering microphone from his ex lover Filch. "Hows everybody doin tonight" he screamed to the shocked great hall, "now its time to get funky" he said as a disco ball came down and illunianted the crowd in scarlet and gold. "Gryffindor is the way to go the rest sucks yeah yeah" his odd song went on for three-quarters of an hour before Dubledore exploded in sparks and reveled himself completely naked except for red and gold body paint that said Go Gryffindor on his stomach and a Gryffindor cape. Harry rolled his eye Hagrid told him Dubledore favored his old house and would do anything to get him in Gryffindor but this was a little much.
Soon the sorting began and Harry went to Slytherin Dumbledore stood up "I won`t stand for this" But before he could do anything Hagrid hit his head against the table knocking his teeth out before shoving him in the massive school wood stove while the school laughed and cheered and soon a scalding hot figuratively and literally Dumbledore put the school on lockdown.