Thinking back on the past, it's funny. Life was so different before. I was able to laugh, to dream, to love. My life was at the best it ever had been and then everything came crashing down.
Happiness, laughter, dreams, love, humanity. They don't exist anymore.
To think that was just a few weeks ago is bizarre, it feels like we've been shut up in this building for a lifetime. We're barely surviving. The others, well three of them are beginning to go crazy I'm sure of it. And although I am packed in this dark,condensed space with four other people, I have never felt so alone in my entire life. They urge me to try harder, to help them find supplies that will keep us alive but it all seems pointless now. Death appears to be the easy way out now, why don't the rest of them see that?
Santana does though. They have her under "observation" in case she tries to kill herself again. She has tried three times now. Instead, she now just spends these endless days sitting beside me. She doesn't talk much, all of her sass and attitude has been drained. Occasionally I hear her crying and the others tell me to comfort her but I'm the only one who understands that that is the time when she most wants to be left alone.
Blaine and Kurt, they're becoming unbearable to watch, they never leave each others side. They even tidy the apartment . They take control of the supplies and rations. They keep convincing us that everything will be ok if we work together, but they are foolish. Nothing is going to be ok. We can't win this, but their optimism has them blinded. But what really makes them insufferable is the fact that they still have each other. They still know what it feels like to have love in their lives. They're still full of hope and encouragement.
The rest of us are alone and miserable.
Puck has taken it upon himself to take charge of everything. He had come to New York for a weekend before the outbreak, little did he know he would end up living like this. He orders us around and every so often organises ventures out of the apartment in an attempt to find food or human contact, so far we've been unsuccesful in finding the latter. He's become some sort of an army general. He orders us around in a military tone so it's hard to argue with him. He's lost all sense of emotion and fear, I wish we were all that way.
We have a small radio in the apartment, at first we were sure it would keep us updated about the situation but soon all life began to fade. Every so often Kurt checks it, trying to find a station but there's no use.
We have one phone left between us but the battery is slowly dying, we have no power to charge it. We had firsr decided that we would just one phone at a time and wait until the battery had died until we turned on the next. We tried calling people but we never got a reply, we waited for calls but they never came either.
Now we're left with my phone, it has no longer than a few minutes left to live. I just sit here watching the minutes tick byas we wait for it to die, like everything else has. The three boys have gone out on another pointless, short venture.
It's been three weeks since the outbreak, it's all a surreal blur to me. I had just returned to NY after spending two days in Ohio, Santana is the only one who knows why I was there so only she understands what I'm going through at the moment.
I close my eyes and think back to those days in Ohio, before everything went wrong.
"There are scientists online saying they've discovered some new epidemic and they're working on some new shot to protect us from catching it," Her sweet voice whispered in my ear.
"Oh," I sighed, not really paying attention.
"What's wrong Rachel? You came all the way here and now you seem miserable."
"It's just that, it seems wrong, what we're doing, you and Puck have just rekindled a few weeks ago."
She sighed with a smile. "Me and Puck never confirmed anything, I have tried showing him I'm not interested anymore, he's just not picking up the hints. Rachel you know I love you."
"I'm just worried about what they're going to say," I mumbled.
"Look Rachel I don't understand what you're so afraid of? Why are you so scared of accepting that this is real? Is it because of Finn?"
"No,I'm just still figuring things out," I confessed.
"You mean you haven't figured this out?" She frowned.
"No!" I protested. "I love you, you know I do, I'm just confused."
"Well let me know when you have worked it all out," she mumbled in a sad voice and left the room.
"you're thinking about her again," Santana whispers, and I snap back to the present.
"How do you always know that?" I ask.
"You have this certain look on your face, it's so depressing," she sighs. "Everybody knows when you're grieving. But I'm the only one who knows you're not grieving for Finn."
Finn. I'm just so glad he didn't have to live through this nightmare.
Santana points to my phone. "The battery is dying anyway, you may as well make some good use out out it," she urges me in a gentle whisper and I know what's implying.
I sigh and dial the number which I know by heart. It goes straight to voicemail without even ringing.
"Hi, you've reached the cell phone of Ms Quinn Fabray, please leave a message and I'll get back to you. Bye!"
I took a deep breath and waited for the beep. "Q, it's me, again, my phone is dying and I won't be able to contact you again, we're still in New York, in our apartment, but Puck wants to move soon. Quinn, just please be ok, please be safe out there. I miss you."
And as I hung up, the phone died.