Do you think he'll recognize me?
It's been such a long time.
Sonic?
"Yeah, buddy?"
What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Haha. Well, I don't know yet."
You don't know? What do you mean you don't know?
"I haven't thought about it."
Aren't you already grown up?
"Not yet, little bro. We both have a little bit of growing up to do."
Cock the gun.
Remove backplate.
Insert the fire gauge.
Pull the trigger.
Single shot. Stop.
Switch to automatic-fire mode.
It once was a M1919 Browning, according to the nameplate.
I scratched it out and renamed it LOVE. That seems to fit better.
I hate the desert, but that's all I can really remember now.
And the truck, too. I've memorized every grime stain on every wall, every patch of red dirt on the windows.
I hate it here, but it's all we have now.
The truck rumbles.
My feet slip a little, so I catch myself on the gun.
Rotor? Is everything okay?
"It's gonna be a rough ride, buddy." It's hard to hear him over the roar of the engine.
"Dunes." He keeps talking about something or other, but that's all I can make out. I'm not really paying attention to what he's saying.
I have to concentrate on what I can see.
I hate the desert because it's hard to tell if what you're seeing is real or not. Until it's too close.
There are always dark shapes on the horizon.
Dark shapes that look like people, standing and waiting for something. Waiting for some noise to draw them somewhere.
Most of them aren't real. Most of them live in my brain, until I kill them. The others, well, they're real. Until I kill them.
I am judgment.
"You see anyone?" Rotor shouts now.
Nothing yet. Keep driving.
"What did you say?"
This method of communication is highly inefficient.
But it's all we can do until we find her again.
"What did you say, Tails?"
I said I don't see anything yet.
"Roger. I'll keep on driving."
Look out the windows on the sides. The grime obscures most of the vision, but if I concentrate I can see.
I've spent enough time this way that I've memorized every spot of blood and dirt on the windows.
Rotor?
There's a dark shape moving down one of the dunes.
It's one of them.
Rotor! Nine o'clock!
"Shit! What did you say?"
They're here! Turn right!
The truck turns sharply. I try to right myself and get to the gun.
Backplate off. Automatic-fire mode on.
Just in the nick of time.
He jumps, with claws extended.
One eye hanging out of its socket.
Pull the trigger.
His body is ripped to bloody shreds before my eyes.
Thunder ringing in my ears.
"Tails? Everything all right, buddy?"
The edge of neighboring sand dune begins to rise.
Rotor?
I am judgment and I am salvation.
Rotor! Keep driving!
The truck shudders and stops.
Rotor?
The swarm of infected runs towards us, screaming and gargling.
Fur and clothes ragged, saliva and blood flying.
I hold the trigger down and LOVE begins saving them.
The world is filled with bright noise.
The infected begin falling.
Some of them ripped in half, some of them headless.
The desert floor stained with red.
I am your judgment, and I am your salvation.
I must save everyone.
Fire one more round of bullets into the swarm.
No movement save for more ripping of flesh.
Rotor?
"Fuck! Move, goddamn it! Why won't you move you piece of shit?" It sounds like his fists connect with the steering wheel.
The smell of love and death is replaced by the stench of smoke.
"Oh fuck. No, this can't be happening."
Rotor? What's wrong?
"The engine's fucked up, or something. Fuck!"
Rotor slams his hand into the dashboard.
You gotta help me make sure they're dead. Come on.
"Yeah, yeah, okay." He gets up, cocking his pistol. Climbing through where the door used to be.
We sift through the bodies together. Pistols out.
Me? I look for blue in a world of red.
"How much food do we have."
Not very much.
"Crap. Well. We're just going to make do with what we have until I get that piece of junk back up and running. If only we had been able to salvage more, right?"
He tries laughing, tries getting me to laugh with him.
I'm not paying attention. Scanning the corpses.
He's wasn't among them.
He's not in here. Not today.
"This is how it's gonna work." He kicks a corpse. "You'll keep watch on the desert. If anything moves, you shoot it with the pistol. If we get a swarm of them, we'll get inside the truck and use the machine gun. At least that way we'll be a little better armored."
Something begins moving.
Shifting amongst the pile of bodies.
Uh oh. Rotor I think we've got one.
"Right. I'm on it," he says, moving towards it.
Pink and red.
It moves, trying to crawl. Its legs completely blown off.
He aims the pistol.
It looks at him. She looks at him.
Her face lacking a jaw, and the skin around her mouth.
And for a second there I see her begin to cry.
The bullet carves a path between her eyes, and she falls.
Eyes wide open, tears mixing with red sand.
That was Amy, Rotor.
"I know," he says.
I remember Amy.
"So do I," he says, entirely in monotone.
He nudges her with his boot. No response.
We used to play together, when we were kids. She was nice.
"Yeah," he says. "Help me load her body into the truck."
Why?
"She's dead. I want to give her a proper burial when we get back to Knothole, okay?"
But the way he says it doesn't sound right. It's too forced.
"I mean, come on. We knew her, Tails. It's the least we could do."
I guess.
"Then I'll start working on the truck. See if it's anything I can fix. Hopefully we can get on the road before nightfall."
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I want to be a hero, just like you.
I want to save people, just like you.
Sonic smiles, but it's not a happy smile.
She's kneeling with me in front of her altar.
The one made of mud, covered in mud-stained cloth.
The few candles she could find.
A cross made from two twigs tied together.
Her hands clasped together, one flesh and one metal.
"God has a purpose for you," she tells me. "God has a purpose for all his creatures, the good and the bad. But he favors the good."
My hands clasped together too. My mind blank.
"God loves the just. God loves the wise, the strong, the meek, and the brave. Those who were evil would suffer. Sometimes, from illness."
The ill are evil?
"God has a plan for us," she says. "There's a reason that we haven't gotten sick. God is protecting us from illness, Tails. We must save his children that have gone astray, Tails. We must send them to heaven. We must make the world clean."
Clean.
"That's right," she says. Then she puts her arms around me. "I thank the Lord every day that we are safe and alive, and you should too. Do you know how lucky we are?" And she starts to cry.
I scan the desert, waiting.
Nothing but sand.
The dark shapes always stand on top of the dunes.
But they're not really there. Only in my head. I hate the desert.
The flies have come for the bodies already.
They buzz around the pile of infected.
It's not much for a burial, but eventually the desert buries everything. Eventually it will even bury me.
Do you think Bunnie's still alive?
"I don't know." Rotor's head is underneath the hood of the truck.
"She is half-roboticized, so I don't even know if she can be infected."
But do you think she's still alive?
"Well, she's half-human."
I'm not sure if that's supposed to be reassuring. Or warning.
Kick sand around, away from the engine.
Nothing better to do.
"Scraping crud off of the engine is fuckin' tedious, man. I wish I had legit tools on me. And some oil. Man, what I wouldn't do for some oil."
You wish you had lots of things.
"Well I do miss the good ol' days. Don't you?"
I miss Bunnie.
He slams the hood. Sand flies off of it, everywhere.
"Well then why did she run away then, huh? It's not like she helped out, ever. The only thing she was good for was her mouth. And let me tell you she was pretty damn awful at that, too."
And he laughs. Sharp and gravelly.
I don't think it's funny.
"Sorry."
But I can tell he isn't.
"Let's break into the food, okay, buddy?"
It's just one thing of rations.
Stale canned meat.
"We'll split it."
I'm not hungry. You can have it.
"Suit yourself."
He opens the can with his knife, tips it up to his mouth and swallows it. Juice and all.
"I'm sure we'll find more soon. There's got to be more out here. And if not there, at Knothole."
Will we go back there?
"We'll see."
Do you think Bunnie's there?
"I don't know where she went. She ran away, Tails. She probably doesn't want us to find her."
He snorts and tosses the empty can behind him.
"If you ask me, she probably went back to Robotnik. She was half-robot, after all."
That doesn't mean anything.
"How do you know?"
I just know, okay? Bunnie wouldn't do that.
"Right, well. Tell yourself whatever you want to hear."
I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, either.
Half the time I can't listen to Rotor. I can't trust him.
The sun is already beginning to set.
We aren't sure who had the disease first.
Sonic went out on a rescue mission and came back with three of Robotnik's prisoners. Three no names.
Several days later Knothole was gone.
It could've been any of them.
It could've even been Sonic.
"I can't work on this anymore today. We're running out of light."
We have the flashlight.
"I think it's best if we just sleep on it. We'll do it in shifts, just as usual. You sleep outside and I'll keep watch with the gun."
I don't know.
"I promise I'll keep watch, okay? Why are you getting all worried about things lately?"
Okay, all right.
"You can trust me."
It's better that I keep my distance from him, anyway.
I don't want him to do anything to me while I sleep.
I can't trust him.
She stops, looks at me.
"Tails, listen to me. This is important. Promise me you'll remember this."
Okay Bunnie. I promise.
"If Rotor ever tries to do anything to you that you don't like, tell him no."
Rotor? Rotor wouldn't do anything–
Her eyes look wild, almost tortured. "Don't trust him, Tails. Don't let him make you dirty."
I don't want to be dirty, Aunt Bunnie.
"Good kid," she says, putting her lips on my cheek for a split second. "Stay that way. And keep your distance from him. You have to be clean."
Mechanical squeaking wakes me up. The truck.
Run my hand through the sand to find my flashlight and the pistol.
Rotor?
Light clicks on.
I see him in the back of the truck. His pants are pulled down and hanging under his ass.
Flashes of pink.
Rotor?
"Everything's fine, Tails. Go back to sleep."
An arm draped out of the back of the truck, covered in bloody pink fur.
Is that Amy?
"Tails, it's okay. Just turn off the flashlight and go back to sleep."
What are you doing with Amy, Rotor?
He moves back, drops her.
Pulls up his pants, seemingly in a hurry.
"Nothing, Tails. I wasn't doing anything."
You were having sex with her.
"Tails–"
You were having sex with Amy's corpse, Rotor.
He smiles, his teeth all glinting yellow in the beam of light.
"So?"
I swallow a wad of snot that's been sitting in my throat.
Feel my snout muscles pulling back.
"I mean, it's not like she cares."
I– I guess she doesn't.
"Sex is part of being a man, Tails. We have needs."
He motions for me to get in the truck.
Something tickles my stomach. I can't tell if I'm getting horny or getting nauseous.
"C'mere. Let me show you."
Are you sure this is safe?
He throws his head back and laughs.
"I've done this plenty of times, Tails. It's safe. Trust me."
I don't believe him. I don't trust him. But I do what he wants anyway.
Shine my light on Amy. The underside of her torn-up dress.
Instead of what I'm used to, she has this tiny slit.
Looks insulated. Rippling flaps of skin.
"That's called a vagina, Tails."
I can feel his breath on me. I don't like it.
"Why don't you try it?"
if rotor tries to do anything to you that you don't like tell him no
don't let him make you dirty don't let him make you dirty don't let him make you dirty don't let him make you dirty don't let him
"C'mon, Tails. Pull down your pants and be a man. She won't care; she's dead. It's not like I'm gonna care, either."
I'm going back to bed, Rotor.
"Suit yourself. But if you change your mind, she's not going to be warm like this for much longer."
This feeling in my stomach is nausea.
I lie down in the sand again and close my eyes, but all I can think about is Rotor with his pants pulled down. And Amy's body.
Amy's fur, all covered in blood. Rotor's sweat.
Amy's face with the skin around her jaw ripped off, bleeding and foaming. And Rotor groaning, sweating, spitting on her.
Bile starts rising in my throat.
The truck begins squeaking again.
Is this being a grown-up?
Sonic?
"What is it?"
I love you.
"Love you too, little bro."
I'm not so little anymore.
He smiles, drooling blood.
iT'S nOT a HapPY SMilE-– –-–
Light strikes my face and I wake up.
My hand still on the pistol.
Rotor?
He's still in the back of the truck.
Arms wrapped around Amy.
My hand is shaking as I raise the pistol.
Rotor? Are you awake?
No response.
He must be asleep.
He didn't wake me. He must've fallen asleep.
Flashes.
Sonic's hand, touching me.
"Do you love me?"
The sun rises above the dunes.
Dark shapes return. Dark shapes holding hands. Watching me.
My hand is shaking and the pistol is shaking with it.
Far away on the other side of the desert, light strikes a cross.
A wooden cross, made from twigs. Tied together.
The sunlight glints off of metal.
Her arms nailed to the wood. One metal. One flesh.
Half-robotic.
All her flesh has been stripped off.
Her muscle tissue bleed and drips red all over the desert floor, staining the sand.
Her eyeless head rolls backward, reacting to the warmth of the sun.
No.
TAILS she screeches without lips and without vocal chords.
TAILS.
TAILS.
TAILS.
Bunnie.
Bunnie no.
No.
YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM TAILS.
YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM.
HE DID THIS TO ME.
Bunnie.
Rotor's face, missing an eye.
Missing his jaw.
Him snarling, drooling blood and saliva.
Stumbling.
No.
YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM TAILS.
HE'S SICK.
Rotor, please. No.
He begins to run at me, still drooling.
HE'S GOING TO MAKE YOU DIRTY, TAILS.
Bunnie Rotor please, no. Please.
Amy's face.
Amy's destroyed face. Smiling.
"I love you."
I aim the pistol and fire at Rotor.
The bullet travels through him, but doesn't rip his flesh.
Sonic's face.
His sweat dripping on me as he touches me.
Keep firing, but he gets close
"Don't you love me, little bro?"
YOU HAVE TO BE CLEAN.
YOU HAVE TO BE CLEAN AND SAVE US.
I go to him where he's sleeping with his arms wrapped around Amy's corpse and I aim the pistol at his fat fucking head and I hate him, I hate him, and I want to love him, and I want to save him, so I begin spreading my love to him, and judging him, and firing the pistol into his skull, and with the kick back his head explodes and brains and blood go everywhere, but I keep firing, and I feel something drip down my face and I realize it's his blood so I begin crying because I love him so much and I'm so happy for you Rotor, I'm sorry that you were sick and I keep firing into his brain and the pistol clicks because the clip is empty and he's safe now, I saved him, because I loved him and I am his salvation.
Drop to the floor.
Blood and tears soaking into my fur.
I have to save you.
And I can't save you by staying here.
"What do you want to be when you grow up, buddy?"
Sand is blowing all around me.
The desert is trying to bury me.
But I can't let it. I have to save you.
Trudging forward.
Blinded by sand.
Sun burning.
Clutching the pistol.
Holding it in front of me.
I am your salvation.
I am your judgment.
I am love.
I want to be a hero, just like you.
I want to save people, just like you.
Sonic smiles, but it's not a happy smile.
"Someday I hope you won't have to be."
But I am.
The first thing I see is blue.
Blue sky.
The whole desert falls quiet.
This place of death.
I breathe, and wait for him to move.
He's been lost for a very long time.
Sonic!
My hands and the pistol around my mouth, trying to make as much noise as I can.
He looks at me.
And smiles.
Sonic! I found you!
Foam dripping from his mouth as he begins running.
It's beautiful.
The sand flowing behind him like waves of water.
I can finally save him.
Time slows down to a crawl.
He's moving slowly, even though I know he's running as fast as he can.
A grin on his face, underneath the foam. His eyes are kind.
He's happy to see me!
I raise the pistol, smiling.
I am happy to see him too.
Time stops.
I almost feel like waving to him, to see if he'd recognize me.
But I don't think he would.