September 4, Conception

"Tsk, tsk, tssk. Oh, Snivelly, when will you learn?" cooed Sirius Black. He spoke to a Severus Snape, disarmed and dressed in a pink frilly tutu, with a tiara, and currently looking as if he was ready to explode.

"Snivelly, you just aren't fast enough for me. Just accept it… and keep your wand away from me at breakfast!" he turned around.

And missed seeing Snape suddenly dive for his wand and point it at him.

Before the shout of "Padfoot!" reached his ears, or he could fire his own hex, the other had already yelled

"Gestatio andros!"

Sirius paused in shock, waiting, accompanied by gasps of shock from a large number of female admirers. When the tension abated and he sprouted no third arm or second head, he smirked at Snape and said,

"Nice try, Snivellus, but…you lose. Now," he grinned,

"You pay."

-x-

September 11, One week

Sirius had been feeling bad for a while now. Three days-ish actually. Three days ago, when he noticed that his…err…breasts had been getting bigger. And sore, too. When a stray punch from Prongs caught him there, he had cringed with sudden pain.

"Bloody hell, ow, dammit!" he'd cried. It had been quite a blow to see Prongs snicker,

and mutter "Pansy." under his breath.

And now?

Now he was in the bathroom, taking a closer look at last night's dinner in the toilet.

He shouldn't really have been too surprised to see Prongs and Moony staring at him in shock from the door.

"Padfoot…?" Remus looked at him in alarm.

Sirius gave a weak smile before blanching and turning back around.

After watching for a few more seconds as Sirius hurled, James opened his mouth,

"You reeeeeeeally need to see Pomfrey."

-x-

Pomfrey looked absolutely shocked to see him,

"Why are you here? Quidditch hasn't even begun!"

Sirius tried to glare at her, but gave up on it as hopeless. Both James and Remus had slung one of his arms around their shoulders and half dragged, half cajoled him out of the dorm, leaving the toilet in Peter's care, to his feeble protests of, "I'm fine." And "It's okay."

"Sirius was vomiting. Very badly." Remus said.

Madam Pomfrey looked at them sharply, "Is that all?" at their nods: "A simple Vomiting Potion should do the trick."

She bustled, not walked, but bustled, off, and James and Remus relieved themselves of Sirius.

"What happened, mate?"

"I dunno, maybe dinner just didn't agree with me." Sirius shrugged, "Really, I have no clue. It's never happened before, and it's not bloody fun."

This caused a few laughs among the friends, before Madam Pomfrey returned.

"Drink up, now."

The smell rising up from it made his nose twitch,

"Do I have to?" he questioned, "It's really making me nauseous."

"What?" she looked surprised, "But it smells like strawberries!" she bit her lip,

"You'll just have to drink it anyway."

He took a nervous sip, before dropping the bottle and hurling himself over the side of the bed.

Madam Pomfrey jumped back, trying to avoid the splashing vomit and breaking glass, "Mister Black!" she cried out, astonished, "What happened? Have you been hexed?"

Sirius looked up at her, wiping the last remnants of regurgitated treacle tart from his mouth, "Well, Snivell- Snape got me a few days ago, but nothing happened, really."

She gave him a quick once over,

"We'll simply have to do a few more diagnostic tests, I guess."

-x-

After being poked, prodded, and forcing some six potions down without vomiting, Sirius was lounging on his cot, feeling a bit better now.

It must have just been nothing after all. Maybe it was a delayed action hex, or something.

Madam Pomfrey walked out of her office looking around nervously; she kept on looking at him as though she had never seen him before, then shaking her head.

That got him worried.

"Mister Black? I," she took a deep breath, "I have been a certified healer for six years, and an unofficial apprentice for eight before that. I have been through broken bones and head injuries, extra limbs in places you couldn't believe, but I have never dealt with this." She took a deep breath.

"Am I going to die, or something?" Sirius was a bit worried about that actually; this didn't seem like happy news hour.

Madam Pomfrey paused and looked at him before smiling, laughing a little.

The three boys joined in at various levels of nervousness

"No, you're not." She shook her head again, "I never thought I would have to say this to a young man, least of all a young man like you." her eyes twinkled a little as she said,

"Sirius, these diagnostic tests show that you're pregnant."