WARNING:
This is a crack fic. Crack fics by definition are fanfics that make you think the author was on crack. If you're looking for a serious PLOT or…A theme, a moral lesson, or interesting character development, read something else.
Herein there is crack, out of characterness, Greenday, Elite Beat Agents, and more crack.
On the plus side no one screams out "Monkey cheese banana" so if you are looking for a crack fic that doesn't include the words "Moose, Banana, Spork, Noodle, Cock, Cheese, Chocolate Milk, Etc" in attempts to be funny, you might like this.
So uh…Yeah.
Young Son Goku collapsed onto the ground gasping for breath. Was Daimao honestly too strong for him? He glanced up shakily at the demon that loomed over him chuckling menacingly. He couldn't take it, he had to do it.
"He-"
"Hmm? What's that little boy?" Daimao held a hand to his overly keen ears.
Goku scowled and tried again. "He-"
The namek cackled and began to walk closer "I'm going to crush your head into the ground."
"HEEEEEEAAAAALLLPPP!!"
Elsewhere in a far observatory, an alarm went off.
Daimaō pressed his foot down on the boys head "Calling for help so soon? We've barely started to have fun."
Goku grimaced. Suddenly three suited figures descended from the sky and landed expertly behind Goku. Daimaō looked up and raised an eye brow. "What?"
The men; one a young dark skinned man with head phones, another older dark skinned man with curly black hair spreading out from under a hat, and a pale skinned man with a large red afro suddenly turned their attentions to the two. Daimaō, who was not usually taken aback by many things, was, taken aback. "What is this?" He looked down at Son Goku with a befuddled expression.
Out of nowhere music began playing from absolutely no where and the three suited men began to sway back and forth in a rhythmic manner. The namek took a step back regarding the spectacle as one regards a man running pant less through a super market. Somewhat humored, but over all quite repulsed.
Goku took this opportunity to rise to his feet, finding new energy in the song. Daimaō found that he was quite confused by the whole thing and proceeded to stare dumbfounded as his opponent began to sway in the same whimsical manner. And then…began the singing.
Do you have the time to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am on oh those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it
Suddenly without warning the suited men began to…dance and cheer. Son Goku felt instantly pumped up as these strange Beat Agents began to dance expertly to the beat. Daimaō's eye twitched and he took a large step backward, just incase this level of insanity was contagious.
Spin! Thrust! Pivot! Stomp! YEAH!
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
I'm just stoned
Daimaō was so busy trying to make sense of the whole situation that he didn't have time to react to the punch to his face that sent him flying back several feet. He hit the ground with such force it made a small crater. He stared up at the sky quietly and twitched. They had all gone mad Hesitantly he pulled himself up and looked over to his opponent and his all male cheering squad. They were still cheering, Son Goku looked ready to inflict pain, and the music alone was enough to make anyone stab out their ear drums. He had NO CLUE what was going on. This made him, very, very angry The demon launched himself straight at the monkey boy, landing a series of punched to his gut.
OOHF!
The agents collapsed in a collective heap, but quickly got back up and regained step.
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
And quit no whining cause it's bringing her down
Daimaō glared angrily at the agents, "Would you PLEASE stop that infernal-" Goku slammed his head hard into the namek chest causing them both to hit the ground in an explosion of rock and dirt. That's it, he couldn't take it. He shoved the monkey child away and stood up.
"HOLD IT!"
The music halted, the agents stopped in the midst of a very impressive Maxie Ford move. Goku blinked and stared his opponent. Daimaō looked around to make sure his audience was paying him the utmost attention. He then held up his hands. "I'll go."
"What?" Goku asked, quite shocked.
"I'll go, I'll leave, and you win." Daimaō said dusting off his clothes.
"Th-that easy?" Goku got up "B-But! You were winning and-"
"And you're crazy!!" Daimaō shouted, "You and those three!" He pointed menacingly at the agents, then glared at them. "I'd kill you now if you did not hold such …dark powers."
The main agent lifted his sun glasses. "Man, we're just danci-"
"DARK POWERS!" Daimaō shouted eye glowing red with rage. He then turned his gaze back to Goku. "I don't want your blasted planet anyway! Its justa bunch of dirt and……"
Goku started at the old man for a moment, "And?"
"And…." Daimaō waved his arms motioning to everything. "Sssssstupid."
Goku frowned. "It's not stupid."
"Yes…dear boy, it is very stupid." With that Daimaō stepped over the young boy and proceeded to walk casually away. Goku, quite shocked got up and chased along beside him.
"Really? That's it? You're giving up?" He asked hopefully.
"Yes, I'm giving up. I'm going home."
"Wow! That's mighty nice of you Piccolo!" Goku grinned. The namek glared at the boy.
"Go away before I kick you or something."
Goku stopped, his tail drooping slightly. "Ok…Maybe we can spar sometime!"
"Leaving. Now."
Goku's smile widened and he returned to the agent's side. "Thanks a lot, Agents! I couldn'ta done it without ya!"
The lead agent flashed a smile, "Sure thing kid!" He gave a thumbs up, the whirr of helicopter blade could be heard approaching from the distance.
"Well boys, Mission Complete!" The three agents pumped a fist into the air and let out one final resounding 'YEAH!', a rope ladder descended from the chopper and the agents took hold being lifted away to their next mission.
Goku watched with a grateful smile.
Elsewhere
Kami looked down at the rice cooker, then up at his other half. "You want me to what?"
"Put me back."
Kami stared at Daimaō for a good long while. "…You want me to what?"
Daimaō glared and crossed his arms. "Put me back. It's safe in there."
Kami looked back down at the rice cooker, then back to Daimaō. "What happened?"
"Don't ask! I don't even know but it was madness!" Daimaō covered his face with his hand. "I just…they were dancing..and singing…something about a paranoid whore..I don't know."
Kami raised an eyebrow, "I'd comfort you..but you're evil."
"Yes I know." Daimaō inhaled, "But the sentiment is appreciated."
"Ah good."
"Sire..uh if I may." Piano spoke after being silent for quite some time. "Perhaps we can beat them at their own game."
"I'm not parading around with a bunch of dancing men." Daimaō glared. "That's strange and wrong."
"N-no heaven's not sir!" Piano reached into his sleeve and pulled out a card, and handed it to Daimaō. "I found this on the ground and did some research, and I believe this is the proper way to go about this situation.
"…What's an Edgeworth?"
So that's it. Cracky!
If you are upset at having lost a certain amount of your life by reading this, feel free to tell me, but please bear in mind you are on the internet reading fanfiction, you could be outside.