King of fools
a Katawa Shoujo fanfic by Troels "Sheepyhead" Jessen Chapter 1: Fever
You don't bring me pleasure
You just bring me pain
Over and over again
You don't bring me pleasure
You just bring me pain
And nothing in between
No nothing in between
Such were the words as screamed by Bullet for my Valentine vocalist Matt Tuck and received by the ears of Hideo Kei. As the guitar solo began its first screeching notes, Hideo's fingers moved along in the air. He felt the solo. He felt the sound. He didn't even notice the few others on the bus, or even the fact that he was on a bus. His eyes were closed and all that existed was the two guitars, harmonizing their solo, the drum set with its thundering double bass pedal, and the subtle, but powerful bass.
The song went into its final chorus as Hideo felt the lyrics on his tongue. His mouth was closed; even if he didn't notice everyone else, he still had some instinct that told him others might not understand what he did. He could feel every vocal, every detail of each syllable and consonant, as his tongue moved around to the song in his closed mouth. As the guitars cooled down and the song ended, he reached for his phone to seek another good song.
He had been riding the bus for over an hour now. He knew what it meant and where he was going, but he didn't think about it while the music was playing. It's not like it would mean much to him anyways. He didn't really have any friends in his old school, so this won't be anything new. Sure, it's the first time he's lived away from home, but it couldn't be that difficult. As long as nobody tried to fake interest, as they always do.
As habitual to him, he almost shook his head to clear the hair from his eyes, but then he remembered why that habit had to go. He didn't want to show anyone his face. Lucky that he had already pretty long and thick hair before the accident. It had helped him on many occasions. Especially mentally. It was good to have a curtain to shut, some times. Most of the time. Now he had to shut it permanently. No one would want to see what he had become.
Damn!
Here he had tried to avoid thinking too much, but while searching for a song, thoughts came flying to him. He always had his playlist on all random, and with over 2000 songs and more than 126 hours of music, he had to skip a lot of songs before he found a song he wanted to hear. It's not like he didn't like the other songs, but he always had some songs he'd rather listen to than others. Those songs changed often though, also why he never liked listing his favorite songs. They always changed.
Unlike me. The thought felt bitter.
As he settled with I Am Nothing by Dope, he leaned back and felt the thoughts fly. About half an hour later, the bus arrived at his destination.
Final destination he thought to himself and chuckled a bit. Internally of course. He knew others didn't find him funny. Didn't really matter much.
He had to walk from town to the school. A map over the place was already in his mind, he was pretty good at remembering things like that when he put his mind to it.
That'll come in handy when I need to buy some crap to eat
After a bit of walking through the snow, the gates of the school appeared before him
A bit flamboyant, huh? He liked it.
As he entered the school, his head bopping to the Essence song that was playing, he wondered which buildings were which.
Might as well check out the central building
They had told him that someone would be waiting for him. As he entered the main hall, he saw a pretty raggedy-looking person. Scruffy hair and beard.
Well it's not like I'm doing much better at that. Another bitter thought. They were increasingly common for him.
The man was moving towards him now.
Scruffy man: "Hideo? Hideo Kei?"
Hideo: "Yup"
The scruffy man reaches out a hand. Hideo shakes it firmly, but not too tight and not too enthusiastic. Just like his dad had taught him.
Thanks pops
Scruffy man: "I'm Mutou, I'll be your homeroom teacher"
This man is a teacher? Huh. I guess I've seen it all now
Hideo didn't express these thoughts.
Hideo: "Alright. Could you tell me where my room is, so I can put my crap down?"
Mutou frowned a bit over Hideo's language, but all in all he didn't seem to be a very expressive man.
Or maybe he just don't care much about anything. If we didn't look so different, I'd have thought my future me had gone to the past to see me. We seem pretty alike.
Mutou showed Hideo to his room. No one were present in the corridors. Unsurprisingly, it was still before noon, people must have classes. Hideo placed his bags in his room. Two of them were guitar bags, one electric and one acoustic. He was planning on having his mom bring him his amp when she came to visit.
He wasn't wearing the school uniform, he was wearing his favorite choice of baggy cargo pants with a flannel shirt and a t-shirt underneath. Simple, but stylish, he thought.
Mutou: "You should probably change into your uniform Kei"
Hideo: "Why?"
Mutou: "Well you would really stick out in class otherwise"
Damn, I have to go to class already? I'd thought I could just relax alone with my guitar.
He sighed
Mutou: "I'm not sure what you expected, but it's best to just get started on it. You're lucky that you don't need any treatment for your…"
He stopped.
Just say it. My injury is shallow and not at all serious. It looks much worse than it is. The invisible scar was by far the greatest.
Hideo: "Yeah, whatever. You mind leaving so I can change?"
Mutou: "I'll be waiting outside."
Hideo looked at the uniform as Mutou left his room.
My room. What a weird thought. I need to hang up some posters, so this can feel a bit like home to me.
The uniform was several sizes too big. Intentionally. Hideo had a preference for loose clothing, and he couldn't feel comfortable in such stupid uniforms unless they were baggy. His room had a mirror and he looked at himself.
The most noticeable thing about him was his long, dark blonde, and very curly hair, that he combed straight down into his face. The next-most noticeable thing was his height. At 1.99m, he'd always stuck out, no matter where he went. "One cm from a clean 2" as his dad used to say, like it was something to be proud of. It was in his blood, his grandfather on his dad's side had been Scandinavian, and also tall with curly hair. Norwegian or something, Hideo didn't care much. Of course these traits only served to isolate him further from everyone else in his school.
Japan really isn't fun for foreigners he thought while pulling the shirt over his head. His face showed for a bit, and he hastily brushed hair back over it.
Hideo studied the results of his size exaggeration in the mirror. Mutou knocked on the door
Mutou: "Kei? Are you done yet, class is about to start."
Hideo: "I'm coming"
He clamped on his necklace; a grotesque silver smiling sun. A little relic from a show he liked. He pulled his headphones over his head so they rested around his neck. He loved the weight and feel of them, they were huge and soft. One ring on each thumb; left ring a rotary design and the right ring looked like a black chain, and he was done.
Mutou frowned again as he looked over Hideo.
Mutou: "You sure you ordered the right size?"
Hideo: "Yup"
Mutou: "You're not a very expressive person, are you?"
Speak for yourself
Hideo shrugged.
Better not piss off the teacher before even starting class.
Mutou: "Alright, let's get going"
Hideo looked around at the architecture of the school. Through his hair, of course.
I like the style. It's very old-school. Also these weird abstract paintings hanging around really feels miserable; it's great.
As they reached the classroom, Mutou stopped up.
Mutou: "I forgot to ask you if you wanted to introduce yourself, or if you want me to do it."
Hideo frowned. Mutou couldn't see it for his hair.
Hideo: "I guess I'll just do it."
Mutou opened the door and Hideo felt himself shaking. He always felt like that when around other people. His nervousness was never very noticeable to others, so he just seemed impolite and antisocial when acting shy.
Mutou told the class a bit about Hideo's circumstances. Meanwhile, Hideo stole a look around class. He didn't see much because of his nervousness, but a girl with completely bubblegum-pink hair and drills caught his eye.
How punk he thought jokingly.
Suddenly he realized that people were staring at him and Mutou was silent.
Oh shit, did I speak out loud?
Mutou repeated
Mutou: "Hideo, would you like to tell us about yourself?"
Phew
Hideo: "I'm Hideo Kei. I'm 18 years old. I like science."
Oh god, that was the lamest introduction ever.
He didn't think to mention his absolute love of music, both listening and playing it. It felt too personal, too intimate. Especially now.
Mutou: "Well science is very good indeed."
The drillgirl was hunched over.
What is she doing?
Suddenly
Drillgirl: "WAHAHAHA~"
The laughter was ear-shattering. Hideo flinched and then made sure his hair was properly brushed over his face.
Mutou: "Come on Mikado, don't laugh at the new students all the time."
Drillgirl (who was apparently named Mikado): "Wahaha'm sorry sensei"
She doesn't seem very sorry.
Drillgirl tried her best to hide her laughing. She didn't do a good job at it.
Under his hair, Hideo was blushing. He wondered whether it would even be noticeable without the hair in the way, he'd never gotten a close look at how his face had become. Not since the hospital, anyways.
Mutou: "So Kei, you'll be sitting next to Misha here."
Sweet, a window seat.
Oh god, a window seat right next to Drillgirl. I'm not sure I'll survive.
Hideo mumbled something and took his seat.
Mutou: "Alright, we'll be doing a group assignment. Kei, you can work with Mikado and Hakamichi; the class representative. I'm sure you'll get along"
Huh. I doubt it.
Drillgirl: "Nice to meet ya~! Hideo, was it? Wahaha~ I like that name~! I'm Shiina Mikado, but everyone else just calls me Misha~!"
Oh god, tone it down a notch, everyone is staring. And why is she flailing her hands around like a maniac?
Hideo concluded that he didn't care.
Hideo: "Sure"
Drillgirl frowned at his blunt behavior. Beside her sat a girl with glasses, dark hair, and a frown on her face. This frown was much more convincing than Drillgirl's.
Wonder why she isn't saying anything. I thought you were supposed to fake politeness and friendship in situations like these.
Instead she sat patiently and weighed Hideo with her glare. She didn't seem pleased by his clothes, the headphones around his neck, or his jewelry.
Drillgirl seemed to realize something.
Drillgirl: "Oh right! Hicchan, meet Shizune~!"
Hicchan? Urgh, this is going to be a long day.
The frowny girl, apparently named Shizune, did some gestures towards Drillgirl, her eyes not leaving Hideo for a second.
I guess she's either deaf, mute or both.
Drillgirl: "She says she's pleased to meet ya~! Let's get along, alright Hicchan~?"
Hideo: "Whatever"
Once again Drillgirl frowned. Frownygirl didn't seem fazed by it, but maybe she just didn't care much. Like me.
After class, Hideo went straight to his room. Mutou caught him in the corridor.
Mutou: "So how did you like your first day of class, Kei?"
Hideo: "I liked it about as much as I liked any other class."
Mutou frowns at this
Mutou: "I'm not sure if that's good or bad"
Hideo: "Neither am I"
And with those words, Hideo hurried back to his room.
I need my guitar
As he unlocked his door, he caught a glimpse of something shining at him from the crack of the door on the opposite side. As soon as he turned his head, the door slammed shut.
Weird
He zipped up the bag for his acoustic guitar. A black fender Sonoran with a white, pearly pickguard. He had named it Feeling. Hideo liked to name things and people alike. He'd never been as attached to anyone though. Only time he felt peace and a small glimpse of happiness was when he was alone with his music, either listening to it or playing it. He was good at being alone, even when among other people.
As he strummed open C and E chords to check the tuning, he felt the safety of the sound and the buzzing feeling at his chest. He sighed.
Now it feels like any other home
He picked some power chords; F#, A and E. The intro to Seether's song Fine Again.
It seems like every day's the same
And I'm left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
And there's no color to behold
They say it's over, and I'm fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dying here.