Title: Leave Everything Up to Fate
Author: M (I guess for cursing…) maybe T
Summary: Sam has five days before something terrible takes over him and makes him hurt the only person that really matters. Will he be able to stop himself before time runs out? Lots of Sam angst and hurt brothers. Written in Sam and Dean's POV R&R (i'll luv u)
Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING that has to do with supernatural!
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AUTOPILOT
-SAM'S POV-
Move forward. No. Left. Then stop. Pause. Breathe.
No Dean, I'm fine. Don't touch. Fine.
I'm standing. Perfectly placed between the TV and the bed. Dead center. And Dean, you're standing directly in front of me, between the red wall and the yellow wall.
And you know what you're separating me from? The door.
My exit, my escape, my way out. Why do I want to leave? Almost forgot, but now it's coming back to me. I'm saving you. But I see your trust in me is petering away, and that's the one thing I need right now. Dean, I need you to trust me. I need you to trust that I'm doing this for you. I need you to trust that I'm saving you.
I'm saving you from myself. This. This hunk of ticking time bomb. I'm at one minute. Maybe less, but definitely not more. I'm ticking to a stop and when I reach zero I'm going to do something I'll regret. I don't want to regret, I have enough to regret.
00:50
You're saying 'No'. I hate that word it means wrong, it means mistake, it means hurt. Well, at least most times, now I feel like it means savior.
00:40
You want to save me, just like I want to save you. You want to help me… Thanks… I'm good. I got this thing called autop… I'll stay here where you can't touch me. Because if you can't touch me, then I can't touch you. And if I can't touch you then I can't hurt you… Unless… No? Good. I left that thing over there. Yeah, I can't hurt you from here.
I step. You step too. You won't let me pass. But I won't let you get hurt, I won't let you d…
00:30
My exit is getting dragged out too long. Thirty more second and I swear I'm adding another thing to my list of failures. Another excuse for you to save me, and yourself. And can't I save you for once? I never told you, but that's all I want to do right now. All I really want to do is save you.
Why? You want to know why I'm running out of this room? You want to know why my head is hanging low and I can't look at you in the eyes? Is that what you want to know? Want to know why I'm swaying and feeling dizzy? I know why but I won't tell you. I know why but I won-
00:20
Easy. This should be easy. I should have sneaked out; I shouldn't have 'scared you'. That's what you said I'm doing; you said I'm 'scaring you'. I'm scaring myself Dean, hence why I want out now. I want to be where I'm only scaring myself. Not anyone else.
00:10
Dean, don't you understand? I need you to move; I need to get away from you! I want to push past you but that would involve… Never mind… And this goddamn thing won't work. I was supposed to just turn it to on and walk out without emotion. Without giving you a clue something was wrong. Stupid auto…
Didn't I say I just needed to go? Didn't I say nothing was wrong? Didn't I ask why I was scaring you and didn't I assure you there was nothing to be scared of? Trust me Dean, I'm doing this for you! The apprehension alone is killing me; just wait until these seconds are over.
00:05
I should have known. I should have left while you were in the bathroom. I should have left while you were sleeping. I should have left when-
I've been living in a world of denial for too long. I knew that this instant was coming today. I knew it was coming during this hour. I knew it was coming at this instant, and still I did nothing.
Dean, you have to move, you have to or else-
I'm taking this into my own hands. I'm running towards the door. Say 'I'm sick of this nonsense.' When you Dean, you make the most sense.
But you catch me. And that's when I feel it. I can feel it. I feel it the instant that my wrist is in your fist and my chest is resting on your open hand.
00:01
I feel my priorities change. This thing was supposed to work! Let go Dean! Let- Oh god Dean-
00:00