Hey! I know it's been forever since I've posted anything or showed any sense of life on this site at all, but I'm back! I really hope you enjoy this story, and I want to thank my friend FamishedSinger for reading this at 12:30 at night and editing it for me! Tell me what you think, I hope you like it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Taz (not even drunk Taz) or Up, Starkid does! (Lucky duckies!)
Sometimes when Taz drank she was pretty funny, most of the time actually. Sometimes, however, she became dangerous. Well, more dangerous than she usually was. One particular night, Taz had just staggered out of Starship 15-A2's bar, determined to make it to her room before passing out in the corridor. She made the entire journey without falling once, until she came to her door. She leaned her forehead against the cool steel wall, trying to make sense of the numbers that swam past her vision on the keypad in front of her. Just as she was about to type in her pass-code, she fell not too gracefully onto the floor, landing roughly on the cold tile. Taz winced as she put most of her weight onto the wall next to her, trying with all her might to stand before some loser ensign came by and saw her like this. Before she could hesitate, she punched five numbers on the keypad at random, praying to dead-God that they were right. Just as she was about to give up and find a corner to fall asleep in, the wall behind her disappeared and she literally fell into her room, scrambling to her feet as the door closed quickly behind her.
"Estupido door," she walked blearily to her bed, flopped onto the thin covers, and closed her eyes, trying to will away the stomach cramps and heaves as she felt the result of too much alcohol for her small body. Before she could stop it, however, she found herself running towards the small bathroom and emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet. "Meirda." Taz leaned her head against the cool toilet bowl, feeling the pains start to come to her head. She knew that she shouldn't have drunk as much as she did, and yet she couldn't refuse as more drinks came. Taz couldn't even remember why she was at the bar in the first place, was it a party? No, she didn't get invited to parties. Was it a graduation? No, surely she would remember if the worthless pieces of shit that they had allowed into the Galactic League had graduated. What was it? And why was there a sense of foreboding that seemed to fill her mind?
After flushing the toilet, Taz walked back into her bedroom and slid under her covers, shivering slightly. She tried to close her eyes and let sleep overtake her, but she just couldn't shake the bad feelings that filled her mind. She sat up, frustrated, and stalked over to the small desk that was mostly a resting place for her vast collection of books. She grabbed her calendar and pulled it over to her, thinking for sure that whatever the reason she was at the bar tonight surely was written down there. Taz knew it was childish, but she was scared to see what was written on the date. She took a deep breath and looked down at the calendar. What she found written there stopped her heart for a second. Written on the day's date in a messy scrawl that Taz identified as Up's was, "Taz's birthday!"
Now Taz remembered.
She remembered the horror that took place on her birthday, so many years ago.
She remembered the screams that filled the air as robots tortured and killed her family while she watched, helpless and unable to do anything to stop the massacre.
She remembered, but she had tried to forget.
She hadn't wanted a celebration of her birthday, as to her it was a day of death, but her friends insisted. So she let them drag her to the small bar and tried to enjoy herself. After a while, however, she had stopped celebrating her birthday and started drinking more and more, trying to forget the anniversary of her birth. She felt the memories wash away in a wave of tequila and beer that only left her dazed and confused.
It took a few minutes for Taz to realize that she was crying but as soon as she did, she couldn't stop. The more she cried, the angrier she got with herself.
"Jou shouldn't be crying, stupid idiota. Jou got out of that inferno alive while all of jour family and friends died painfully. Jou should be thankful that jou made it out, not crying and carrying on like a...a…poco niña." Taz stood up abruptly, knocking her chair over in the process and stomped over to the bathroom again, placing her shaking hands on both sides of the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror, hating what she saw there. She clenched her jaw, trying to force the tears back in but they continued to pour out, causing Taz to shake with anger.
"No matter what anyone says, jou're weak." She spat the last word, oddly finding peace in saying it. "Jou were weak then, jou're weak now, and jou will always be WEAK!" She shattered the mirror with her bare fist, relishing the sharp stab of pain that shot through her hand as tiny slivers of glass embedded themselves into her skin. The pain made her feel alive, reminded her that she was weak. Despite the pain that she felt now, it was nothing compared to the pain that she felt in her heart.
Her family was gone, dead for good.
Her closest friends were gone, dead for good.
She had no one, absolutely alone.
The few friends that she did have didn't know anything about her. They thought that she was the toughest sonofabitch that the Starship Rangers had ever seen. But that was a lie.
She wasn't tough.
She was weak.
She let herself feel the sharp stab of pain through her heart, instead of closing herself off.
She cried as the glass stabbed her skin.
Nothing compared to being burned alive by psychotic robots.
She wasn't tough…
She was weak.
Taz brushed the tears on her cheeks away impatiently, forcing herself to grow up and be tough like everyone wanted her to be, forcing herself to ignore the ramblings in her head and walk back into her room, trying for some normality despite the dark thoughts that came to her mind, enhanced with the buzz of the alcohol still running through her system. She would show them, she would show all of them.
She wasn't weak.
She had to be tough, she had to be.
Even as the phrase circled through her mind, she knew the truth; she was…weak.
Up left the bar. He was much more sober than his crew who he left slumped against the wall, Krayonder singing Barbie Girl too loudly and way off key. Even as he wondered where he should go at the late hour, or whether he ought to just go to bed, he found himself walking towards Taz's room. Taz's behavior at her makeshift birthday "party" had seemed off, and he knew what was bothering her. During her past birthdays, she had simply locked herself in her room and refused to be seen but this year the rest of the crew wanted to celebrate. In the words of February, "you only turn twenty five once".
Up came to a halt in front of her door, noting the shouts and screams that were coming from inside the room. Up prayed to the dead-God that it was nothing that he hadn't handled before and turned to the keypad to type in Taz's code. At first he was taking his time, but when he heard sudden zapper fire from inside, he typed the numbers with blurring speed and practically pried the doors open. When he barged into the room, Taz glanced up in surprise, brown eyes wide in shock. It became obvious to Up at once that Taz was drunk. Actually, Taz was past drunk, she was totally wasted. Usually when Taz drank, Up was able to control her perfectly fine. When Taz drank like she obviously had tonight, however, Up wasn't sure.
Without preamble, Up took three quick strides across the room and tried to wrestle the zapper out of Taz's hands. Taz, however, would have none of it.
"Get off, jou stupid idiota! Leave me alone!" After three tries of forcing the gun out of her hands, Up tried persuasion. He held Taz out at arm's length and forced her chin up so that his bright blue eyes could meet her alcohol-dazed brown ones. He took a deep breathe, making sure he was completely calm before he continued.
"Taz, you need to calm down. You're not thinking clearly and you just need to lie down and take a nice rest," he saw something flicker in her eyes, but he wasn't sure what it was. He got down to her eye level to try again, earning himself a face full of spit.
"Jou need to calm down, I'm perfectly fine." As if to illustrate her point, Taz pulled away from him so quickly that Up barely had time to register what had happened. Before he could grab her again, he was hit in the head with something very heavy, knocking him unconscious for a few moments.
Up groaned as he lifted his head and Dead-god it hurt! He tried to lift his hand to find the bump he surely had, but found his hands bound with thick rope. He finally cleared his head and took in the situation. He was tied to Taz's desk chair; the girl in question was lying on her bed, twirling her zapper around and around. Up thought he was going to be sick. Taz had never attacked him (deliberately) before, he had no clue what had gotten into the girl. She clearly was going through some sort of mental breakdown; Up only hoped that he could help her sort out her feelings, something that Taz was never quite good at. Without looking at him, Taz spoke. Up had to strain to hear what she was saying.
"I wonder how many hits it would take with one of dese to kill someone…" Up's heart sank. "I know I've killed people before, but I never tried seeing how many hits it took, I just blasted away…" Up cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Why would you wonder something like that Taz?" He saw her shrug.
"Just wondering." She laughed, but it wasn't her usual laugh. Her usual laugh was so bright and warm, the laugh that came out of her mouth sent Up's skin crawling. Taz turned her dark eyes on him and stood quickly, walking over to him. "Why do jou care, Up?" She laughed that horrid laugh again. "Are jou afraid I'm going to shoot jou?" Up shook his head, although that was exactly what he was afraid of. The sarcastic smile slid from Taz's face, replaced with a glare that would send the toughest rangers screaming. "Good. Jou shouldn't be afraid Up, because if jou are, do jou know what that makes jou?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "It makes jou weak. Are jou weak, Up?" He shook his head quicker than before. Taz nodded as if confirming what Up had said.
"I know that jou aren't weak, Up…I know. I am, though. I am weak." Up looked into Taz's eyes and saw all the sadness that she had been bottling up for so many years there, waiting to burst out.
"You're not weak, Taz." Up had apparently said the wrong thing, because she just got angrier.
"CALLAR! SOLO CALLAR!" Tears began streaming down her cheeks. "I am weak. I am weak because I'm scared." Up could see the fear in her eyes, she was indeed scared. "I'm scared I'm going to hurt someone. I wouldn't be scared if I was going to hurt myself, that I can live with." She swallowed, her eyes wide. "I'm scared I'm going to hurt jou, Up."
"Taz, you need to put down the gun and untie me, we can sort this out." She reluctantly raised her eyes to look at him.
"If I untie jou, jou'll just leave like everyone else! Like everyone I've lost!" She was now sobbing openly. "It's not fair, Up. Dey had to die while I got to live, what kind of sick fate is dat? I was too scared to do anything, I couldn't help anyone. I just sat dere while my entire famillia got slaughtered by those hijos de puta! And I tried to be tough for jou Up, I tried! But I can't kid myself anymore, I'm weak. I was never tough, it was all just an act but jou know what?" She smiled a sad, tortured smile. "I'm not scared anymore. I'm going to join dem, Up. I'm going to be with my familia again and den I can stop trying to be what I'm not." She walked over to Up and laid a kiss on his cheek, the spot burned after she pulled away. She raised the zapper to her head, her hand shaking violently. Up's eyes were wide with fear as he used all of his strength to get out of the bindings, but the ropes were too strong and they were tied too tight, Taz had made sure of that.
Taz smiled at him, a goodbye smile.
Up shook his head, denying what was happening as he sobbed shamelessly, trying to will the right words to reach Taz before it was too late.
Trying to save the toughest person he had ever known.
"I love jou, Up. I will always love jou and I hope dat jou will be able to love me too, someday." She put some tension on the trigger, but not pulling it yet.
"Remember me, Up. Remember me as the tough ranger jou made me. Remember me as jour student, and jour best friend. Jou were my best friend Up, and I love jou."
"Taz," She smiled at him, and the zapper fired, hitting its target dead on.
Taz crumpled to the floor, blood trickling out of her head, eyes shut and her face relaxed in death.
Up howled, a sound so broken and lost.
Taz, his best friend and the love of his life was dead.
She was the toughest ranger, and the toughest person he had ever known.
Here's the tough part...
Yeah, Taz...well, yeah. But I'm giving you the choice as the readers! Should I continue writing this and have Taz be only hurt and Up has to help her deal with her emotions like she helped him, or should I leave her as she is and write a small little epilogue, or should I leave it as it is entirely?
Decisions, decisions...Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!