Hey lovelies! This fic is a result of a draft that had been sitting in my computer for months, and of two full days home stuck with the flu. Not the easiest subject to write about. This fic has got humor, smut, fluff and angst and I'm really sorry for the mess.
Anyway. Hope you like it.
ONE
"Oh, fuck yes"
Dan's hips canted forward as Blair pressed her back harder against his chest. He felt the sweat on her skin mingle and stick with his own, and pressed his hands on her stomach to bring her even closer.
Her mouth opened to let out a breathy moan.
"Dan…faster"
He did not make her repeat herself and picked up the pace with a groan. It was coming, he could feel it rushing in every nerve of his body. He tilted his head to kiss her neck.
"God, this is amazing" he whispered against her skin "I'm so close"
"Me too" Blair's hand reached around to press on the back of his head and maintain his lips to her neck "Just don't stop"
"Yes"
His hands left her stomach to travel north and rest on her breast. As she started moving her hips with him, he held a stiff breath in and squeezed her breasts.
"Ow, ow, stop!"
Blair violently turned around to push him off and out of her. Dan fell onto his back on the bed, confused and more than frustrated. Blair was looking at him with frowned eyebrows.
"What do you think those are, stress balls?" she asked, her hands going to cover her breasts.
Dan frowned too "What? I barely touched you"
Blair got off the bed and started walking toward the bathroom.
"Come back when you'll learn not to fuck like a Cro-Magnon"
She slammed the bathroom door behind her and Dan did not move a single muscle. It took him a moment to process what had just happened, and even then, he didn't get it.
"What?" he asked himself, looking at the bathroom door.
X
TWO
X
Dan was about to enter Serena's building when he spotted Chuck coming his way, Ray Ban sunglasses on, impeccable Ralph Lauren summer outfit, pushing before him a stroller. Dan stopped, and crossed his arms, waiting for Chuck to arrive.
"This will never stop being funny" Dan told him with a smile "Even when that kid is eighteen and graduating from high school"
"Just shut up and open the goddamn door"
Once they were in the elevator, Dan leaned down to the little girl in the stroller.
"Hello there!" he said, playing with the little bow in her hair "Remember me? I'm the one who was rolling on the floor laughing when your mommy brought you to your unaware dad and he fainted. You were quite a surprise, little girl"
"Her name is Ophelia, and fuck you"
The elevator opened and they followed the balloons to Serena's door. Carter was the one who opened them, wearing a paper hat.
"Hey guys, glad you could make it"
Another thing that would probably never stop being funny. Carter Baizen wearing a pink paper hat. He took the gifts from their hands and showed them to the living room with the other guests. It was mostly women, mothers, and they were all gathered around Nate and his ravishing smile.
Nate stood up when he saw Chuck and Dan coming in.
"Ophelia!" he took her from Chuck's arms "Come and see your godfather! Look how big you've gotten!"
The women visibly melted in front of him and Chuck passing each other the baby. Dan rolled his eyes, avoided bumping into some of the kids running around and went to look for Serena.
"Hey, congratulations!" he told her when he found her in the kitchen.
"Thanks" Serena answered, never stopping from disposing around cupcakes on a silver plate "Have you seen the birthday girl, she was dying for you to arrive"
"All the kids have cake on their faces, I couldn't distinguish which one she was"
Serena smiled "How was the anniversary dinner?"
"Great" Dan nodded "Thank you for the reservations, by the way. Blair had been trying to get in for months"
"My pleasure" Serena shook her head "I can't believe you guys made it one year without killing each other"
"I can't believe you and Carter made it four years without killing Molly"
"Ha ha. Where is Blair, by the way?"
"She had lunch with her mom, she'll be here soon"
Dan picked up a cupcake and started nipping on it.
"Hey, there is something I'd need to ask you" he said, but Serena cut him off.
"I'm sorry, but three of those women over there are divorced and probably already drawing plans in their heads to seduce Nate, or Chuck, or both. I need to prevent the disaster" she picked up the cupcakes tray "Maybe Carter can help you!" she told him as Carter entered the kitchen.
He closed the door behind him, muffling the cries of the children.
"This is exhausting" he whispered.
The door opened again, but it was only Nate and Chuck holding Ophelia coming in.
"Serena banished us from the living room"
They all sat around the kitchen island while Carter got them beers, before asking Dan what he needed help with. Dan took a long sip from his beer.
"It's Blair" he said "She's acting really strange. You know how she is sometimes borderline bipolar?"
All the others nodded in agreement.
"Well, it's worst now. She has crazy mood swings, about things like me misplacing the peanut butter jar that she rarely touched now, even though she loves that. No, now she is all about marmalade. And she's gotten really sensitive, emotionally and physically"
Nate and Chuck frowned, probably wondering where he was going with this. Carter's eyebrows flew up.
"You think she is…?"
Dan nodded "Yeah. But she didn't tell me anything. And I can't ask her because…just imagine how it would go"
"Ask her what?" Nate worried.
"If she's pregnant" Carter said.
Nate's eyes opened wide for a few seconds, before a smile broke onto his face.
"Yeah, that definitely wouldn't go well" he stepped down from the stool and rested his weight on one leg, putting his hands on his hips and pressing his lips and eyes in a Blair-like way "Humphrey, are you calling me fat?" he asked Dan with a little swirl of his head.
Dan laughed with the others in spite of himself, then took his head between his hands.
"What am I supposed to do?"
Carter pat him on the back with compassion "I say just let it go, and act surprised when she finds out herself"
"You think?"
"Yeah" Carter shrugged "Like, it's only a matter of weeks or even days before she realizes she's late, you know"
Nate and Chuck grunted at the mention of Blair's cycle.
"And also" Carter lifted his beer toward Dan "Congratulations, man"
Dan nodded slowly with a smile. He was –probably –going to be a dad. Blair was going to be the mother of his child. The writer in him couldn't find the words yet to express the complexity of feelings he was having.
"So is that it? You're all ditching me in favor of fatherhood?" Nate asked before turning to Chuck "Should I sleep with a Russian model and just hope for her to show up eleven months later with a baby?"
Chuck put a caring hand on Ophelia's head, while he stepped down from his seat "I'll have you know Ophelia and I have nothing to be ashamed about; and I will not stand here, and watch you make a mockery out of our lives" he unhooked his sunglasses from his collar, and put them on "Ophelia, we're going" he said in the same tone he once used to proclaim his identity.
X
THREE
X
"Do you think I've put on weight?" Blair asked, turning around in front of the mirror.
Dan was lying on their bed, reading. His blood froze when he heard the question. The honest answer was yes, but it was barely visible, only when she was naked. It killed him to have an idea of the cause, and not being able to suggest it without stepping one of the numerous landmines designed to trigger her wrath.
He cleared his tight throat.
"No. You look perfect, as usual. I love you. Every day with you feels like a sunny afternoon walk in the country"
Blair turned slowly around, and eyed him suspiciously.
"What?"
"I need water, do you want to drink water?"
Dan wen to the bathroom to pour himself a glass of water. When he got back into their room, Blair was already in bed. She nestled against him once he was under the cover.
"My back is so sore" she whispered, roaming her hands over his chest "I've been so stressed out from work. Do you think you could help?"
Her hand started going down on his stomach, to finally disappear under the waistband of his pajama pants. Dan's breath itched when he felt her hand go past his boxers, and wrap around him.
She started pressing open-mouthed kisses on his neck, as her hand was traveling up and down around him, pumping slowly.
Dan pushed one of her shoulders so she would lay completely on her back and settled between her open, waiting thighs. Their lips connected while he pushed off the straps of her nightdress, then he started kissing his way down, until his hand wrap around her newly naked breast. Yep, definitely bigger.
Dan's tongue flicked over the pink peak of her breast, and Blair cried out, surprising him.
"Again" she breathed, and Dan reiterated, eliciting another shout out of her.
If that was a side effect to pregnancy, it could very well become his favorite. Dan got so turned on by her cries that he was trembling when he pushed down her panties and his own clothing. He went back to kiss her, and positioned himself at her entrance.
"Condom" Blair mumbled against his lips.
Then Dan froze. They obviously didn't need condom. But she didn't know that. He grunted, as he felt his chance to have her without any barrier pass up, and went to take a condom from the nightstand.
That night, Blair came three times, and Dan fell in love with her again, and for the first time, with the being growing unexpectedly inside of her.
The morning after, it was barely dawn when Dan was awoken by noise in the bathroom. He walked sleepily over there, and pushed the door open to find Blair vomiting her guts out in the toilet. The sight jarred him awake, and Dan sat next to her on the floor, gently stroking her back. His heart raced when he realized that she would probably start to ask herself questions after that. She would soon come to him, and announce that she was going to have his baby.
"I knew I shouldn't have ordered that fish for lunch, yesterday" she said.
Dan opened his mouth, then closed it and nodded. She still had time to figure it out.
"Would you run down to the drugstore and get me something?" she asked.
"Sure. Let me bring you back to bed"
He helped her get up. She looked so pale and weak. He made her lie back down, and gave her a bottle of water and her cellphone so she could call in sick. Once he was dressed and ready to leave, he leaned down to kiss her.
"Do you need anything else?"
Blair thought for a moment "I'm craving for mango sorbet"
It made Dan smile. He was closing the door to their room behind him when she talked again.
"Also, I'm out of tampons"
Dan frowned, not turning back to hide his confusion.
What?
X
FOUR
X
"Okay" Carter put the book on Dan's lap "It says here that denial of pregnancy occurs once out of three hundred pregnancies. The fact that she has the symptoms but doesn't acknowledge them as pregnancy explains why she is still having blood loss that she takes for her period"
"YES!" Nate shouted, thrusting his fist in the air as he watched his team score on Carter's flat screen. When the euphoria went back down, he turned to the others staring at him. "Sorry. We were saying?"
"Is it dangerous?" Dan asked, looking at the pictures in Serena's pregnancy book.
"It can be" Carter grimaced "But apparently, if it's pointed out to her, her body can start changing and looking pregnant in a record time. She just needs to know"
"How do I do that?"
"Just tell her and get it over with, Humphrey" Chuck rolled his eyes. Ophelia in her high chair next to him started making noises. He stroked her cheek softly "See, Ophelia approves"
"Perhaps you prepare a nice dinner?" Nate suggested, eyes still on the TV "Mothefucker!"
"Nate!" Serena's voice made them all jump.
She was standing in the foyer with Blair who was holding shopping bags, her hands over Molly's ears standing in front of her. She frowned in front of the gathering.
"What are you all doing here anyway?" she asked.
They all looked at each other, until Carter laughed nervously, waving at the television.
"We're watching the game" he said
"I thought you watched all of your games on Chuck's giant screen"
"I got rid of it" Chuck said without flinching "Bad for the baby's eyes"
"Oh" Serena pushed Molly toward Carter "I suppose you will all stay for dinner" she said with a sigh.
"If you insist" Dan, Chuck and Nate all replied.
"I really don't, but I don't think it'll make much of a difference"
When Dan saw Blair coming their way, he discreetly closed the book and shoved it under the couch.
"I thought you were going to work all day?" she asked, giving him a light kiss.
"Lost inspiration" Dan shrugged, then to change the subject "So, how was shopping, did you get me something?"
"Pants" Blair replied absent-mindedly, frowning at the soccer game on the television "And a dress. It's for me to wear, of course, but you'll love it. It's a little bit tight" she whispered "I was thinking that I would wear it for the fundraiser, next month"
Dan cleared nervously his throat "Yeah, sure, we'll see"
They all helped Serena setting the table and started eating in the usual chipper mood that always covered their gatherings. Most of them were done eating when Serena frowned at Blair.
"Are you okay? You didn't touch your meat"
Serena seemed even more surprised by the silence that fell onto the table. She looked at the men suspiciously before going back on Blair.
"I'm good" Blair said with an apologetic smile "I just didn't feel like it. I think it's the sauce"
"You love that sauce, Blair" Serena said.
"And it's delicious, beautiful" Carter pressed a kiss on her cheek.
But Serena didn't even pay attention. She kept on frowning at Blair. Then out of nowhere, she stood up and leaned across the table to take Blair's jaw between her fingers. Blair's eyes widened in shock, and confusion while Serena examined her closely.
"Blair, are you pregnant?"
Chuck choked on his meat, Nate spilled his wine and Dan was simply tetanized. Blair batted Serena's hand away.
"What is wrong with you? Of course I am not pregnant" she said.
"Are you sure?" Serena asked, eyes wrinkled as if to detect a lie.
"Yes, I am sure, for God's sake!"
She looked over at Dan, probably to get him to back her up, but he was still immobile. He saw her look at Nate, and Chuck, and Carter who got up.
"Why don't we leave them alone for five minutes?" he said, pulling on Serena's arm.
Nate and Chuck practically ran out of the table. Blair looked back at Dan.
"Humphrey, what the hell is going on?"
Dan drank what remained of his glass of wine, and poured himself another one.
X
FIVE
X
"I still can't believe that you knew, and you never told me" Blair accused him again as they came home from the OBGYN.
"I told you, I wasn't sure and I didn't know how to bring it up" Dan answered, like a machine because it was all he had been telling her for the past two weeks. Besides, he was too busy staring at Blair's swollen belly.
Carter had been right. Once Blair learned that she was pregnant, her body grew bigger every day. It freaked everyone out. Their parents, their neighbors, her colleagues. But Dan was simply fascinated. Everything felt and looked inevitably real, now. Inside Blair, was his baby.
It felt really weird, too.
They shopped for everything online, because Blair couldn't walk to the stores. She was simply suffering from the aftermath of walking in Manolos for the first four months of her unaware pregnancy. Due to the exceptional circumstance, she had to take an early maternity leave, so she was home all day with him.
Dan liked having her around, while he was writing. She never disturbed him but she would often walk by the study, or peak in to see how he was doing. It was a little like having a cat. A cat who complained about how she couldn't eat caviar anymore.
"The doctor told you to lie down when we get home" Dan pushed her toward their room "So go do that while I take care of lunch"
Dan went to the kitchen, and started drawing in his head the healthiest menu he could come up with. When he saw Blair coming into the kitchen, he gave her a reprimanding look.
"Go to bed, Blair"
"I will, if you come with me"
She smiled at him. When she stood on the tip of her toes, Dan leaned down to meet her halfway into the kiss. Blair took his hands to put them on her ass.
"I want you" she whispered against his lips
Dan groaned, fighting for control "And I want you to eat something, okay? So let me just cook you something, and then we'll take care of whatever you have going on here"
"No" Blair simply answered.
Dan was about to adopt a firmer attitude, but his brain was turned into mush when he witnessed Blair going down to fold on her knees in front of him.
"No, not this" he shook his head.
"Yes"
Blair gave him her most seducing smile while starting to unbuckled his belt. She wasted no time in shoving his pants down his legs and freeing him from his briefs. Dan's hand went to grab the kitchen counter behind him when Blair took him in her mouth.
"Oh, God"
He was doomed. From the moment she dropped on her knees, he was doomed. Blair's eyes never left his face as she started sucking on him, meticulous and diligent. Her hands went to hold his hips to steady them both, and Dan completely gave in, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. Blair's tongue was doing little swirls around him, and pressing on the tip, causing him to hiss. He was hard about three minutes.
He moaned when he felt her pull away, after giving him a final lick. Blair stood up as quickly as her body would allow her to, and took Dan's hand to drag him with her.
"Come on" she whispered with impatience.
Dan had trouble following her with his pants around his ankles, but they eventually made it to the bedroom. Dan sat on the bed to get rid of his clothes. He was already half naked, and still, Blair's outfit found itself on the floor before his.
She pushed him on the bed before straddling him. Dan could hear how heavy her breathing was. He brought one hand to her cheek.
"Are you okay?"
Blair nodded, and kissed his hand before bringing it between her legs. Dan almost forgot how to breathe when he felt how wet she was.
"I want you so much" she moaned, urging his hand to move against her.
Dan started stroking her and stared at her face, at the delight painted by her closed eyes and her open mouth. His other hand when to knead her breast, so full and soft against his palm, before going further down to rest on the hill of her belly. He left his hand there, while he inserted two fingers of the other one inside her. Blair cried out and went to cover his hand on her belly with one of hers.
Eventually, she took his fingers out of her and guided his stiff erection inside of her. It was Dan's time to lose it then. Blair rocked her hips above him, riding him as hard as she could. Dan didn't want her to tire out, so he leaned up to sit with her on the bed, and let her lean back against the palm of his hands while she worked on him.
She was unchained, almost in trance; Dan had rarely seen her this way during sex. He figured that it was probably the pregnancy libido he had heard about on TV.
He leaned down to kiss her belly, and up to kiss the swell of one breast, whispered how much he loved her against her skin. She answered, between shouts, and behind greeted teeth; again, and again she told him, until she came, crying out his name.
Dan followed almost immediately, burying his groans between her breasts. Blair continued to rock her hips above him, until he went completely soft inside of her.
They lied next to each other on the bed, breathless and completely spent. Dan dragged the covers on them, and took her in his arms, ready for a nap. Of course, just as he was falling asleep, Blair got hungry.
X
SIX
X
Dan came home from grocery shopping and found Blair in their bed, her face buried in her pillow. Her body had little spasms and he heard her whimper a little. He went to sit next to her and stroked her back.
"Blair, are you crying?"
"No" she answered in her pillow
"Yes, you are. What's wrong?" he asked, worried.
Blair mumbled something that he couldn't hear. He leaned down next to her and asked her gently to repeat.
"I'm fat!" Blair screamed, leaving her pillow to look angrily at him.
Dan sighed "It's completely normal, Blair. It just comes as a shock because it happened so fast for you"
Blair shook her head "It's not normal. None of this is normal"
She pushed him away violently to get off the bed and go to the bathroom. Something shifted in Dan. He went to the bathroom and –
"Blair, no!"
Dan kneeled next to her in front of the toilet and forced her to take her fingers out of her mouth. She fought back, slapping and kicking until Dan held tightly her wrists between his hands.
"It's normal, Blair" he told her, looking her in the eyes "You are pregnant. It's normal"
"It's really not!"
"It is!" Dan insisted, his voice rising out of panic.
Blair shook her head, and closed her eyes, making the tears roll down on her cheek. Dan took a deep breath, before lifting her from the floor and carrying her back to their bed. When he laid her down, she turned her back to him.
"Why won't you listen to me?" she asked in a sob that shattered his entire being "I thought you would always understand me"
"I understand you, Blair" he went to lie behind her, cupping her body with his. Dan took her hand and brought it to her belly. Blair started crying harder "You have to listen to me too, Blair. This is our baby"
"I know, but…" she trailed off, shaking her head once more.
Dan hoisted himself on his elbow, and pulled her shoulder so he could look at her.
"But what? What is it?"
Blair's red eyes anchored in his, and he saw fear.
"I don't think I want it in me" she whispered. She closed her fist on his shirt, desperate "Can you find a way to get it out?"
Dan swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't know what to answer.
"I…I'll try" he whispered.
He saw Blair force a smile, and close her eyes again, resting her forehead against his chest. Dan held her until he heard her snore.
He called the doctor from the bathroom, leaving the door open to keep an eye on Blair. The doctor said that this kind of behavior happened, when women had been under denial. He said that Blair was just having a phase where she took their baby as an intruder of her life, because the evolution of the pregnancy had been brutal. He gave Dan the name of a psychiatrist specialized in this matter, and told him not to worry.
"It's normal" he said.
X
SEVEN
X
"Blair, come on, get out of bed. I drew you a bath"
Blair shook her head, and kept on staring at the wall. Dan sighed.
"I have your favorite macaroons"
He waited five seconds, and smiled when he saw Blair turn toward him and look at the box he was holding. She tried to reach it, but Dan stepped away.
"You're going to have to come with me, if you want them"
He started walking backwards to the bathroom, and Blair rolled her eyes before hoping off the bed. Once she was standing in the bathroom with him, he put the box aside to dispose of her pajamas. He kissed every bit of skin he unraveled.
"You're beautiful" he told her.
Blair shrugged "Don't you have an invisible close that forces you to say that when you get married?"
Dan laughed "Shit, you know about that?"
Blair had a little smile and slapped him lightly.
"You're an idiot"
Dan helped her get into the bath. The top of her swollen belly remained out of the water, and Blair stared at it. Dan gave her the macaroons before she would start thinking too much.
She started chewing one, then looked at Dan.
"I don't want to go see the woman, today" she said.
The woman was how she called the psychiatrist. She refused to call her therapist, or doctor because in her eyes, the only thing wrong was the being inside of her. Dan took a deep breath.
"I agree" he said "I already planned something else for this afternoon, anyway"
Blair's eyes lit up "What is it?" she asked with an excited smile
"You'll see. Just relax. What do you want me to read to you?"
Blair thought, starting on another macaroon.
"Whitman"
Dan took the book from the pile next to the bathtub, and opened it.
"Once I pass'd a populous city, imprinting my brain for future use of its shows, architecture–"
"Customs, traditions" Blair picked up, closing her eyes "Yet now of all that city, I remember only a woman I casually met…"
She continued reciting as Dan continued reading, each of the poems he decided on, she told them with him. When there were no more macaroons left, Dan helped her out of the bath and dried her, then helped her dress.
"Come with me" he said.
He led her to the living room, where Carter, Serena, Nate and Chuck were waiting. They had brought all sorts of cakes and pastries with hem.
"Wow, Blair, you look amazing!" Nate said
"Stunning" Chuck nodded.
"I'm thinking of divorcing just by looking at you" Carter said.
"I agree with that" Serena shrugged "That's how glowing you are"
Blair laughed, shaking her head. Dan made her sit on a chair, before leaning toward the food.
"What do you want?" he asked "Today is your free day, I am not cooking anything healthy. Go crazy."
Blair looked at all that was presented "Just get me a crepe. And a waffle. And some whipped cream. Put chocolate on it. Strawberries. Cut me a kiwi. Some butter, too. Is there any bacon?"
X
EIGHT
X
Sitting on the couch, Dan watched amused as Blair tried to make a book lay onto her belly.
"Ta da!" she said, once the book was steady.
"Very impressive" Dan clapped.
"Thank you" Blair executed a little reverence, and the book fell off.
Dan picked it up before rubbing affectionately her belly.
"You're amazing" he said, leaning down to kiss her bump.
When he stood back up, Blair was looking at him, and she wasn't smiling anymore. Dan's brain instantly went into alert mode.
"What is it?" he asked.
She didn't answer, just turned around to go to their bedroom. He didn't want to make her more upset by going after her, figured he should give her a little space. His heart fell in his stomach when he heard her lock the door.
He ran to the door and turned frantically the knob.
"Blair, open up!" he banged.
"Go away!" she answered.
"I'm not going anywhere, now open the door!"
"Leave me alone!"
Dan put his forehead against the door, the panic creeping up in him.
"Blair, whatever you're going to do, don't. I'm begging you, just open the door"
After a few seconds, he heard the lock click and Blair opened the door.
"I wasn't going to do anything" she said; she looked vexed "You're the one who keeps doing everything wrong"
She went to sit on the bed, and looked down to her fingers. Dan took several deep breaths and tried to get his heart pace to steady. He went to sit next to her.
"Okay. What did I do? Tell me"
"You never kiss me anymore" Blair mumbled "It's all for…" she didn't finish, but just waved toward her belly.
Dan took her head between his hands and made her turn to him. He kissed her, lips hard against hers, tongue darting out to taste hers. He wrapped an arm around her and the other lifted so his hand could rest in her hair, bringing her closer. Blair answered, clinging desperately on his shoulders.
When they separated, out of breath, Dan pressed his forehead against her.
"I love you, Blair. I love you. Never forget that"
Blair sighed, and took his hand to kiss his palm.
"I won't. I promise"
X
NINE
X
Dan woke up, but didn't open his eyes, somehow aware that it was still the middle of the night. He rolled on his side to take Blair in his arms, and found nothing. His body shot up, his eyes flew open. Blair wasn't in bed.
He looked around the room and spotted her, on all four on the carpet. He could hear her counting.
"Blair?" he asked, going to kneel next to her "What are you doing?"
"Dying" she answered "Shit I lost count"
Her lips pressed shut and she held a groan behind it. Dan put a hand on her back.
"Are you having contractions?"
"I think that's what they call it; Jesus fucking Christ!" her fist stomped on the floor.
Dan was unhinged by the violence of the pain she seemed to be feeling.
"How long have you had them for?" he asked, helping her to stand up.
"I don't know. An hour or so. Perhaps two"
"Two hours?" Dan shouted, as he made her sit on the bed "We need to go to the hospital, why didn't you wake me?"
"I wasn't sure if it was time" she breathed heavily "It shouldn't be, it's only been five months. There is something wrong"
Dan took the bag they had prepared from the closet, along with the outfit they had planned for her.
"Remember Blair" he said "It's been nine months, you just realized it later"
Blair frowned, then nodded, letting him dress her. Dan called a cab as he dressed himself, and Eleanor right before they arrived to the hospital.
Blair was instantly taken in, and requested that Dan stayed next to her at all time. She started crying when she saw Eleanor coming in the waiting room, and it was the only time she let go of Dan's hand. While Dan left them together, he went to call Serena and his father. They both arrived shortly after, along with Lily.
When Blair was ready to go to the delivery room, she asked Dan if we would be upset if only her mother came with her. He was a little hurt, but just wanted her to feel the most comfortable possible, so he insisted that Eleanor went.
He sat in the hallway with Serena stroking his back, and waited. The doctor came out just half an hour after they had gotten Blair in, and Dan just knew something was wrong.
He stood up, and the doctor put a compassionate hand on his shoulder.
"I need you to come in" he told Dan "She refuses to push"
"What? Why?"
"She says she's not ready, I need you to talk to her"
Dan shook his head "It doesn't make sense; three months ago, all she wanted was for the baby to get out of her, and now she wants to keep it in?"
"I realize that it all seems very complicated to you right now, but we don't have time right now, Dan" the doctor waved to a nurse to came with scrubs and a hat for Dan "Just come and talk to her"
So Dan did. Eleanor gave him a kiss, eyes full of tears as they traded places. Dan didn't expect Blair to smile when she saw him. She was sweaty, and pale, and she looked exhausted. She took his hand in hers.
"Dan" she whispered "Don't leave. Stay here"
"I'm not leaving" he answered "I'll never leave you. But I need you to do something, Blair"
She looked at him, scared. Dan kissed her hand.
"I need you to push. Can you do that, for me?"
Blair shut her eyes, and started crying, but nodded. When the doctor counted to three, she started pushing. Every time Dan told her to, she pushed.
When the cries of the baby echoed in the room, Dan could only see Blair, lying eyes closed on the bed, not moving. He started calling her name, and a nurse calmed him down gently. Blair had simply fallen asleep. They would bathe her and bring her to her room so she could get the rest she needed.
In the meantime, Dan was introduced to his son.
Serena almost didn't let go of the boy. She kept looking down at him with a goofy smile on her face. Rufus had little tears in his eyes when he held him, and Eleanor just cried. Everyone told Dan the little boy had his nose.
Dan stayed at the hospital, sleeping in a chair in Blair's room until he was woken up by something hitting his face. He opened his eyes just as Blair was throwing another corn flake at him.
"Finally" she said "I was bored out of my mind"
She took a mouthful of cereal out of her bowl.
"You look terrible" she told him.
Dan stared at her for one moment. He stared at her rested eyes, at her beautiful skin in the morning light, at her perfect curls falling on her shoulders. He left his chair and went to kiss her, long and hard. Blair cringed.
"And you smell horrible!"
"Shut up, make me a spot"
Blair shifted aside so he could hop on the bed next to her. Dan felt grateful for rich people's clinics and their spacious beds. He took the spoon from her hand and ate some of her cereals.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, looking at her intently.
Blair nodded "Good. Like my vagina has been ripped apart, but good"
Dan laughed with her. Someone knocked on the door, Dan allowed them to come in after getting out of Blair's bed.
A nurse came in with their son in her arms "Here you go, all done with the checkups"
Dan went excitedly to take the baby in his arms. He thanked the nurse who looked at the three of them with a tendered smile before leaving.
"Blair Humphrey, let me introduce you to your son" Dan went to stand next to her bed.
He leaned to show the baby to her, but Blair looked down to her bowl, and continued eating.
"I've already seen him" she said.
Dan frowned, and swallowed "When?"
Blair shrugged "The nurse came in to show him to me before the checkups, while you were sleeping. He has your nose"
Dan knew she was telling the truth, he could tell it. But it didn't make her behavior easier to take in.
"Surely you would want to see him again"
Blair shrugged once more, and kept looking down to her cereals. When Dan sat on the bed, she shifted slightly away. He felt the tears burning his eyes, those he had kept in for all the past months.
"Blair, please. Look at our son"
Blair turned her head, but to look at him, and not the baby.
"Dan, I love you" she said "More than anything. And I can see that he is your son, I can see it. I just don't feel like he's mine"
Dan clenched his jaw, to stop himself from balling his eyes out in front of her. When he got out of the room to get the baby to a nurse, he bumped into Nate and Carter coming with balloons and a gigantic teddy bear. They got rid of everything when Dan explained the situation. Nate went to see Blair while Carter went with Dan to talk to the doctor.
"It's probably temporary" the doctor explained "She just needs more time to adjust"
"So she'll get around the idea?" Carter asked, and Dan was relieved he seemed to just know what question he needed an answer to.
The doctor nodded "Normally, in about two months, she'll start behaving like a mother. And she will never hurt the baby, if she sees how much the father cares for him, so you can rest assured."
Dan nodded, not the tiniest bit relieved.
"But, Dan" the doctor looked at him "I think you need to prepare for the eventuality that perhaps, she will never really consider him like her son. Even if you have other children, and that she fully acknowledge them. It rarely happens. But it's a possibility"
When Serena came by later, Dan hadn't opened his mouth ever since his talk with the doctor. Carter and Nate hadn't spoken either, just left him with his thoughts. He never went back to see Blair, even when Nate said she was asking for him.
Serena sat next to him, and tapped his back.
"How about we give that beautiful boy a name?" she tried to sound enthusiastic.
Dan shook his head "I'll do it with Blair. Later"
Serena remained silent for a moment "Dan. Carter told me the doctor said it could take months…considering she even…"
"Then we'll call him Humphrey" Dan said firmly "Until she and I can give him a name. Together"
X
AND THEN
X
It was a strange way of living, but Dan got used to it. He would usually take care of everything. Feeding, burping, changing, bathing. Blair would sometimes come around and ask in a polite tone if he needed help. Dan always refused, but with a forced smile, so she wouldn't feel rejected.
When the baby wasn't around, she was her usual self. It was only when Dan had him in his arms that she would become really calm, and really quiet. Sometimes, she would look at him with curiosity. Dan hadn't written in six months, ever since Blair's problem had started during her pregnancy. And now that the baby was here, he hardly ever had time to think.
Blair didn't go back to work, because she was still technically on maternity leave; Dan was at least happy to have her here with him, even though she avoided the nursery. When the baby started a bad colic, Dan barely slept. Until Blair suggested in a little voice that they moved the crib to their bedroom, at least until the baby recovered. When the baby was better, she didn't ask him to move the crib back.
It went this way for a full month. Then one morning, Dan woke up, well rested, not sore and quietly. It took him a few seconds to realize that it wasn't the way he should be waking up. He should be waking up in screams, and cries, and he shouldn't feel this good.
He practically jumped out of bed. Blair wasn't there, and neither was the baby. He looked in the bathroom, found nothing, went to the living room, found nothing, and his heart raced when he walked toward the kitchen.
He got struck by the sight of Blair sitting at the kitchen table, looking down at the baby in her arms. She was breastfeeding him.
"Blair"
She was startled by his voice, and her eyes widened.
"I'm sorry" she said "He started crying, and you didn't wake up. So I thought I would let you sleep and take care of him, but I don't know how to make a bottle. Then I realized…I thought that perhaps…"
"Shh, it's okay" Dan went to drag a chair to sit in front of her "You're doing great"
He watched her, as she watched the baby.
"It feels weird" she whispers "Can you believe I actually have milk in those?"
"That is weird" Dan laughed "It's really weird"
She laughed with him, and touched the baby's nose with the tip of her finger.
"He looks so happy"
"Who wouldn't be?"
"You still haven't given him a name" she looked up to Dan.
He opened his mouth, then closed it, and shook his head. Blair bit her lip.
"When he was…inside of me" she said "You used to read me a lot of Walt Whitman"
"I did" Dan nodded.
"Walt is a pretty name" Blair shrugged "You should consider it"
Dan leaned closer "Would you see him as a Walt?"
She looked at the baby for a few seconds "I think I would. Walt Humphrey. Sounds like the name of a writer. Or a cineaste"
"It does. Walt it is, then"
Blair didn't seem to hear him, surprised by something the baby was doing.
"I think he's done" she looked at Dan "Should I put him back to bed?"
"Don't let him fall asleep yet, he has to burp"
"I'm sorry" she said in guilty tone, handing the baby to Dan.
Dan shook his head. He pushed the baby gently on her, and showed her how to hold him, guided her while she tapped softly on his little back. He burped and spit up on her robe. Blair cringed, and held him a bit away to look at him.
"You're lucky you're cute, Walt" she said.
She started adjusting, step by step. What started like curiosity evolved into real affection, Dan could see it. Whenever he was taking care of Walt, Blair didn't disappear anymore. She would stay with him, and sometime offer to breastfeed like it was some kind of hand she was landing him, but it was a start. Then she started shopping for the baby, causing Dan to almost faint at the price Eden Park and Petit Bateau would charge for baby clothing.
By the time Walt was four months old, she started doing things with him. Taking him to the park, reading him books. One day, Dan suggested she changed the diaper without his supervision. He pretended an important phone call to make, and Blair accepted, a bit nervously.
Dan closed the door to the nursery, and stood behind it, rigid. He heard Blair talk a little, and Walt making some gargles. Then Blair called him, loudly and Dan opened the door, expecting the worst.
"I can't find the powder for his tuchie" Blair said.
Dan sighed of relief, and walked to the changing table where Walt was lying, butt happily naked.
"It's in the bathroom" Dan said "Go get it, I'll watch him"
While Blair went to the bathroom, Dan leaned down to kiss Walt's belly, and tickle him. He laughed, and it made Dan laugh too. Until Walt started peeing in the air, no barrier to stop the stream from hitting Dan.
"Walt no! Not again!"
"What's going on?" Blair asked, appearing with the powder.
"He peed on me" Dan mumbled.
Blair laughed out loud, pointing at him. He would have replied something, but she talked first.
"He must have taken that from me" she said with a smile, tickling Walt affectionately with a finger.
I know, that was a weird fic. Other toughts, though?