I'm back! Hare here, with yet another trifling monograph. Forgive the interruption, but this issue was just BEGGING to be properly addressed. Perhaps this can clear up some of the mystery surrounding this issue, not to mention that all of you writers will have a semi-sane answer for your friends!

Also, after reviewing all of the feedback (i.e. whining), I've decided to postpone work on Much Madness and proceed directly to MIM. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Anyway, enjoy, and don't forget to read the really, REALLY Important Author's Note at the end of the essay!

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Illness Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: The Phenomenon of "Sherlock Torture"

By March Hare, the Mad

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They seem like normal people. They go to work and school, striking up intelligent conversation with friends and coworkers. They do their chores and cook meals. They love their family, their pets, and their country. And yet, when all else is said and done, they rush to their computers and gleefully abuse the most respected investigation in the history of crime, subjecting him to pain, disease and death. These are fans of "Sherlock Torture," a growing sub-genre among the hordes of pastiches. In these stories, Sherlock Holmes is beaten, wracked with illness, and in some cases, reduced to a nervous wreck, with no apparent purpose but to see him suffer. What is the fascination with abusing one of literature's most renowned characters, by the very people who profess to adore him? Are these people closet sadists? Are they somehow disturbed on some basic level? The answer is, quite simply, no. Sherlock Torture is actually based on much higher aspirations than those of sadism. This essay intends to deconstruct the hype surrounding this controversial issue, revealing it for the meaningful, artistic expression that it was meant to be.

The first reason for the enjoyable nature of Sherlock Torture is simply the prevailing element of fiction. As much as some wish to deny it, Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character. He may be battered, bruised, whatever you wish, but in the end he may always be resurrected, in perfect health, with a few simple keystrokes. This element of Sherlock Torture ruins the "sadist" accusation. A fan of Sherlock Torture would most likely cringe in horror at a reading of the Passion of Christ, or fight nausea during a movie about a World War II prisoner of war. They take no pleasure from it because the suffering was real, it happened to real people, and no tapping of keyboard keys can change that harsh reality. However, in the case of Holmes, all sufferings that he is subjugated to are rendered null and void by the end of the story, and we remain confident in the knowledge that, in the next story, Holmes will be hale and hearty once more.

Also connected to the fictional reason is the proof that Sherlock Torture gives us better insight into the character. In the Canon, Sherlock Holmes is aloof and upright, the ice-king of fine literature, a distant pillar of propriety and strength. Through torture pastiches, the author is able to draw back the cloaks surrounding this almost-mythical figure, revealing the humanity that remained hidden from the world. Pain and weakness strip the great detective of his many guises, baring his true, shining soul for the readers to see. Thanks to Sherlock Torture, we are reminded of the man that lurks behind the brilliant, diamond-sharp mind.

Finally, perhaps the most substantial acclaim for Sherlock Torture is the depth of emotional connection between the characters. The deeper the descent into sickness and despair, the greater is the triumph when faithful friends pull him from the abyss. We smile mistily when the steadfast Dr. Watson binds the wounds of his dear friend, sustained in the detective's pursuit of justice. We chuckle as Mrs. Hudson fusses over the ailing Holmes, her affection for the younger man evident in her good-natured lectures. We sigh with happiness as Nona Brown tenderly bathes the fevered brow of her lover, the simple gesture professing her love where words are useless. This purity, courage and love touches our hearts and reminds us of the value of human suffering, a lesson all the more precious in this cold, materialistic era.

Thus, we see the true merits of Sherlock Torture as a genre of meaningful expression. The depth of emotion tapped by the writers is evident to any who read their works. Still some may argue that we should not "wallow" in the sufferings of another. In refutation and closing, I ask: Everyone wants a perfect life, but who wants to read about one?

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So what did you think? Hope no one was offended by this; just remember that I'm a Torturess too, so it applies to me as well.

Really, REALLY Important Author's Note:

This is a desperate plea to all fans of "The Baker Street Three"! Thanks to your encouragement, I've decided to clean the story up and submit it for publishing! But before that can happen, I'll need your help, and LOTS of it.

First of all, what do you think about the title? Personally, I hate it and would love a new one. Any ideas? Secondly, what about the story didn't you like? Send me things like "I'd like to have a scene with Nona in London when she was dressed up as Bernie Flynn," or "The fight scene in Chapter Thirteen was too short, could you make it longer?" What do YOU want in the story??

Please send all ideas and suggestions to shwaygirl22@hotmail.com. Please!! I'm counting on you to help me get it ready for publishing!! In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for MIM!

REVIEW!!!