Diary of a Toerag
Disclaimer: I don't own the Marauders, Hogwarts, Lily Evans, or any other thing you recognize.
A/N: Um Hi! First story. Please help with comments or suggestions. The idea came to me while in front of the computer reading other fan fiction. If you recodnize anything then it's not mine. Gold stars to all the brilliant authors out there keeping me entertained hours of the day.
Chapter 1
Date: Uh somewhere in October I think.
Time: Three in the bleedin' morning.. Sod off Padfoot.
Place:Second bed from the door. Dorm second from the top. Gryffindor Tower. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Northern Scotland (I think). Northern Hemisphere. Planet Earth. Somewhere in the Milky Way. (Yes, thank you Moony)
Lily. Lily Evans. Lily Potter. Lily Evans Potter. Wife of James Potter. LE loves JP. JP loves LP. Lil...
Prongs is an idiot. An obsessed idiot.
Bad Padfoot stealing Prongs' diary.
Lily Evans Potter.
I never actually realised how beautiful she was until that moment. I mean I've always liked Evans, but she was never more than just another beautiful girl in the school until that day.
Oh what a wonderful day! Oh what a...
Oh ow!
Padfoot and Moony threw shoes at me. Oh my poor head. I don't sing that bad, do I? OH! maybe if Evans sees the bump on my head she'll feel sorry for and she'll agree to go with me to Hogsmeade. And then I can charm her and she'll go steady and then marry me and we'll have lots of Pronglets running around. GREAT IDEA!!
Date: Still somewhere in October.
Time: Bloody Ungodly Hour. (as Evans put it)
Place: Second bed from the door. Dorm second from the top. Gryffindor Tow... Oh sod it, I'm in my bed in my dorm with Padfoot and Moony sniggering at me from their repsective beds. Wormtail (traitor) has slept through it all. And I call them my friends. (Note: find new friends.)
Maybe I should've listened to Moony. Waking up Evans at three in the morning just to get sympathy for a tiny bump on my inflated head, which won't be bloody visible in the morning, wasn't a very good idea. I now have a bloody bump on my head, where Evans demonstrated exactly the art of trowing shoes at someone. I do not wish to incur further wrath at my poor abused head by waking up Madam Pomfrey by waking her up at an ungodly hour. (Ha ha, Mom's elocution lessons are actually good for something, even if it is to recite poems to my dear sweet Lily).
And now I shall depart the land of the conscious and rest in the arms of Morpheus until the dream of my sweet Lily turns into horrible nightmares where-
Date: the morning of the day still somewhere in October.
Time:i don't bloody CARE!!!
Place:Top of the Astronomy Tower.
Padfoot and Moony are no longer my friends. First they threw shoes at me then they laughed at me after Evans threw shoes at me, and then they interrupted my Lily dreams, and then they woke me up with cold water this morning to go to Quiddtich practice. Bloody wankers.
I cancelled Quidditch, for I am the captain.
Oh, brilliant idea!!
I, as the captain of the best team in the WORLD, can utilise my team in convincing Evans to go out with me. I am a genius. I deserve an Oder of Merlin 3rd class.
Oh no, looks like my non-friends managed to find me.
Date:After Hallowe'en
Time:Transfiguration first period.
Place Transfiguration Classroom.
Moony and Padfoot think that I have become more obsessed with the diary that with Evans. Bloody ridiculous if you ask me. I stilll ask Evans out ...almost as often as I write.
I am keeping this diary to express my innermost feelings (on Moony's suggestion after that incident with Snape after OWL's) and to find out what makes me an arrogant, bullying toerag. Is it working?
I asked Moony and Padfoot the question. Padfoot laughed and Moony muttered something like, "you have to figure it out for yourself."
I am going to adopt the Prewitt brothers as my new best friends.
Date:a week after Hallowe'en
Time:After lunch
Place:Common room
Gideon and Fabian didn't want to be adopted.
Date:Before Christmas
Time:The bloody moon is up okay!
Place:Hell
He touched her! I'm going to rip him into shreds, into tiny little pieces that not even tiny little spiders will be able to find him.
She is mine. MINE!!!
Okay I'm calm now. Sort of. NOT EVEN BLOODY CLOSE!!!
Breathe in.
Out.
Breathe in.
Out.
Drip.
What... no ...I can't be ... I'm not crying. I'm NOT.
Drip.
Drip.
Oh it's raining.
Date:The next day
Place:My bed
Time:Late night
So I realised that the last entry didn't make any sense whatsoever.
Evans has a boyfriend. And guess what. IT'S NOT ME
Note to Prongs' diary: Prongs is currently on the floor of the dorm beating up a pillow pretending that it's Evans' boyfriend. Prongs' current obsession is moving into the ranks of worrying. Medical intervention may be needed. See Padfoot's diary for information about obsession.
Padfoot shouldn't be writing in Prongs' diary.
Sod off Wormtail.
Sod off both of you. What did they write? Arghh, damn them it won't come out.
A/N: More? Yes. No. Let me know please.