This is written for NaRcIsSiStIcAlLy In LoVe and I am so sorry for not having posted it sooner

I do not own Ghost Hunt and am not making any money in writing this. The songs also do not belong to me, they belong to Christina Perri. The first one is Jar of Hearts and the second is A Thousand Years.

If you do read this please review, it always helps!

Have you ever regretted something so much that it sort of just…imprisons your mind? No matter what you do or who you're with, it will always be in the back of your mind saying 'you fucked up'.

It's been three years since Naru and Lin left for England…I try not to remember that day. All those months and years I'd worked with them and I'd never had the courage to confess to the man that I loved. I regretted that I had waited so long to say it, but then I regretted saying it at all.

I had gotten so used to his cold demeanour and harsh attitude that I had come to love it. It was easy to love when the man himself had helped me so often. Perhaps it was knowing that, which made me confess that day. Perhaps it was knowing that I may never see him again, and that I'd never have another chance. Now I wish that I hadn't told him.

His words still float in the back of my mind, telling me how naïve I was. How stupid and idiotic I was for believing that he could love me. He loved Madoka after all.

Sometimes I still cry. I try not to, but it's easy to get caught up in the past. My life is a living history book of anger, revenge and death, after all.

Nothing had made me feel as small as Lin's words had that day. I'd always kind of thought that maybe…maybe he hadn't been as nasty as he acted. Maybe he just acted like that because he didn't like Japanese girls. Then I remember the smile that he always had when Madoka was around, his silent, suffocating aura lifting just enough for his walls to crumble when she was around. In a way I couldn't blame him, she was gorgeous, kind and smart. It must've been easy for her to capture his heart.

It had taken me a long time to pull myself together after the rejection. I was glad, in a wrong way, that he had refused me like he had because it meant that there was absolutely no hope left in my mind. No 'what if' to torture me.

It had taken a year for the group to get me to stop wallowing in my own self-pity, and when I did…I changed. I liked the change in me, as well. Lin's words were bound to change me, as much as the broken heart did, and I was glad to say that I was no longer naïve or stupid.

I finished high school and with the help of a scholarship and a job in a bar I was able to attend University and finish a degree in mythology and psychic research in three years. Not to mention I've done extra outside courses in physical health, just to help me get into the best shape I can be in. Now I know that I didn't need people to save me all the time.

Not to mention, with some confidence, I've managed to look better as well. Now that I was fitter I'd filled out in some ways and was looking healthier, I had a glow to my cheeks, my dark brown hair was now longer and shinier and my eyes were brighter. I hadn't gotten any taller, but I am happy with my height and who I am. Nothing could change that, not for the worst.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still human. I have my bad days and then my incredibly bad days, but it only takes a couple of words from my family to remind me that I've changed and I'm a better person. Most of the time it just took knowing that I had a family.

.

"Mai, tea, please!" Naru called from his office. Yeah, I didn't mention that, did I? Naru and Lin-san had come back on their fourth year of being away. Naru had changed as well, he'd become more open and a lot happier and I believe that it was due to having found his brothers body.

"Coming!" I stood up from my desk and headed to the kitchenette, beginning to make him and him alone a tea.

"Taniyama-san?" I jolted, the atmosphere in the room immediately thickening as he spoke to me. I couldn't look at him, just focused on schooling my face into an indifferent mask and continuing to make tea.

"Would you like a tea, Lin-san?" I heard him huff and almost rolled my eyes.

"Uh, yes please." I nodded, finished Naru's one and turned, brown orbs snapping to his steely grey ones. Emotions warred within his eyes, but I made sure to be ignorant to each one. Don't get me wrong, his face was just as emotionless as ever, but now that I wasn't stupid, I could read him better.

"Then the pot is boiled, feel free to make one." I gave him a sweet smile and brushed past him, ignoring the momentary look of aggravation before he cleared his face of emotion. While his words may have changed me for the better, I won't forgive him for lying to me and the harshness of them. He had every right to reject me, but doing it in such a mean way pissed me off.

I suppose it pissed me off more so that I had forgiven him, no matter if I wanted to or not. To clear that up, I DID NOT want to.

"Mai," I paused, turning back around to Naru, head tilting to the side. He still doesn't use manners when I serve him, but by now I had become used to it. Besides, I was already annoyed at one man in the office; I didn't need to be annoyed at two.

Naru gave me a wry grin and jutted his chin out to the direction of the kitchen "Give him a break, would you? He's beating himself up about it enough, he doesn't need you and the others doing it as well." I huffed, arms crossing over my chest.

"The only thing he's beating up is his ego." Naru simply chuckled as I turned and closed the door behind me. I went to sit at my desk but was stopped as Lin paused in front of me, hesitating at the door of his office, tea in one hand.

"Did you need something? I'm not yet done alphabetising your files, if that's what you were going to ask." And I turned to head back to my desk. I saw in the corner of my eye as he reached out, as if trying to touch me but pausing, his face crinkling in a way that almost made me ache.

"No…I uh, actually, never mind. I think I can deal with it myself." Lin then turned and walked into his office, the forlorn expression he didn't want me to see no longer on his face.

I sighed and ran my hands down my face, yeah, okay, so I was being a bitch to him. I couldn't help it. There was a part of me that always had his words running around in the back of my mind, and I wondered if they would ever go away.

There had been a lot of incidents like that since I began work, where he would try to say something and then stop, his hands twitching as if wanting to reach out to me, but never doing it.

.

It was three hours later that my shift had ended and I was getting excited. I had never quit that job at the bar and since my shifts were mainly at night or on the weekends, it never interfered and thus I didn't have to tell Naru, but it was mostly Lin that I didn't want knowing.

The bar that I worked at was mainly a tourist attraction, a place where they could sit and eat and listen to music. Live singers being the music. Yes, I was one of the live singers.

"Naru, I'm leaving!" after hearing Naru yell a goodbye back to me, I hurried to my apartment that was a couple of blocks away. I'd gotten a new one after University, when I'd gotten the money, so that I didn't have to buy a car or keep catching the bus. This way there wasn't as much distance to cover and I didn't have to spend as much money.

It never took me too long to get ready, my shift started at eight so I had to be sure to get there in time. After dressing in a black lace dress that reached mid-thigh and some black flats, I kept my hair down and applied some red lipstick and pulled on my cropped red leather jacket. That was mainly because it could get quite windy out at night, but it was always off for the performance.

The bar 'Blue Moon' was quite popular, which had surprised me quite a bit when I first began working there. Not just by tourists, but locals as well.

"You're running late, Mai!" I grinned sheepishly at my boss and friend, Miku, who worked the alcohol.

"I know, I'm sorry. When am I on?" as I was one of the bars best singers, I didn't really have to worry about being fired. That and Miku knew that I had another job and would sometimes be late.

"After Rika." I nodded my head and jumped up on the stool, going over the songs in my head.

"Mai!" my head snapped up, Rika was on her last song and at this point I had been trying to finish my vodka. I turned to see Ayako, Bou-san, John, Masako, Yasu, Naru and Lin. I frowned at the last two people, mainly Lin, but smiled.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here tonight?" when I first started the job they always tended to come down and watch me sing, especially if they were all in town, but they hadn't in a while and never with Naru and Lin. Not to mention the fact that, oh, they weren't supposed to know!

"Well, it's the first time that everyone has been in town and we were going to get together but then I realised that you wouldn't be there so I thought, why not just have it here!" I glared at Bou-san because I knew exactly what he was doing.

He'd been trying to play matchmaker with me and Lin-san since they got back. He doesn't seem to get the hint that it would never work. Inwardly, I chuckled though, because tonight's songs seemed perfect.

"Okay, the table at the fronts free." I pointed, seeing Naru and Lin frown as I tilted back my head and downed the rest of my drink, my nose scrunching slightly at I swallowed the burning liquid. I was suddenly glad I had the drink, liquid courage it was.

"Mai, you're up." I nodded, shrugging my jacket off and throwing it under the stage as Rika introduced me. I smiled at the full bar and nodded, motioning for the song to play.

No, I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
you lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
and now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

When the song finished everybody clapped, but my heart just felt heavy, despite the smile and the bow that I delivered. I was slightly out of breath, never having sung with as much emotion and passion as I was. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the man it was for was sitting less than a metre from me.

Everyone else was clapping at the table, I noticed. All except Lin. His brows were furrowed and his lips were quirked downwards. I sighed, thanking the crowd before nodding for the next song to start.

Heart beats fast
Colours and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

My eyes couldn't leave Lin's, not until I could feel my heart race and could no longer take the emotions present in his eyes. His grey eyes almost seemed sharper. I closed my eyes and let the emotions wash through me as I walked around the stage, singing my feelings.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

My heart was more than just thudding in my chest, and the round of applause that I had gotten was louder than any other I'd heard given to me. I smiled, bowed and thanked them very much for coming out before I got off the stage.

I headed over to Miku who was staring at me with a mix of awe and shock. "I've never heard you sing like that before. I think it's the best you've ever sounded." I smiled at her and chuckled. Wonder why that would be.

"Give me two shots, will you?" she smirked and passed the two shots over the bar. I downed them back one at a time before exhaling loudly.

"That's better. Thanks, I'll see you Thursday, yeah?" I wished her a goodbye as I grabbed my jacket and purse before pulling them on. I walked over to the table, each step making me feel like I was walking to my death.

"Mai, you were great!" I smiled falsely, thanking Bou-san as he gave me a one-armed hug.

"Sit down, we're about to order." Ayako gestured but I couldn't shake the look I had seen in Lin-san's, as well as the words, my mind just trying to make sense of everything. I was beginning to feel dizzy.

"Actually, I'm not feeling too well, so I'm just going to head back home." Sounds of protest sounded through the table but I smiled sadly, shrugging. I took one more glance at Lin-san as I turned, ready to head out, to see him staring down at his lap with an emotionless expression, as usual. His eyes were easy to read though. There was a war going on within him, hands twitching as if he had to grab something and gulping as if wanting to say something.

I sighed, hating that I wanted him to grab me. "I'll see you all tomorrow, I guess." Then I turned and walked out. I wiped a stray tear from my eye that had fallen.

"Mai, wait!" I paused, more out of shock than anything. That voice…saying my first name? My heart thumped faster.

"Was there something you needed, Lin-san?" I spun but shrugged out of the hand he had placed on my elbow to spin me around. He looked slightly out of breath, but I knew how fit he was and I knew it wasn't from the run he had done to catch up to me. That left one explanation, and that was nerves and anxiety.

"Uh, well," it was kind of funny to see him flustered, his hand scratching the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath.

"You, uh, you sing well." I raised an eyebrow and scoffed.

"I think the words you're looking for is 'I'm sorry'." I shook my head and spun around. I paused again as his hand clasped around my upper arm but I couldn't handle it. I felt as if I was on emotion overload. I just wanted him to let me go. Why would he keep stopping me if he didn't want me?

I spun around, ripping my arm from his grip before pushing him back angrily. He looked down at my infuriated expression in shock. It was the most expression I had seen on his face.

"Why do you keep stopping me?!" I yelled, Lin-san didn't react for a moment before frowning.

"I was coming to ask you if you're okay." His voice had turned hard and stony, something that just pissed me off even more. I threw my hands up, barking out a sarcastic laugh and suddenly glad that no one was around to see my insanity.

"I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, Lin. When aren't I?" he frowned, hands twitching as if wanting to grab me and keep me in place. I saw his brow furrow, his eyes lighting in anger this time. That's good…anger was good. I hated that damn expressionless face he did.

"Can you tell me what I did that's obviously made you so angry?" he crossed his arms, but I had a feeling that was more to keep from touching me.

"You don't know? Really? Is your memory that bad that you forgot? Or am I just so 'naïve' and 'idiotic' that you didn't bother remembering it?" Lin's eyes widened as he stared down at me. He didn't say anything for a while, obviously speechless, so I just turned and began to walk away.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to call you those thing. I never meant them!" Lin-san called out, hands shoved into his pocket as if to refrain from touching me. I growled, throwing my hands up. Was this still continuing!?

"You know the really sick thing about it? That it wasn't what you called me that hurt the most," Lin frowned in confusion so I continued, the truth I never wanted coming out "it's the fact that you lied. You lied about dating Madoka! If you didn't like me that much that you could have just said so! As if what you said wasn't already hurting, it was as if you just wanted to rub it in my face that you could love anyone but me!" my chest was rising and falling quickly with harsh pants, and I could see his breathing speeding up also.

"That's not why I lied!" he snapped, stepping forward.

"Then why?!" I just wanted the damn truth!

"Because I didn't think I was ever going to see you again! It hurt so much having you confess that day, not to mention that you were seventeen and it was illegal! I couldn't love you, Mai. It was impossible at the time and as much as I hated myself I knew that if I didn't completely reject you then you would have held onto some hope…" he paused and shook his head, staring down at me firmly and seriously.

"I couldn't have you hurt the same way I was." I closed my eyes, confusion filling me to the core.

So…was he trying to say…what I think he was trying to say? I mean, he had rambled and he wasn't acting like the calm collected Lin-san I knew but…but was he trying to tell me that he…

"What?"

Lin-san sighed and I gasped as I felt him grip my chin, eyes still closed "I was never good with words, Mai." Before his lips suddenly brushed against mine. I gasped, orbs fluttering behind closed eyelids as he applied more pressure.

It was everything I had ever hoped it would be and more. I felt myself kissing back before we pulled away. I was smiling, as was he. A smile I had only glimpsed at times.

"I'm hoping this means that you do actually like me." Lin-san chuckled and nodded before pressing his lips against mine again.

Yeah, maybe I regretted plenty of things in my life. But maybe that regret, and that voice in the back of your mind saying 'you fucked up' was simply there so that someone can help you overcome it.

I knew that for as long as Lin was happy to be with me, we'd overcome anything.