The Gift of the Dandy

'Twas a flight during Christmas,

Towards the end of Space December,

And while the ship's crew was quite listless,

It would be one to remember.

For the week before this,

The Captain declared,

"We're celebrating Space Christmas!

So you best be prepared!

"See this bowl full of papers?

Now take out a piece.

Then whoever's name is on it,

Get them a gift for next week!"

Here we enter the scene,

On this starriest of nights,

With a snooty magic golem,

And R2-D2-lite.

"I must say, I'm a bit nervous about this 'Secret Santa' business," Pearl said. "I don't usually give presents this time of year."

"That's fine," QT assured. "Neither does Dandy."

"Ho-Ho-Ho, baby!" a jolly old voice boomed from beyond.

Then entered the captain,

In full holiday flair,

Though the outfit he was wearing,

Wasn't entirely there.

"What is that?" QT asked at the sight.

"It's my Sexy Santa costume" Dandy explained, giving the pompom at the end of his hat a gentle flick.

"You're half-naked." Pearl pointed out at the lack of clothing to point out.

"Hence the 'sexy'. Now, you guys ready to exchange gifts?" Dandy was very pleased to see them both nod. "All right. Proceed!"

And with nary a thought,

With speed that made him grin,

They took out their presents,

And thrust them towards him.

"What? Why are you giving him a gift?" Pearl asked QT.

"Because I pulled his name from the bowl." QT answered. "What's your excuse?"

"Because I'm his-he's my-!"

Then Pearl remembered,

As she wondered who to blame,

The one behind this game's construction,

The one that provided her the name.

"You didn't." she said to Dandy with a level of bile that completely eclipsed the distaste she had expressed for "Sexy Santa".

Dandy took their presents,

Uncaring of Pearl's pouts,

Instead of words, he smiled in answer,

Leaving room for little doubt.

Pearl did not share his good cheer. "You did."

"So whose name did you pull?" QT grumbled.

While the bot wasn't hopeful,

And he all but knew the truth,

He was still a little angry,

When Dandy's smile grew.

If he could've afforded to purchase it, QT would've run a GRNCH dot app all over that smug face. "Of course."

"Now let's not cry over spilled milk and cookies." Dandy chided as he gently shook one of HIS gifts. "I think I'll open QT's present first."

But when he tore out his prize,

All prepared to flaunt it,

He saw it wasn't what he expected,

Much less what he wanted.

Dandy's smile faltered halfway. "Motor Oil," he took a closer look at the can. "A luxury brand that only works with robots. Wow, you shouldn't have."

QT gigged. "You're welcome."

"Good thing I stacked the deck," Dandy mumbled, tossing away the lube. "Because Pearl was kind enough to get me-."

He began to assure himself,

Thinking that he was oh so clever,

But when he lifted the lid on Pearl's gift,

He saw that it wasn't much better.

"-a comb...with no teeth." Dandy finished, all his mirth gone.

Before he knew what was happening, Pearl had snatched his hat from him and placed it on her own head. "Merry Christmas, Dandy." She said sweetly.

QT took a large swig from Dandy's discarded Christmas present. "And God bless us," he hiccupped. "One and all!"

And so this farce concludes,

Devoid of the virtues of the season,

And as for getting God's blessing,

First they'd have to give Him a reason.

Happy Holidays, Baby

Author Note: Sorry to say, that there's been a slight complication with writing the third chapter. Nothing game-breaking, but it's made its production a little slower than I would have liked. It should be out by next week, hopefully before the New Year or before the next episode hits. For that, I apologize. But because I don't want to leave you guys hanging on Christmas (when I was hoping to release the aforementioned installment), have this quick indulgent drabble thing I typed out on my phone yesterday. It's not much, but it's the thought that counts, right? I think. In any case, thank you for your patience and readership, I won't let you guys down. If not this year, then the next. And to all those that just jumped into this fic raw without reading, "A Crystal Heart is Easy to Break, Baby" first, I hope you had fun regardless.

Merry Christmas, you guys!