Hamu Hamu Ninja Adventure!
By: Clubbed2Death
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor Hamtaro/Hamutaro. I just use the characters for my own sick, twisted entertainment.
Everyone knows what a Shinobi is...right? Everyone knows what a hamster is...right? Also, everyone understands and has seen the shows Naruto and Hamtaro...right? Good. Now...
Let's make this simple...
A/N: I type Hamtaro's name the American way and not in the Japanese way like, Hamutaro. JSYK...
Enjoy 3
Chapter One: Hamsters Masturbate
"WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS MISSION, AGAIN!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs.
Sakura groaned at the loudness in such early hours. She glared at Naruto while saying, or, more like screaming, "NARUTO! SHUT UP AND JUST DO IT!"
"But, but, Sakura-chaaan~..."
"Dobe, your annoying," Sasuke commented, his hands in the pockets of his white trousers and his head to the side as if he was a somebody. Psh, yeah right!
"Shut it, Sasuke! I just can't believe we have to save the Lord's wife's cat! Again! I hate cats!"
Naruto huffed and dropped to the ground, crossing his legs and arms while pouting. Iruka, who has been watching and sighing in his seat at the table across, stood up and slammed his hands on the said table. "Must we go through with explaining the ranks of shinobi again, Naruto!" He yelled. "You are only a genin! You should be lucky to be getting missions in the first place since you screwed up the last one!"
"That...," Naruto began, "...was an accident."
"HOW!" Sakura screamed. "You basically let the villains go!"
"B-but, Sakura-chaaaan~, they wanted a bathroom break..."
"AT THE SAME TIME!"
"...yes."
Iruka and Sakura sighed while Sasuke dropped his head. Kakashi, watching from behind, smiled widely.
"So," he began, "I guess we're taking the Capture Tora Mission?"
Iruka held out the mission sheet before them as their answer.
:3 hamu-hamu-hamu-hamu-hamu loooove~ :3
Naruto continued to grumble under his breath as he walked aimlessly around the forest in search for the demoness cat.
"Honestly, this should be ranked as a NO MISSION."
"You still complaining?" Kakashi asked, a weird glint in his eye.
"Uh, no!"
"Good. Now let's continue our search. Apparently there aren't any extra walkie talkies for us to use so we will have to do it old school. Sasuke, Sakura, go left and check the river. I'm sure the cat would be bold enough to think of crossing it. Naruto and I will take the right, further in the woods."
"Awww, why does Sasuke get to go with Sakura?" Naruto whined.
"Naruto..."
"OKAY, OKAY! I'll stop complaining. I'll just conclude that YOU are UNFAIR!" Naruto yelled pointing at Kakashi at the end of his sentence.
Kakashi only curved his eye. "...YEP!"
Naruto groaned, turning right so he could quickly find the cat and go home.
Sakura squealed and latched onto Sasuke's arm while Sasuke looked equally as pissed as Naruto about the fairness of their partners.
Naruto once again looked around his surroundings for any sign for life. So far, he only saw a rabbit. As Naruto continued he noticed a sign that read 'STOP'.
"Hey Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto called to his sensei not too far away. Kakashi walked over and noticed the sign too. He cocked his head to the sign until realizing or remembering what it was.
"We can't cross here," he stated. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, but why?" He asked.
Kakashi shrugged in response. "That way is the city. People in the city or town don't want any business with the villages of shinobi, especially since we probably caused more wars than them."
Naruto blinked up at him. "...oh...so they don't have any shinobi in their city?"
Kakashi nodded.
"Then how do they protect themselves?" Naruto practically yelled.
Kakashi put a finger on his chin. "Hmmm, I guess they have their own military system. Or maybe they don't need protecting."
"Ahh, sounds like fun! Let's go!"
Before Naruto could even take a step, Kakashi grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled him back. "Now, Naruto, weren't you listening?"
"BUT KAKASHI-SENSEIIIII!"
"If they catch you in their city and find out you came from Konoha or is a shinobi then they'll definitely cause a riot. Our village doesn't need that," Kakashi sighed. "Come on now, you have a mission to complete."
Naruto groaned but allowed Kakashi to walk with him still lifted in the air like a lioness carrying her cub by the scruff of the neck. Naruto looked back at the road and the sign longingly. He pouted and slanted his eyes, until a swift dark figure caught his eye.
"Kakashi-sensei, over there!" Naruto suddenly yelled, pointing at the direction passed the warning sign.
Automatically Sasuke and Sakura jump out running after it. They stopped when they noticed Kakashi and Naruto.
"Sensei,...*gasp*...we found Tora in a tree...near the river. She ran over here somewhere," Sakura explained in between pants. Sasuke, looking fine and determined, continued to walk around in case the stubborn cat was hiding nearby.
Kakashi cocked his head to the side. "I see," he said.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'I SEE' HELP US LOOK FOR HIM!" Sakura screamed, obviously agitated.
Kakashi released Naruto and allowed him to run after Sasuke, whom ran into the forest after the cat. Sakura realized she was left behind by her young male teammates and quickly ran after the two, especially for Sasuke. Kakashi watched, then smiled as he silently stalked away. Hehe, kids.
Sasuke looked from left to right for that damn cat, but he just won't show up! All of a sudden a low hissing was heard and he looked behind a bush to see Naruto slowly trying to get near it. Behind the cat was a brick wall too tall for it to pounce over and nowhere else to turn. Naruto's shadow clones covered the cat's right side and left side. Sasuke gritted his teeth in annoyance.
"Here, kitty kitty kitty," Naruto cooed, trying to coax it closer. He only received a raised claw and a dangerous hiss.
Naruto was about ready to tackle the cat like many times before until he realized something squirming under the feline. Whatever it was, it was wiggling and trying to break free from the cat's paw.
"What in the world is that?" He muttered to himself.
Sasuke came up to his side and was ready to capture the cat when Naruto suddenly stopped him.
"What the hell are you doing dobe?" Sasuke hissed.
"Wait! Look under it!" Naruto said. Sasuke scoffed at his ignorance but looked anyway. He noticed the squirming too and blinked.
"It's probably some rodent the cat caught," Sasuke explained, "now let's hurry and capture it. I want to go home and eat."
"But,"
Tora the cat hissed one last time before darting off in between the space of Naruto's legs. Naruto closed his legs, thus trapping the cat into a headlock.
"GOT IT!" Naruto shouted in glee.
"MEEE-OW!"
"H-hey...now, be a good kitty...," Naruto laughed, noticing the evil glint in the cat's eyes as it revealed it's claw.
Sasuke watched from the side as Tora scratched Naruto's legs, ripping his pants, even parts of his boxers, and flesh. Naruto screamed in agony, yelling stuff about how he hates cats and blah blah, Sasuke tuned him out. He turned back to the forest so he could inform Kakashi that Tora the Lord's wife's cat has been found and captured.
Naruto rubbed his legs, but stopped when the stinging pain only worsened. Holding the cat by the scruff he glared at it, only to receive a glare in return. It would have continued for another few minutes if it weren't for the small movement next to where he sat.
When Naruto looked down he screamed. Yes, it was very girly and he was very thankful that no one was around to hear that. There beside his foot were two big eyes staring up at him. They were blue and the thing's fur was orange.
'I have NEVER seen an orange rat before!' Naruto thought. He looked at the cat to see him eying the thing and licking it's mouth. The poor rat squeaked and hid behind Naruto's shoe. Naruto noticed the tiny tail poking at the side.
"Oh," Naruto gasped, "a hamster."
There was absolute silence.
"HOW CUTE!"
Thank GOD no one was around to hear that!
Naruto shifted onto his knees and stared down at the now exposed hamster. Said hamster looked back up.
"Awwww~! I wish I had a hamster," Naruto cooed, wanting to hold it. He reached out his hand and was about to touch the hamster's head, when all of a sudden a bright light came out of no where, surrounding Naruto and the hamster.
"What the hell!" Naruto yelled, looking around when he realized his eyesight was becoming more and more blinded by the second. A loud piercing scream was heard and...he passed out.
Tora the demon cat quickly ran away equally as terrified and confused about what just took place. Poor cat was so scared it ran straight into Sakura's arms and started to shake.
"W-what?" Sakura said when her arms all of a sudden was full of a scared feline.
Sasuke, Sakura, and now the just arrived Kakashi looked towards the cat's fearful gaze in the direction it came from.
"Naruto!"
:3 Hamha! Hamu-hamu-puuuuuunch~ :3
Naruto groaned as he tried to open his eyes. Man, it felt like he was hit by a trolley and was smacked around by an angry muscular lady on steroids.
When Naruto sat up, he yawned and started to wipe his eyes with the back of his...paw? Naruto's eyes stared at the paw that was present where his hand was supposed to be. He blinked, looking lower and lower until his baby blues met the rest of his body. Predictably, he passed out.
Naruto groaned the second time that day as he tried to come to. He heard a voice from the side, but ignored it as best as he could. However, that voice had an annoying tone to it and he couldn't tune it out. Naruto opened his eyes and looked to the right to see...
"AHHHHHH! OH MY FUCKING GOD! IT'S A GIANT HAMSTER THAT HAS COME TO EAT ME AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD! AHHH! Please don't eat me, I taste like crap. I only ate Ramen my whole life, Hamster's like veggies, don't they? PLEASE SPARE ME!"
Naruto would have passed out if it weren't for the said hamster to cower away from him. Naruto blinked as the hamster hid behind a bush. A large bush. He blinked again as he took in his surroundings. Big. Everything was big. Too big.
"OH NO! I SHRANK! AHHHHHH! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"
Naruto started to run around screaming with his arms in the air. He stopped when he realized the giant hamster slowly heading towards him. Naruto's eyes bulged and he quickly went into a stance. A stance that made him look like he was taking a crap.
"DON'T COME ANY CLOSER MAN-EATING HAMSTER!" Naruto shouted.
The orange hamster cocked it's head to the side. "Man-eating hamster?" it asked.
"AHHHH! IT CAN TALK! AND IT KNOWS JAPANESE! AHHHHH!"
"What are you talking about?" the hamster asked, stepping closer and closer as Naruto scooted further and further back.
"GET AWAY!"
The hamster stopped trying to get close and instead held it's hands up in a manner that's supposed to mean, 'It's alright. Calm down.'
"Hamha! My name is Hamtaro," it said, or he said.
"Hamtaro? HAHAHAHA! WHAT A STUPID NAME! HAHAHAHA!" Naruto laughed while pointing.
Hamtaro glared at Naruto. "Oh yeah, and what's yours?"
"Me? I AM THE GREAT NARUTO UZUMAKI! THE SOON-TO-BE HOKAGE!"
"..."
"What?"
"And you made fun of my name," the hamster sighed.
"SHUT UP! Now answer me hamster, how are you able to talk? Hamster's can't talk!" Naruto screamed.
Hamtaro blinked at the other hamster. "What do you mean? Of course I can talk. You're talking too, but then...wait, don't tell me..."
Naruto narrowed his eyes at the suspicious...animal thing, and wondered why his eyes all of a sudden widened in shock.
"WERE YOU THAT HUMAN BEFORE!" Hamtaro yelled.
Naruto's face twisted into confusion. "Were? I AM a human!" He yelled.
Hamtaro just blinked in utter shock.
"B-b-b-but...y-you..."
"WHAT!" Naruto screamed.
"YOUR A HAMSTER JUST LIKE ME!" Hamtaro burst out, backing away from Naruto.
Naruto looked down at himself to see his fluffy form and tiny paws. It was silent for a while, until he screamed.
"I AM A HAMSTER! NOOOOOOO! I'M SMALL AND CUTE AND FURRY AND ADORABLE! OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT!"
Hamtaro stared at Naruto as Naruto cussed away like there was no tomorrow. He sighed as he realized his predicament. Slowly he walked up to Naruto and stuck his paw out.
"Anyways, I never did get to thank you yet," Hamtaro said, "you saved me from that cat."
Naruto stopped his screaming and cussing to stare at Hamtaro. Saved him...?
"I was heading to the clubhouse nearby until all of a sudden that cat attacked me and ran away with me stuck in it's paw. I thought I was a goner."
Hamtaro smiled at Naruto, his paw still stuck out.
Naruto stared at it, and slowly put his paw in Hamtaro's, and shook it awkwardly.
"Your welcome?" Naruto said uneasily. Hamtaro smiled.
Suddenly they both heard a very loud scream in the direction above. Naruto and Hamtaro looked up to see Sakura screaming loudly with the cat in her arms in a death grip.
"EWWW! RATS! UGLY ORANGE RATS!"
"RATS?" Hamtaro yelled angrily. "I'll have you know that I'm a HAMSTER! A cute and adorable house hamster! We are more graceful than rats! Rats that rhyme with cats! Cats that like to wear hats! And hats that can hide bats! And bats that are like baseball bats! And bats that hit people in their fat! And fat people that sat on the mat! And Mat who isn't really all that! So that-"
"WE GET IT!" Naruto screamed.
"KAKASHI-SENSEI! GET RID OF IT!" Sakura screamed loudly, oblivious to the talking hamsters below her.
Kakashi sighed. "Come now Sakura, they aren't rats. These are just fluffy hamsters."
Hamtaro raised his paws in exasperated manner. "THANK YOU!"
"Hn." Sasuke commented, "They're gross"
"GROSS? YOU STUPID BASTARD!" Naruto yelled. "THEY'RE FREAKING CUTE!"
"How are they hamsters? They look just like rats!" Sakura screamed.
Kakashi sighed again. "Rats have longer tails and are larger than hamsters, Sakura."
"I don't care! Kill 'em!"
"YOU BITCH!"
Naruto stared wide eyed at Hamtaro, who was currently covering his mouth with his paws.
"Ehehehe...excuse my french. Bijou must be rubbing it off on me," Hamtaro laughed sheepishly.
"Who's Bijou?"
"Errr..."
"KAKASHI-SENSEI! KILL. IT. NOW!" Sakura screeched, scooting further and further away.
Kakashi was about to retort about animal violence and how it's inhumane to kill innocent animals when something caught his eye. It was bright, obnoxious, and orange. It was Naruto's pants, ripped along with his boxers, and Naruto's shoes and kunai pouch. Oddly the boy is going off with no pants on...or boxers...and without his weapons.
"Where's Naruto?" Sasuke asked, catching on to what his sensei noticed.
Sakura stopped her screaming and looked around for the idiotic member of their team.
Kakashi walked over to the pile of ripped clothes and slowly inspected it.
"Ew, does this mean Naruto is half naked?" Sakura asked, grossed out.
Naruto looked down and noticed that his hamster form has no pants. His jacket, his headband and his black shirt were minimized with him to fit his hamster form perfectly. Odd, very odd. He had no pants though. Naruto tried to look for his symbol of manliness and noticed it was very small and very well hidden in his fur.
"HAVE YOU NO DECENCY?" Hamtaro yelled, shooing Naruto's paws away from his male hamster-ness.
"Whuuut?" Naruto said with a pout as Hamtaro smacks Naruto's paw.
"DON'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC! That's why we have small cots and houses in cages! Jeez!"
Naruto blinked.
"Hamsters masturbate?"
Hamtaro began to flush a dark red. His mouth was wide open as his eyes widen as if Naruto said a very, very bad word. ...which he did.
"D-D-D-DON'T SAY THAT!"
Naruto let loose a sly grin. "Ohoho! So that word actually exists in the hamster language, huh?"
"LEAVE IT ALONE!" Hamtaro yelled angrily, still flushed with embarrassment. "WE LIKE THINGS PRIVATE!"
"So is this Bijou girl a girlfriend?" Naruto pried.
"N-NO!" Hamataro screamed, all the flush disappearing from his face. "She's just a friend!"
Naruto's eyes narrowed at Hamtaro. "Are you-...?" Naruto didn't finished. He watched as Hamtaro's angry face turned to confusion.
"Am I what?" Hamtaro asked.
"Er...are you-..."
"What the hell are they doing?" Sasuke asked, staring down at the hamsters that squeaked as if they seemed to be having a heated conversation.
Kakashi's eye curved up. He seemed to have realized how one hamster had a very bright and very orange jumpsuit. He could see it a mile away even though the clothes seemed too small.
"Don't tell me...that, that hamster is Naruto?" Sasuke shouted, as if he could read his sensei's mind so well! Jesus!
Sakura stared down at the hamster and gasped as she covered her mouth with her hands. Tora was dropped to the floor, and quickly ran away into the forest.
Hamtaro and Naruto continued to bicker when all of a sudden Naruto felt the back of his jacket being pulled and his feet lift off the ground.
"WHAT THE-...AHHHH! I'M BEING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"
Hamtaro was shouting loudly at Naruto with his fist shaking at him. Naruto couldn't hear. The voice faded as he was lifted higher and higher until someone's large nose and eye came into view.
"HOLY SHIT! THE ALIENS LOOK JUST LIKE KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto screamed.
Kakashi looked carefully at the hamster squirming and squeaking away. He noticed the tiny jacket and headband on the hamster's forehead.
"Naruto...?" Kakashi said.
Naruto stopped yelling obscenities about the aliens taking over the world once a loud booming voice raped his ears. Like, literally, his ears were raped! That voice was too close for comfort.
Naruto lifted his paws and covered his ears and stared at his sensei before him. "Sensei...?" Naruto wondered.
Kakashi didn't hear an answer but he did notice the hamster pawing his ears.
"Naruto, is that you?" Kakashi asked.
Naruto blinked. Until he realized what his sensei just said. "KAKASHI-SENSEI! HELP ME! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A HAMSTER!"
Kakashi watched as Naruto squeaked away. He wasn't sure what the hell Naruto was saying, but it seems that it is indeed Naruto he was holding.
"Alright, it seems we have a...small problem here," Kakashi said, eye twitching, "Let's abandon the mission for a while and see the Hokage about this."
Sasuke and Sakura nodded, their eyes wide as they watched Naruto. The team then walked off back to their village, leaving a confused Hamtaro behind watching after them.
He sighed, "I hope that Hamu is okay."
To Be Continued...
Yeah, if anyone likes this then I'll continue it. It's obviously not a serious story and I was pretty lazy on it, but if people like it I'll get more seriously into it, seriously bro~
Anyhoo, R&R.
If you ever watched Hamtaro, then you would know that 'Hamha!' is Hamster for Hello. lol How da fuck do I remember that? I haven't watched Hamtaro since I was 12. xD I gotta relearn the language, cause if I continue it then I'll definitely be using it.