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A/N: Izumi-san here! I decided to give Kankurou a little spinoff. His story is connected with the events in Devil's Claw, my other fanfic, and this is just his also serves as a semi-spoiler for Chapters 4 and 5 of the aforementioned fic. The Sand Siblings had arrived in Konoha, not primarily for the Sasuke Retrieval but for the Hyuuga betrothal.

I promise C4 and C5 of Devil's Claw will be posted soon! Kindly drop a review on your way out. See you next update!

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Chapter One: Something Slimy

The Sand Siblings witnessed the unconscious Chouji then Neji, along with their dead opponents, on their way to help the Konoha shinobi. They were in the middle of Gaara and the Hyuuga's fertility and compatibility examination when The Hokage, and Baki in extension, had drastically summoned them and rapidly barked the details. Temari's previous opponent, Shikamaru, had been promoted into chuunin and had led his first mission to retrieve an apparently kidnapped Sasuke, or Sasuke left the village, it wasn't clear. All they know is that somehow their common enemy Orochimaru had orchestrated this plot so foiling this plan of his would have been one of the best ways to avenge their Kazekage father, whom the snake had murdered in cold blood.

Their were four other people in his team: Chouji(?), The Byakugan guy from the tournament, Fang(?) and Naruto, the one who defeated his younger brother Gaara. How about the bug dude who humiliatingly incapacitated him during the Invasion of Konoha? It seems that he's currently not in the village. And now it's made even worse. Apparently another genin had left the vilage in pursuit of the preceding five-man team. Seriously, what kind of gate security does this village have? A dude who was straight out of surgery managed to bypass them. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. Are the village guards even shinobi? Kankuro arbitrarily decided that this is the end road of all the deadbeat genin who never passed their chuunin exams.

"You will help the next ninja." Gaara commanded him. Kankuro was startled "Wait. Why can't Temari do it?"

"Why won't you do it?" Temari retorted. The puppeteer hastened to defend himself "I'm just saying. How did Gaara decide that I'm the most suitable help for the next dude?"

"You fight mid-range." Gaara quipped.

"How could you determine that our next opponent is a mid-range combateer?" The question was null the moment he saw his brother's closed eye. He had been using his levitating sand eyeball to watch the next opponent. "You'll figure it out. This is your stop." And with that Kankuro was forced to halt and take in the scenery.

Some dude that smelled like dog sweat was nursing his puppy. He seemed wounded and weak and about to be cornered by some other guy with green lipstick. Kami, I gotta get me some of that! He spared a minute to gaze at that jade green hue and wondered if it would look good on him or he should just stick to purple.

Angry hisses and barks distracted him back onto the mission. Oh right! Save this dude with red ugly face tatoos and his pup.

Kankuro jumped down to intervene. From the get-go he was underestimated by the weak enemy. The ugly dude, though critically injured, seemed readying himself to attack him as well. The Inuzuka gawked upon his arrival "Why are you-"

"Relax. We're not enemies anymore. Your Hokage sent us to assist you." Kankuro interrupted.
"Allies?" The Leaf-nin asked, disbelieved.
"Yeah," he responded with less enthusiasm. We're you're allies, in more ways than one. He remembered his younger brother's poker face and the utter dread of the Hyuuga girl when her father and the higher-ups announced their betrothal. He remembered his cringe at Baki when he tried to force them to consider him, Kankuro, instead as the girl's future groom, followed by a sigh of relief when the white-eyed oldie was equally steadfast at refusing. The whole morning had been extremely awkward for the Sand Siblings, all of whom were frightened with the prospect of marriage to Konoha brats whom they hardly know-much more give a shit about.

"H-how did you find us?"
"We have our ways. Plot convenience mostly."
This addled the injured boy "What?"
Kiba's confusion was an opening the Sand-nin had waited for "Never mind that. I just mean to say that Sand shinobi are strong enough to hold their own, unlike you Leaf guys."
"Well, they're not exactly fodder, or anything close to our level." He replied, faint. In another day the dog-man would've barked an insult but he was bleeding his guts out. The sooner they're out there the better.

"They?" Kankuro sought to clarify. No need for an answer as the enemy tried to jump him from behind. Kankuro was a bit annoyed. Every ninja had been trained to attack from behind so of course, all ninja were trained to sense an enemy from behind. This tactic was so fucking spammed to death even an idiot without eyes at the back of his head could evade it. His chakra strings vibrated and his wooden puppet hummed to life. His strings flicked Karasu, his offensive puppet, to maneuver behind the opponent and ensnare him in a blade-ridden hug. Ukon shrieked in pain before he stumbled upon the floor.

"There's two of them." Kiba replied, entering delirium. He flashed an annoyed look at him and said "No shit, Sherlock." The next thing he knew Ukon had managed to merge with his other half Sakon and the head is now resting on the back of his brother's. It was now Sakon's turn to transform into an orange, one-horned demon. Ah damn, his lipstick's gone. His enemy's skin now reminds him of their desert at sunset, raw potter's clay and the cheap-as-hell concealer he once bought while drunk.

The victim was agile despite being weakened. Kankuro knew that he couldn't drag it for long. His instincts tell him that this dude won't be as defeatable the moment his -their- chakra had been replenished. Plus his ally's short breaths indicate that he'd need to be transfused with at least three bags of blood. He doesn't know about the dog, though. He used Karasu to chase the enemy, keeping him busy with the daggers the puppet was hurling, while he slowly allowed his other puppet, Kuroari, to be in position. It's a puppet-pincer strategy, as he'd like to call it. Make your enemy fixate on the target in the front then without warning, attack him from the rear.

And there you have it. Sakon cartwheeled right into his doom. Kankuro savored the "oh-shit" look his enemy gave as Kuroari's torso swallowed him -them- damn it! The puppeteer smirked "My puppet, Kuroari, wasn't designed for offense but rather, defense." The seals automatically locked the doors and the puppet sat. Sakon, sensing what was coming, tried to kick and punch his way out of the wooden trap. "Let me out! You piece of shit brat! I said let me out!" He cried in frustration.

Kankuro needed to move fast. He wouldn't count on life's plot conveniences to damn him should this idiot in his prison ever realize that a few standard shinobi tools, such as an explosive tag, might actually work on his puppet but that's if the dude could regenerate. It's not unheard of though. He twirled his fingers which signaled Karasu's joints to break off and reveal concealed nine-inch long blades mid-air. "And with Karasu on the offensive, they make for a deadly combination. It's over!" The Leaf-nin was all-eyes on the fight, anticipating the gripping and satisfying conclusion when...

"What the fuck is this?!" Sakon exclaimed from within. The two allies froze, neither sure what to make of those words or how to respond. In fact, they were curious themselves. There was an audible sniff followed by laughter. This laughter exploded into a cackle "HAHAHAHAHAHA! FUCK!" Kankuro's eyes narrowed and aimed the knives directly at the slots of his puppet. Sakon kicked the door once, trying to contain his giggles "Oy brat! You're out there right?" He glanced at the slot which revealed his impending doom and the stern yet puzzled face of the boy who had no idea what he just touched inside the puppet. "Sand-boy! Before you kill me, can you answer one question?"

"Huh?" The two asked.
"Just one burning question."
"What is it?"

The trees swayed gently with the breeze and the metaphorical pin had dropped.
"What does it feel like to fuck your own puppet?"

Just like that, Kankuro was mentally disarmed. His face bleached white and red as he finally launched Karasu at him. The opponent was laughing. "Of all the slimy things I could have touched, it had to be your fucking seed!" He was muffled by the herd of blades puncturing every bit of his flesh. The howl of laughter was replaced by that of pain. A lengthy scream of agony.

The noise stopped. "Kankuro," the Konoha shinobi called but he was ignored. Kankuro sensed that his opponent had died on the first stab but he was so flustered with embarassment and anger that he made Karasu stab the corpse over and over until blood inevitably leaked out from the crevices of Kuroari, the other puppet cage.

"Kankuro, stop it! I said stop it! Hey!" He was forced to throw a fistful of stones he grabbed next to where he was sitting. A stone hit the back of his ear and he stopped, furiously blushing. Exhausted, he fell onto his rear and sat a few paces from Kiba, utterly spent. The Sand-nin locked eyes with his ally and threatened "I'll...kill...you...if you ever...tell anyone...about this!" The Inuzuka flashed him a weak smile, eyes on the verge of closing "Don't worry about it. I'm a guy too. I understand your needs."

No, you don't. You don't even know the half of it. The boy lost consciousness and collapsed. The puppeteer leaped towards him in time before his head hit the ground.

"Shit, Kuro-ari is too dirty. I can't stuff him there." Kankuro murmurred to himself. He gulped, realizing that he had to carry the dude and his pup like this -all the way back to Konoha- in bridal style.