Me: I just wrote this just to get some feelings out of my system because…yeah *shrugs shoulders* I just needed to get some feelings out and putting them in a poetry-fic was the best route to go :( ..and obviously names are changed, besides mine :D
.x.
Our broken up family
So disjointed
and unfamiliar to me
I feel lost in my own home
"LANA!" My mother Joanna yelled to me, "Why don't you do me and your family a favour by commit suicide, everyone would be so happy that you're not in their lives anymore because you're a loser!"
I couldn't take it anymore, I slapped the taste out of my mother's mouth and stormed my way into my bedroom where I slammed the door shut, not knowing that nearby things would fall and break, I didn't care at that point. I laid on my bed, just thinking about where have my family went wrong. What did I do? I thought as I continued to just lie on the bed, then decided to get off of my bed, went to my closet, dig through the mounds and mounds of clothes then found a photo album.
I sat on the ground, and flipped through the pages and saw the happy faces of my brother Ian when he was a baby, then saw the happy faces of myself when I was a baby and how happy my mom was to have me in this world, "My God things can change dramatically," I told myself as a tear builded up in my eye and fell on the album.
Where did we all go?
What happened to the happy days?
All I see now, is a broken family
"Joe—I don't know what to do with Lana?" Joanna asked as she was in the kitchen talking to her husband, "I mean, she's been acting like a bitch lately,"
"Ouch," Joe said, "That's a little harsh, don't ya think?" He asked.
"I don't care Joe," Joanna said, "I just told the truth about our daughter. She's a cold hearted bitch who doesn't know when to shut her mouth up," Joanna said.
"Maybe because she's been acting like the way she is probably because you've been treating her like she's nothing," Joe guessed,
"Joe," Joanna said, "You know she's a bitch not towards me but to you as well, I mean, she kicked you where the sun don't shine because you took away her iPod, she's a bitch plain and simple,"
Joe took a lot to think about what his wife is saying before saying, "Yeah you're right hunny,"
That's what my mom and dad keeps talking about, me being an ungrateful bitch towards both of them, and later they would talk about how I should be like my brother Ian being the athlete of the family, but too be honest, I can't play many sports that well, I'm not that much of an athletic person, I'm more of the person who's into drama and writing, but with my parents controlling me basically, that won't happen.
I wanna know where did the happy days of our family went? It went from my parents telling me, "Lana you can do whatever you want when you get older and me and Daddy would support you every step of the way," from, "Get 90% in all of your classes and become something that would bring us money in this house!" Like God, it ain't my fault that your stupid-ass work got moved and they didn't offer you or Dad a job there because that management is fucking retarded! Like, I'm a fucking kid, I should be able to do what I want, right?
And now, I living in a nightmare.
I look at the picture
hanging on the wall
Happy faces smile back
taunting me with the past
I put the photo album on the ground as I went over to my desk where a picture of my mom, father and brother were smiling. They gave that to me for Christmas because I was with my uncle for a week because temporarily kicked me out because I wrecked half the house. It was signalling to me that the three were happy that I wasn't there, that they can be an actual family, and they were an "actual family" until my uncle brought me back into my home because he wanted me back with my home, and let's just say that it wasn't going to end well.
They seem to say to me
look what you ruined
when you came back
"Lana, what are you doing here?" Joanna asked shocked as I entered the home.
"Uncle Pete sent me back because he wanted me with my actual family," I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
"Well, he made a fucking mistake," Joanna said.
"Why?" I asked.
"BECAUSE THIS WAS A HAPPY FAMILY BEFORE YOU ENTERED THIS FUCKING HOUSE HOLD!" Joanna yelled, "YOU ARE ONE OF THE WORST DAUGHTERS IN FUCKING HISTORY! JUST GO FUCKING DIE!" She added then walked out of the living room then I sat on the ground, pull my knees to my chest then cried my eyes out.
Life shall never be the same again
yet as I cry myself to sleep
I hope for a better life
Dream of a new beginning
I was crying as I was standing infront of the picture, then instantly laid on the ground and cried, knowing that my mom, Dad and Ian wouldn't even care about what's wrong with me, so I just laid on the ground crying my eyes out, like a poor, pathetic loser that I am. Few minutes later, I got up from the ground, walked to my dresser beside my closet went through it and found my best friend since this whole ordeal started.
I find that retribution
In slicing myself to pieces
In the thrill, of feeling alive again
The sight of blood a reminder,
life goes on
I rolled down my sweater sleeve and saw cuts running up and down my wrist, before I continue doing what I was going to do, I use my thumb to run over the existing cuts and wanting to scream in anger and just trash my room because everyone I know loved making my life a living hell, but I resisted that emotion and instantly had the blade dig into my wrist and went across the empty skin and my eyes were shut closed tightly over the pain that it was made.
Few seconds later, blood went to the surface of the skin and instantly rolled down my wrist and had blood drops fell to the ground making a medium sized puddle of blood, then my eyes became teary eyed again.
Our broken family
would never miss
one member
they would soon forget
all about my pathetic being
they'll go about
their blissfully ignorant life
and walk right on by
their life will go on
my poor broken family