Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. (You should know the drill by now.)
Author's Notes: This cracky little thing came from a conversation on Tumblr about a fish getting stuck in his filter. My muse found it funny and ran with it. In this verse, Naruto see them as fancy goldfish but from Shikamaru and Sasuke's POV they are mermen. And yeah, Sasuke is kind of OOC. Well, maybe a lot OOC. It is crack. There will be more little crack drabbles for this at some point. It kind of became a verse. New things are also up over on my archive of our own account that I won't be posting here! You don't have to have an account to read, comment or leave kudos! I'm there under the same name as here! ^o^
Shikamaru generally slept while Naruto was away at work. It was easier that way since Sasuke liked to be possessive when the human was at home. He bumped into the side of the tank before and had even been woken to Sasuke screaming at him before, but never had he been sucked into the filter while he was asleep.
One minute he was floating beside the small black box and the next thing he knew he was being sucked into it, water rushing around him until he was once again floating in calm water. Brown eyes fluttered open, tail swishing from side to side as he caught his balance. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes even as he heard Sasuke shouting from outside.
He took a moment to yawn and stretch, even as Sasuke beat against the side of filter. He sighed as he took in his surroundings. It didn't take long for him to realize where he was. He'd swam took close to the filter opening a few times before and been sucked in. Maybe one or two times he'd done it on purpose, but he didn't plan on telling Sasuke that, considering he seemed to have a vendetta against the filter already.
"I'm fine, Sasuke," he shouted as he let himself sink to the bottom of the filter. He let his head fall back against the wall, bronze tail stretched out in front of him. He was enjoying the small bit of silence before an awful clanging startled him. He jerked away from the wall to catch sight of Sasuke beating against the filter with the triton that had once been attached to one of the decorations in their tank.
"Sasuke! What the hell do you think you're-" Shikamaru's shout was cut short as Sasuke swam directly into the filter and was pulled in. He was slammed into Shikamaru, knocking the two of them to the bottom of the filter in a tangle of arms and fins. Shikamaru groaned as he rubbed at the back of his head where he'd hit it. Sasuke was instantly at attention, brandishing the triton at imaginary foes.
Shikamaru sighed, pushing his hair out of his face where it had been knocked loose from his pony tail when Sasuke had landed on him. He watched Sasuke as he checked every inch of the filter.
"We're the only ones in here. We're the only ones in the whole ta-Sasuke!" Shikamaru shouted as he almost took a trition to the side of the head, just barely managing to duck in time. He glared at his tank mate, tail flicking in annoyance as he snatched the makeshift weapon from Sasuke.
"You are no longer allowed near the decorations," he told Sasuke firmly, shaking the triton at him. Sasuke only glowered at him, mouth drawn into an angry line.
"What were you doing anyways?" Shikamaru asked him, as he settled back into his previous position. He laid the triton beside him, making sure to keep it out of Sasuke's reach. Shikamaru really didn't feel like losing an eye.
"Now we're both stuck in here, you idiot," Shikamaru grumbled, arms crossing over his chest. Sasuke gave the inside of the filter a few more glares before he floated down to the bottom of the filter by Shikamaru.
"I didn't want anything to happen to you," Sasuke growled and Shikamaru snorted.
"The most dangerous thing in this tank is your ego," Shikamaru told him, letting a note of fondness into his tone. Sasuke frowned at him, dark eyes still on the alert.
"Calm down," Shikamaru said with a laugh, patting the side of Sasuke's face. "We have to wait for Naruto to come let us out now. At least let me finish my nap." Sasuke snorted but didn't say anything else. He laced his fingers with Shikamaru's as his tank mate snuggled into his side and promptly fell back asleep.
Naruto came home to an empty fish tank. His eyebrows furrowed in concern. It wasn't often that his two fancy gold fish weren't in site. The few times they had been missing, they'd been stuck in the filter.
With a sigh, Naruto opened the tank and then gently lifted the lid of the filter. He smiled when he was the two of them pressed against each other, floating at the bottom of the filter, sound asleep. He was just sticking his hand in the filter to nudge them out when he caught sight of the triton beside the two sleeping fish. With a frown, he pulled it out and stuck it back in its rock.
"How did you manage to rip that thing up?" Naruto muttered as he nudged first Shikamaru and then Sasuke out of the filter. As soon as he came awake, Sasuke started biting at Naruto's hand. He smiled at the black goldfish, tickling him under his belly for a moment before pulling his hand out of the tank. The tickling seemed to startle the fish enough that he stopped biting him for a moment before he was chasing Naruto's hand out of the tank.
He watched for a moment to make sure Naruto's hand was not going to invade the tank again before swimming back to Shikamaru and swimming seemingly protective circles around the other fish. The bronze goldfish bubbled for a moment and then slapped Sasuke in the face with his tail, swimming off towards their telephone booth hut Naruto had found for them out on a mission. Sasuke chased after him and proceeded to settle on top of Shikamaru where he had settled himself on the bottom of the phone booth. Naruto smiled and shook his head. He'd known there was a reason he'd named them after his best friend and his boyfriend.